GH Recap 1/29: We All Scream for Impeach Ice Cream...

OR: Again with the surgeons falling down, and Patrick screaming for them to leave. Liz gets thrown against the doors, but she slides down them. Oh, wait, no, this ain't Liz's first Sweeps, so she manages to get up again....aw, but then she falls again. heh. what was the point of that?

Credits.

Road: Jason drives the Mob Mobile (tm Spinelli) and tells Raynor by phone about how Bragg had an accident and Spinelli magically knew he was carrying poison, and Jason called Patrick, and Patrick started yelling it. He tells Raynor that Bragg is carrying the poison internally. Raynor reasonably doesn't like this news.

GH: Sam is there for no reason I can concieve of to hear Patrick tell her that Bragg is Plow Pox Ground Zero, and quarantine is next. Someone at abc.com called Sam "6 degrees of Sam McCall" and I wish I could remember who b/c it's hilarious and very accurate. Why is she ALWAYS there?

Emma's House: Robin is in a shiny, shiny red dress. Emma is sobbing through the monitor and Robin is trying to find someone from pediatrics to babysit. She can't get no satisfaction, so she throw the monitor at the red roses. Okay WE GET IT. blood red,,...everywhere. Robin picks up th emonitor and laments that now Emma's cries are only robotically muffled.

GH: Nik sees Chewbecca (tm Gracie from Soapnet) at the nurse's station. He tells someone he'll call them back, but then he stupidly runs away from the elevators, thinking he's following her. but if I have learned one thing in the past few days, it's if you want to find Chewbecca? Look no futher than the elevator bank!

Commercials

(I get the title really makes no sense b/c Blago was already impeached...but...well..."peach" is a flavor and "convict" is not...so...can ya just give me a little literary license? :D)

Roadside: Maxie has crashed into a snow bank. Aw, Maxie, welcome into the loving embrace of the Chicks Can NOT Drive sisterhood that this show loves to perpetuate. Random figure shows up and saves her.

Metrocourt: Wheels and Ric amusingly and hotly, accordingly, talk about how much Claud knows. She knows he's a Feets, and she thinks he shot Kate, and she has a crazy idea about The Farcockteh, or as I call the plan to make Jason whine, and Sonny kill him, and thus everyone else kill Jason.

Benefit: I would be so honored to have Edward flirt with me. Nik shows up, and Nadine asks where he was, but he acts way more defensive than her simple question warrants and sputters he was doing business. She manages to not ask what he's yammering about and says that it's not a big deal. Aw, it's so lame that Nadine is going to revert back to delightful just before they kill her. or make her leave town...whatever. I hate Emily is what I'm saying!

GH: Kate and Olivia meet. Olivia tries to stop Kate from provoking a fight with Carly or anyone tonight, of all nights. Olivia is right, but Kate now knows about Jerry Probst, so she's right too.

Phone Call GH to Cafe Interrogate: Patrick and Raynor talk about the Plow Pox and how it's air born and um....are you ...splutter. vomit. um. So, deep breath. So now Guza would have me know that a known air born pathogen was loose in the country, and their plan to solve it was to bribe a mobster? I've watched a lot of really stupid seasons of 24, but this? Is so much more stupider. and I'm including "Kim gets attacked by a cougar, but Kevin Dillon saves her" sooooo dumb.

commercials

Random Cabin! Hi Random Cabin! It was Johnny who saved Maxie! Hi, suck on this, looloo! Oh, my bad, it's a Random Radio Station? lool....no, sorry, it's a Random Mechanic's Shop. Maxie asks how he found her. He says she almost hit him.

Nurse's Station: Piph and Spin bicker. Piph says that Jason thinks and FBI guy will call her. Spin says they should evacuate,a nd she reasonably yells "into a blizzard?" and the she yells at him to leave.

GH Hall: Olivia and Kate bicker. Kate won't bother to tell Olivia what is really going on, which is her beeswax, but when Olivia reasonably says tonight is about a little boy and not Kate and Sonny. heh. But then Kate says that Olivia hates Sonny and asks like that is remotely the point. Then Kate does hilariously asks "why are you still in Port Charles?" heh. Love me some Olivia, but it's a great question. Kate decides to be a total b-word to her cousin, who stayed by her side while she recovered from a gun shot wound, and it's not acceptable to me. Kate learned something new, but she doesn't have the right to lambast Olivia like this. Olivia tearfully says she watched Sonny cold heartedly put 4 bullets into Krapov. She says he doesn't need protecting from Kate or anyone. Kate gets tearful and says she thinks she is the reason Olivia stayed. Olivia says Kate thinks she's the center of the universe. Kate clarifies that she means Dante and tells Olivia her secret is safe tonight....

suddenly Looloo clomps up and apologizes, and, folks, if looks could kill? Looloo would fit in the dust bin, with the looks of hate Olivia and Kate shoot her way. lol! That was very satisfying.

Benefit: Edward and Tracy grouse about how lil Michael has to live at Whole Foods now.

Meanwhile Claud and Sonny talk. Claud wants to reveal something about Wheels, but worries she coudl ruin her life.

Wheels rolls in at this point. Tracy and Edward give each other a look and go for a drink.

Nadine reminds me that she should end up in a volcano and starts yammering about stupid stuff. Nik finally has to shut her up. I assume chewbecca walks in at this point.

Emma's House: Robin cleans up the broken glass and tries to ignore Emma's cries. But then Emma stops crying. This makes Robin look up in concern, but then she goes back to cleaning. She tells the floor "you're okay. babies cry and fall asleep. mothers know that."

GH: Patrick has donned a Hax Mat suit and goes into the ER. Oh, good, I'm glad that he is safe, but alas, by opening the door, he released the air born toxins to...THE AIR.

and then in a giant bit of super stupidness, Liz gets put on a gurney, but then she gets wheeled by Jason and Sam....who are Haz Mat suitless....sooo.....um....they are both dead now too. Or, wait, maybe they used their righteous indignation to ward off the toxins! Yes, that makes sense.

Commercials

Abandoned Garage: Man, the economy is REALLY SUCKING now that people are not only abandoning fully stocked cabins, but also FULLY STOCKED auto garages. lol. hunker down, folks, even Port Charles is having a recession! Maxie and John bicker a bit, but then Maxie explains about Winnie the traitor and how she tattled on Spin, but Winspin are still friends. John accuses her of being jealous and fleeing. Maxie lets John know she knows that he lied to Loo about his nonjob.

GH; Variously equipped hazmat people try to save the OR people.

Benefit: Nadine asks who Chewbecca is. Nik asks if Nadine sees her too. Nadine says "you mean beret head? of course." Nik goes to talk to her. But then the creepiest weirdo thing happens, and it turns out that Chewbecca already has a ChewConnoh, b/c Nik accosts a woman who looks nothing like Emily. He apologizes.

Benefit: Carly challenges Wheels to write a big check. Heh, I've never thought about the Carly Factor when the truth of Michael's shooting comes out. God be with you, Wheels.

GH Hall: Olivia wipes way her stink eye and apologizes to Loo. Kate takes off.

GH: Always There Sam asks Jason how she can help. Jason gets a call from Raynor and briefs him. Again, they bring out totally infected people, this time Monica. Since Jason and Sam are already dead, I don't care, but Jason is visibly saddened to see his mother so sick. Aw, that's kind of sweet. Always There Sam takes the phone and for some reason Raynor knows that Everyone has to talk to Sam if Sam shows up, so he takes her briefing. Jason stares sadly at him mom.

Emma's: Robin has finally found a way to check on Emma. She sadly says Emma is so beautiful, and she doesn't deserve such a beautiful baby. Emma's eyes are open, but she's listless. Robin instinctively reaches out to touch her, but then she pulls back her hand and stares in alarm at her baby.

Commercials

yay, nathan Fillion has a new show!

Benefit: Is Claud a recovering alcoholic? because she never drinks. Wheels and Sonny bicker. He grotesquely offers up to the room what he thinks his daughter sex screams are like. Ric hilariously suggests some boundaries. WORD, RIC! love Wheels, but I need a Silkwood shower after that.

Carly keeps doing stuff but it's a busy show, so I really don't know what it is.

OR: a few Red Shirts are pronounced dead. Patrick drags Shawn D out of the or. FINALLY someone put up some srot of haz mat barrier, but doctors keep taking off their haz mat suits to treat the patients. Um, not that this will ever be a thing, but y'all DO know that "air born" means "if there is AIR, the toxin is BORN" RIGHT? Just consider it a Mad PSA....WEAR YOUR HAZ MAT suits when people have air born toxins on them!

Abandoned Garage: Maxie loves to talk about Luke and Laura's love story and how Looloo's brain is a mess b/c of it. But she's not being mean b/c she has the same issues. John says it sounds like Maxie has given it a lot of thought, and she snots that she doesn't lie awake thinking about it, but clearly she does b/c she has parents of the sort who rocketed a song up the pop charts in the real world after falling in love as well in this town.

Benefit: nik asks Loo to help him determine if he's crazy again by trying to figure out why he thought he saw Emily, when he really only saw Chewconnoh.

Man, a lot is going on today, folks.

GH: Jason and Spin try to figure out stuff. Patrick shows up to say something about there were Four something or others that have Plow Pox, but Bragg only lost One something or other. Jason asks about the other Four. (so I don't know if Patrick originally said 5, or if Jason is bad at math) I do know that Spinelli is now going to die b/c he's been around Jason and Sam who've been around the Plow Pox.

Commercials

Abandoned Garage: Johnny randomly finds some beer outside. So they drink it. I've never been that young. Maxie tells John that she can tell him her secrets b/c the other day Jason told spinelli...but then she stops herself. They stare at each other comically, and she says "see, you can trust me" heh. He says maybe not right now with the confiding, but they toast to each other.

GH: Loo is worried that Nik is seeing Tumorly again. He crazily says he saw her face as clear as he just saw Loo's, but he accosted the wrong woman. Loo says it was a case of mistaken identity. Loo decides that this is mostly about her and says she can't handle it if he's seeing dead people again. Oh, thanks, Loo, no, don't worry, nothing is wrong...as long as YOU are comfortable! Nik says it's nothing and hugs her.

Cafe Interrogate: Raynor yells at someone about the Plow Pox. Jason calls him and hands the phone to Raynor. Okay. so I was wrong, there were 5 Spheres, whatever those are, so there are 4 left. Spinelli interrupts to say that the duct from the OR leads to the board room. of COURSE it does. Why wouldn't people design multi story buildings with ducts that randomly lead to rooms on other floors? It's so cost effective and logical!

GH Hall: Kate finally finds Sonny, but she's having breathing problems and collapses.

So, not only is the Plow Pox boring to watch, it also takes a boringly stupid and illogical course through the human immune system

the end