GH Recap 1/30: Can The Shark Jump a Show?

Previously on General Hospital, we learned that either the writing staff does not understand what "air born" means, or the writing staff doesn't know what "air" is or where "air" is. (Hint : everywhere)

We also learned the Port Charles has a beer delivery service, much like the old milk man service, and the service is free to mechanic's garages that are abandoned enough to hide out in, but not so abandoned that they don't have light or heat. I smell Dharma Initiative!

Benefit: Sonny lays Kate down on the ground and asks for help. Nadine jumps to action, but Claud claims Kate is faking. We see a shot of the vent. OH, that's right, because this 48 story hospital has duct work that goes all floppity floo all over the place. Next we see the duct in the OR. Also, there are gauges that talk about Nitrogen and "air" lol. So, they've HEARD of the word air.

Jason tells Raynor about the remarkably unrealistic ductwork, and Raynor tells JASON to seal off the room. I guess he's supposed to use all the zippers on his and Sam's jackets? Why not call the CDC? Or, I dunno, Home Depot for that matter b/c they at least sell plastic and duct tape. Whatever. Jason asks about the people inside.

Credits.

Haunted Star: Luke catches someone robbing the joint. A boy who has to be Dante turns around and asks crazily if Luke is a gambling man?

GH Hall: Loo tolerates Nik talking about someone besides herself for a few moments while Nik insists he saw Emily at the nurse's station.

Emma's Palace: Robin stands over her baby and talks to her like she's a chess game. She won't pick up Emma b/c she has some bizarre notion that Emma has really complicated opinions about Robin's mothering skills as opposed to really uncomplicated opinions about the load in her diaper and the rumbling in her tummy.

Cafe Interrogate/GH Phone call: Raynor wants Spinelli to hack into the hospital's duct system. Is it computerized? the hell? It's just a series of metal tubes. Whatever. Maybe Spinelli can turn all all the video cameras in the ducts as well! Also, why not call THE MAINTENANCE PEOPLE at the effing hospital?

GH Hall: sam runs after Patrick b/c she has a lot of places to be at once if she's going to be in Everyone's Business by the end of the show. She wants to go and turn off the toxin or something idiotic like that, and she should go b/c Patrick has a family. Why would the toxin have an off switch? Why would they wait until now to hit it? Why doesn't the CDC exist?

Benefit: Carly tries to go for help, but Jason has "sealed" her in, and I think he "sealed" her in by sticking a broom handle through the door knobs. I'm sure it's a hermetic broom handle though. Carly asks what's the big idea and says Kate collapsed. But because the door is sealed so tightly, all Jason hears is ever single word she says very clearly.

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Haunted Star: Hey, why does Dante have an accent? He says he picked the lock and came in to get out of the storm. Luke lowers his gun. Dante says he can tell Luke needs a professional, and he's the best bartender ever. Luke says he likes a Naked Nymph and says it's a drink. I wonder how it differs from a Naked Jason.

Emma's Palace: Mac visits Robin because there is a blizzard, and that's the best time to drive across town. Mac says he knows she's a great mom, and he doesn't mean to hover. She says it's great he's here. Emma cries through the monitor, and Robin lies she just woke up. He goes to finally give Emma some affection.

GH: Raynor continues to ask Spinelli to hack into some metal tubes. Oh, nevermind, Raynor wanted him to hack into the ventillation system to turn it off. Because going to the off switch would take so long, I guess? Raynor explains it's an air born toxin and it can get on your hair or clothes and kill you. Sam looks like she swallowed a bug (because of course Sam just had to find Spinelli so she could randomly take the phone from him to randomly be involved with the FBI who randomly is counting on a mobster and a geek to solve this impossibly dangerous crisis...also, by FBI, I mean one dude hanging out in the interrogation room of the local police department. This plot reminds me of a fine Swiss cheese).

Tiny Room for a Crappy Benefit Because Carly Didn't Really Care About Michael All That Much: Jason explains there is a toxin. I don't understand why people understand the word "air born" one minute, but then don't the next? Why does Jason not understand that "air" can go under doors? Everyone wants to leave the Crappy Benefit, but they can't because there is air in the room, but not outside the room? Or maybe it's because someone finally figured out that because Kate has been exposed, Jason and Sam shouldn't just hang out around her without hazmat suits?

OR Room: See, now Patrick DOES understand about air born b/c he's in a haz mat suit. But he just stands around breathing and looking at stuff. He's probably wishing the CDC had been invented.

Commercials

Haunted Starr: Oh, it's not Dante. It's Ethan. He's from Australia. He very aggravatingly does this annoying thing with a napkin...like he's bouncing it. Luke says the drink is correct, but it's bright blue, so I can't fathom that it's tasty. He orders an Androgynous Apollo, and what in the hell are they talking about? blah blah they joke about the West coast version having sushi in it. I hate stupid made up drinks. Vomit, the Androgynous Apollo looks like bourbon with olives in it. I wuld kill myself before drinking that. Ethan asks who Luke is, and Luke tells him,but smiles that Ethan already knew that. So, is Ethan a Scorpio or a Jacks?

Emma's Palace: Robin starts to tell Mac her concern about her problems. She says she was supposed to go to a Benefit. She asks Mac to stay with Emma so she can go. In a blizzard, mind you!

GH: Nik and Loo loo show up and Nik oddly says that they haven't heard anything about the Plow Pox. Sam explains how blah blah Bragg was in a car accident and brought bio toxins in vials in his body. Sam says it's a weapons grade poison and two people have already died. Nik asks if it's been contained. Sam says it got into the ducts. For some reason she doesn't add "oh, and I'm totally covered in it" Nik and Loo realize that they know people in the room that is bizarrely linked to an OR by a vent. I mean, let's just pretend there isn't Plow Pox. Wouldn't it be VERY dangerous to the OR patient if someone in the board room had a cold and sneezed?

Benefit Room: So now the genius plan is to open the door really quickly and shove Kate out and then close the door really quick. Sonny cleverly draws what appears to be a black tunnel on the wall next to the door, so the toxin thinks THAT is the way out. Meep Meep! Wheels laughs that they are all going to die with the people they hate.

OR: oh, so in a remarkably stupid move, Patrick is taking the remaining spheres of Plow Pox out of Bragg. Aren't they pretty well contained in his body? It would only be a problem if he dropped one or cut into one, I would think. but then, I idiotically also adhere to the laws of physics, so what do I know?

Commercials

Haunted Starr: Ethan says he's never heard of Luke and asks if he's a local celebrity. Luke says he just owns a bar. Luke is getting loopy from all the stupid fancy drinks Ethan has made him, so he finally orders a scotch, neat. Ethan seems to know that the HS is only open sporadically. Luke says work should be fun, so he opens when he feels like it. Luke says Ethan can't be a card shark (or is it sharp?) and says only he fleeces his flock. Then he starts to get sleepy, while Ethan wipes down the bar.

Emma's Palace: Mac reasonably doesn't want his neice to go gallavanting about in a blizzard. Also, why would they not have canceled the benefit to avoid people DYING on the way there? Mac agrees, but he gets a call from the station.

GH Lobby: Patrick has met up with Sam and Spinelli and The Phone and tells Raynor he got the spheres out. I don't understand any of this? Why did he take the spheres out but have nowhere to put them? Raynor says the FBI will take over. Well, GET ON IT, Dude, geeze. Patrick says that Raynor better neutralize the toxin b/c it took out an entire OR in seconds.

Benefit: Trevor starts to lose his mind and screams at the doorway to be let out. Carly tells him to get a grip. Sonny yells at Claud for saying Kate was pretending to be sick. Claud laughs that she's a b.itch.

Jason calls Carly to say they are doing the best they can.

Wheels says the toxin is a paralytic, and he can tell you just how it will make you feel. Trevor stands by the door, gasping for breath. Claud watches with a smile on her face. Carly looks disgusted. Suddenly Trevor collapses and Carly calls for help.

GH Hall: Nik finds Jason and says Nadine is in the boardroom and wants to get her out. Jason explains that they already tried the old fake train track tunnel trick on the toxin, so there's no way to safely open the door again. Or, actually AT ALL, but whatever. or actually, it's just a door with a gap between the door and the frame, but what really matters is Nik panicks and tries to open the door, and Jaosn stops hiim and Nik sadly says he was chasing a dream earlier and left Nadine there. I keep wishing sharks would show up and eat everyone. That would be cool. They could be air born sharks.

GH Lobby: Sam yammers about something because while she was in law school she learned about disease containment, I guess? I don't know. This show is what would happen if Passions and a cruise ship on Days of Our Lives had a baby.

Commercials

Haunted Starr: Luke is drunk, or pretending to be and says he doesn't believvvvvvve in coincidences and that Ethan has never heard of him after being here for 48 hours. Luke has a point b/c being in Port Charles for 48 hours, I expect Ethan to know it's Emily's birthday. Luke warns Ethan not to get caught up in people's agendas. He yawns and says he has to learn how to see opportunities. LUke lays his head down on the table saying you have to answer when Opportunity knocks. Luke lays his head down with his hand clutching his gun though. Ethan says his sentiments exactly and smiles.

Emma's Palace: Mac has to leave b/c there is an incident, but Raynor wouldn't give him details, but there may be casualties. Robin and her Not Fooling Anyone pony tails prepars to hunker down for another night of ignoring her baby.

GH Hall: Jason wonders if Nik means Emily. Nik says he's not hallucinating, he saw a woman who looked like Emily. Jason says Nik has to get it together b/c it's all going to get a lot worse.

Benefit Room: So they open both doors for about 4 hours as Trevor gets sloooooowwwwwllllllllllyyyyyyy wheeled out, and then Ric holds the door open for another 3 hours watching him being wheeled away. They have put up a plastic curtain, l ike the kind that leads behind the deli counter in a supermarket, so obviously air born toxins can't get past that!

Then hilariously everyone starts having "private conversation" even though this room is smaller than any of their closets. Carly and Sonny, of course, find solace in each other's arms.

GH Lobby: Piph yells at Patrick and Sam about what is going on, and Sam says "I think we should close the OR" oh for fuck's sake. They haven't done that yet? lmao. Is some poor schmoe having his appendectomy in Plow Pox right now? Raynor calls, but somehow this time he calls on a GH line instead of The Phone. Patrick explains about how the OR team died, or is in ICU (thus infecting everyone that goes in or out of the ICU) and then Raynor demands that they quarantine the hospital. and by that, I can only assume he means TWO HOURS AGO when this became an issue, right? Like when he called Patrick to say "watch out for Bragg" he MUST have said, "and quarantine the hospital!" But then for some reason Patrick turns back to Jason, who raises his eyebrows, as if he was able to hear the quarantine order over the phone that he's not talking on. I hate everything about this episode.

Commercials

Haunted Starr: Ethan gently takes the gun from Luke and takes out the bullets. Of COURSE Ethan is the kind of doosh who wears his wallet on a bike chain. Ethan goes behind the bar and picks up the bricks of cash. But of course Luke was pretending to be passed out and has the gun again and tells Ethan they are back where they started.

GH: Patrick makes an announcement that the hospital is under quarantine. He blathers they are doing everything. Meanwhile, the Plow Pox spheres are sitting in a metal bowl, completely unguarded, in the OR. and some dude in a hazmat suit walks in and looks at them.

Benefit: For some bizarre reason, or....I guess I should say: Completely in keeping with the amount of realism on this show, Claud suddenly just HAS to tell Sonny who shot Kate. But she collapses just at that moment. Maybe there is no Plow Pox. Maybe it's just Sonny's toxic personality that is killing everyone?

GH: Random Dude tries to leave, but Piph tells him he can't. And then Jason and Sam stand at the doorway and stare out at the snow as Patrick says no one can leave. But until someone bothers to lock all the doors, I don't know how they plan to stop them? Unless it's by use of the moat, full of sharks, that has clearly sprung up overnight around the hospital.

The End