Pree Vee Us Lee on General Hospital...

Previously: The Steelers and the Cards played a helluva a game. Rob Blago thought going on David Letterman was a good idea, even though old school Dave would rip the likes of Marilu Henner a new a-hole for the crime of being kind of boring, and Jessica Simpson finally ate a cheeseburger.

Johnny and Maxie found an abandoned garage, and I'm pretty sure it's the one Alison, Livie and Jamal used to own when they were vampires. They got drunk on a case of Dark Ale and commiscerated about how they are not bad, but they are drawn that way. Johnny knows Looloo will be sad when she finds out he was involved in Michael's shooting, and Maxie knows she's never going to like like Spinelli, so she's going to break his heart, so they decided the noble thing to do was sleep together, because then the heartbreak would be out of the way. But then, alas, they remembered that they are actually pretty decent people, so they didn't sleep together, but they did learn to respect and like each other a lot more than previously.

The FBI, and federal government, and NY national guard, and the CDC all were on vacation, so they left Jason and Sam in charge of an epidemic, and Jason and Sam are too doltish to think that maybe someone should guard the deadly, deadly toxin, so someone stole some, but the person who stole it is even dumber b/c for some reason he didn't just go ahead and take all of it.

Patrick used Layla to get over Robin, but then he felt bad, and then she became kind of lovable, but then she died, after telling Patrick that she'd found love. and then her cute fiance showed up and learned she was dead, and it was actually very touching and sad b/c he told Patrick about how Layla had a broken heart, and Patrick knew he'd broken it. And then Sam and her Leathered Ubiquity showed up b/c it's apparently ILLEGAL for anyone to go more than 5 minutes without dealing with Sam in some fashion or another. (and this was carried out to such a comical degree that Sam even had to get her own LAPTOP and play dueling laptops with Spinelli)

Liz got very sick from the plow pox, and Lucky broke into the quarantined hospital to be with her b/c, as he tells Sam and Looloo, he and Liz are always there for each other when times are hard, but he left out that part that sometimes he and Liz cheat on each other when times are hard, but no one has ever accused Lucky of being captain of the debate team.

Looloo, who has survived a previous monkey pox, spent all her time whining about her boyfriend instead of being remotely concerned about her loved ones in peril. She was so disgusting and awful, that, by comparison, Carly seemed like the most nurturing and competent person you have ever met. Then Piph showed up and gave Looloo a very satisfying dressing down and put her lazy, whiny tush to work.

Robin was annoying and apparently never heard of singing to a baby and instead just griped at her kid to stop crying.

Patrick continued to become my favorite character by being believably worried about his wife, but then Sam called the Haz Mat Suit people b/c of COURSE Sam just happens to have the Haz Mat Suit people's phone number.