Emma's Palatial Estate: Robin and Patrick have found a house, and somehow they are able to enter it without a agent there to open the door, and she decides to buy it on the spot, and he for some reason finds this suspicious. but then he is able to determine that the house is good by just walking through it. I didn't know he was so good at assessing, regardless, Robin loves everything about the house and says weird things like it will fix everything. She says it about 15 times, but no one finds it eery. They also manage to buy the house in 4 minutes, even though it takes about an hour just to PRINT the paperwork involved, not to mention loan approval or escrow, but whatever. The good news is Liz is their neighbor and stops by to visit. Robin once again says something weird like "what did we just do" when she'd just been gushing about the decision, and Liz stares uncomfortably, as if to say "oh, I thought I smelled some Crazy" Liz later assures Robin that she knows it's hard being a mom, but if you do things one at a time, it all gets done, and that is very simplistic but remarkably true advice. She says Emma loves Robin, even if the house is messy. Robin stares distantly. Liz offers to share her snow blower and all her tools, so Liz is easily the coolest neighbor in the history of the world. of course, actually, she's the smartest b/c my guess is how that works is Patrick uses her blower and then does both of their driveways. Smart girl.
Corinthaus: Claud hangs out in Sonny's bedroom to get another bag of puzzle pieces from Jerry Probst.Kate shows up and rudely asks Claud what she's doing. Claud toys with kHate a bit and says Sonny may love kHate, but he ranks power as more important than love, and Claud gives him power, so he won't divorce her. Claud says kHate can at best hope to be is a mistress, and she's fine with that. Claud then primps in the mirror and says "The Mistress doesn't barge into the bedroom. The Mistress understands her place." heh. kHate says she'll be sure to tattle that she saw Claud searching Sonny's room. Claud flares her nostrils and begins searching the bed again.
She finds something and instead of going to her private bedroom, she runs down to the living room, and of course is once again surprised by someone. This time, it's Spinelli.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is having money problems, but he somehow STILL has money from his security deposit from Chez Zee. Unless that was an 18,000 a month apartment, I don't see how he was able to furnish and decorate this new apartment and still have money left.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason comes home early in the morning, and Spinelli is worried b/c he rightly believes that Jason had to exchange something costly to get him out of jail. jason will only angrily tell Spinelli that he can't do anymore dangerous computer work and he angrily bellows at Spinelli when Spin presses the matter. Spinelli says Jason's outburts only proves Jason made an Unholy Alliance. Jason takes a deep breath and apologetically and sincerely says that Spinelli is a great friend, and he depends and counts on him, and he feels he took advantage. Spinelli interrupts that no one forced him to help Jason, but Jason shows his temper again and firmly says the way it is now is they don't talk about business of any kind anymore. Spinelli is bummed and leaves.
Sam's: Sam is somehow wearing an off the shoulder sweater. Her gravity defying boobs don't seem the worse for no bra, though. Sam is filling out an application to be a private eye, and Lucky manages to be a dick about even this. He throws Jerry in her face, even though Jerry was indeed a bad guy. He wants a Laura, basically, and she's a Luke. But he's neither a Luke nor a Laura, so I don't get why he thinks he gets a vote. She tells him she's fiercely independent (I don't think that word means what the idiots on this show think it means), and her job prospects are limited, and she'd hope he'd be supportive and not judgemental. Alexis shows up and can feel the tension in the room. Lucky angrily leaves and whines something about Sam and Alexis having a lot to talk about, and oh my gawd, Lucky, you are such a petty, weird dum dum. Sam and Liz's newfound friendship does have the added benefit of having taught Sam to shoot a pretty funny bitchface in Lucky's direction.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily yells at Bernie on the phone and says he needs intel on the Z's as fast as possible. He breathlessly takes another call and angrily tells someone that he's home and they shouldn't come here, but he agrees to meet. Then he throws some crystal at the fireplace, so we know this is serious. Carly shows up and says she heard something break. He says he was venting. She says he doesn't vent. heh. She apologizes for not helping him set up a meeting with sonny. He says it was the right thing to not get involved. She says she had to pick Jax over them. Jason is very agitated in his voice, and movements and pacing. He says Sonny has always been his friend, but things are changing, and he doesn't know how to protect Sonny from himself and his destructive choices. Aw, I think Spinelli has rubbed off on Jason a little because he's rambling in code. And also, I think Jason has dipped into Maxie's meth stash because he can't stand still for even 3 seconds. Carly asks him to not speak in riddles, but he says he can't talk about the details and changes the subject to hear about how things are going with her and Jax. She says it's good, and she's throwing a charity function tomorrow for head injuries. She says he doesn't have to come, but he can give a lot of money. Her words are light and playful, but she's very distracted by the way Jason is clearly so distracted himself. He's only going through the motions of having a conversation, not b/c he's rude or she's boring, but because he clearly has 20 things on his mind. Her eyes get teary as realizes he's not going to let her do anything to help him, and she can't help him anyway b/c of Jax, but she can tell him that she's rooting for him and hopes everything works out for the best. Aw.
Corinthaus: Claud explains to spinelli that a confrontation is brewing between Jason and Sonny, and for now Spinelli should think of Corinthaus as the enemy camp and stay away to remain safe. Spinelli says he understands but asks her to ask Mr. Sir to call him. She says she'll ask but can't promise results.
Carly's: Looloo hangs out at Carly's and does business because magazines are totally a telecommute sort of business. I'm very pleased with how pretty Looloo and Carly's hair is looking today. Loo has come to borrow money, and Carly kindly hops right up to write a check. That's really nice. Loo says she couldn't ask Nik b/c he'd just buy her building and give it ot her. Carly says she'd have taken that offer in a heartbeat, but Loo wants to be independent. Again, maybe Port Charles should invest in a dictionary.
GH: Piph tells Johnny she can't hire him as an orderly. Johnny is learning the lesson that a recession is a crummy time to not have a job b/c there are over-qualified people out of work and looking for anything. Piph is remarkably kind and compassionate during this scene, and I'd love to see more of this side of her.
Sam's: Sam tells Alexis she's terrible at office work. Alexis cutely teases that she remembers. Sam then talks about her brush with Everyday Heroes, but since the producer left to team up with Jack Bauer, that went away too. Alexis, of course, says she doesn't have to justify. Sam says "I'm sorry, I am still in my conversation with Lucky." Heh. She says to Alexis what she wanted to say to Lucky that he's not supportive. Alexis says she's happy to help her any way she can. Sam says she expectd resistence, and Alexis assures her there is none. She says Spinelli is in trouble, and she can't help him, but she thought Sam would want to know. Sam thanks her for letting her know.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie jubilantly greets Spinelli. He tells her the bad news that he believes Jason compromised himself to save Spinelli. Maxie says she's sure Spinelli had a big price tag on his head, but he's worth it, and it was Jason's decision to make. She asks if Jason told him it was handled and to stay out of it, and Spin says he did. She begs him to follow Jason's orders, for his own sake and for hers.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: I guess it's later. Loo calls the hospital for some reason b/c of Johnny's interview. Let's just ignore that it makes no sense and that Piph tells Loo that she couldn't hire Johnny b/c all that really matters is Johnny comes home and happily tells Loo that he got the job. It's never easy to deal with a lie, and Looloo sort of stammers in surprise at his news and opts to play along.
Corinthaus: Claud once again watches Jerry Probst's next bag of puzzle pieces in the living room. kHate eaveslurks from the terrace. She smirks, so we can assume she heard or saw at least a little bit of Jerry.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor shows up and tells Jason that someone hijacked a Hallifiction truck, and Jason has to find out who did it and recover the contents. for some reason, Raynor thinks it was either Sonny or a biker gang. Um, gee, maybe it was terrorists. I know we are simply setting up Feb sweeps with this, but that was a pretty silly list of suspects. Jason thinks this will put suspicion on him of Raynor swoops in and arrests whoever did this, but Raynor tells him that he better do it in a Superjasely fashion, then.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
GH Recap 1/12: Honorable Men
Guza, assistant writers, countrymen, lend me your ears,
I come not to praise the military, but to bury it!
Mr. Guza, it takes a brave soul to so proudly stand up for the true heroes in our society, these, of course, being the mobsters. Sure, I've personally had my freedoms protected by the military, but that is no match for the gentle, loving, sexy embrace with which mobsters hold our country.
Brutus wasn't half as honorable a man as you are.
It is true that soldiers such as Connor and Logan joined the military, as all soldiers did, to protect the freedoms of our country and fight a common enemy, but Guza says this is ambitious (or really, he called it murder because he could be poetic, but he prefers to be honest.)
I admire you, Guza, for honorably not letting the opinions of every single person in the country dissuade you from telling this truth.
I do not wish to speak of popular opinion, for there is no honor in that. I look forward to the day when this benighted country finally embraces the inexhorable truth that anything a soldier does is murder, and anything a mobster does is sexy. Your audience consists of people who have no members serving in the military, but who among us doesn't have a mobster as a son, daughter, parent, or friend?
Almost all Americans bow before the notion that soldiers be treated with warmth and reverence, but Guza knows the true honorable men are mobsters, and he tells their story.
Just imagine, Mr. Guza, if you had chosen some other way besides Plowgate to comment on the military? Suppose, for example, you had chosen to have Lucas Spencer, who is serving as a soldier, die in combat? He is the son of a veteran character of the show, Bobbie Spencer, and he is also gay. Sure, there would have been a story about how gays are rebuked by their country, but they also die for their country. I suppose Jackie Zeman could have delivered a compelling swan song, mourning her son, and raging against the military that denied her son his rights as a human being, but also happily accepted his life as sacrifice for his country. Even the most homophobic among us would have to concede the hypocrisy in their views that gay people shouldn't have the same rights as heterosexual citizens, even though they struggle and sacrifice in the same way as all citizens. But you honorably ignored this plot line that would have involved Luke, Lulu, Lucky, Maxie, Mac, Carly, Morgan, and as their friends and family helping them grieve: Sonny, Jax, Johnny, Sam, Liz, Tracy, Robin, Patrick, Anna, and Robert. You wisely chose to focus like a laser beam and show your disdain of the military by involving only Nik and Nadine, and that dude who played the senator....and....like that dude's assistants who didn't have any lines. So poignant.
So kudos, Mr. Guza! Way to avoid a story line that all of us can identify with in favor of the obscurity of a plow coupling. Anyone can tell a story that resonates with everyone. It takes real craft to tell a story that makes absolutely no sense to anyone.
If only Brutus had been as honorable a man as you!
Metrocourt: Diane and Carly have martinis in the lobby and talk about how Carly doesn't want to divorce Jax. Jax shows up and says Alexis cut his meeting short. Happy music of reconciliation plays as Jax and carly smile at each other.
Docks: Seriously, what is up with Liz's hair? Did it get stuck in a time machine? Sam and Liz watch the exploded ship from the docks and whisper about being with Jason. Sam is going to check to see if Jason is okay, because that will make things easier. Liz tearfully whispers that she doesn't want to know. Sam leaves, and Liz and her incredibly gooey looking lips stare out at an orange light. Also, Cameron plays unattended on the docks, and both Sam and Liz could not be paying less attention to him.
Alleydocks: Jason and Sonny fight a bit. Sirens approach. Sonny is doing that thing whereby he's done everything in his power to start a fight, but then when a fight is impending, he warns everyone to back off, or there will be a fight. It's like if I filled my kitchen with pies and cupcakes and told everyone that I wasn't going to eat pies or cupcakes because I want to lose weight, but then all I had to eat in my house was pies and cupcakes, so I gained weight and blamed everyone for tempting me. Looking at you, Oprah. Claud says this is not a mutual fight b/c Jason started it by taking Sonny's kids. Well, crazypants, you set that in motion by SHOOTING Sonny's kid, so maybe not so much with the fingerpointing.
PCPD: Maxie slaps Winnie for actually being a spy. Winnie says Spinelli endangered national security. the hell? Unless Jason is shipping national security in those crates, I have no idea where she gets this idea.
Commercials
PCPD: Winnie points out that Maxie has taken advantage of Spinelli as well. Maxie agrees she did but says she feels terrible. She asks if Winnie feels bad that she went after Spinelli instead of actual bad guys.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor says Spinelli is accused of High Treason.
Docks: Lucky shows up, to the delight of Cameron. Liz tattles that Sam was here and went to check on the explosion. Lucky is surprised, but Liz says in a tone defending Sam that she wanted to know what happened. Lucky asks what Liz thinks about this, and Liz sadly says she's trying not to.
Alleydocks: Claud says that Jason blew up Sonny's ship with no warning, so how does he expect Sonny to react. Sonny haughtily puts his hands together in a praying motion and says that he extended peace. Jason glares at him and says busting into his territory without his permission is hardly peaceful. Sonny condescendingly says "say what you want to say, but just watch your back." Why Jason doesn't punch into his heart like that Priest dude in the 2nd Indiana Jones is beyond me. Claud and Sonny leave. Meanwhile, Sam has shown up and is crouching behind crates, as she does. She gets a call from Maxie that Spinelli is in trouble. Jason stares angrily out at the burning ship. Sam calls his name to get his attention, and he immediately reaches for his gun. I half think, he's hoping it's Sonny coming back, and this time he's going to off the little dude. Sam holds up her hands and says she wasn't eavesdropping. heh, did she think he knew it was her and was going to shoot her for listening? That would be cold....stone cold. Sam says that Maxie says Spinelli is in trouble.
Haunted Star: Tracy and Luke bicker. She says she's been married to a mobster, so she knows a mob war when she sees one. He arrogantly tells her he doesn't want to tarnish her street cred, but he knows more than she does. Tracy proves him wrong by recapping enough information regarding brides being shot, alliances being solidified by 15th century marriages, Sonny on a path of self destruction. He can hardly argue that she has all the bullet points, and she begs him to protect himself and stay out of it.
Metrocourt: Diane says something in legalese and leaves. Jax and Carly comment that the divorce looks like it's going to take awile. They talk about billing discounts. Carly admits she's asked Diane to stretch out the divorce, in hopes she could make him fall in love with her again. he says that's not possible. Because he's a giant tool, I guess, because I do believe he's asked Alexis for the same thing for the same reason.
Commercials
Metrocourt: Oh, brudder. Jax says he can't fall back in love with her b/c he never fell out of love with her. Carly sets down her martini and excitedly lists the 3 or 4 reasons that make them a good couple. He trumps all that with the toe pick of their relationship: Sonny and Jason. She, of course, glosses over that and wants to get her way now, and then still ignore the Sonny and Jason issue later and still get her way and pout that he doesn't like it. Jax admits he asked Alexis to stall the divorce as well b/c maybe it's not what he wants. Piano Guy is very happy.
Docks/PCPD Phone Call: Maxie frantically explains that Spinelli has been arrested, and it looks very serious, and Raynor is there and wants Jason to cooperate. Jason barks at Maxie that he's sending Diane and if she sees Spinelli to tell him not to say anything, and he'll fix this. Sam says that was quite a promise. She wimpily tells Jason that she saw Spinelli the other day, and he was bummed b/c someone hacked his computer. I find it silly that no one told Jason this, because I imagine there is plenty of tracks to cover. Jason angrily says as much by saying if the Feds hacked El Laptopo, they already know all they need.
Cafe Interrogate: Spinelli says he didn't intend to trespass on The Federal Ones. Raynor oddly helps Spinelli by telling him to say nothing. That was nice, but if that's the advice, why the hell is he interrogating him?
Bull Pen: Maxie fills Diane in that Spinelli was arrested. Alexis shows up to add that it's violation of the Homeland Security Act. Diane scoffs at this, and Alexis agrees, but she points out the target is likely not really Spinelli.
Corinthaus: Claud pours a "refreshing" glass of tepid water and Lady Macbeths to Sonny that he has to go after Jason. Sonny says he thought she had a soft spot for Jason. It's call a G-spot, Sonny, gawd. Claud insists that he has to get the upper hand. And even though it makes no sense to invade Jason's territory and antagonize him, Sonny angrily asks Claud "what if I don't?" Well, then you are pointlessly pissing off your best friend, then, Sonny. So, if being a weirdo jerk is your goal, great job!
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke says he and Sonny were merely discussing politics, and Luke's continued neutrality. She asks how long that will last, and he assures her it's his goal. She asks what if someone openly attacks Luke, and Luke says he'd react to that, but he doesn't foresee it. Their bluesy little song begins to play as Tracy tells Luke she just wants him around, and he's the best time she's ever had. Luke smiles lovingly at her, as she says she's not ready to give it up. She sweetly and coyly says "If you get killed, only I can do it." He says he can live with that, and then they grandpa kiss.
Corinthaus: Claud says someone will have to pay for the shipment, so should it be Jason or Sonny. Sonny says he and Jason were working things out, but then she lit them up. He asks if she's worried that if he and Jason are back together, Sonny won't need the Z's, and thus won't be married to Claud. He says that would be a good thing. She randomly starts talking about her uncle and using a little girl voice and says she's looking out for his best interests. She points out that Sonny angered Wheels by helping Jonny, and now he lost a shipment, and the only way to make it right is to retaliate. Sonny nibbles on his fingers and asks like a little boy if she really thinks Jason is a threat. She says the only way to cement things with Wheels is to take Jason down. Well, then, why did he marry Claud if that didn't have any cement?
Bull Pen: Maxie and Winnie bicker about Spinelli. winnie insists this was her first field assignment, and she didn't know this would happen. She says that if someone doesn't come forth and make a deal, Spinelli will go to prison for life. She leaves, and Maxie stares at Cafe Interrogate with worry.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor keeps talking to Sinelli, but when Spinny talks, Raynor reminds him to be quiet. Spinelli finally asks why he's here if it's not to get a confession.
Bull Pen: Alexis and Diane sit around chatting while poor Spinelli sits around lawyerless. Jason shows up with great worry and Alexis gravely tells him that she doubts Spinelli ever knew who Jason really is until now. Diane tells Jason it's really bad news, and things look dire for Spinelli. Jason is very worried.
Plow-Gate Hearings: Nik and Nadine go back to the stupid senator's office, and Senator Southern doesn't think a foreign national should be able to decide the fate of a US military weapon. Nik says he pays taxes and lives here and thinks serving the military is very noble, but he doesn't think companies like Hallifiction should be able to profit from making weapons. Well, I don't think random conglomerates like Cassadine Industries should be able to make a profit either, so neaner neaner, Nik. Nadine says something idiotic about bacon and then asks to speak.
Metrocourt: Jax says Alexis is going along with this, even though she thinks Carly is terrible for him. Carly jubilantly hops about and beams that it doesn't matter because Jax told her to stop. Their song starts to play, and they talk about some boat he owns. They remember some day they took the boat to Manhattan. She doesn't want the night to end, so she invites him to dinner at her house. He says it depends on whether or not she's cooking, and he curls his lip. She doesn't care that he hates her cooking b/c she happily hates cooking, and he can afford chefs, so she jumps into his arms in glee.
Commercials
Plow Gate Hearings: Nadine says she doesn't know about the politics of war, and she had the best boyfriend ever, and she wanted him to have the best possible equipment, but she doesn't think it's fair for companies like Hallifiction to profit off of him and off of this war. She knows she can't stop it, but she doesn't want to take part in it. SHe says this has been her fight ever since her Aunt Alfalfa left her the patent. She says Nik is helping her, but it's not Nik's job. She says it's their job to help her do what she wants with what she owns. It is? Senantor Easily Duped says that Nadine has made a very a very convincing argument and thus they ban Hallifiction from using her patent. Okay, not to be an asshole, but didn't this all start when Hallifiction had to ask to renew their license on the patent, so wasn't this settled when Nadine decided not to do that? Nik and Nadine are jubilant and leave, and Nik gets a call from Alexis' friend, Silda Holis, who wants to congratulate Nadine, because even though the senator JUST made this decision (and why the hell does this one guy have the authority to simply decree something like this? I totally remember that little Bill on Capitol Hill singing about how these things happen, and it was quite an involved endeavor) Then things decide to get as fucktarded as humanly possible, and Nadine says someone from the White House wants to talk to her. So we are supposed to believe that Alexis is friends with a Republican now? Or are the writers too stupid to know that it's not January 20th? Or are we to assume that Republicans simply don't exist in the Port Charlesiverse, thus it doesn't matter what time it is? Please end, story line. Please please please!
Docks: Liz and Lucky play with Cameron in the glow of Jason's burning ship. It's just how Norman Rockwell always painted it. Foghorn Guy thinks Cam is totally cute, so he lets out some loud blasts. Liz and Lucky says it's nice to be together and safe. She thanks him for bringing her back from the brink. Cam shouts at them to look at another big ship. Liz and Lucky's lovely little song starts to play as they enjoy family time.
Corinthaus: Claud tells Sonny he has a blind spot in regards to Jason, and he takes advantage. In what universe is that true? Oh, right, she's Lady Macbeth, and Jason is Duncan, or whoever. Claud says Jason has compromised Sonny. Sonny says it was business. Even though he's the one who told her all of this. She says it is business, and there's no room for friendship. Sonny begins to get confused and barks at her to stop talking. She keeps her composure and insists she's right, and he has to take down Jason.
PCPD: Spinelli get locked up in that little area like they had on Barney Miller for the hookers and bums. Raynor calls Jason in to talk to him. Maxie rushes to Spinelli, and they clasp hands, and he says he's scared.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor angrily tells Jason that Spinelli's life and freedom are on the line unless Jason does exactly what they say. Even Superjase has to gulp a bit at this. Oh, no, Superjase, say it ain't so! Say you haven't finally met an actual adverary! Now I'm worried the sun won't rise.
the end
I come not to praise the military, but to bury it!
Mr. Guza, it takes a brave soul to so proudly stand up for the true heroes in our society, these, of course, being the mobsters. Sure, I've personally had my freedoms protected by the military, but that is no match for the gentle, loving, sexy embrace with which mobsters hold our country.
Brutus wasn't half as honorable a man as you are.
It is true that soldiers such as Connor and Logan joined the military, as all soldiers did, to protect the freedoms of our country and fight a common enemy, but Guza says this is ambitious (or really, he called it murder because he could be poetic, but he prefers to be honest.)
I admire you, Guza, for honorably not letting the opinions of every single person in the country dissuade you from telling this truth.
I do not wish to speak of popular opinion, for there is no honor in that. I look forward to the day when this benighted country finally embraces the inexhorable truth that anything a soldier does is murder, and anything a mobster does is sexy. Your audience consists of people who have no members serving in the military, but who among us doesn't have a mobster as a son, daughter, parent, or friend?
Almost all Americans bow before the notion that soldiers be treated with warmth and reverence, but Guza knows the true honorable men are mobsters, and he tells their story.
Just imagine, Mr. Guza, if you had chosen some other way besides Plowgate to comment on the military? Suppose, for example, you had chosen to have Lucas Spencer, who is serving as a soldier, die in combat? He is the son of a veteran character of the show, Bobbie Spencer, and he is also gay. Sure, there would have been a story about how gays are rebuked by their country, but they also die for their country. I suppose Jackie Zeman could have delivered a compelling swan song, mourning her son, and raging against the military that denied her son his rights as a human being, but also happily accepted his life as sacrifice for his country. Even the most homophobic among us would have to concede the hypocrisy in their views that gay people shouldn't have the same rights as heterosexual citizens, even though they struggle and sacrifice in the same way as all citizens. But you honorably ignored this plot line that would have involved Luke, Lulu, Lucky, Maxie, Mac, Carly, Morgan, and as their friends and family helping them grieve: Sonny, Jax, Johnny, Sam, Liz, Tracy, Robin, Patrick, Anna, and Robert. You wisely chose to focus like a laser beam and show your disdain of the military by involving only Nik and Nadine, and that dude who played the senator....and....like that dude's assistants who didn't have any lines. So poignant.
So kudos, Mr. Guza! Way to avoid a story line that all of us can identify with in favor of the obscurity of a plow coupling. Anyone can tell a story that resonates with everyone. It takes real craft to tell a story that makes absolutely no sense to anyone.
If only Brutus had been as honorable a man as you!
Metrocourt: Diane and Carly have martinis in the lobby and talk about how Carly doesn't want to divorce Jax. Jax shows up and says Alexis cut his meeting short. Happy music of reconciliation plays as Jax and carly smile at each other.
Docks: Seriously, what is up with Liz's hair? Did it get stuck in a time machine? Sam and Liz watch the exploded ship from the docks and whisper about being with Jason. Sam is going to check to see if Jason is okay, because that will make things easier. Liz tearfully whispers that she doesn't want to know. Sam leaves, and Liz and her incredibly gooey looking lips stare out at an orange light. Also, Cameron plays unattended on the docks, and both Sam and Liz could not be paying less attention to him.
Alleydocks: Jason and Sonny fight a bit. Sirens approach. Sonny is doing that thing whereby he's done everything in his power to start a fight, but then when a fight is impending, he warns everyone to back off, or there will be a fight. It's like if I filled my kitchen with pies and cupcakes and told everyone that I wasn't going to eat pies or cupcakes because I want to lose weight, but then all I had to eat in my house was pies and cupcakes, so I gained weight and blamed everyone for tempting me. Looking at you, Oprah. Claud says this is not a mutual fight b/c Jason started it by taking Sonny's kids. Well, crazypants, you set that in motion by SHOOTING Sonny's kid, so maybe not so much with the fingerpointing.
PCPD: Maxie slaps Winnie for actually being a spy. Winnie says Spinelli endangered national security. the hell? Unless Jason is shipping national security in those crates, I have no idea where she gets this idea.
Commercials
PCPD: Winnie points out that Maxie has taken advantage of Spinelli as well. Maxie agrees she did but says she feels terrible. She asks if Winnie feels bad that she went after Spinelli instead of actual bad guys.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor says Spinelli is accused of High Treason.
Docks: Lucky shows up, to the delight of Cameron. Liz tattles that Sam was here and went to check on the explosion. Lucky is surprised, but Liz says in a tone defending Sam that she wanted to know what happened. Lucky asks what Liz thinks about this, and Liz sadly says she's trying not to.
Alleydocks: Claud says that Jason blew up Sonny's ship with no warning, so how does he expect Sonny to react. Sonny haughtily puts his hands together in a praying motion and says that he extended peace. Jason glares at him and says busting into his territory without his permission is hardly peaceful. Sonny condescendingly says "say what you want to say, but just watch your back." Why Jason doesn't punch into his heart like that Priest dude in the 2nd Indiana Jones is beyond me. Claud and Sonny leave. Meanwhile, Sam has shown up and is crouching behind crates, as she does. She gets a call from Maxie that Spinelli is in trouble. Jason stares angrily out at the burning ship. Sam calls his name to get his attention, and he immediately reaches for his gun. I half think, he's hoping it's Sonny coming back, and this time he's going to off the little dude. Sam holds up her hands and says she wasn't eavesdropping. heh, did she think he knew it was her and was going to shoot her for listening? That would be cold....stone cold. Sam says that Maxie says Spinelli is in trouble.
Haunted Star: Tracy and Luke bicker. She says she's been married to a mobster, so she knows a mob war when she sees one. He arrogantly tells her he doesn't want to tarnish her street cred, but he knows more than she does. Tracy proves him wrong by recapping enough information regarding brides being shot, alliances being solidified by 15th century marriages, Sonny on a path of self destruction. He can hardly argue that she has all the bullet points, and she begs him to protect himself and stay out of it.
Metrocourt: Diane says something in legalese and leaves. Jax and Carly comment that the divorce looks like it's going to take awile. They talk about billing discounts. Carly admits she's asked Diane to stretch out the divorce, in hopes she could make him fall in love with her again. he says that's not possible. Because he's a giant tool, I guess, because I do believe he's asked Alexis for the same thing for the same reason.
Commercials
Metrocourt: Oh, brudder. Jax says he can't fall back in love with her b/c he never fell out of love with her. Carly sets down her martini and excitedly lists the 3 or 4 reasons that make them a good couple. He trumps all that with the toe pick of their relationship: Sonny and Jason. She, of course, glosses over that and wants to get her way now, and then still ignore the Sonny and Jason issue later and still get her way and pout that he doesn't like it. Jax admits he asked Alexis to stall the divorce as well b/c maybe it's not what he wants. Piano Guy is very happy.
Docks/PCPD Phone Call: Maxie frantically explains that Spinelli has been arrested, and it looks very serious, and Raynor is there and wants Jason to cooperate. Jason barks at Maxie that he's sending Diane and if she sees Spinelli to tell him not to say anything, and he'll fix this. Sam says that was quite a promise. She wimpily tells Jason that she saw Spinelli the other day, and he was bummed b/c someone hacked his computer. I find it silly that no one told Jason this, because I imagine there is plenty of tracks to cover. Jason angrily says as much by saying if the Feds hacked El Laptopo, they already know all they need.
Cafe Interrogate: Spinelli says he didn't intend to trespass on The Federal Ones. Raynor oddly helps Spinelli by telling him to say nothing. That was nice, but if that's the advice, why the hell is he interrogating him?
Bull Pen: Maxie fills Diane in that Spinelli was arrested. Alexis shows up to add that it's violation of the Homeland Security Act. Diane scoffs at this, and Alexis agrees, but she points out the target is likely not really Spinelli.
Corinthaus: Claud pours a "refreshing" glass of tepid water and Lady Macbeths to Sonny that he has to go after Jason. Sonny says he thought she had a soft spot for Jason. It's call a G-spot, Sonny, gawd. Claud insists that he has to get the upper hand. And even though it makes no sense to invade Jason's territory and antagonize him, Sonny angrily asks Claud "what if I don't?" Well, then you are pointlessly pissing off your best friend, then, Sonny. So, if being a weirdo jerk is your goal, great job!
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke says he and Sonny were merely discussing politics, and Luke's continued neutrality. She asks how long that will last, and he assures her it's his goal. She asks what if someone openly attacks Luke, and Luke says he'd react to that, but he doesn't foresee it. Their bluesy little song begins to play as Tracy tells Luke she just wants him around, and he's the best time she's ever had. Luke smiles lovingly at her, as she says she's not ready to give it up. She sweetly and coyly says "If you get killed, only I can do it." He says he can live with that, and then they grandpa kiss.
Corinthaus: Claud says someone will have to pay for the shipment, so should it be Jason or Sonny. Sonny says he and Jason were working things out, but then she lit them up. He asks if she's worried that if he and Jason are back together, Sonny won't need the Z's, and thus won't be married to Claud. He says that would be a good thing. She randomly starts talking about her uncle and using a little girl voice and says she's looking out for his best interests. She points out that Sonny angered Wheels by helping Jonny, and now he lost a shipment, and the only way to make it right is to retaliate. Sonny nibbles on his fingers and asks like a little boy if she really thinks Jason is a threat. She says the only way to cement things with Wheels is to take Jason down. Well, then, why did he marry Claud if that didn't have any cement?
Bull Pen: Maxie and Winnie bicker about Spinelli. winnie insists this was her first field assignment, and she didn't know this would happen. She says that if someone doesn't come forth and make a deal, Spinelli will go to prison for life. She leaves, and Maxie stares at Cafe Interrogate with worry.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor keeps talking to Sinelli, but when Spinny talks, Raynor reminds him to be quiet. Spinelli finally asks why he's here if it's not to get a confession.
Bull Pen: Alexis and Diane sit around chatting while poor Spinelli sits around lawyerless. Jason shows up with great worry and Alexis gravely tells him that she doubts Spinelli ever knew who Jason really is until now. Diane tells Jason it's really bad news, and things look dire for Spinelli. Jason is very worried.
Plow-Gate Hearings: Nik and Nadine go back to the stupid senator's office, and Senator Southern doesn't think a foreign national should be able to decide the fate of a US military weapon. Nik says he pays taxes and lives here and thinks serving the military is very noble, but he doesn't think companies like Hallifiction should be able to profit from making weapons. Well, I don't think random conglomerates like Cassadine Industries should be able to make a profit either, so neaner neaner, Nik. Nadine says something idiotic about bacon and then asks to speak.
Metrocourt: Jax says Alexis is going along with this, even though she thinks Carly is terrible for him. Carly jubilantly hops about and beams that it doesn't matter because Jax told her to stop. Their song starts to play, and they talk about some boat he owns. They remember some day they took the boat to Manhattan. She doesn't want the night to end, so she invites him to dinner at her house. He says it depends on whether or not she's cooking, and he curls his lip. She doesn't care that he hates her cooking b/c she happily hates cooking, and he can afford chefs, so she jumps into his arms in glee.
Commercials
Plow Gate Hearings: Nadine says she doesn't know about the politics of war, and she had the best boyfriend ever, and she wanted him to have the best possible equipment, but she doesn't think it's fair for companies like Hallifiction to profit off of him and off of this war. She knows she can't stop it, but she doesn't want to take part in it. SHe says this has been her fight ever since her Aunt Alfalfa left her the patent. She says Nik is helping her, but it's not Nik's job. She says it's their job to help her do what she wants with what she owns. It is? Senantor Easily Duped says that Nadine has made a very a very convincing argument and thus they ban Hallifiction from using her patent. Okay, not to be an asshole, but didn't this all start when Hallifiction had to ask to renew their license on the patent, so wasn't this settled when Nadine decided not to do that? Nik and Nadine are jubilant and leave, and Nik gets a call from Alexis' friend, Silda Holis, who wants to congratulate Nadine, because even though the senator JUST made this decision (and why the hell does this one guy have the authority to simply decree something like this? I totally remember that little Bill on Capitol Hill singing about how these things happen, and it was quite an involved endeavor) Then things decide to get as fucktarded as humanly possible, and Nadine says someone from the White House wants to talk to her. So we are supposed to believe that Alexis is friends with a Republican now? Or are the writers too stupid to know that it's not January 20th? Or are we to assume that Republicans simply don't exist in the Port Charlesiverse, thus it doesn't matter what time it is? Please end, story line. Please please please!
Docks: Liz and Lucky play with Cameron in the glow of Jason's burning ship. It's just how Norman Rockwell always painted it. Foghorn Guy thinks Cam is totally cute, so he lets out some loud blasts. Liz and Lucky says it's nice to be together and safe. She thanks him for bringing her back from the brink. Cam shouts at them to look at another big ship. Liz and Lucky's lovely little song starts to play as they enjoy family time.
Corinthaus: Claud tells Sonny he has a blind spot in regards to Jason, and he takes advantage. In what universe is that true? Oh, right, she's Lady Macbeth, and Jason is Duncan, or whoever. Claud says Jason has compromised Sonny. Sonny says it was business. Even though he's the one who told her all of this. She says it is business, and there's no room for friendship. Sonny begins to get confused and barks at her to stop talking. She keeps her composure and insists she's right, and he has to take down Jason.
PCPD: Spinelli get locked up in that little area like they had on Barney Miller for the hookers and bums. Raynor calls Jason in to talk to him. Maxie rushes to Spinelli, and they clasp hands, and he says he's scared.
Cafe Interrogate: Raynor angrily tells Jason that Spinelli's life and freedom are on the line unless Jason does exactly what they say. Even Superjase has to gulp a bit at this. Oh, no, Superjase, say it ain't so! Say you haven't finally met an actual adverary! Now I'm worried the sun won't rise.
the end
Friday, January 9, 2009
GH Recap 1/10: Isaiah Vs. Joel
Previously on GH:
The U.S. military forgot how to make weapons without using plows, or something like that, and Nadine inherited the only plow on earth, but she had always thought that the military should use harsh language instead of guns, so she refused to let the military use her plow, and for some reason Hallifiction didn't buy her plow outright in the first place because apparently in the Port Charlesiverse, Dick Cheney and his ilk are less bright than Lucky Spencer. So now Natasha and her best bud, let's call her Silda Holis, are going to work together to bring down Hallifiction along with Nik and Nadine because apparently Eisenhower was a big dummy, and all we ever needed to bring down the military-industrial complex was Gidget. See also, Russ Meyer's controversial film: Faster Gidget, Kill, Kill.
I believe this is our last Natalia-free Friday, so enjoy.
Alexis' Office: Diane and Alexis seem to be working together to dissuade Carly and Jax from divorcing. oh, brudder.
Haunted Star: Luke and Sonny meet to drink and mumble. Sonny says he's playing Untruth or Dare with Jason regarding shipping highly illegal pillow cushions into Jason's territory. Sonny says he plans on convincing Jason he doesn't want to mess with Sonny, and he plans on taking over Jason's territory pier by pier. Luke calls it a bloodless coup. Sonny laughs and says haughtily that he's already taken over the Z's. Luke seems to believe it's a good idea but points out that once Sonny has all the power, that's when the trouble starts. Also, since when is Superjase going to not notice Sonny taking over his territory?
Cafe Interrogate: Claud visits Johnny. He seems pretty depressed. She is doing that annoying thing whereby she is wearing a headband, but no hair is actually being held back by it. She wants to help him.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie is dressed in a red robe, and Spinelli enjoys the after glow of their George and Izzy-like sexcapades. Lemme guess, Jesse's stupid ghost is going to come back soon, and she'll start sleeping with him? Also, I had to stop watching Grey's Anatomy when it became stupider than Passions. Maxie says this seals their relationship, and now Winnie won't be around.
Docks: Raynor congratulates Winnie on being a good little spy.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli realizes Maxie isn't that into him. She just was reacting to Winnie.
Credits
DC: Nik and Nadine are meeting with "The Government" to talk about how she wants to beat their swords into plowshares and such. This is stupider than the time a spider bit Emily, and Nik had to take her to a magical garden to save her.
Alexis' Office: Diane explains they are going to go over the financial records with a magnifying glass. She says they will need lots of patient. Jax says he thought this would be easy. Alexis barks it could be if he'd stop sitting around like a lump and shine the light on Carly's myriad failings as a wife. Carly sits their wounded and tearful. Was the limo ride over not that fun, Carlycakes? is that the problem.
Haunted Star: Claud says she knew Wheels would do something dastardly. She says his choices are do what Wheels wants or go to prison. Johnny says what he wants also matters. He's still angry that Claud had to marry Sonny. Claud asks how much of Johnny's bravado has to do with Looloo and showing that he's decent. SHe reminds him that Loo won't be his soul mate.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli broken heartedly says he knows Maxie slept with him b/c of Winnie. Her eyes and face grow red with tears and she asks why he's saying "you. What happened to fair Maximista?" She says she didn't do anything bad, she just wanted to remind him of their connection. He sadly says she never wanted him and made an advance she knew he couldn't turn down. He starts to leave, but she calls after him that she was trying to stop him from making a mistake. Maybe you should have tried telling him you were pregnant or hooking him on drugs, first, Maxie.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli starts to leave, but he angrily asks why he didn't understand her low opinion of him, that she doesn't think he can make his own decisions. Maxie tearfully says everyone knows he's brilliant about facts and figures, but when it comes to people, he is a bit child like, and Winnie is a good example. Spinelli asks her to explain. She puts on her tough maxie face, but she unabashedly answers that his male role model and hero is a career criminal. She says that people take advantage of him, and Winnie is the most recent example. He says that's very insulting and mean. She crosses her arms and bites back tears because even though she's a mess, she really does believe that Winnie is using him.
DC: I dunno. Something about going to meet with senators to ask Hallifiction to quit making weapons, or something equally stupid.
Alexis's Office: Alexis continues to bash Carly. Diane bitingly reminds Alexis that they had an agreement, which is clear that they had agreed to stall the divorce. Alexis has decided she can probably do that by insulting Carly. Which is fine with me. Alexis calls Carly a trainwreck, so Diane calls Jax a traitor, so Jax asks them to get back to the meeting, and Alexis asks where they were, and Carly utters "trainwreck" heh. Alexis apologizes, but she's set her trap and Carly walks right into it. She admits she's done all the things Alexis said, but all those admitted failings aside, she loves him.
Haunted Star: Luke reminds Sonny that the feds will be looking at Sonny, and so far he's kept them off balance. He suggests Sonny grow a new set of eyes in the back of his head. he wants Sonny to succeed because they are friends and because it helps Luke's business. Luke explains that Johnny has been framed by Wheels and wants to know if Sonny can help. Gee, one guess, and the first 8 million don't count.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud lets Johnny know that Jerry Probst left a trail of bags of puzzle pieces all over the Corinthaus tribe, and she has to make it through the maze and over the balance beam and win individual immunity, or she'll be snuffed at tribal council. Then she cries because Sarah Joy Brown has to contractually cry every 3rd scene. Johnny talks about looloo, and Claud's head nearly explodes that Johnny's life is on the line, and he's rambling about Looloo. On cue, Looloo waltzes in. I wish I could be arrested in Port Charles. I'd love to get to see this much of my friends and family all day long!
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke continues to explain that Wheels framed Johnny, and Ric won't do anything, so he needs another option. Sonny asks why Luke is interested. Luke explains that Johnny gave him money to open the HS and is his business partner. He says that a friend of his just happens to be the head of the Z'organization, so maybe he can pull some strings. Sonny mumbles something.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud and Loo exhcange cattiness. Looloo says she supports Johnny, but she's wearing an off the shoulder outfit. Claud passionately, once again, tries to help her dolt of a brother. Looloo does this thing that makes me think of ice picks and skull caps and speaks in a grating voice and asks if Claud cares about Johnny b/c she needs something. Claud looks at her with tearful rage, and I remember why I love Sarah Brown.
Alexis' Office: Carly makes an impassioned plea for her marriage, but she doesn't really plea. She simply apologizes. and stupid Jax's face only ever needed an apology. Not fidelity, or to come ahead of her ex lovers. Just remorse. Idiot. She leaves and Jax considers forgiving her. Idiot, idiot.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Whatever point Maxie could have ever had will be lost and Spinelli emotionally cries that she initiated sex to keep him away from Winnie. Her eyes fill with tears and she says if he thinks she's that shallow, then she doesn't know him. How is this bizarre, asexual couple delivering the most passionate, heart breaking performances of that last 18 months?
commercials
Haunted Star: Luke says he knows Wheels is kuckoo for cocoa puffs and it may cause problems for Sonny to get involved. (and also, he knows Sonny is a rat fink bastahd and calling him a loser like this will get his way) On cue, Sonny says he owes Johnny for putting him in Paddington last year, so he'll help.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie venomously says that computer nerds are a dime a dozen, and she could have found anyone to help her. He says sadly that she lied about her feelings. She stands there, with her big, beautiful eyes full of tears, and she manages to disallow them to fall down her cheeks and issues a barrage of insults on him that Shakespeare would wince at. She says she pities him and thinks he's lame, but Georgie loved him, so she put up with him, but she's done with him and hopes he goes to Winnie. He allows this to wash over him and leaves. She runs to the door, slams it and weeps against it.
DC: dum dum dum dum dumdum dumdum dumdum
Alexis' Office: Diane is pleased about the outcome b/c they helped along the course of true love and also got a lot of billable hours. heh. Diane says it's great that both clients will go home happy. Alexis sadly says it would be great if Carly were capable of long term happiness. Eventually Sonny will crook his finger, and she'll trample all over Jax again. Alexis sadly asks what kind of friend she'd be if she facilitated this.
Metrocourt: Jax and Carly meet. Carly says Alexis is right about her, but she does love him. He says he knows. He says he instructed Alexis to make the divorce painless. Carly says divorce always hurts. (and she would know...am I right, people?)
Cafe Interrogate: Loo continues to invite an ice pick into her brain because she's acting like having a great father is an accomplishment to gloat over. forget all the times she treats Luke like dog poo, he's getting her stupid boyfriend out of jail, so she considers herself awesome. The guard shows up to say Johnny can go. Hilariously, he doesn't offer him his clothes or even unchain his legs. "take the floor with you" I guess is the subtext? Claud warns Loo that Luke better know what he's doing, and Loo smiles like a giant idiot b/c what does she care about comptence? Her boyfriends beats up cops and leaves them to die, and her brother is a cop, but she doesn't care about anything but Johnny's hotness. Don't get me wrong. I'd probably be an idiot about Johnny at 19 as well. Especially if I'd been 5 for 12 years.
Commercials
DC: Senator ViolinsInHisOffice says that the soldiers need good weapons. Nadine says she knows, but she doesn't want Hallifiction to make money, or something. SenatorViolinsinHisOffice says Hallifiction didn't start the war. Omg, I can't begin to tell you how much I loathe this story line. It's not even that it's dumb b/c I watched Marlena be possessed by the devil every day for months in college. It's that it's so halfassed.
Docks: Claud and her pleather coat rush to Sonny and says Johnny was just released from jail. Sonny plays it off, but Claud knows that Sonny was involved. She says Z'army isn't that into Sonny and Wheels will find out. Sonny says he owed Johnny. Instead of saying "yes, you do, you creep, you're almost even", Claud agrees that she now owes Sonny.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie remembers getting the Most Awesome Mixed Tape ever in the form of the journal he made that traced the evolution of beauty since the dawn of time. In the present, she sits in the living room and sobs. Johnny and Loo stumble in, in a romantic clinch. Maxie sucks up her tears and says casually that she found what she was looking for regarding a poem Spinelli put in the book. Looloo actually manages to be Lulu for a minute and asks Maxie if she's okay. Maxie nods and shoves off the blankie and mumbles something about how she's fine b/c she's done it again, only this time it was to a true friend, and she rushes out the door while Johnny and Looloo look at each other in concern.
Commercials
It's just...show, if you want to make some sort of political blabber jabber about the military-industrial complex, then actually DO something. Don't cut and paste this tedious story line that makes no sense. So now suddenly Nik busts out a document for Nadine to sign that gives him control of the patent. A magical, non-notary requiring document. Nik announces that Hallifiction will thusly not be using the plow. They'll have to beat their thumtacks into swords, I suppose.
Split action: Jax and Carly's song plays. as they each go to their lawyers and ask for the longest divorce ever so they can have time to rebuild their marriage. Diane hilariously offers Carly a discount on her fee.
Haunted Star: Tracy is annoyed that she saw Luke cavorting with Sonny. Remind me again what Tracy loves about Luke? it's not the way he acts. it's not who he knows. they never have sex. why are they a couple? Luke charmingly warns her not to police his activities. FYI, this is the exact relationship Liz and Jason would have had if they had become a couple, so be glad for the pleasant moments you go.
Docks: Somehow Claud can tell that the ship in the distance is Sonny's ship, but it's heading towards Jason's pier. Claud says Jason won't stand for this and asks how he thinks Jason will react. On cue, their faces light up orange and we hear an explosion. You rat bastards better not have hurt the buoy bell! Sonny stares and then smiles with a bit of pride in his borg-like protege and says "well, probably like that." heh, I was wondering where Jason was this whole episode. You go, Superjase!
Other Docks: Maxie rushes about with a bouquet of flowers. She sees Spinelli and calls his name. At that moment, men in black show up to arrest Spinelli for treason and such. dun dun dunnnnnn.
the end
The U.S. military forgot how to make weapons without using plows, or something like that, and Nadine inherited the only plow on earth, but she had always thought that the military should use harsh language instead of guns, so she refused to let the military use her plow, and for some reason Hallifiction didn't buy her plow outright in the first place because apparently in the Port Charlesiverse, Dick Cheney and his ilk are less bright than Lucky Spencer. So now Natasha and her best bud, let's call her Silda Holis, are going to work together to bring down Hallifiction along with Nik and Nadine because apparently Eisenhower was a big dummy, and all we ever needed to bring down the military-industrial complex was Gidget. See also, Russ Meyer's controversial film: Faster Gidget, Kill, Kill.
I believe this is our last Natalia-free Friday, so enjoy.
Alexis' Office: Diane and Alexis seem to be working together to dissuade Carly and Jax from divorcing. oh, brudder.
Haunted Star: Luke and Sonny meet to drink and mumble. Sonny says he's playing Untruth or Dare with Jason regarding shipping highly illegal pillow cushions into Jason's territory. Sonny says he plans on convincing Jason he doesn't want to mess with Sonny, and he plans on taking over Jason's territory pier by pier. Luke calls it a bloodless coup. Sonny laughs and says haughtily that he's already taken over the Z's. Luke seems to believe it's a good idea but points out that once Sonny has all the power, that's when the trouble starts. Also, since when is Superjase going to not notice Sonny taking over his territory?
Cafe Interrogate: Claud visits Johnny. He seems pretty depressed. She is doing that annoying thing whereby she is wearing a headband, but no hair is actually being held back by it. She wants to help him.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie is dressed in a red robe, and Spinelli enjoys the after glow of their George and Izzy-like sexcapades. Lemme guess, Jesse's stupid ghost is going to come back soon, and she'll start sleeping with him? Also, I had to stop watching Grey's Anatomy when it became stupider than Passions. Maxie says this seals their relationship, and now Winnie won't be around.
Docks: Raynor congratulates Winnie on being a good little spy.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli realizes Maxie isn't that into him. She just was reacting to Winnie.
Credits
DC: Nik and Nadine are meeting with "The Government" to talk about how she wants to beat their swords into plowshares and such. This is stupider than the time a spider bit Emily, and Nik had to take her to a magical garden to save her.
Alexis' Office: Diane explains they are going to go over the financial records with a magnifying glass. She says they will need lots of patient. Jax says he thought this would be easy. Alexis barks it could be if he'd stop sitting around like a lump and shine the light on Carly's myriad failings as a wife. Carly sits their wounded and tearful. Was the limo ride over not that fun, Carlycakes? is that the problem.
Haunted Star: Claud says she knew Wheels would do something dastardly. She says his choices are do what Wheels wants or go to prison. Johnny says what he wants also matters. He's still angry that Claud had to marry Sonny. Claud asks how much of Johnny's bravado has to do with Looloo and showing that he's decent. SHe reminds him that Loo won't be his soul mate.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli broken heartedly says he knows Maxie slept with him b/c of Winnie. Her eyes and face grow red with tears and she asks why he's saying "you. What happened to fair Maximista?" She says she didn't do anything bad, she just wanted to remind him of their connection. He sadly says she never wanted him and made an advance she knew he couldn't turn down. He starts to leave, but she calls after him that she was trying to stop him from making a mistake. Maybe you should have tried telling him you were pregnant or hooking him on drugs, first, Maxie.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli starts to leave, but he angrily asks why he didn't understand her low opinion of him, that she doesn't think he can make his own decisions. Maxie tearfully says everyone knows he's brilliant about facts and figures, but when it comes to people, he is a bit child like, and Winnie is a good example. Spinelli asks her to explain. She puts on her tough maxie face, but she unabashedly answers that his male role model and hero is a career criminal. She says that people take advantage of him, and Winnie is the most recent example. He says that's very insulting and mean. She crosses her arms and bites back tears because even though she's a mess, she really does believe that Winnie is using him.
DC: I dunno. Something about going to meet with senators to ask Hallifiction to quit making weapons, or something equally stupid.
Alexis's Office: Alexis continues to bash Carly. Diane bitingly reminds Alexis that they had an agreement, which is clear that they had agreed to stall the divorce. Alexis has decided she can probably do that by insulting Carly. Which is fine with me. Alexis calls Carly a trainwreck, so Diane calls Jax a traitor, so Jax asks them to get back to the meeting, and Alexis asks where they were, and Carly utters "trainwreck" heh. Alexis apologizes, but she's set her trap and Carly walks right into it. She admits she's done all the things Alexis said, but all those admitted failings aside, she loves him.
Haunted Star: Luke reminds Sonny that the feds will be looking at Sonny, and so far he's kept them off balance. He suggests Sonny grow a new set of eyes in the back of his head. he wants Sonny to succeed because they are friends and because it helps Luke's business. Luke explains that Johnny has been framed by Wheels and wants to know if Sonny can help. Gee, one guess, and the first 8 million don't count.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud lets Johnny know that Jerry Probst left a trail of bags of puzzle pieces all over the Corinthaus tribe, and she has to make it through the maze and over the balance beam and win individual immunity, or she'll be snuffed at tribal council. Then she cries because Sarah Joy Brown has to contractually cry every 3rd scene. Johnny talks about looloo, and Claud's head nearly explodes that Johnny's life is on the line, and he's rambling about Looloo. On cue, Looloo waltzes in. I wish I could be arrested in Port Charles. I'd love to get to see this much of my friends and family all day long!
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke continues to explain that Wheels framed Johnny, and Ric won't do anything, so he needs another option. Sonny asks why Luke is interested. Luke explains that Johnny gave him money to open the HS and is his business partner. He says that a friend of his just happens to be the head of the Z'organization, so maybe he can pull some strings. Sonny mumbles something.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud and Loo exhcange cattiness. Looloo says she supports Johnny, but she's wearing an off the shoulder outfit. Claud passionately, once again, tries to help her dolt of a brother. Looloo does this thing that makes me think of ice picks and skull caps and speaks in a grating voice and asks if Claud cares about Johnny b/c she needs something. Claud looks at her with tearful rage, and I remember why I love Sarah Brown.
Alexis' Office: Carly makes an impassioned plea for her marriage, but she doesn't really plea. She simply apologizes. and stupid Jax's face only ever needed an apology. Not fidelity, or to come ahead of her ex lovers. Just remorse. Idiot. She leaves and Jax considers forgiving her. Idiot, idiot.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Whatever point Maxie could have ever had will be lost and Spinelli emotionally cries that she initiated sex to keep him away from Winnie. Her eyes fill with tears and she says if he thinks she's that shallow, then she doesn't know him. How is this bizarre, asexual couple delivering the most passionate, heart breaking performances of that last 18 months?
commercials
Haunted Star: Luke says he knows Wheels is kuckoo for cocoa puffs and it may cause problems for Sonny to get involved. (and also, he knows Sonny is a rat fink bastahd and calling him a loser like this will get his way) On cue, Sonny says he owes Johnny for putting him in Paddington last year, so he'll help.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie venomously says that computer nerds are a dime a dozen, and she could have found anyone to help her. He says sadly that she lied about her feelings. She stands there, with her big, beautiful eyes full of tears, and she manages to disallow them to fall down her cheeks and issues a barrage of insults on him that Shakespeare would wince at. She says she pities him and thinks he's lame, but Georgie loved him, so she put up with him, but she's done with him and hopes he goes to Winnie. He allows this to wash over him and leaves. She runs to the door, slams it and weeps against it.
DC: dum dum dum dum dumdum dumdum dumdum
Alexis' Office: Diane is pleased about the outcome b/c they helped along the course of true love and also got a lot of billable hours. heh. Diane says it's great that both clients will go home happy. Alexis sadly says it would be great if Carly were capable of long term happiness. Eventually Sonny will crook his finger, and she'll trample all over Jax again. Alexis sadly asks what kind of friend she'd be if she facilitated this.
Metrocourt: Jax and Carly meet. Carly says Alexis is right about her, but she does love him. He says he knows. He says he instructed Alexis to make the divorce painless. Carly says divorce always hurts. (and she would know...am I right, people?)
Cafe Interrogate: Loo continues to invite an ice pick into her brain because she's acting like having a great father is an accomplishment to gloat over. forget all the times she treats Luke like dog poo, he's getting her stupid boyfriend out of jail, so she considers herself awesome. The guard shows up to say Johnny can go. Hilariously, he doesn't offer him his clothes or even unchain his legs. "take the floor with you" I guess is the subtext? Claud warns Loo that Luke better know what he's doing, and Loo smiles like a giant idiot b/c what does she care about comptence? Her boyfriends beats up cops and leaves them to die, and her brother is a cop, but she doesn't care about anything but Johnny's hotness. Don't get me wrong. I'd probably be an idiot about Johnny at 19 as well. Especially if I'd been 5 for 12 years.
Commercials
DC: Senator ViolinsInHisOffice says that the soldiers need good weapons. Nadine says she knows, but she doesn't want Hallifiction to make money, or something. SenatorViolinsinHisOffice says Hallifiction didn't start the war. Omg, I can't begin to tell you how much I loathe this story line. It's not even that it's dumb b/c I watched Marlena be possessed by the devil every day for months in college. It's that it's so halfassed.
Docks: Claud and her pleather coat rush to Sonny and says Johnny was just released from jail. Sonny plays it off, but Claud knows that Sonny was involved. She says Z'army isn't that into Sonny and Wheels will find out. Sonny says he owed Johnny. Instead of saying "yes, you do, you creep, you're almost even", Claud agrees that she now owes Sonny.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie remembers getting the Most Awesome Mixed Tape ever in the form of the journal he made that traced the evolution of beauty since the dawn of time. In the present, she sits in the living room and sobs. Johnny and Loo stumble in, in a romantic clinch. Maxie sucks up her tears and says casually that she found what she was looking for regarding a poem Spinelli put in the book. Looloo actually manages to be Lulu for a minute and asks Maxie if she's okay. Maxie nods and shoves off the blankie and mumbles something about how she's fine b/c she's done it again, only this time it was to a true friend, and she rushes out the door while Johnny and Looloo look at each other in concern.
Commercials
It's just...show, if you want to make some sort of political blabber jabber about the military-industrial complex, then actually DO something. Don't cut and paste this tedious story line that makes no sense. So now suddenly Nik busts out a document for Nadine to sign that gives him control of the patent. A magical, non-notary requiring document. Nik announces that Hallifiction will thusly not be using the plow. They'll have to beat their thumtacks into swords, I suppose.
Split action: Jax and Carly's song plays. as they each go to their lawyers and ask for the longest divorce ever so they can have time to rebuild their marriage. Diane hilariously offers Carly a discount on her fee.
Haunted Star: Tracy is annoyed that she saw Luke cavorting with Sonny. Remind me again what Tracy loves about Luke? it's not the way he acts. it's not who he knows. they never have sex. why are they a couple? Luke charmingly warns her not to police his activities. FYI, this is the exact relationship Liz and Jason would have had if they had become a couple, so be glad for the pleasant moments you go.
Docks: Somehow Claud can tell that the ship in the distance is Sonny's ship, but it's heading towards Jason's pier. Claud says Jason won't stand for this and asks how he thinks Jason will react. On cue, their faces light up orange and we hear an explosion. You rat bastards better not have hurt the buoy bell! Sonny stares and then smiles with a bit of pride in his borg-like protege and says "well, probably like that." heh, I was wondering where Jason was this whole episode. You go, Superjase!
Other Docks: Maxie rushes about with a bouquet of flowers. She sees Spinelli and calls his name. At that moment, men in black show up to arrest Spinelli for treason and such. dun dun dunnnnnn.
the end
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
GH Recap 1/7: Go Gators!
I've been torn as to whether I should simply be loyal to the Big 12 and root for the Sooners, but I've decided it's not healthy to root for a rival, so Go Gators!
Docks: Maxie wears zebra print with red trim and a solid black knee length coat. Say what you want about her size, but she always looks super cute. She sadly looks on as Spinelli and Winnie, who were somehow born impervious to cold, sit on a dock bench. Spinelli is very impressed with some sort of laptopical detective work and sings her praises. Maxie is clearly sad that Spinelli can never say such nice things about her.
Corinthaus: Max is concerned that Sonny is stepping on Jason's toes again with some stupid shipment of clipboards, or whatever it is these "mobsters" import. Sonny says he knows. Max asks if he was in Jason's place, wouldn't he retaliate. Sonny stares up at him as if to say "what, you've never watched a soap opera before?"
Credits
Cafe Interrogate: Luke is going to help Johnny. Johnny explains if he cuts ties with his family, Wheels will play dirty and make it hard to leave. Luke lets the wheels turn in his own head. Johnny explains he doesn't have an alibi for the day Wheels framed him in the beating, and he did punch a wall, so he does have injured knuckles. Apparently no one saw him punch the wall, because couldn't you just explain the bloody knuckles with this other wall thing? Admittedly it doesn't look good, but it's not a jailable offense.
Docks: Maxie says that Winnie was able to figure out El Laptopo's malady so quickly b/c she probably hacked into it in the first place. For some reason, Spinelli feels more loyalty to Winnie and asks Maxie to back down. Has Spinelli discussed how this hacking and this Winnie appeared at roughly the same time? Methinks Jason would be siding with Maxie. (well, meknows, b/c it's Superjase, and there's never been a mystery he wasn't 18 years ahead of)
Corinthaus: Diane shows up to resign (not re-sign) her position with Sonny. Sonny angrily says she's siding with Jason against him. Yes, Sonny. She wants to be in the Kool Kid Klub when your craziness boils over.
Metrocourt: Jax and Carly have conveniently forgotten New Year's Eve and are back to be snippy. Also, the Pool set is almost finished. She wants to take a swim with him. He says she just wants to see him in a swimsuit. She says it will randomly be good morale for the staff if they use the new pool. I wonder if that makes sense to anyone on the planet? Jax says he thinks Carly wants to challenge him to a race. Ah, so that's easily the stupidest thing these two have ever said to each other. Jax is almost a foot taller than her, twice as muscular, and no offense to my gender, a man. Olivia shows up with her sexy librarian bun and says she's ready for work. She realizes ding dong Jax never bothered to tell Carly she'd been hired. Jax smiles like a Cheshire cat... that is if Cheshire cats ever hope for threesomes...or foursomes, now that I think about it.
Commercials
GH: Luke spies Liz at the nurse's station and thinks he's got a good fish on the line. Looloo isn't so sure. Luke greets Liz, gallantly telling her she'll always be a Spencer to him. She says she heard that Johnny was arrested. Luke wants info on the guy, Carly, who was supposedly beaten up. Liz says she can't give info to anyone but family members. They explain that Johnny was set up. Liz reasonably asks if they've talked to Lucky about this. They shrug and say they have and remind her that he's kind of dopey. Or not really, they say he doesn't believe in Johnnylike they do. Liz says she can't tell them anything, but then she puts on her Lizamy hat and says visiting hours just started, and Carl is in room 1014.
Docks: Winnie explains that Spinelli was only able to be hacked b/c he helps the cyber-ly challenged. Maxie angrily asks "are you saying I caused this, Dweeb Girl?" Spinelli says Maxie should apologize for making Winnie cry yesterday, but Winnie insists no apology is necessary. Maxie sadly says she thought Spinelli was smarter than this, which is the meanest thing you can say to a Spinelli, but he counters saying "I thought you were better than this" which is the meanest thing he could say to her, and her face shows it, so she leaves.
Metrocourt: Carly says there is a problem. She's glad to have Olivia on board, but she wasn't consulted. Jax blows it off like it's not necessary. Shut up, Jax. Jax explains that Olivia isn't working for the hotel. She's his new operations manager, and then he actually calls her his Girl Friday. Sorry about saying shut up before, Jax. I meant shut the FUCK up. Olivia quickly tells him to never call her that again, and operations manager will do. She gets to work with Carly. Carly breaks the news that Jax is using Olivia to get to Carly, and the question is if she's going to let him. Olivia takes a deep breath and wishes she could smell the urine-y scent of the A-train instead of this nonsense.
Corinthaus: Diane thinks Sonny is smart enough to not make it so that people have to choose between Sonny and Jason. He asks why she chose jason over him, and she says the conflict arose with him. That's so delightfully cryptic. As if Jason now needs poetry to explain his doings. "His azure eyes reflect the sea, and his abs remind me of laundry of yore"
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Winnie angrily visits Maxie and says she ridicules what she doesn't understand. Maxie says she's not going to bow out of the show. Maxie says Winnie is a geek and a fashion tragedy and delusional if she thinks she can take Spinelli away. Winnie says if Maxie tells anyone this conversation happened, she'll regret it. But she doesn't look that convinced. And then she leaves, and I imagine she's about to make out with a tree, and it will look like this.
Laura's House: Lucky is, surprise, surprise, having problems with taxes. Also a big shocker, he's a terrible record keeper. Liz is apparently going to run for Town Saint again in '09 because she agrees to help her dippy ex with his taxes. I asked one guy to do that once...and it was really only to keep me company while I waited in line to mail my return b/c I waited until the 15th. He just laughed and said "yeah, I thought you were going to ask that. and no." Which, by the way, is the correct response.
Metrocourt: Carly and Olivia gossip about how Carly and jax have a very sad relationship. Max shows up to warn Carly that there may be trouble for Jason. That rules that even Max hates Sonny and loves Jason. hahahahahaha! sorry, still hate the mob, but I'll settle for the hilarity of watching Sonny be loathed by even his valet.
Corinthaus: Sonny admits that Diane warned him not to sign his business away. She scoffs that Sonny always believed Jason would just give it back whenever Sonny wanted, and so in that context, Sonny is calling it theft. Sonny tries to convince Diane that he's just doing business regarding the whole alliance with the Z's thing. It's so insulting, frankly, that he thinks the lies he tells himself...a thug....will work on her refined brain. She doesn't take offense because she's awesome. She says with utter professionalism that Jason is simply easier to do business with, more methodical and even tempered. She says Sonny is more experience and can read people better, and when it's necessary, he's far more ruthless. She stands, and her words become halted and biting, while still completely in the realm of professional. She says that his ruthlessness is why she hopes he doesn't create a fight because she's sure he'd win. She picks up her things and with impressive warning and anger, yet still as business-like as a banker, tells him that it's a win she doesn't think he could live with. and the unspoken text in her delivery is that he'd have to be ruthless to Jason himself just to prove a point.
Commercials
Cafe Interrogate: Ric shows up to hotly taunt Johnny, who, frankly hotly taunts him right back. Johnny swears he's not giving in to his father. Ric scoffs that it's all well and good to have principles today, after spending decades being an arrogant, mob prince who did whatever he wanted, knowing he'd never pay consequences. Johnny says Ric isn't as powerful with Wheels and Trevor as he thinks. Ric gets a call from "Carl" and "Carl" says Wheels paid him to say he was beaten. Ric is concerned and asks what he wants. "Carl" asks for a meeting.
Docks: Of course, "Carl" was Luke pretending to be Carl. Looloo is impressed.
Casa de When Did It Get so Blue?: Spinelli shows up and Maxie says Winnie is nutty b/c she was just here and threatened Maxie if she ever told anyone that she came by. Sadly, Spinelli thinks Maxie is lying...which is fair for anyone else in town, but Spinelli was always so quick to swear he thought Maxie was decent and good when he wanted to get into her pants. He's frankly being worse than Jax and Sonny at this point by not at least calling Winnie and asking where she was. He's just taking the word of someone he's known for 3 minutes over someone he swore he revered above all others. He's a dolt to love Maxie, perhaps, but he's even doltier to be mean to her now. I don't like Meth addict Maxie, but I always loved her friendship with Spinelli, and it's stupid that he gave it up this quickly. Hell, EVEN CARLY has more loyalty.
Metrocourt: Max explains about the new Danger in town, and how it's the same Danger it's always been and this time it's personal, or whatever...aka. Sonny is gonna beat down Jason. Carly leaves but first explains that this town if full of toxic weirdos, and she and Jax are only two of them, so con cuidado.
Commercials
Laura's House: Lucky and Liz play Grand Theft Auto and evilly drag each out of cars and rape each others hookers and stuff. Or not really. I think it's a G-rated race car game. Sam walks up to the porch and looks in and sees the fun, and Lucky sees her seeing it, and Sam leaves. Because it's totally the same to play video games on a couch that your 4 year old plays with as to crawl into a mobster's van withouot calling. Lucky doesn't bother to go after Sam.
Docks: Luke and Ric meet. Ric explains that Wheels will do anything and anyone who gets in the way of Wheels and Johnny is roadkill.
Casa de Suddenly Blue: Maxie uncharacteristically misses the point entirely as to why Spinelli doesn't trust her and insults him beyond reason by saying it's preposterous that Winnie would worship him and want to be his grasshopper. She's just as mean a he was in the last scene and doesn't understand that of course any number of the Computerati would love to work with Spinelli and study under him. But she simply doesn't trust Winnie. But this is a show where Stupidity is the Engine of Plot Development, so she doesn't do that and instead wounds him deeply by finding it ridiculous he could really be all the things she's spent the last year assuring him that she sees him as.
Corinthaus: Sonny is in 7th grade Spanish class. Oh, wait, sorry, he's delivering orders on the phone in "Spanish" Carly shows up to say this nonsense with Jason and Sonny has to stop. She says she put it in motion, which is not true, but I appreciate that she knows she can't win by pointing out that Sonny is getting what Sonny asked for time and time again with his stupid, reckless behavior, and that Sonny is now acting like those dooshes on Survivor that go to the final jury and say "My question is, I wanted to win the million dollars and hate that you are about to, so I'm going to be a bitter d1ck about it."
Commercials
Laura's House: Oh, wait, I guess Sam didn't leave before? She stands at the door and shrugs and leaves, but Lucky runs after her.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie stomps and says that Winnie was here earlier and demanded stuff. Spinelli asks what, and Maxie can't quite answer. She asks if Winnie has a job or other friends, and why she's suddenly always around. Spinelli gently says his friendship with Winnie doesn't preclude other friendships. Maxie says Winnie is a weirdo and talks weirdly. Apparently Spinelli made a game called The Saga of Stone Cold that is sweeping dweebdom the world over? Spinelli says her words sting. She says if he was her friend, he'd believe her and stay away from Winnie.
metrocourt: Olivia tries to create a professional boundary for her and Jax. Jax tells her to put on a bikini and meet him at the Pool Set. She laughs and hires Diane and sues him for sexual harassment. Or not really. She says gives him a bit more rope to hang himself. He says it's her job to inspect all aspects of his businesses. So why the word "bikini" She says he can't play her. he tells her to go to the boutique and once again uses the word bikini. I guess I could be mad at Jax, but I'm madder at Olivia if she doesn't quit post haste.
Corinthaus: sonny is once again completely baffled by life and says it's clear that Carly has taken Jason's side. She says he's upset b/c she can see things from Jason's point of view. he says he's upset b/c she can't see it from his point of view. "You're either with me, or you're against me."
the end
Docks: Maxie wears zebra print with red trim and a solid black knee length coat. Say what you want about her size, but she always looks super cute. She sadly looks on as Spinelli and Winnie, who were somehow born impervious to cold, sit on a dock bench. Spinelli is very impressed with some sort of laptopical detective work and sings her praises. Maxie is clearly sad that Spinelli can never say such nice things about her.
Corinthaus: Max is concerned that Sonny is stepping on Jason's toes again with some stupid shipment of clipboards, or whatever it is these "mobsters" import. Sonny says he knows. Max asks if he was in Jason's place, wouldn't he retaliate. Sonny stares up at him as if to say "what, you've never watched a soap opera before?"
Credits
Cafe Interrogate: Luke is going to help Johnny. Johnny explains if he cuts ties with his family, Wheels will play dirty and make it hard to leave. Luke lets the wheels turn in his own head. Johnny explains he doesn't have an alibi for the day Wheels framed him in the beating, and he did punch a wall, so he does have injured knuckles. Apparently no one saw him punch the wall, because couldn't you just explain the bloody knuckles with this other wall thing? Admittedly it doesn't look good, but it's not a jailable offense.
Docks: Maxie says that Winnie was able to figure out El Laptopo's malady so quickly b/c she probably hacked into it in the first place. For some reason, Spinelli feels more loyalty to Winnie and asks Maxie to back down. Has Spinelli discussed how this hacking and this Winnie appeared at roughly the same time? Methinks Jason would be siding with Maxie. (well, meknows, b/c it's Superjase, and there's never been a mystery he wasn't 18 years ahead of)
Corinthaus: Diane shows up to resign (not re-sign) her position with Sonny. Sonny angrily says she's siding with Jason against him. Yes, Sonny. She wants to be in the Kool Kid Klub when your craziness boils over.
Metrocourt: Jax and Carly have conveniently forgotten New Year's Eve and are back to be snippy. Also, the Pool set is almost finished. She wants to take a swim with him. He says she just wants to see him in a swimsuit. She says it will randomly be good morale for the staff if they use the new pool. I wonder if that makes sense to anyone on the planet? Jax says he thinks Carly wants to challenge him to a race. Ah, so that's easily the stupidest thing these two have ever said to each other. Jax is almost a foot taller than her, twice as muscular, and no offense to my gender, a man. Olivia shows up with her sexy librarian bun and says she's ready for work. She realizes ding dong Jax never bothered to tell Carly she'd been hired. Jax smiles like a Cheshire cat... that is if Cheshire cats ever hope for threesomes...or foursomes, now that I think about it.
Commercials
GH: Luke spies Liz at the nurse's station and thinks he's got a good fish on the line. Looloo isn't so sure. Luke greets Liz, gallantly telling her she'll always be a Spencer to him. She says she heard that Johnny was arrested. Luke wants info on the guy, Carly, who was supposedly beaten up. Liz says she can't give info to anyone but family members. They explain that Johnny was set up. Liz reasonably asks if they've talked to Lucky about this. They shrug and say they have and remind her that he's kind of dopey. Or not really, they say he doesn't believe in Johnnylike they do. Liz says she can't tell them anything, but then she puts on her Lizamy hat and says visiting hours just started, and Carl is in room 1014.
Docks: Winnie explains that Spinelli was only able to be hacked b/c he helps the cyber-ly challenged. Maxie angrily asks "are you saying I caused this, Dweeb Girl?" Spinelli says Maxie should apologize for making Winnie cry yesterday, but Winnie insists no apology is necessary. Maxie sadly says she thought Spinelli was smarter than this, which is the meanest thing you can say to a Spinelli, but he counters saying "I thought you were better than this" which is the meanest thing he could say to her, and her face shows it, so she leaves.
Metrocourt: Carly says there is a problem. She's glad to have Olivia on board, but she wasn't consulted. Jax blows it off like it's not necessary. Shut up, Jax. Jax explains that Olivia isn't working for the hotel. She's his new operations manager, and then he actually calls her his Girl Friday. Sorry about saying shut up before, Jax. I meant shut the FUCK up. Olivia quickly tells him to never call her that again, and operations manager will do. She gets to work with Carly. Carly breaks the news that Jax is using Olivia to get to Carly, and the question is if she's going to let him. Olivia takes a deep breath and wishes she could smell the urine-y scent of the A-train instead of this nonsense.
Corinthaus: Diane thinks Sonny is smart enough to not make it so that people have to choose between Sonny and Jason. He asks why she chose jason over him, and she says the conflict arose with him. That's so delightfully cryptic. As if Jason now needs poetry to explain his doings. "His azure eyes reflect the sea, and his abs remind me of laundry of yore"
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Winnie angrily visits Maxie and says she ridicules what she doesn't understand. Maxie says she's not going to bow out of the show. Maxie says Winnie is a geek and a fashion tragedy and delusional if she thinks she can take Spinelli away. Winnie says if Maxie tells anyone this conversation happened, she'll regret it. But she doesn't look that convinced. And then she leaves, and I imagine she's about to make out with a tree, and it will look like this.
Laura's House: Lucky is, surprise, surprise, having problems with taxes. Also a big shocker, he's a terrible record keeper. Liz is apparently going to run for Town Saint again in '09 because she agrees to help her dippy ex with his taxes. I asked one guy to do that once...and it was really only to keep me company while I waited in line to mail my return b/c I waited until the 15th. He just laughed and said "yeah, I thought you were going to ask that. and no." Which, by the way, is the correct response.
Metrocourt: Carly and Olivia gossip about how Carly and jax have a very sad relationship. Max shows up to warn Carly that there may be trouble for Jason. That rules that even Max hates Sonny and loves Jason. hahahahahaha! sorry, still hate the mob, but I'll settle for the hilarity of watching Sonny be loathed by even his valet.
Corinthaus: Sonny admits that Diane warned him not to sign his business away. She scoffs that Sonny always believed Jason would just give it back whenever Sonny wanted, and so in that context, Sonny is calling it theft. Sonny tries to convince Diane that he's just doing business regarding the whole alliance with the Z's thing. It's so insulting, frankly, that he thinks the lies he tells himself...a thug....will work on her refined brain. She doesn't take offense because she's awesome. She says with utter professionalism that Jason is simply easier to do business with, more methodical and even tempered. She says Sonny is more experience and can read people better, and when it's necessary, he's far more ruthless. She stands, and her words become halted and biting, while still completely in the realm of professional. She says that his ruthlessness is why she hopes he doesn't create a fight because she's sure he'd win. She picks up her things and with impressive warning and anger, yet still as business-like as a banker, tells him that it's a win she doesn't think he could live with. and the unspoken text in her delivery is that he'd have to be ruthless to Jason himself just to prove a point.
Commercials
Cafe Interrogate: Ric shows up to hotly taunt Johnny, who, frankly hotly taunts him right back. Johnny swears he's not giving in to his father. Ric scoffs that it's all well and good to have principles today, after spending decades being an arrogant, mob prince who did whatever he wanted, knowing he'd never pay consequences. Johnny says Ric isn't as powerful with Wheels and Trevor as he thinks. Ric gets a call from "Carl" and "Carl" says Wheels paid him to say he was beaten. Ric is concerned and asks what he wants. "Carl" asks for a meeting.
Docks: Of course, "Carl" was Luke pretending to be Carl. Looloo is impressed.
Casa de When Did It Get so Blue?: Spinelli shows up and Maxie says Winnie is nutty b/c she was just here and threatened Maxie if she ever told anyone that she came by. Sadly, Spinelli thinks Maxie is lying...which is fair for anyone else in town, but Spinelli was always so quick to swear he thought Maxie was decent and good when he wanted to get into her pants. He's frankly being worse than Jax and Sonny at this point by not at least calling Winnie and asking where she was. He's just taking the word of someone he's known for 3 minutes over someone he swore he revered above all others. He's a dolt to love Maxie, perhaps, but he's even doltier to be mean to her now. I don't like Meth addict Maxie, but I always loved her friendship with Spinelli, and it's stupid that he gave it up this quickly. Hell, EVEN CARLY has more loyalty.
Metrocourt: Max explains about the new Danger in town, and how it's the same Danger it's always been and this time it's personal, or whatever...aka. Sonny is gonna beat down Jason. Carly leaves but first explains that this town if full of toxic weirdos, and she and Jax are only two of them, so con cuidado.
Commercials
Laura's House: Lucky and Liz play Grand Theft Auto and evilly drag each out of cars and rape each others hookers and stuff. Or not really. I think it's a G-rated race car game. Sam walks up to the porch and looks in and sees the fun, and Lucky sees her seeing it, and Sam leaves. Because it's totally the same to play video games on a couch that your 4 year old plays with as to crawl into a mobster's van withouot calling. Lucky doesn't bother to go after Sam.
Docks: Luke and Ric meet. Ric explains that Wheels will do anything and anyone who gets in the way of Wheels and Johnny is roadkill.
Casa de Suddenly Blue: Maxie uncharacteristically misses the point entirely as to why Spinelli doesn't trust her and insults him beyond reason by saying it's preposterous that Winnie would worship him and want to be his grasshopper. She's just as mean a he was in the last scene and doesn't understand that of course any number of the Computerati would love to work with Spinelli and study under him. But she simply doesn't trust Winnie. But this is a show where Stupidity is the Engine of Plot Development, so she doesn't do that and instead wounds him deeply by finding it ridiculous he could really be all the things she's spent the last year assuring him that she sees him as.
Corinthaus: Sonny is in 7th grade Spanish class. Oh, wait, sorry, he's delivering orders on the phone in "Spanish" Carly shows up to say this nonsense with Jason and Sonny has to stop. She says she put it in motion, which is not true, but I appreciate that she knows she can't win by pointing out that Sonny is getting what Sonny asked for time and time again with his stupid, reckless behavior, and that Sonny is now acting like those dooshes on Survivor that go to the final jury and say "My question is, I wanted to win the million dollars and hate that you are about to, so I'm going to be a bitter d1ck about it."
Commercials
Laura's House: Oh, wait, I guess Sam didn't leave before? She stands at the door and shrugs and leaves, but Lucky runs after her.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie stomps and says that Winnie was here earlier and demanded stuff. Spinelli asks what, and Maxie can't quite answer. She asks if Winnie has a job or other friends, and why she's suddenly always around. Spinelli gently says his friendship with Winnie doesn't preclude other friendships. Maxie says Winnie is a weirdo and talks weirdly. Apparently Spinelli made a game called The Saga of Stone Cold that is sweeping dweebdom the world over? Spinelli says her words sting. She says if he was her friend, he'd believe her and stay away from Winnie.
metrocourt: Olivia tries to create a professional boundary for her and Jax. Jax tells her to put on a bikini and meet him at the Pool Set. She laughs and hires Diane and sues him for sexual harassment. Or not really. She says gives him a bit more rope to hang himself. He says it's her job to inspect all aspects of his businesses. So why the word "bikini" She says he can't play her. he tells her to go to the boutique and once again uses the word bikini. I guess I could be mad at Jax, but I'm madder at Olivia if she doesn't quit post haste.
Corinthaus: sonny is once again completely baffled by life and says it's clear that Carly has taken Jason's side. She says he's upset b/c she can see things from Jason's point of view. he says he's upset b/c she can't see it from his point of view. "You're either with me, or you're against me."
the end
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
20 Thing I'd Like to See in the New Year
I hope you all had a safe and fun new year's eve celebration.
Here are my hopes for the new year on this silly show:
1. Since the writers love to copy plots from film, I hope they take a look at the top rated soaps and learn to incorporate the vets in interesting ways in the new year. I don't mean more glimpses of the Q's getting in one liners (though if that's all we can have, I'll take it), but story lines that take into account that much of the audience is over 35 and still lead interesting and vibrant lives. Story lines that take into account that these are well loved characters, and they are well loved by an audience who has been more than loyal for decades.
2. Also, on that note, the show clearly refuses to give up the notion that life begins to end at roughly 32 and by 45 is completely over. THEN CAN THEY AT LEAST GIVE THE UNDER 40's SOMETHING HOT TO DO? We get that you are agist, show, and will send the "old" people out to pasture. But the people in their 20's and 30's have sex once every 8 months.
3. If the mob is here to stay, and clearly it is, that is no excuse for ignoring other storylines and other types of business. Llanview has roughly 48 bars and Genoa City manages to keep a dozen or so perfume companies in business. Have Edward and Jax buy some of the businesses that have been doing business with Sonny and Jason. Give Edward some scenes where he refuses to be thugged out by the mob, and let Jason's softer side give in...not because he's Superjase and always wins, but because Edward talks some true business sense into him and wins out with the good side of the law....even if it means that Edward has bigger and stronger judges and such that will be on his side. That happens too, and it would be interesting to comment that the "good" guys are corrupt like the "bad" guys. It would be compelling to watch a Quartermaine win out over a lost Quartermaine and would create future interesting conflicts.
4. Angst is a great thing to express on soaps, but so is joy and friendship and sacrifice for friends or family. Please incorporate these things into the story lines. Sonny and Jason may be handsome, but no one in the audience identifies with their bizarre relationship. A whole world of characters is available. Bad things happen to good people, blah blah, but GOOD THINGS happen too.
5. If Sonny is going to stick around, please understand that we totally get that he's a crippled husk of a man, and that he's going to destroy the people he loves. We really, really get it. We don't need to watch it again because it's already been told and MUCH more interestingly than of late. Let him lose his ever loving mind and open an Italian restaurant for six months. You can still send him to his ever loving Dark Place by having the restaurant burn down for no other reason than sometimes bad things happen. It would be interesting watching him deal with something that the audience actually identifies with. Heck, don't have it burn down. Have it fail b/c of the recession. Sonny can be lost and torn b/c it will turn out he fails at everything he does, not just the violent stuff. The audience can identify with a recession, and maybe Sonny can become a surprising hero of the everyman.
6. You are not Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet and Liz and Jason are star crossed. they each got a few good scenes together that made their relationship as a whole all the more tragic. That is where the comparisons end. Romeo and Juliet lived in a 2 hour play. If Jason and Liz are on 5 hours a day for a couple of years, they deserve more than a balcony scene or two. It's rude and mean and hateful to their fans to give them so little time together and then just ax them. patooey! No more crap like that ever! (and by "crap" I mean the stupid teasing of the fans.)
7. Take into account that the audience as a whole is likely going through some serious troubles in 2009 as we all deal with the recession and the increasingly troubled global world. Give us something light and fun to watch for an hour a day that helps us forget our personal strife. Also, playing the effing xylophones doesn't make a scene delightful. Wit and warmth and good performances do.
8. Let Nik actually have moments with his son. He's a beloved, long time character, and we miss seeing him interact with Homer. He has MAJOR Daddy issues. Why waste a decade's worth of character development?
9. Do justice to the pain of PPD for Robin. It's a real thing that real people deal with. It's not about sofa cushions or body weight. It's not about pettiness and whining. It's about not recognizing the person you are. It's about having the greatest joy of your life and still feeling awash in anguish. Robin is the best character I can think of on soaps to suffer this because she's based her life on logic and research. She KNOWS her feelings make no sense. She's smart enough to recognize the symptoms but proud enough that she'd believe she should be able to treat herself. She'd be ashamed to feel bad after all the odds she faced. No one but the audience should know she's suffering this for months. She'd do everything in her power to hide it from everyone. But the point of the story should be that everyone will want to help her and eventually put it all together that she needs help. It's not a joke. Please don't turn it into comic relief or stupid pettiness.
10. Please learn Natalia Livingston's limitations as an actress. She's no Michelle Stafford. She's no Cynthia Preston. She's no Lynn Herring. If she's going to be bad, though, let her be Faith bad. Let her be Lucy Coe bad. Hell, copy verbatim old Lucy Coe storylines. She can even have a duck! I hate that she's back, but please give her some other agenda that having a boring heart of gold that Nik uncovers in 10 minutes.
11. Keep Maxie and Spinelli's friendship. It's one of my favorite things. Please give them each various love interests and don't let them devolve into the bizarre and twisted "friendship" Jason and Carly have. The audience has best friends, and we love to watch people loving each other and bringing out the best in each other!
12. Quit doing the same thing every time Anthony Geary leaves. Film a year's worth of Tracy and Luke, and Luke and Alexis and Luke and everyone else scenes when you have him and just pretend he's there year 'round. We love Luke, but we don't want to watch him and Tracy fall back in love over and over. I mean, sure, it's nice, but it's stupid when no one else on the show ever falls in love, and we know he's leaving, so it was all for nothing.
13. Let Monica fall in love with someone else and have some super, dramatic, heartbreaking moments for her to finally say goodbye to Alan. see also, Almost, a delightful movie with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter. You love to copy films, and that would be a great one for Alan and Monica! You can even go so far as to have it be that her new love has one of Alan's organs. It's a great storyline that even Shakespeare would have used if transplants were a thing back in the day.
14. Use Rick Hearst more. Like every single day. Fine, whatever, mostly he'll be a bad guy trying to get Sonny, but we all know how that ends. Either switch it up and let Ric win one, or DROP HIS VENDETTA with the guy.
15. Hire someone besides white people, for goodness sakes! It's a hospital, for heaven's sake! There should be Asian people working there. Black people work at hospitals. I know. They've treated me, and it was great. I love Dr. Noh. Use her more. She's delightful. I frankly care more about her than Carly most days.
16. Sonya Eddy is a hilarious actress. Give her more to do than be nosy. It would be great if she vowed not to be involved with these idiots and then everyone realized they needed her help now and then. Let her be the voice of the audience to call everyone out, but in a way where her opinion is needed and valued.
17. Get rid of the PCPD unless they develop competence. I'd love to watch Mac have actual power and authority and whip a new group of detectives into shape. I'd LOVE a storyline that had a group of cops working together to bring down the mob. I don't care about the realism of the storyline. I'm saying it gives a chance for two characters to be on stake outs together and be excited about bringing justice. Sure, fine, whatever, the mob always wins, but give the mob a viable adversary. Mostly it's a chance for the people on the stake out to get bouncy in the van.
18. More music montages, please, but maybe not all of them have to include violence. Regardless, the violence montages to a maudlin Rie Sinclair song are a strong point, so don't eff it up to appease me. But few of us ever have to deal with violence, but we all have to deal with life's inequities and foibles and heartbreak, and it's lovely when they are set to a song from some indie pop goddess.
19. Can Jason please finally remember his life saving skills? I know you've always wanted him to. How hot would that be if he was a hitman who also knew how to save lives? Comic books are totally chic right now, so why not go all out and create an actual Superjase? Mob surgeons have to be in high demand, and it's a way he could stay in the mob on his own terms. He gets to bust into churches with both guns a blaze when he needs to, and he can't be touched by other mobsters b/c he can save the life of his enemies, no questions asked. Also, to my knowledge, it's original. It gives him a chance to interact with Monica and let her, as chief of staff, let him into the hospital and hide that he's helping a mobster. It would be wonderful to watch him do surgery and hear Alan over his shoulder, guiding him through it. It creates tension for the character to be torn between taking life and giving life. It would put more at stake for the character to realize he has life saving abilities and Sonny stole them from him by making him a killer. It gives him a chance to have a moment of happiness with his latest screw. We all win.
20. This is redundant to the rest, but you are simply creating melodrama.It's a delightful form of theater unlike any other. The audience loudly boos or cheers the characters, and someone plays a cloying musical story to go along with the action. It's an old and delightful form of entertainment, but it is a form of entertainment designed to delight the audience. Your charge is not to be very clever. Your charge is to keep in mind what will make us boo or cheer. You have the "boo" part down. Your job is not to put the absolute suckiest and least amount of work into an episode possible. Show some self-respect, for heaven's sake. Please keep in mind that you are also supposed to make us want to throw roses. You don't exist without us. We exist just fine without you. Quit acting like we are all dull witted.
Here are my hopes for the new year on this silly show:
1. Since the writers love to copy plots from film, I hope they take a look at the top rated soaps and learn to incorporate the vets in interesting ways in the new year. I don't mean more glimpses of the Q's getting in one liners (though if that's all we can have, I'll take it), but story lines that take into account that much of the audience is over 35 and still lead interesting and vibrant lives. Story lines that take into account that these are well loved characters, and they are well loved by an audience who has been more than loyal for decades.
2. Also, on that note, the show clearly refuses to give up the notion that life begins to end at roughly 32 and by 45 is completely over. THEN CAN THEY AT LEAST GIVE THE UNDER 40's SOMETHING HOT TO DO? We get that you are agist, show, and will send the "old" people out to pasture. But the people in their 20's and 30's have sex once every 8 months.
3. If the mob is here to stay, and clearly it is, that is no excuse for ignoring other storylines and other types of business. Llanview has roughly 48 bars and Genoa City manages to keep a dozen or so perfume companies in business. Have Edward and Jax buy some of the businesses that have been doing business with Sonny and Jason. Give Edward some scenes where he refuses to be thugged out by the mob, and let Jason's softer side give in...not because he's Superjase and always wins, but because Edward talks some true business sense into him and wins out with the good side of the law....even if it means that Edward has bigger and stronger judges and such that will be on his side. That happens too, and it would be interesting to comment that the "good" guys are corrupt like the "bad" guys. It would be compelling to watch a Quartermaine win out over a lost Quartermaine and would create future interesting conflicts.
4. Angst is a great thing to express on soaps, but so is joy and friendship and sacrifice for friends or family. Please incorporate these things into the story lines. Sonny and Jason may be handsome, but no one in the audience identifies with their bizarre relationship. A whole world of characters is available. Bad things happen to good people, blah blah, but GOOD THINGS happen too.
5. If Sonny is going to stick around, please understand that we totally get that he's a crippled husk of a man, and that he's going to destroy the people he loves. We really, really get it. We don't need to watch it again because it's already been told and MUCH more interestingly than of late. Let him lose his ever loving mind and open an Italian restaurant for six months. You can still send him to his ever loving Dark Place by having the restaurant burn down for no other reason than sometimes bad things happen. It would be interesting watching him deal with something that the audience actually identifies with. Heck, don't have it burn down. Have it fail b/c of the recession. Sonny can be lost and torn b/c it will turn out he fails at everything he does, not just the violent stuff. The audience can identify with a recession, and maybe Sonny can become a surprising hero of the everyman.
6. You are not Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet and Liz and Jason are star crossed. they each got a few good scenes together that made their relationship as a whole all the more tragic. That is where the comparisons end. Romeo and Juliet lived in a 2 hour play. If Jason and Liz are on 5 hours a day for a couple of years, they deserve more than a balcony scene or two. It's rude and mean and hateful to their fans to give them so little time together and then just ax them. patooey! No more crap like that ever! (and by "crap" I mean the stupid teasing of the fans.)
7. Take into account that the audience as a whole is likely going through some serious troubles in 2009 as we all deal with the recession and the increasingly troubled global world. Give us something light and fun to watch for an hour a day that helps us forget our personal strife. Also, playing the effing xylophones doesn't make a scene delightful. Wit and warmth and good performances do.
8. Let Nik actually have moments with his son. He's a beloved, long time character, and we miss seeing him interact with Homer. He has MAJOR Daddy issues. Why waste a decade's worth of character development?
9. Do justice to the pain of PPD for Robin. It's a real thing that real people deal with. It's not about sofa cushions or body weight. It's not about pettiness and whining. It's about not recognizing the person you are. It's about having the greatest joy of your life and still feeling awash in anguish. Robin is the best character I can think of on soaps to suffer this because she's based her life on logic and research. She KNOWS her feelings make no sense. She's smart enough to recognize the symptoms but proud enough that she'd believe she should be able to treat herself. She'd be ashamed to feel bad after all the odds she faced. No one but the audience should know she's suffering this for months. She'd do everything in her power to hide it from everyone. But the point of the story should be that everyone will want to help her and eventually put it all together that she needs help. It's not a joke. Please don't turn it into comic relief or stupid pettiness.
10. Please learn Natalia Livingston's limitations as an actress. She's no Michelle Stafford. She's no Cynthia Preston. She's no Lynn Herring. If she's going to be bad, though, let her be Faith bad. Let her be Lucy Coe bad. Hell, copy verbatim old Lucy Coe storylines. She can even have a duck! I hate that she's back, but please give her some other agenda that having a boring heart of gold that Nik uncovers in 10 minutes.
11. Keep Maxie and Spinelli's friendship. It's one of my favorite things. Please give them each various love interests and don't let them devolve into the bizarre and twisted "friendship" Jason and Carly have. The audience has best friends, and we love to watch people loving each other and bringing out the best in each other!
12. Quit doing the same thing every time Anthony Geary leaves. Film a year's worth of Tracy and Luke, and Luke and Alexis and Luke and everyone else scenes when you have him and just pretend he's there year 'round. We love Luke, but we don't want to watch him and Tracy fall back in love over and over. I mean, sure, it's nice, but it's stupid when no one else on the show ever falls in love, and we know he's leaving, so it was all for nothing.
13. Let Monica fall in love with someone else and have some super, dramatic, heartbreaking moments for her to finally say goodbye to Alan. see also, Almost, a delightful movie with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter. You love to copy films, and that would be a great one for Alan and Monica! You can even go so far as to have it be that her new love has one of Alan's organs. It's a great storyline that even Shakespeare would have used if transplants were a thing back in the day.
14. Use Rick Hearst more. Like every single day. Fine, whatever, mostly he'll be a bad guy trying to get Sonny, but we all know how that ends. Either switch it up and let Ric win one, or DROP HIS VENDETTA with the guy.
15. Hire someone besides white people, for goodness sakes! It's a hospital, for heaven's sake! There should be Asian people working there. Black people work at hospitals. I know. They've treated me, and it was great. I love Dr. Noh. Use her more. She's delightful. I frankly care more about her than Carly most days.
16. Sonya Eddy is a hilarious actress. Give her more to do than be nosy. It would be great if she vowed not to be involved with these idiots and then everyone realized they needed her help now and then. Let her be the voice of the audience to call everyone out, but in a way where her opinion is needed and valued.
17. Get rid of the PCPD unless they develop competence. I'd love to watch Mac have actual power and authority and whip a new group of detectives into shape. I'd LOVE a storyline that had a group of cops working together to bring down the mob. I don't care about the realism of the storyline. I'm saying it gives a chance for two characters to be on stake outs together and be excited about bringing justice. Sure, fine, whatever, the mob always wins, but give the mob a viable adversary. Mostly it's a chance for the people on the stake out to get bouncy in the van.
18. More music montages, please, but maybe not all of them have to include violence. Regardless, the violence montages to a maudlin Rie Sinclair song are a strong point, so don't eff it up to appease me. But few of us ever have to deal with violence, but we all have to deal with life's inequities and foibles and heartbreak, and it's lovely when they are set to a song from some indie pop goddess.
19. Can Jason please finally remember his life saving skills? I know you've always wanted him to. How hot would that be if he was a hitman who also knew how to save lives? Comic books are totally chic right now, so why not go all out and create an actual Superjase? Mob surgeons have to be in high demand, and it's a way he could stay in the mob on his own terms. He gets to bust into churches with both guns a blaze when he needs to, and he can't be touched by other mobsters b/c he can save the life of his enemies, no questions asked. Also, to my knowledge, it's original. It gives him a chance to interact with Monica and let her, as chief of staff, let him into the hospital and hide that he's helping a mobster. It would be wonderful to watch him do surgery and hear Alan over his shoulder, guiding him through it. It creates tension for the character to be torn between taking life and giving life. It would put more at stake for the character to realize he has life saving abilities and Sonny stole them from him by making him a killer. It gives him a chance to have a moment of happiness with his latest screw. We all win.
20. This is redundant to the rest, but you are simply creating melodrama.It's a delightful form of theater unlike any other. The audience loudly boos or cheers the characters, and someone plays a cloying musical story to go along with the action. It's an old and delightful form of entertainment, but it is a form of entertainment designed to delight the audience. Your charge is not to be very clever. Your charge is to keep in mind what will make us boo or cheer. You have the "boo" part down. Your job is not to put the absolute suckiest and least amount of work into an episode possible. Show some self-respect, for heaven's sake. Please keep in mind that you are also supposed to make us want to throw roses. You don't exist without us. We exist just fine without you. Quit acting like we are all dull witted.
GH Recap 1/6: Sorry, I was too busy cheering for the Longhorns...
GH: Nik and Nadine make cute at the nurse's station. She randomly opens her mail there because if there's one thing people on this show love to do, it's be unprofessional. It's a letter from the IRS, and they are auditing her for the past 5 years. That totally blows, but it's not like her records should really be all that complicated, right? When I was in my early 20's, I just did the 1040EZ and never took any deductions or anything that would be of any interest to anyone.
Sam's Apartment: MaxieS still has her terror hair. Maxie asks Sam for help with Spinelli. She's torn b/c she's used to being the girl who steals other people's boyfriends. But really, other than Lucky, how often has she actually done that? She claims she will, but she doesn't actually go through with it. When did Sam redecorate her apartment? Maxie corrects herself that Spinelli isn't her boyrfriend, but she doesn't want to lose him.
Emma's Closet: Robin is "experiencing" PPD by boringly pointing out that there are a lot of things to be afraid of in the world. Patrick says she's not acting like herself (even though she absolutely is acting as whiny and tortured as ever) and she defensively asks him what that's supposed to mean. So for those of you hoping for a PPD storyline that was more than just these two dolts sitting around and talking about it, for those that were hoping that the writers would write a set of behaviors and situations that a woman suffering from PPD goes through, you can rest assured that you will never get such things from this show. I recommend youtubing Lauren on Y&R, though. A+ stuff!
Haunted Star: Mike is working with Luke now.
Corinthaus: Claud and Carly hang out in horribly clashing reds. It's like watching an act of violence, seeing these to colors together. Carly flops her floppy hair down on "the couch she picked out" and is going to wait for Sonny. Claud says that she thinks Carly is hoping that Sonny ends up with no powers with the Z's and that "your little Jason" ends up on top.
Commercials
GH: Nadine asks how one corporation can have so much power to get the IRS to audit someone. Nik says its called the military-industrial complex. I think we're still just saying Illuminati, Nik. Also, it's just an audit. They suck, but it's not like they uses leeches anymore. Nik says he has the resources to fight the Illuminati and asks Alexis to help him.
Docks: Spinelli and Winifred talk in gobbledygook. Blah blah, he has a hacker, and she wants to help him find out the hacker's intent. Maxie happens by and calls Winnie a stalker. She says she's onto Winnie.
Emma's Closet: Patrick wants to talk to Kelly about the fact that Robin may be suffering PPD. She's angry and defensive and angrily tells him to drop it. Because that's totally how you act when everything is fine.
Corinthaus: Claud says Carly is playing a game and backd Jason since he took over. well, more accurately, she devised the plan that PUT Jason in power, but the other part is true. Carly finally gets off the sofa and says she had planned to stay out of all this (ha!), but Claud's snotty accusations are starting to change her mind.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Carly says Sonny only married Claud to get access the scary Z power. Blah blah Claud says that Sonny won't give up the power. Carly thinks he will. They are all but spraying pheromones all over the sofa cushions.
Metrocourt: Jax and Olivia chat. She's got a blue blackberry or something. She says she's looking for jobs, and that dealerships aren't hiring now. She says he probably wouldn't know this, but jobs are disappearing faster than you can say "Go, Nicks" and then she says "that's a basketball team." heh, why does Olivia think Jax is an idiot? Not that I don't agree, but most women in this town are supposed to think he's God's gift. Jax realizes that Olivia has done something to help one of his maintenance guys, so he decides to hire her.
Cafe Interrogate: Looloo and Ric hang out for no reason. Ric leaves and Looloo says, verbatim "I hope you burn in hell, and bring Johnny's father with you." Ric hotly says "nice to see you too." and leaves. heh. and shut up, Looloo. Apparently Johnny is in jail? Again? but Looloo is once again blaming Everyone Else? She would totally win Rock of Love, that one.
GH: Nik and Nadine bring Alexis up to date about Plowgate. Nadine doesn't believe Raylene would know they are using it as a weapon. Nik gives Alexis the IRS audit letter. Alexis gets very political and says these Arch Enemy Masons, or whoever, get defense contracts and then men and women get killed, while they line their pockets. Basically, Nadine is fighting an army of Dick Cheney's. She asks how they fight them, and Mr. Mad giggles. Alexis says it won't be easy and then says it's a matter of national security. Well, then call Keifer Sutherland. He's much better at handling this type of stuff!
Docks: hilarity ensues, I suppose, as Maxie continues to be jealous of Winnie.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Robin frantically cleans a door knob and a teddy bear. She sprays the heck out of the teddy bear, as if the toxins from the cleaner arent' also bad for the baby. Patrick comes home with a negligee. Even though Kimberly McCullough isn't wear a single ounce of padding to make it look like she had a baby, Robin balks at the sexiness and says she's not ready. the hell? Isn't there a rather mandatory refrain from sex edict that, as a doctor, he would obviously know? This is the clumsiest storyline ever.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky catches Sam talking to someone about The Danger.
Haunted Star: Looloo visits Luke and explains that Wheels framed Johnny for something because he wants to control Johnny. Oh, apparently Wheels had a guy beat up and then the guy named Johnny. But, um, Johnny actually DID knock a cop out and left him to die on the side of the road, so even if Johnny didn't beat up this guy, LOOLOO, he is a bit of a maniac.
GH: Alexis makes a power call. Nik assures Nadine that Natasha is their girl. Alexis says their best option is to go to Equinox's number 1 customer, which happens o be the US government. Alexis has a friend who's friends with the "incoming administration" Okay, what in the hell? These dolts are going to go bother Obama about Plowgate? Because the recession, 2 wars, economy in the chitter, none of that is enough? "it turns out people make weapons, Mr. President, and we want to stop it!" Sooooooooooooooo ddddduuuuuuummmmmmbbbbbbbbb! Somehow Nadine says she ahs to do this to protect people like Bruce who are fighting over there. I guess "there" being Iraq or Afganistan? Who the hell is Bruce? and maybe this Bruce person actually needs the weapon that the plow coupler makes. and also, why wouldn't the government just say "okay, little girl, we'll quit using the plow part, and quit giving you millions of dollars" but then just big fat KEEP using the plow part b/c how the heck is she going to prove it, and what is she really going to do if she does? Also, not for nothing, you ding dongs, but it's one thing to ruffle Sonny's feathers. If this stupid show is going to now tell me that the UNITED STATES MILITARY is going to back down because of Natasha, then I will likely literally die from laughing.
Metrocourt: Olivia says she's not qualified for the job, but Jax says it's basically like the parts department at a car dealership. I've slept on sheets that felt like I was sleeping on floor mats, so he has a point. Olivia thinks they need to run it by Carly, but he disagrees.
Commercials:
Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't want to talk about this. He says she was talking to Jason, someone she used to live with, about setting up an urgent meeting. She unfairly says he does that all the time with Liz. He insists she still has something for Jason. She demands he not treat her like a suspect, and he sadly asks her not to treat him like the enemy. Aw, Lucky actually said something that made sense.
Haunted Star: Luke and Looloo and Xylophone Guy head out to save Johnny.
Metrocourt: Olivia asks Jax why he wants to work with her. He says he likes working with Kate, and she's smart, and Olivia is Kate's cousin, so she must be smart. Olivia says on her best day, she's way better than Kate. Olivia agrees to work for him with a shrug.
Corinthaus: This conversation is still going on. Claud says Carly is out of Sonny's life now, and she's not getting back in. That line makes Top 10 Dumbest Lines ever on this show. Carly just smiles b/c it was so stupid for claud to challenge her like that and calmly and even warmly says she's gonna be getting rid of Claud next. Claud sits down to listen to Jerry drone on about puzzle pieces.
Docks: Maxie brings Spinelli a soda. Spinelli is sad that Maxie hates Winnie. Maxie insists she knows that there is something suspect about Winnie, and she can't be trusted. All of this would be well and good of Maxie really had reason to suspect Winnie, but I doubt she does. She's just being petty and jealous.
The End
This week
Shots of Spinelli being arrested. maxie calls someone, Jason presumably, to tell him.
Narrator asks "To save one friend......"
We get lots of shots of Spinelli in jail, with Maxie visiting him through glass. (Maybe someone finally read the manual at PCPD and realized that prisoners don't get to hang out in the interrogation room for hours at a time?) We see Winnie, now with her frizzy hair out of the braids. She puts her hands under her arm pits, and then she smells them like this.
Raynor tells Jason "we want Sonny, and unless you cooperate, Spinelli goes away for life."
Narrator continues "will he bring down another?"
Sonny angrily asks "is it worth it to save Spinelli?"
in a word, Sonny, hellyes
Sam's Apartment: MaxieS still has her terror hair. Maxie asks Sam for help with Spinelli. She's torn b/c she's used to being the girl who steals other people's boyfriends. But really, other than Lucky, how often has she actually done that? She claims she will, but she doesn't actually go through with it. When did Sam redecorate her apartment? Maxie corrects herself that Spinelli isn't her boyrfriend, but she doesn't want to lose him.
Emma's Closet: Robin is "experiencing" PPD by boringly pointing out that there are a lot of things to be afraid of in the world. Patrick says she's not acting like herself (even though she absolutely is acting as whiny and tortured as ever) and she defensively asks him what that's supposed to mean. So for those of you hoping for a PPD storyline that was more than just these two dolts sitting around and talking about it, for those that were hoping that the writers would write a set of behaviors and situations that a woman suffering from PPD goes through, you can rest assured that you will never get such things from this show. I recommend youtubing Lauren on Y&R, though. A+ stuff!
Haunted Star: Mike is working with Luke now.
Corinthaus: Claud and Carly hang out in horribly clashing reds. It's like watching an act of violence, seeing these to colors together. Carly flops her floppy hair down on "the couch she picked out" and is going to wait for Sonny. Claud says that she thinks Carly is hoping that Sonny ends up with no powers with the Z's and that "your little Jason" ends up on top.
Commercials
GH: Nadine asks how one corporation can have so much power to get the IRS to audit someone. Nik says its called the military-industrial complex. I think we're still just saying Illuminati, Nik. Also, it's just an audit. They suck, but it's not like they uses leeches anymore. Nik says he has the resources to fight the Illuminati and asks Alexis to help him.
Docks: Spinelli and Winifred talk in gobbledygook. Blah blah, he has a hacker, and she wants to help him find out the hacker's intent. Maxie happens by and calls Winnie a stalker. She says she's onto Winnie.
Emma's Closet: Patrick wants to talk to Kelly about the fact that Robin may be suffering PPD. She's angry and defensive and angrily tells him to drop it. Because that's totally how you act when everything is fine.
Corinthaus: Claud says Carly is playing a game and backd Jason since he took over. well, more accurately, she devised the plan that PUT Jason in power, but the other part is true. Carly finally gets off the sofa and says she had planned to stay out of all this (ha!), but Claud's snotty accusations are starting to change her mind.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Carly says Sonny only married Claud to get access the scary Z power. Blah blah Claud says that Sonny won't give up the power. Carly thinks he will. They are all but spraying pheromones all over the sofa cushions.
Metrocourt: Jax and Olivia chat. She's got a blue blackberry or something. She says she's looking for jobs, and that dealerships aren't hiring now. She says he probably wouldn't know this, but jobs are disappearing faster than you can say "Go, Nicks" and then she says "that's a basketball team." heh, why does Olivia think Jax is an idiot? Not that I don't agree, but most women in this town are supposed to think he's God's gift. Jax realizes that Olivia has done something to help one of his maintenance guys, so he decides to hire her.
Cafe Interrogate: Looloo and Ric hang out for no reason. Ric leaves and Looloo says, verbatim "I hope you burn in hell, and bring Johnny's father with you." Ric hotly says "nice to see you too." and leaves. heh. and shut up, Looloo. Apparently Johnny is in jail? Again? but Looloo is once again blaming Everyone Else? She would totally win Rock of Love, that one.
GH: Nik and Nadine bring Alexis up to date about Plowgate. Nadine doesn't believe Raylene would know they are using it as a weapon. Nik gives Alexis the IRS audit letter. Alexis gets very political and says these Arch Enemy Masons, or whoever, get defense contracts and then men and women get killed, while they line their pockets. Basically, Nadine is fighting an army of Dick Cheney's. She asks how they fight them, and Mr. Mad giggles. Alexis says it won't be easy and then says it's a matter of national security. Well, then call Keifer Sutherland. He's much better at handling this type of stuff!
Docks: hilarity ensues, I suppose, as Maxie continues to be jealous of Winnie.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Robin frantically cleans a door knob and a teddy bear. She sprays the heck out of the teddy bear, as if the toxins from the cleaner arent' also bad for the baby. Patrick comes home with a negligee. Even though Kimberly McCullough isn't wear a single ounce of padding to make it look like she had a baby, Robin balks at the sexiness and says she's not ready. the hell? Isn't there a rather mandatory refrain from sex edict that, as a doctor, he would obviously know? This is the clumsiest storyline ever.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky catches Sam talking to someone about The Danger.
Haunted Star: Looloo visits Luke and explains that Wheels framed Johnny for something because he wants to control Johnny. Oh, apparently Wheels had a guy beat up and then the guy named Johnny. But, um, Johnny actually DID knock a cop out and left him to die on the side of the road, so even if Johnny didn't beat up this guy, LOOLOO, he is a bit of a maniac.
GH: Alexis makes a power call. Nik assures Nadine that Natasha is their girl. Alexis says their best option is to go to Equinox's number 1 customer, which happens o be the US government. Alexis has a friend who's friends with the "incoming administration" Okay, what in the hell? These dolts are going to go bother Obama about Plowgate? Because the recession, 2 wars, economy in the chitter, none of that is enough? "it turns out people make weapons, Mr. President, and we want to stop it!" Sooooooooooooooo ddddduuuuuuummmmmmbbbbbbbbb! Somehow Nadine says she ahs to do this to protect people like Bruce who are fighting over there. I guess "there" being Iraq or Afganistan? Who the hell is Bruce? and maybe this Bruce person actually needs the weapon that the plow coupler makes. and also, why wouldn't the government just say "okay, little girl, we'll quit using the plow part, and quit giving you millions of dollars" but then just big fat KEEP using the plow part b/c how the heck is she going to prove it, and what is she really going to do if she does? Also, not for nothing, you ding dongs, but it's one thing to ruffle Sonny's feathers. If this stupid show is going to now tell me that the UNITED STATES MILITARY is going to back down because of Natasha, then I will likely literally die from laughing.
Metrocourt: Olivia says she's not qualified for the job, but Jax says it's basically like the parts department at a car dealership. I've slept on sheets that felt like I was sleeping on floor mats, so he has a point. Olivia thinks they need to run it by Carly, but he disagrees.
Commercials:
Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't want to talk about this. He says she was talking to Jason, someone she used to live with, about setting up an urgent meeting. She unfairly says he does that all the time with Liz. He insists she still has something for Jason. She demands he not treat her like a suspect, and he sadly asks her not to treat him like the enemy. Aw, Lucky actually said something that made sense.
Haunted Star: Luke and Looloo and Xylophone Guy head out to save Johnny.
Metrocourt: Olivia asks Jax why he wants to work with her. He says he likes working with Kate, and she's smart, and Olivia is Kate's cousin, so she must be smart. Olivia says on her best day, she's way better than Kate. Olivia agrees to work for him with a shrug.
Corinthaus: This conversation is still going on. Claud says Carly is out of Sonny's life now, and she's not getting back in. That line makes Top 10 Dumbest Lines ever on this show. Carly just smiles b/c it was so stupid for claud to challenge her like that and calmly and even warmly says she's gonna be getting rid of Claud next. Claud sits down to listen to Jerry drone on about puzzle pieces.
Docks: Maxie brings Spinelli a soda. Spinelli is sad that Maxie hates Winnie. Maxie insists she knows that there is something suspect about Winnie, and she can't be trusted. All of this would be well and good of Maxie really had reason to suspect Winnie, but I doubt she does. She's just being petty and jealous.
The End
This week
Shots of Spinelli being arrested. maxie calls someone, Jason presumably, to tell him.
Narrator asks "To save one friend......"
We get lots of shots of Spinelli in jail, with Maxie visiting him through glass. (Maybe someone finally read the manual at PCPD and realized that prisoners don't get to hang out in the interrogation room for hours at a time?) We see Winnie, now with her frizzy hair out of the braids. She puts her hands under her arm pits, and then she smells them like this.
Raynor tells Jason "we want Sonny, and unless you cooperate, Spinelli goes away for life."
Narrator continues "will he bring down another?"
Sonny angrily asks "is it worth it to save Spinelli?"
in a word, Sonny, hellyes
Friday, January 2, 2009
GH Recap 1/2: New Year, Same Show
Wyndermere: Nadine and Nik have one of this idiotic conversations whereby she blathers about some sort of rhyme. Something about a horse lost a shoe. I don't know. She thinks it's bad luck. I think DUH it's bad luck. That's like saying "omg, I got a flat tire, that means bad luck."
Sam's Apartment: Lucky shows up to be gravelly voiced and whiny and pouty and even if Sam wasn't already sick of him she would become so at this point.
Crimson: Meth Addict Maxie says she re-wrote the Espadrille article, and he was right, it was better. Spinelli panics because something has gone wrong with El Laptopo.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is dressed for job interviews. She tells him to think positive. He hopes the interviewer has never heard of him. I think when random women on a Christmas tree lot have heard of the Zaccara's, then it's unlikely everyone hasn't.
Corinthaus: If I hear Jerry says "the window to your soul" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Claud calls Jerry a psycho, but then she clambors up onto the window ledge at the terrace and reaches around for the bag of puzzle pieces. Sonny walks in and asks if she thinks he doesn't know what she's looking for.
Credits
Wyndermere: Nadine poutily says that she knows he thinks superstitions are silly. What kind of idiot is sort of hurt if someone isn't all that traumatizd by a black cat walking by? Nik says he never gives knives as gifts or shakes hands through an open door. Watching these two is like watching The Simpsons. It all starts off where Lisa's horse lost a shoe, and then Bart rambles on about broken mirrors, but then it turns out the whole episode is really about some business man. It has all that disjointedness but none of the post-modern self-reflection. or enjoyableness.
Crimson: Maxie writes her article about shoes. This is a very shoe-heavy episode. Piano guy ploncks along merrily as Spinelli and Maxie type. If Spinelli and Maxie's keyboards were hooked up to musical keyboards, I imagine this would all sound like a John Davidson orchestral piece. I have no idea what's going on, but Spinelli sneezes. They really need to lay off the meth, these two.
Sams' Apartment: Sam has to hide a business card and tell lies to Lucky because she is so out of her mind bored with life unless she's lying or doing something dangerous. I was sad when her baby died, but I'm sort of relieved that her oddly placed uterus was shot.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Somehow Claud doesn't have to explain why she's climbing the walls like a crazy person. She manages to deflect and ask if Sonny is concerned about Kate.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam says whatever she's hiding is not illegal. Lucky angrily asks if she didn't learn her lesson from Jerry or following the Russian mob. Sam says she doesn't want to fight about this. He says he and Liz appreciate that she saved Jakeson, and if she's upset that he spent New year's Eve with her. She practically snorts in his face and says that's not it, she's glad he could help her. then she rapels out of the room. Not really. But she clearly wants to.
Crimson: Why does Spinelli have a cold? Why is that a plot point? Why is Maxie wearing a thousand bobbie pins in her hair? It's terrifying looking. Looloo odddly shows up to work. It's odd because she does it. They hear the elevator ding, so they rush to hide Spinelli. Kate comes in to get Maxie's article and her messages. She reveals she knows he's there. I think we are supposed to be amused.
Corinthaus: Claud is dressed like she's going to meet a bunch of thugs and have a dance off to regain territory, like MJ suggested in the 80's. Okay, so we just established that it's first thing in the morning b/c Loo brought coffee, and she and Maxie were at work before kate. But now Sonny and Claud are drinking bourbon. I only comment b/c he's the jerkweed who used to say AJ had a drinking problem. Sonny confides that yesterday was Chucky's birthday. He says his son is in a coma forever, and it puts things into perspective. Except...clearly it doesn't because Sonny is not doing anything to simply enjoy the people he actually loves that are not in comas. He says he likes the drapes, meaning he thinks Claud was climbing the walls b/c she was going to redecorate. Sonny has become Luckydumb.
Wyndermere: blah blah phone call. blah blah the plow patent is licensed to the Equinox corporation. Nik says they are a weapons manufacturer. Wait, not that I could give less of a rat's ass about this effing plow, but why is the patent licensed to anyone besides Raylene and now Nadine? Or is this one of those things where it turns out those pesky Indians from Spoon Island have been up to shennanigans again? Anywho, if Nadine ends up making an Iron Man suit, consider me gone.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam tries to assure Lucky that she knows his kids come first, and she knows Liz comes with the package. Lucky's phone rings, and he leaves immediately without even letting her finish a sentence. That would get old so quickly, if my husband had a phone like that.
Docks: Spinelli stumbles upon a girl talking to herself and typing on La Laptopa. She reminds me a bit of Molly Shannon in the face, and she has braids and glasses, so we know she's a nerd. Attractive people aren't able to understand computers, you see.
Corinthaus: Claud continues to run through the maze to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so she can build the Gabonese hut and win immunity. Ric hotly startles her.
Crimson: Kate and Jax look over headshots to find the right model. There is a lot of leopard print going on in this town today. Jax "hilariously" draws a mustache on a model's face and says they should go with something like that. Hot people are so annoying when they try to be funny. Kate and Jax flirt and flit about and Sonny shows up to be a big, grumpy, wet blanket.
Commercials
Wyndermere: blah blah how did a defense contractor get the patent. Nik says it explains the money. Nadine's phone rings, and it's Mr. Corday. She speaks like a mental patient and keeps repeating what he says so that Nik knows what's being said. I wish it was Mr. Corddry instead. Rob or Nate would do.
Docks: Nerdina thanks The Jackal for fixing her computer, and then she takes off.
Corinthaus: Claud angrily tells Ric that he had a decent childhood and a world class education. This marriage is giving her real power for the first time in her life. Gawd that's sad. She says Sonny is nicer to her than most men in her life have been. That's even sadder. Ric asks if she means him. She asks him to let her in on any plans he knows Wheels has. Ric hotly asks why Wheels would tell him anything. Claud says it would be to pit Ric against Sonny and make him feel important. Ric hotly scoffs that she has an overactive imagination. He drinks a bottle of Perrier and looks more nervous than a virgin in a pickle barrel. Claud picks up on this and tells him he can't trust her father. Even if John is really out of the picture, Wheels is not trust worthy. He asks her to tell him the plan, and they can hotly work out a side deal together. She pulls him into a quick kiss, but he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. He nervously gulps the water because that's not a guilty indicator at all. He leaves. and it's not exactly hot the way he leaves, but that just is because he's a good actor, and that is hot, so...he hotly leaves.
Johnny's Interviews: It's not going well. We only see Johnny's end of the interviews. He starts off with the typical cliche "people person, go getter" and then angrily says he's not his father. then he hilariously stands up and says with a tough guy accent "You want someone to keep jumping through hoops? Hire a monkey" and then he picks up a handful of pencils from the pencil holder and tosses them on the ground. heh.
Crimson: Sonny blah blah talks to Kate, and she tells him to go talk to his wife, and that is almost awesome, even for kHate. Sonny leaves and Maxie apologizes for letting him in. Kate says it's okay and tells Jax she hopes Sonny won't be back. She doesn't look remotely convinced that she means it, though.
Commercials
Wyndermere: Nik and Nadine meet with Mr. Corday. He wants to renew the license on the patent and gives Nadine a honking big check and will be back in 4 yeas when the license expirres. Nik says Mr. Corday is assuming a lot, and they are just getting started.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny comes him with a bloody knuckle and tells Loo it went badly, and he slammed a hole in the wall on the way out of one place. Why can't he just say his name is Johnny Jerome and get fake id's and stuff. If he hates his name, why keep it?
Sam's Apartment: Sam has summoned Spinelli to ask for help with the FBI guy that was asking her questions. she needs to know if he was investigating Spinelli. Spinelli believes he's lost his Jackalian prowess. Sam is very worried about him, and he leaves saying all is lost.
Corinthaus: OMG, SHUT THE EFF UP WITH THE EFFING WINDOW TO YOUR BLOODY SOUL BS. As per usual, Claud doesn't bother to check if anyone is home or just pulled up in the driveway, and she starts rattling around the house and knocking on mirrors. Sonny reasonably asks her what the hell she is doing now.
Commercials
Docks: Spinelli laments that El Laptopo has died. Buoy Boy clangs miserably. Nerdina has followed Spinelli and watches him with hero worship eyes. Maxie walks up and asks her why she's spying on Spinelli.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo puts a wash cloth on Johnny's knuckle to stop the bleeding. I don't think Julie Berman has ever been around any sort of injury in her life because she oddly dabs the cloth on and takes it off over and over. They start to get frisky, but Lucky shows up with a warrant for Johnny's arrest. The hell? Wouldn't he call first to make sure they were even home? And why say "PCPD" when he knocked. on his sister's door?
Wyndermere: Nadine asks point blank if Equinox uses the patent to make plows. He says he can't answer. She tears up the check and says that they can't have her aunts invention then. He says it's not that simple. But the music they use is Stings of Silliness, and not Ominous Musings in D Minor, so we know it is very likely this simple.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Claud that he will find out if she's hiding anything. He flashes the dimples, but the Drumbeats of Danger sound, so we know it's serious. Meanwhile, the stupid bag of puzzle pieces have fallen lose from the back of the mirror. Claud manages to react as minimally as possible so as not to draw Sonny's attention. Luckily, his back is turned. And also, he's kind of an idiot.
The End
Sam's Apartment: Lucky shows up to be gravelly voiced and whiny and pouty and even if Sam wasn't already sick of him she would become so at this point.
Crimson: Meth Addict Maxie says she re-wrote the Espadrille article, and he was right, it was better. Spinelli panics because something has gone wrong with El Laptopo.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is dressed for job interviews. She tells him to think positive. He hopes the interviewer has never heard of him. I think when random women on a Christmas tree lot have heard of the Zaccara's, then it's unlikely everyone hasn't.
Corinthaus: If I hear Jerry says "the window to your soul" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Claud calls Jerry a psycho, but then she clambors up onto the window ledge at the terrace and reaches around for the bag of puzzle pieces. Sonny walks in and asks if she thinks he doesn't know what she's looking for.
Credits
Wyndermere: Nadine poutily says that she knows he thinks superstitions are silly. What kind of idiot is sort of hurt if someone isn't all that traumatizd by a black cat walking by? Nik says he never gives knives as gifts or shakes hands through an open door. Watching these two is like watching The Simpsons. It all starts off where Lisa's horse lost a shoe, and then Bart rambles on about broken mirrors, but then it turns out the whole episode is really about some business man. It has all that disjointedness but none of the post-modern self-reflection. or enjoyableness.
Crimson: Maxie writes her article about shoes. This is a very shoe-heavy episode. Piano guy ploncks along merrily as Spinelli and Maxie type. If Spinelli and Maxie's keyboards were hooked up to musical keyboards, I imagine this would all sound like a John Davidson orchestral piece. I have no idea what's going on, but Spinelli sneezes. They really need to lay off the meth, these two.
Sams' Apartment: Sam has to hide a business card and tell lies to Lucky because she is so out of her mind bored with life unless she's lying or doing something dangerous. I was sad when her baby died, but I'm sort of relieved that her oddly placed uterus was shot.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Somehow Claud doesn't have to explain why she's climbing the walls like a crazy person. She manages to deflect and ask if Sonny is concerned about Kate.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam says whatever she's hiding is not illegal. Lucky angrily asks if she didn't learn her lesson from Jerry or following the Russian mob. Sam says she doesn't want to fight about this. He says he and Liz appreciate that she saved Jakeson, and if she's upset that he spent New year's Eve with her. She practically snorts in his face and says that's not it, she's glad he could help her. then she rapels out of the room. Not really. But she clearly wants to.
Crimson: Why does Spinelli have a cold? Why is that a plot point? Why is Maxie wearing a thousand bobbie pins in her hair? It's terrifying looking. Looloo odddly shows up to work. It's odd because she does it. They hear the elevator ding, so they rush to hide Spinelli. Kate comes in to get Maxie's article and her messages. She reveals she knows he's there. I think we are supposed to be amused.
Corinthaus: Claud is dressed like she's going to meet a bunch of thugs and have a dance off to regain territory, like MJ suggested in the 80's. Okay, so we just established that it's first thing in the morning b/c Loo brought coffee, and she and Maxie were at work before kate. But now Sonny and Claud are drinking bourbon. I only comment b/c he's the jerkweed who used to say AJ had a drinking problem. Sonny confides that yesterday was Chucky's birthday. He says his son is in a coma forever, and it puts things into perspective. Except...clearly it doesn't because Sonny is not doing anything to simply enjoy the people he actually loves that are not in comas. He says he likes the drapes, meaning he thinks Claud was climbing the walls b/c she was going to redecorate. Sonny has become Luckydumb.
Wyndermere: blah blah phone call. blah blah the plow patent is licensed to the Equinox corporation. Nik says they are a weapons manufacturer. Wait, not that I could give less of a rat's ass about this effing plow, but why is the patent licensed to anyone besides Raylene and now Nadine? Or is this one of those things where it turns out those pesky Indians from Spoon Island have been up to shennanigans again? Anywho, if Nadine ends up making an Iron Man suit, consider me gone.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam tries to assure Lucky that she knows his kids come first, and she knows Liz comes with the package. Lucky's phone rings, and he leaves immediately without even letting her finish a sentence. That would get old so quickly, if my husband had a phone like that.
Docks: Spinelli stumbles upon a girl talking to herself and typing on La Laptopa. She reminds me a bit of Molly Shannon in the face, and she has braids and glasses, so we know she's a nerd. Attractive people aren't able to understand computers, you see.
Corinthaus: Claud continues to run through the maze to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so she can build the Gabonese hut and win immunity. Ric hotly startles her.
Crimson: Kate and Jax look over headshots to find the right model. There is a lot of leopard print going on in this town today. Jax "hilariously" draws a mustache on a model's face and says they should go with something like that. Hot people are so annoying when they try to be funny. Kate and Jax flirt and flit about and Sonny shows up to be a big, grumpy, wet blanket.
Commercials
Wyndermere: blah blah how did a defense contractor get the patent. Nik says it explains the money. Nadine's phone rings, and it's Mr. Corday. She speaks like a mental patient and keeps repeating what he says so that Nik knows what's being said. I wish it was Mr. Corddry instead. Rob or Nate would do.
Docks: Nerdina thanks The Jackal for fixing her computer, and then she takes off.
Corinthaus: Claud angrily tells Ric that he had a decent childhood and a world class education. This marriage is giving her real power for the first time in her life. Gawd that's sad. She says Sonny is nicer to her than most men in her life have been. That's even sadder. Ric asks if she means him. She asks him to let her in on any plans he knows Wheels has. Ric hotly asks why Wheels would tell him anything. Claud says it would be to pit Ric against Sonny and make him feel important. Ric hotly scoffs that she has an overactive imagination. He drinks a bottle of Perrier and looks more nervous than a virgin in a pickle barrel. Claud picks up on this and tells him he can't trust her father. Even if John is really out of the picture, Wheels is not trust worthy. He asks her to tell him the plan, and they can hotly work out a side deal together. She pulls him into a quick kiss, but he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. He nervously gulps the water because that's not a guilty indicator at all. He leaves. and it's not exactly hot the way he leaves, but that just is because he's a good actor, and that is hot, so...he hotly leaves.
Johnny's Interviews: It's not going well. We only see Johnny's end of the interviews. He starts off with the typical cliche "people person, go getter" and then angrily says he's not his father. then he hilariously stands up and says with a tough guy accent "You want someone to keep jumping through hoops? Hire a monkey" and then he picks up a handful of pencils from the pencil holder and tosses them on the ground. heh.
Crimson: Sonny blah blah talks to Kate, and she tells him to go talk to his wife, and that is almost awesome, even for kHate. Sonny leaves and Maxie apologizes for letting him in. Kate says it's okay and tells Jax she hopes Sonny won't be back. She doesn't look remotely convinced that she means it, though.
Commercials
Wyndermere: Nik and Nadine meet with Mr. Corday. He wants to renew the license on the patent and gives Nadine a honking big check and will be back in 4 yeas when the license expirres. Nik says Mr. Corday is assuming a lot, and they are just getting started.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny comes him with a bloody knuckle and tells Loo it went badly, and he slammed a hole in the wall on the way out of one place. Why can't he just say his name is Johnny Jerome and get fake id's and stuff. If he hates his name, why keep it?
Sam's Apartment: Sam has summoned Spinelli to ask for help with the FBI guy that was asking her questions. she needs to know if he was investigating Spinelli. Spinelli believes he's lost his Jackalian prowess. Sam is very worried about him, and he leaves saying all is lost.
Corinthaus: OMG, SHUT THE EFF UP WITH THE EFFING WINDOW TO YOUR BLOODY SOUL BS. As per usual, Claud doesn't bother to check if anyone is home or just pulled up in the driveway, and she starts rattling around the house and knocking on mirrors. Sonny reasonably asks her what the hell she is doing now.
Commercials
Docks: Spinelli laments that El Laptopo has died. Buoy Boy clangs miserably. Nerdina has followed Spinelli and watches him with hero worship eyes. Maxie walks up and asks her why she's spying on Spinelli.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo puts a wash cloth on Johnny's knuckle to stop the bleeding. I don't think Julie Berman has ever been around any sort of injury in her life because she oddly dabs the cloth on and takes it off over and over. They start to get frisky, but Lucky shows up with a warrant for Johnny's arrest. The hell? Wouldn't he call first to make sure they were even home? And why say "PCPD" when he knocked. on his sister's door?
Wyndermere: Nadine asks point blank if Equinox uses the patent to make plows. He says he can't answer. She tears up the check and says that they can't have her aunts invention then. He says it's not that simple. But the music they use is Stings of Silliness, and not Ominous Musings in D Minor, so we know it is very likely this simple.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Claud that he will find out if she's hiding anything. He flashes the dimples, but the Drumbeats of Danger sound, so we know it's serious. Meanwhile, the stupid bag of puzzle pieces have fallen lose from the back of the mirror. Claud manages to react as minimally as possible so as not to draw Sonny's attention. Luckily, his back is turned. And also, he's kind of an idiot.
The End
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