GH Recap 12/10: boring, boring, boring... GOOSE!

Emma's Closet: Robin made breakfast and has figured out how to hold Emma without terrifying her and thus has renewed confidence. Patrick cutely leans over and sort of smells Robin's wrist while she talks. Maybe he gives it a kiss, but it looked like sniffing...in an endearing way.

Petticoat Junction: Nik is going to help Nadine do chores. I can only imagine how riveting that will be.

Chez Zee: Johnny reads the paper shirtless on the sofa. Because he's unemployed now, so he just lives his entire life like Sunday morning. That sounds awesome. Jax bops in to say he needs his place back. Wait, this was Jax's apartment? Since when?

Jason's Penthouse: Jason is all business as Spinelli tries to tell him something. Before he can, Maxie trots down the stairs in the cutest nightgown ever. I think it has a petticoat for heaven's sakes. She cheerfully calls out good morning, much to Jason's chagrin.

Credits

Q Manse: Alice greets Luke. Luke is surprised that Tracy isn't back from Tiki Torture yet. Alice has all the fixin's for bloody mary's laid out on the table that normally just has disgusting room temperature oj and crusty pastries. Maybe it simply IS Sunday.

Emma's Closet: Robin lays Emma in her cute little bed that says "cozy baby" on the foot board. She whispers that she's read that baby digestive tracts take weeks to develop. Before Patrick leaves, Robin asks Robin to check on one of her patients. Okay, what in the hell? Is Robin on leave or is she not? Shouldn't she not have patients? Or is Night Shift on again, and this Mrs. Jessop is some crossover from there? Robin whispers to sleeping Emma that she's going to change clothes and be right back. As soon as she walks away, Emma starts wailing.

Petticoat Junction: Nadine and Nik put on super lovely, new clothes to go do these "chores". How hard can they be when you wear your everyday clothes to do them? I have a set of "chores" clothes that are so covered in paint and caulk that they can almost stand on their own. I'd never wear an outfit as cute as Nadine's to deal with pig slop. Nik seems to think FARM chores can't be that hard. If he's using my logic and assuming you need good boots and overalls for the work to actually be hard, then I agree...but even if you wear nice clothes, who on the planet doesn't know it's hard to be a farmer?

Chez Zee: whatever, Jax is evicting. Do real estate laws simply not exist in Port Charles? Does no one ever bother to read their lease?

Jason's Penthouse: Maxie chipperly makes herself at home, but Jason sternly bellows that Maxie can't stay with them and needs to leave.

Commercials

Shabby Stables Set: Nik insists he's descended for Kossack warriors, so he's sure he can do this. he asks how to milk a cow. Well, for starters, you get up 7 HOURS AGO and milk the cow. Geeze, show. It is a pretty black and white, cow though.

Chez Zee: Looloo tries to talk Jax out of his divorce. Why is this her concern or business? Jax says he's going to send a check to Johnny. Oh, so Looloo was only talking Jax out of his divorce so her boyfriend wouldn't have to move? Johnny says he can't afford rent there anyway.

Jason's Penthouse: Maxie wants to stay. I thought she already decided against living here? She says The Danger is over, but Jason sternly says it's not. Maxie says she feels safe with Spinelli and Mac was wrong. Jason furrows his brow and says Mac was right, and he wouldn't want his kid anywhere near someone like him.

Nurse's Station: Matt and Piph gossip about Patrick's whereabouts last night. Patrick just says he had an outpatient. Piph asks after Robin, and Patrick says she's doing well.

Alex clip clops up. Sam apparently called her office and decided to stalk her here. Alexis wonders why she didn't just call. But Alexis hugs her and says she heard about Jakeson. Sam wants to talk and knows Alexis needs an explanation for what happened with Jerry. Alexis says that would be kind of good.

Commercials

Mr. Mad is making bacon-wrapped, pecan-stuffed dates for his work party tonight. I hope I don't accidentally eat 2 dozen of them!

GH Lounge Area: Sam explains that Jerry's plan was to blow up his ship, kill Sam and fake his death. Jason saved her. Sam explains that Jerry was on the ship when it exploded, and she seriously doubts he's alive. Alexis is grateful that Sam is alright. Sam says Jerry mentioned Alexis, and for what it's worth....but Alexis cuts her off before she can finish. She says the truth is Jerry was working her, and she was working him, and there's no amount of rationalization that will make her feel less horrible. Alexis tells Sam the drug charges are being dropped. Sam thanks her, and Alexis matter of factedly says she was never going to let them stick anyway. She goes off to work, but Sam stops her and apologizes for the pain and headache (and dropped storylines- the fake drugs, and improbable storylines-Alexis dating Jerry). Alexis (and NLG) seem glad to be done with it and says she could have handled it better. Then she kisses Sam's forehead and hopefully goes off to get a decent storyline.

Nurse's Lounge: patrick tells Piph that Robin and emma are probably taking a stroll in the park.

Emma's Closet: Robin has changed clothes and rocks Emma. She can't figure out why they were getting along last night but not now. Does Robin not know about driving around and putting the kid in the carseat while singing songs? or getting a swing? or putting Emma in a stroller and going for a walk? (assuming she's fed, changed and burped her?) Maxie shows up, and Emma instantly stops crying. that's awesome that Emma is like that little frog that sings "hello my baby, hello my darling", but he only does it when the guy is alone.

Shabby Stables Set: For some reason Nadine teases Nik about not knowing how to milk a cow. As if she wasn't shown how the first time, and as if she got better at it with practice. Nik is too wimpy to milk the cow. But it turns out Nadine just lured Nik out to the barn to make out? In front of a cow? So I hope this means that someone milked that poor cow several hours ago, so they aren't torturing her. Also, that's kind of creepy to get off on kissing in front of barn animals. Elsie moos in disgust.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason solemnly tells Spinelli that he triggered an explosion, and if Sam hadn't jumped out of the window with Jakeson, he'd be dead. Well, that's true, Jason, but there's a whole, giant series of events that compounds that: If you'd bothered to send guards to always be around your girlfriend and son, if you had bothered to keep better account of The Danger, if you had neutralized Sonny ages ago, if you had simply stayed in Africa. and, I don't know, maybe not so much with becoming a hitman for a living the next time you get the chance!

Commercials

I really don't think a bong and a beer could make this show watchable.

Q Manse: Edward is glad that Tracy has dumped Luke, but now the future seems dimmer to him. Apparently Alice makes a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. Maybe I need a Bloody Mary to get through this show. I'll see if Mr. Mad will make me one. He puts wasabi in it sometimes, for an extra kick. Alice thinks Luke can win Tracy back. Tracy walks in and angrily says she left him face down on the floor of Tiki Torture. He says he woke up and assumes she got her divorce, but they are far from the end.

Petticoat Junction: Nik says he did a great job, but he says they sure do have a lot of cows. Nadine says they have a milking machine. And then, you know what happens? Why Nik is sort of fake angry that she almost made him milk a cow. I sure hope they talk about how much the grass has grown since morning! My guess is 1 millimeter! What's your guess? Wait, don't tell me...let me guess what your guess is! or...hey...you can guess what I would guess your guess would be! That would fill up about 20 seconds of time, and it would be thrice as entertaining as this nonsense. Alfalfa comes into the living room, so now we have a third person to bore us to tears.

Emma's Closet: Maxie talks so fast. She's trying to figure out where to live. Alas, Kelly's burned down, so there's nowhere for a young ingenue to go these days. Robin suggests the classifieds and says she can help out with rent, if Maxie needs it. That is so nice. Maxie says there are tons of website rental places. Maxie rushes out of the room b/c I guess the internet isn't in Emma's closet?

Jason's Penthouse: Diane shows up and says Jason is going to be questioned by the Feds. It's a shame Diane doesn't have a phone. She is dressed all in purple, though, so that's a pretty good trade off.

Commercials

Q Manse: Did you guys know that Luke and Tracy are getting a divorce? I guess I missed this during the roughly 15 hours they've devoted to this exact same conversation. The good news is, Mr. Mad has realized that this break in our gutters is probably what is causing a crack in the sunroom tile to appear. We are thinking of fixing it later after a trip to the new Home Depot. I honestly think recapping that visit would be more entertaining than this. Tracy tells Edward that she would never divorce Luke, but he doesn't need to know. Poor, mad cow suffering, Edward is too befuddled to notice Luke's face blatantly peering around the corner. Luke looks quite satisfied with this news.

Petticoat Junction: WHAT IS THE BLEEDING POINT OF AUNT RAYLENE? Mr. Mad comes in and laughs "is that Alffalfa? and is she always on?" I explain she's doing this tedious guest spot for no good reason. Nadine explains she's not getting married, and Alfafalfa could not care less? So what was the point of all this? Just to torture Tyler Christopher and make him want any job but this one?

Maxie's Ridiculously Fabulous Apartment: Maxie finds a totally great apartment (other than the tediously exposed brick) to rent. It's cheap and it's supposed to suck. A crappy apartment wouldn't have a giant living room that's not also the kitchen and bathroom.

Jason's Penthouse: Diane explains that Jason's stonewall techniques will seem like arrogant contempt for the law, so he has to tell exactly what happened and why. Sort of like how OJ was a jerk and turned down a 3 year stint in jail b/c he expected a public apology instead, and is now facing 9 to 33 because the Judge decided he was "arrogant and stupid"?

Commercials

Mr. Mad just sang to me the Toys R Us theme song "from bikes and toys and video games, it's the biggest toy store there is"

Emma's Closet: Emma cries until Patrick picks her up. Robin dejectedly hands him the bottle. She's clearly upset and broken hearted that her baby hates her. Patrick says the first couple of months are toughest. The violins know that Emma is going to hate her forever, though, so they play a mournful tune. Robin thinks they have to hire a baby nurse and face the truth that she's a terrible mother.

Petticoat Junction: Oh, gawd, these two haven't died of typhoid yet? I miss Nik's neck. Why is he so bobble headed all the time? Oh heavens. Alfafalfa passed away while Nik and Nadine talked about how they aren't getting married.

Maxie's Fab Apartment: Stupid Looloo shows up and wants the apartment. They fight over it. Why are they acting like all that matters is who gives a deposit and gets approved first? Or, more to the point, why aren't they acting like they are clearly going to be roommates? Oh, here is comes. Looloo and Maxie are roommates. Kill me now.

Courthouse: Diane says she has to have a prelimary meeting, so she asks him to sit tight and not shoot anyone. Sam walks up and eyes Jason curiously. He eyes her like he needs some Activia. No idea what that was about.

The end