GH Recap 11/21: Grrrrllllllll power

So I know it's a bit silly that Liz and Sam would be in a minivan together. I know it's a bit silly that Liz is willing to trust Sam with her kids. But to me, this is easily my favorite twist in this silly show. It's frankly one of the few things that has my interest!

I am an unabashed Team Sam kind of girl. Now that Liez has quit liezing all the time, I can enjoy her again as well as simple Liz. (she used to be my favorite, and I never faulted her for hooking up with Jason) I find their uneasy truce to be very realistic if you pretend the mob stuff isn't there, and I also find it very maternal. I love that they totally hate each other but also are willing, for the sake of the kids and for the sake of their own happiness, and a bit b/c of their righteous guilt, to accept each other as a necessary evil and a sometimes surprising-blessing. I love that Sam reassures Liz about Jason, and I love that Liz needs that reassurance and accepts it like a champ.

I hate the GH mob. HATE IT. Don't see the need for it. This show has always been about mob and adventure and guns. But there used to be a time when the mobsters were the bad guys (and mobsters, fictional or otherwise are BAD GUYS. Always. end of story. Don't talk to me about abs b/c Jason had hotass abs when he was a doctor. and doctors? are hot. {hottest guy I ever dated was also the most boring, but he was so handsome, big blue eyes, had a motorcycle. He was a doctor. I GET the Jason thing, is what I'm saying.}

I think Liz is a dolt for wanting to be with Jason "come what may", but I dig it that she is willing to scoop her kids up with Sam into a mini-van and go to an undisclosed location. I dig that Sam has found her adventure jones, but she's willing to use that only to protect Liz and her kids. Honestly, I know most people hate one or the other, but I am in hog's heaven enjoying the heck out of them working together.
Chez Zee: Claud says she's going to miss their apartment. She's going to Sonny's house, she supposes and will be playing wifey soon.

Z House: Sonny reaffirms his agreement to marry Claud. Wheels says Sonny is getting the organization and "my precious pearl, Claudia"

Jason's Penthouse: Jason tells Spinelli that Liz and Sam were brought to one of Lucky's stupid safehouses b/c Lucky didn't want them under Jason's protection.

Minivan: Sam makes small talk and says she knows the boys are good campers. Liz smiles gamely at this, and Cameron squeals cutely. But suddenly we hear a boom and Liz screams and swerves.

Credits

Wyndermere: Jax comes in to tell Nik that his building will start soon. I can't even begin to say how unrealistic all this real estate babble is. Jax is going to build a causeway to the mainland. Nik throws Jax out. Carly shows up in a ridiculous blue shirt and tells Jax this has to stop. I hope she means the Strings of Stupidity.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason tells Spinelli they can't make any mistakes. Spinelli nervously prances about. Jason tells him the plan, but Spinelli blurts out that he made a mistake and held the Russians at gunpoint. Jason stares incredulously at this idiotic piece of news.

Minivan: Liz thanks Sam for changing the tire. Sam says it was a group effort. Liz says she was unsure about going away with Sam at first, but she's glad she's here. They compare notes that they are both feeling a bit paranoid and scared, but Liz peps up and says they'll be at the cabin in 30 minutes and no one will find them. Well, except the four guards that I'm sure Jason and Lucky insisted on! Other than them right? Russian guy peers at them through binoculars. Even though he's really close enough to see them clearly without them.

Chez Zee: Johnny angrily yells that marriage is supposed to be about love and trust and commitment. Claud laughs that he's totally adorable and says this plan is business and it's good. John doesn't like selling out his sister.

ZHouse: Sonny stutters that he's in charge and everyone reports to him. Wheels soothingly says 'of course...of course' He does ask to be kept in the loop. Ric hotly pours Sonny a glass of brandy and has it ready to hand to him as Sonny is saying if anyone goes behind his back, the deal is off. Ric gives Sonny his drink and hotly assures him he won't be a problem. Sonny looks so ridiculous in this scene. He seems to want to believe so badly that he's in charge, that he's convinced himself, but just a glace at Ric and Wheels communicates that clearly they are running the show.

Commercials

Quartermaine Mansion: Tracy has a stiff drink. Looloo, Monica and Edward talk about Luke like he's still a part of the family. Tracy finally yells that everyone needs to shut up b/c Luke doesn't live here. Luke appears at the terrace door and says "Mrs. Spencer, you do not mean that."

Jason's Apartment: Jason sternly asks Spinelli to spill. Spinelli explains that he cornered two slavic scoundrels. Jason asks exactly what was Spinelli thinking and what was he trying to prove. Spinelli sadly says he was trying to avenge Maxie. Jason says Spinelli is too smart to use a gun. "If you want to be a hero to Maxie, you stay the person you are. That's who she needs you to be." Knock at the door. It's Olivia, lounging in the door frame. she says they need to talk about Sonny.

Chez Zee: Johnny points out that Claud already once spilled a secret to Jason. She says she had hypothermia. Johnny oddly says she could get hypothermia again. She'll be with Sonny all the time, and she's sure to slip. Claud assures him again that it's a marriage of convenience. He asks if this means they aren't going to sleep together. She says of course she's going to sleep with him, since they are more compatible in bed than out of it.

Z'House: Sonny says he's going to provide guidance and leadership so the Z's can compete. Wheels says he needs them to stay alive. Sonny says they both win. Wheels says it's too bad he has to come and marry Claud, all because the man Sonny put in charge wouldn't let him back in. Sonny says he can handle Jason. (he can't) and Wheels says he's counting on it (don't count to high, Wheelsy!)

Commercials

Wyndermere: Carly yells at Jax for planning on building a resort on Spoon Island. Nik says his attorneys can keep this held up in court for years, and he still owns 25% of metrocourt. Carly says this is just a pathetic little contest with the two of them. Jax says Carly blah blah blah who cares.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli leaves to do Jason's bidding. Olivia says when she sees a train wreck coming, she has to speak up. I don't get that metaphor. She says he needs to let Sonny back in the mob.

Z'House: Johnny and Claud visit their dad. Wheels says Sonny has agreed to marry Claud. John says there won't be a wedding. Wheels tells Claud to go to Sonny tonight and seal the deal. John tells her not to, but she says it's her choice, and she agrees. Wheels says that Claud is looking out for his best interest. John says Wheels wants to sell Claud off to Sonny so that the organization is stronger when he's ready to take over, but Johnny doesn't want it. Claud tries to hide the fact that she wants it a lot.

Corinthaus: Milo and Max bicker a bit. Sonny tells Max that he's at the end of his rope. he tells him he's taking over Z'Organization, and to do that he has to marry Claudia. Because it's 1532. and Claudia is Portugal. I really am having a hard time following any of this. I feel like they should be wearing powdered wigs.

Commercials

Q Mansion: Alice gives Luke a massage and offers Luke some more bourbon. Edward angrily tells Tracy to get rid of Luke. Tracy says she tried. Looloo says Tracy is entitled to her feelings. Tracy thanks her and says she'll always be her step daughter and is welcome to live here. Monica says Tracy can't issue invitations to her house. Why do all these people hang out in this one room all the time since they clearly despise each other? Luke asks Alice to get rid of everyone so he can talk to Tracy alone. Edward tells Tracy to stick to her resolve. Tracy tells Luke she is immune to his romantic flim flam. Luke says he's not joking, and he's not giving her up.

Z'House: wheels says Johnny is naive. The deal has to happen whether he likes it or not. Claud says it's just business. You don't have to like the guy who buys stock in your company, you just have to take his money. Johnny again says this is a bad idea and thinks Claud believes it will be more than business. He tells Claud to be careful what she wishes for. Wheels asks if John ir right about Sonny. She drolly asks if she looks like a woman with any romantic illusions. She puts a rose in his pocket and leaves. But he hates her and thus hates the rose, so he crushes it.

Corinthaus: Max and Sonny discuss The new Danger. Sonny now thinks maybe one of the Z's shot Kate. Max asks why they would. Sonny says this is why he's marrying Claud, so he can learn about the organization and discover who shot Kate. Max asks what good this will do. Sonny busts out a Shatnerian line delivery and says "I will then.......... be in a ....pos....ition.....to do something.....about it." It even comes with a weird, slow head turn.

Jason's Penthouse: Olivia warns that Sonny will become as bad as the Z's if he joins them. She begs Jason not to let that happen and go get Sonny back. Jason asks why it's so important to her.

Hidden Cabin: The gang arrives. cameron cutely squeals and hops around. Sam goes to get supplies from the car, and Liz tells Cameron that he's so important to her, and she'll do anything to protect them. I don't think the word "anything" means what Liz thinks it means. She says she loves him, and Cameron cutes "I wove you too" back. Aw. Sam gets stuff from the car as a Russian lurks nearby. and honestly. What did he do? Park next to her? and she just figured that Liz brought an extra car and forgot to tell her? dumb!

Commercials

Q Mansion: woof, is this a boring episode! Tracy and Luke, such good actors, but they have had this conversation every time he comes back to town. It's pointless b/c we know he'll leave again. I would recommend renting "Fool for Love" instead of watching this. It's a Sam Shepard play made into a film.

Jason's Penthouse: Olivia manages to not answer Jason's question. Ric hotly shows up that if he wants to stop SOnny from teaming up with the Z's, he better do it fast. Ric is hotly amused and bored by all of this.

Jake's: Johnny gets his drink on with Coleman. Looloo shows up and offers wild and crazy hot sex. Johnny awesomely didn't hear a word she just said. He says he's thinking about his sister being about to marry Sonny.

Corinthaus: Claud struts in saying she heard the good news. Sonny sits in a chair and says she moves fast. Claud says that he hasn't asked her yet. Sonny nods oddly. Well, I guess he does everything oddly, and this is a B- in weird.

Commercials

I'm starting to think this episode will never end.

Wyndermere: Carly continues to whine to Nik that if Nik fights Jax, he'll just be more obnoxious. Nik asks what the other solution is. Jax comes back in and Nik rudely says "didn't you leave?" and honestly. Jactslikeanidiot is looking so petty and silly. Jax says the surveyors are coming tomorrow and wants to know if Nik will work with them. Well, what does that even mean? the surveyors will simply do their job and don't need to bother Nik in the slightest. Are their hounds that have to be called off? I assume there are hounds, right? Carly tells Nik he should sell her back her shares and then Jax will quit being such a doof.

Jake's: gah. gack. glarb. Loo thinks Johnny has to quit feeling guilty for being a Zacharra. Oh, Loo, rose by any other name would smell as trite.

Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud talk about getting married. Sonny asks all bored "Claudia, would you marry me?" as if he's asking for sports scores. Or really, more like he's watching a game and she's standing in front of the TV wanting to ask about laundry, and he angrily says "Claud, you make a better door than a window." Olivia eaveslurks from the terrace.

Hidden cabin: Liz calls Jason from the effing working phone in the hidden cabin. Who on earth has been paying all the utilities for this place all this time. I hope they get HBO b/c it would be a shame to miss the True Blood finale. Liz says everything is fine, and he doesn't need to worry. Liz delights about roasting marshmallows. Sam goes to get wood for the fire, but her sensitive nipples can tell that the Russians are there. She tries to casually rush into the house and locks the door. She says the russians are there. Liz jumps up to use the phone, and Sam says they must have cut the line. AND SO NEITHER OF YOU DOLTS BROUGHT A CELL PHONE? Sam says there's no other hidden cabins for miles, so they are on their own.

The end.

GH Recap 11/19: I am Mr. Roark, and I am your host

Haunted Star: I forgot Johnny and Luke were working together. Or did I make that up? They are in a scene together.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sam trots into the warehouse b/c why would there be any guards at all? She asks Sascha for a job.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home to put the gun back into the Box of Secret Pain. Jason says he shouldn't be carrying that. Spinelli says no one, not even Jason, will stop him from exacting The Revenge.

Credits


Scorpio-Drake Home: Robin thinks Patrick should go do rounds. He doesn't want to leave her alone while she's recovering from the c-section. Seriously, why wouldn't she be totally cool with being pampered for one stupid day? She wants to have a chance to be a mommy and thinks it's about time.

Haunted Star: Luke says he's disappointed in Johnny for some reason. I guess Luke wanted to challenge him to a game of roulette. Johnny thinks he's being played and wants to play cards. He opens a fresh deck and fans them out face down. But Brandon Baresh has apparently never played cards in his life because he holds the fan of cards in a way that would easily let Luke see them. Johnny wins the card picking and remains a partner at the HS.

Olivia's Room: Sonny has once again answered a phone that isn't his. He chats with Dante until Olivia rips the phone away. Olivia ends the call and tells Sonny that he's out of line. Olivia says she'll go back to Bensonhurst if he's going to end run her son. or something like that. Um, the thing is, Olivia is not wealthy, right? So doesn't she need to go back to work? Doesn't she have rent to pay? Even in Bensonhurst, I doubt rent is so affordable that you can take a month off work.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sascha will give Sam a job.




Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli tells Jason that Maxie was beat up and hit her head when she fell. Spinelli frantically says he thought she was dead. Jason says that he just said she's fine. Spinelli says that Maxie is quite small with delicate bones, and the Russians brutalized her anyway. Jason says that Maxie is under his protection as much as anyone else, and the people who hurt her will pay. Jason emphatically tells Spinelli that he knows he's wanting to take on The Revenge, but The Revenge often leads to The Darkening and The Dreadening or whatever, and you can never come back from The Dreadening of killing someone. Jason gets a phone call, so Spinelli is able to break the trance Jason has him in and runs off as Jason talks to Bernie. Or Bennie. I can never remember.

Commercials

GH Lounge: Edward and Tracy meet. Edward wants Monica to be chief of staff b/c she's been getting on his nerves at the house. Edward mocks her marriage to Luke, but she says she's Luke's real wife, since he chose to stay with her.

Nurse's Station: Piph tells Liz about some patients, and that she thinks Liz's boyfriend is involved. Liz snits that if Piph is talking about Jason, she doesn't know anything about his business. Piph says Liz may not be a total idiot afterall. I paraphrase. Patrick shows up to work and tells the women that Robin is a good mom.

Emma's Home: Robin tries to put together some complicated thingy. Why wouldn't two physicians just pay someone to build their baby stuff? Emma starts crying. Robin picks up doll and tries to figure out a way to either heat a bottle or change her. She doesn't know which Emma needs, so instead of simply CHECKING the kid's diaper and making a bottle anyway, she just pathetically sits there and pats the doll. Unsurprisingly, Emma still needs whatever is making her cry to be addressed, so she keeps crying. Well, Robin, you can try waiting until she starves to death, or you can make a dang bottle for her.

Haunted Star: Johnny and Luke try to have a cool-off basically. Neither one is winning, by the way.

Olivia's Room: Oy, Sonny and Olivia keep yammering to each other. Who has the time to sit around and bicker all day? Oh, and speaking of have WAY too much free time? kate shows up yet again to eaveslurk. Sonny randomly says he wants to talk to Dante again. Kate looks on in surprise.

Corinthaus: Spinelli lets himself in the terrace door. Why don't these people, who are actively being attacked by The Danger, never lock their doors? Somehow Spinelli knows that the bar is totally awesome and has a secret panel where Sonny keeps his box of Secret Pain. Only really, Sonny just keeps a gun in it b/c Sonny has no secret pain. he tells anyone and everyone all about his stupid pain. Spinelli conceals the gun. Max comes in to ask what Spinelli is doing. Spinelli says this is wise and takes off. Of course, he has to stop on the terrace and pull out the gun and think a moment before taking off resolutely. Do the writers think we forgot already that he just got that gun?

Commercials

Olivia's Room: Kate is all wimpy and pathetic and says Sonny was nice to take time off work to visit Olivia and that Olivia will thank him accordingly. Olivia says this is insulting to both her and Sonny. Sonny again says he'll call Dante to look after Olivia if she doesn't get better, or something. Olivia smiles and calls him an asss. Sonny leaves and Kate whines that Sonny should know about Dante, and she thinks telling Sonny would be a perfect, final gesture. Olivia stares dumbfounded and smell the farty about it, and Mr. Mad giggles.

Maxie's room: Spinelli brought a lavender plant to Maxie that can be transplanted later. Maxie says she has a brown thumb. Spinelli says that Mac was right and it is spinelli's fault she was injured, so he has to step out of her life. Mr. Mad asks who this weirdo is.

Docks: Sam and Lucky meet. She tells him that she got a job with The Russians. Lucky says this is a bad idea. Sam says that no one else is in a position to get evidence. It's a good point. Maybe the government or someone could create a group of people who do things like spy on bad guys and gather evidence. It could be centralized. Maybe set up headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason gets Cody ready to drain the blood of every Russian in town. He wants no prisoners.

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Liz and Patrick discuss patients. Patrick mentions that Emma sleeps only 3 hours at a time. Liz chuckles and says that sounds great to her. Patrick asks a few more questions about how often he should feed her. Piph shows up to be a total, bitchmouthed snot and berates him for making conversation about his newborn with a woman who is both a mother and a nurse. Honestly, they are getting work done, so why can't he ask a few questions without this insulting castigation? For some reason, Patrick apologizes. Robin calls and the baby is crying, so he asks them to sign him out. Liz and Piph say they have it under control, and he should be with his family. patrick cutely likes the sound of "my family" and leaves. Piph chuckles. Because I'm so effing sure that she just magically knew how to be a perfect parent 24 hours into the job.

Haunted Star: Johnny and Luke are still hanging out, drinking and being cool. Looloo and some really silly looking curly hair saunter in. She's all snotty to Luke and says that Luke didn't keep her and Johnny apart. Luke says "oh, rats" and thanks Johnny for stopping by. Johnny kisses her forehead and says her name never came up. ha! Loo says she's an idiot, but Luke hugs her fondly anyways because he's used to have idiots for children.

Maxie's Room: Maxie's eyes are all puffy and tearful as she insists that Stolichnaya attacked her b/c she saw them at Kelly's. She cutely says "I know you think you are a mobster, but you're not. You're more like...tech support!" Spinelli says that being friends with Jason makes him complicit. When he saw her lying in the same spot where Georgie died, and he couldn't bear life without her. Before he can finish, she interrupts and says she feels the same way, and she can't manage without his friendship. She'll turn into a horrible person again. SPinelli says she'll always be in his heart. She says she needs his presence too. He says she will have it, just not now. Then he ominously gets up to "attend" to something. She is easily cued in that this is The Danger and demands to know where he's going, but he leaves and says no more.

Commercials

Emma's Closet: Patrick comes home and Robin whines that she's destroying Emma's life by being bad at everything. Patrick picks up Emma and gets her to stop crying. Robin asks how he did that. Patrick says it was just bad timing, and Emma was probably cried out. Robin, as Robin does, takes this one piece of anecdotal evidence and bases her life's philosophy on it: Patrick is a great dad, and she sucks. Maybe Emma just doesn't like bad attitudes, Robin?

Haunted Star: Luke and Looloo talk about Logan. he blames Logan and hopes Loo isn't beating herself up over it. I can't even conceive of my father not being around for my murder trial. Loo thinks Laura could sense Looloo's pain and knew she was needed, so she came back. Loo asks what it means to him to have Laura back.

Corinthaus: Max tells sonny that Spinelli came by to broker a truce. Sonny says it's clear that Spinelli lives in the twilght zone and Jason doesn't really want to help him. Max says it's shame. There is a knock at the door. Max lets in Kate. Sonny mumbles that he thought she'd come, but he didn't think it would be this soon. Wow, that is so romantic. That was about as romantic as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Kate says she's not there to get back together, rather for the opposite.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sam reports for duty. Sascha has Vlad frisk Sam. She says she'd appreciate a warning next time. Sascha coldly says she doesn't trust Sam yet. Why that means she can't give a polite heads up about a frisking is beyond me. Vlad and the vodkas open a crate. Sam stares openly at it with her mouth slightly open. Because she's about as subtle as Freddy Mercury, that one.

Jason's Penthouse: I think we literally see the exact scene with Jason and Cody, with Jason once again saying that they'll leave no one alive. I assume he doesn't mean the emo-sounding band that plays while The Danger montage unfolds in slow motion.

Commercials.

Corinthaus: kHate says it's sad that stuff is sad, and she didn't know he was still in the mob. She kept a secret. he needs to know the truth....about his son. oh brudder. You are a piece of work kHate Howard.

Docks: Belvedere and Grey Goose walk along the docks. Spinelli jumps out from behind a row of crates and says "Freeze Evil dowers. This is for maximista" But then he stands there with the gun drawn for 45 hours.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Jason puts a sleeper hold on a guard. Then he signals for Cody. For some reason it only seems to be two of them shooting at the Russians. Sam has to hide behind crates. Because of how wooden crates totally stop bullets. Much shooting ensues. Sadly, there is no emo song. :(

the end