Wyndermere: Nadine and Nik have one of this idiotic conversations whereby she blathers about some sort of rhyme. Something about a horse lost a shoe. I don't know. She thinks it's bad luck. I think DUH it's bad luck. That's like saying "omg, I got a flat tire, that means bad luck."
Sam's Apartment: Lucky shows up to be gravelly voiced and whiny and pouty and even if Sam wasn't already sick of him she would become so at this point.
Crimson: Meth Addict Maxie says she re-wrote the Espadrille article, and he was right, it was better. Spinelli panics because something has gone wrong with El Laptopo.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is dressed for job interviews. She tells him to think positive. He hopes the interviewer has never heard of him. I think when random women on a Christmas tree lot have heard of the Zaccara's, then it's unlikely everyone hasn't.
Corinthaus: If I hear Jerry says "the window to your soul" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Claud calls Jerry a psycho, but then she clambors up onto the window ledge at the terrace and reaches around for the bag of puzzle pieces. Sonny walks in and asks if she thinks he doesn't know what she's looking for.
Credits
Wyndermere: Nadine poutily says that she knows he thinks superstitions are silly. What kind of idiot is sort of hurt if someone isn't all that traumatizd by a black cat walking by? Nik says he never gives knives as gifts or shakes hands through an open door. Watching these two is like watching The Simpsons. It all starts off where Lisa's horse lost a shoe, and then Bart rambles on about broken mirrors, but then it turns out the whole episode is really about some business man. It has all that disjointedness but none of the post-modern self-reflection. or enjoyableness.
Crimson: Maxie writes her article about shoes. This is a very shoe-heavy episode. Piano guy ploncks along merrily as Spinelli and Maxie type. If Spinelli and Maxie's keyboards were hooked up to musical keyboards, I imagine this would all sound like a John Davidson orchestral piece. I have no idea what's going on, but Spinelli sneezes. They really need to lay off the meth, these two.
Sams' Apartment: Sam has to hide a business card and tell lies to Lucky because she is so out of her mind bored with life unless she's lying or doing something dangerous. I was sad when her baby died, but I'm sort of relieved that her oddly placed uterus was shot.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Somehow Claud doesn't have to explain why she's climbing the walls like a crazy person. She manages to deflect and ask if Sonny is concerned about Kate.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam says whatever she's hiding is not illegal. Lucky angrily asks if she didn't learn her lesson from Jerry or following the Russian mob. Sam says she doesn't want to fight about this. He says he and Liz appreciate that she saved Jakeson, and if she's upset that he spent New year's Eve with her. She practically snorts in his face and says that's not it, she's glad he could help her. then she rapels out of the room. Not really. But she clearly wants to.
Crimson: Why does Spinelli have a cold? Why is that a plot point? Why is Maxie wearing a thousand bobbie pins in her hair? It's terrifying looking. Looloo odddly shows up to work. It's odd because she does it. They hear the elevator ding, so they rush to hide Spinelli. Kate comes in to get Maxie's article and her messages. She reveals she knows he's there. I think we are supposed to be amused.
Corinthaus: Claud is dressed like she's going to meet a bunch of thugs and have a dance off to regain territory, like MJ suggested in the 80's. Okay, so we just established that it's first thing in the morning b/c Loo brought coffee, and she and Maxie were at work before kate. But now Sonny and Claud are drinking bourbon. I only comment b/c he's the jerkweed who used to say AJ had a drinking problem. Sonny confides that yesterday was Chucky's birthday. He says his son is in a coma forever, and it puts things into perspective. Except...clearly it doesn't because Sonny is not doing anything to simply enjoy the people he actually loves that are not in comas. He says he likes the drapes, meaning he thinks Claud was climbing the walls b/c she was going to redecorate. Sonny has become Luckydumb.
Wyndermere: blah blah phone call. blah blah the plow patent is licensed to the Equinox corporation. Nik says they are a weapons manufacturer. Wait, not that I could give less of a rat's ass about this effing plow, but why is the patent licensed to anyone besides Raylene and now Nadine? Or is this one of those things where it turns out those pesky Indians from Spoon Island have been up to shennanigans again? Anywho, if Nadine ends up making an Iron Man suit, consider me gone.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam tries to assure Lucky that she knows his kids come first, and she knows Liz comes with the package. Lucky's phone rings, and he leaves immediately without even letting her finish a sentence. That would get old so quickly, if my husband had a phone like that.
Docks: Spinelli stumbles upon a girl talking to herself and typing on La Laptopa. She reminds me a bit of Molly Shannon in the face, and she has braids and glasses, so we know she's a nerd. Attractive people aren't able to understand computers, you see.
Corinthaus: Claud continues to run through the maze to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so she can build the Gabonese hut and win immunity. Ric hotly startles her.
Crimson: Kate and Jax look over headshots to find the right model. There is a lot of leopard print going on in this town today. Jax "hilariously" draws a mustache on a model's face and says they should go with something like that. Hot people are so annoying when they try to be funny. Kate and Jax flirt and flit about and Sonny shows up to be a big, grumpy, wet blanket.
Commercials
Wyndermere: blah blah how did a defense contractor get the patent. Nik says it explains the money. Nadine's phone rings, and it's Mr. Corday. She speaks like a mental patient and keeps repeating what he says so that Nik knows what's being said. I wish it was Mr. Corddry instead. Rob or Nate would do.
Docks: Nerdina thanks The Jackal for fixing her computer, and then she takes off.
Corinthaus: Claud angrily tells Ric that he had a decent childhood and a world class education. This marriage is giving her real power for the first time in her life. Gawd that's sad. She says Sonny is nicer to her than most men in her life have been. That's even sadder. Ric asks if she means him. She asks him to let her in on any plans he knows Wheels has. Ric hotly asks why Wheels would tell him anything. Claud says it would be to pit Ric against Sonny and make him feel important. Ric hotly scoffs that she has an overactive imagination. He drinks a bottle of Perrier and looks more nervous than a virgin in a pickle barrel. Claud picks up on this and tells him he can't trust her father. Even if John is really out of the picture, Wheels is not trust worthy. He asks her to tell him the plan, and they can hotly work out a side deal together. She pulls him into a quick kiss, but he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. He nervously gulps the water because that's not a guilty indicator at all. He leaves. and it's not exactly hot the way he leaves, but that just is because he's a good actor, and that is hot, so...he hotly leaves.
Johnny's Interviews: It's not going well. We only see Johnny's end of the interviews. He starts off with the typical cliche "people person, go getter" and then angrily says he's not his father. then he hilariously stands up and says with a tough guy accent "You want someone to keep jumping through hoops? Hire a monkey" and then he picks up a handful of pencils from the pencil holder and tosses them on the ground. heh.
Crimson: Sonny blah blah talks to Kate, and she tells him to go talk to his wife, and that is almost awesome, even for kHate. Sonny leaves and Maxie apologizes for letting him in. Kate says it's okay and tells Jax she hopes Sonny won't be back. She doesn't look remotely convinced that she means it, though.
Commercials
Wyndermere: Nik and Nadine meet with Mr. Corday. He wants to renew the license on the patent and gives Nadine a honking big check and will be back in 4 yeas when the license expirres. Nik says Mr. Corday is assuming a lot, and they are just getting started.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny comes him with a bloody knuckle and tells Loo it went badly, and he slammed a hole in the wall on the way out of one place. Why can't he just say his name is Johnny Jerome and get fake id's and stuff. If he hates his name, why keep it?
Sam's Apartment: Sam has summoned Spinelli to ask for help with the FBI guy that was asking her questions. she needs to know if he was investigating Spinelli. Spinelli believes he's lost his Jackalian prowess. Sam is very worried about him, and he leaves saying all is lost.
Corinthaus: OMG, SHUT THE EFF UP WITH THE EFFING WINDOW TO YOUR BLOODY SOUL BS. As per usual, Claud doesn't bother to check if anyone is home or just pulled up in the driveway, and she starts rattling around the house and knocking on mirrors. Sonny reasonably asks her what the hell she is doing now.
Commercials
Docks: Spinelli laments that El Laptopo has died. Buoy Boy clangs miserably. Nerdina has followed Spinelli and watches him with hero worship eyes. Maxie walks up and asks her why she's spying on Spinelli.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo puts a wash cloth on Johnny's knuckle to stop the bleeding. I don't think Julie Berman has ever been around any sort of injury in her life because she oddly dabs the cloth on and takes it off over and over. They start to get frisky, but Lucky shows up with a warrant for Johnny's arrest. The hell? Wouldn't he call first to make sure they were even home? And why say "PCPD" when he knocked. on his sister's door?
Wyndermere: Nadine asks point blank if Equinox uses the patent to make plows. He says he can't answer. She tears up the check and says that they can't have her aunts invention then. He says it's not that simple. But the music they use is Stings of Silliness, and not Ominous Musings in D Minor, so we know it is very likely this simple.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Claud that he will find out if she's hiding anything. He flashes the dimples, but the Drumbeats of Danger sound, so we know it's serious. Meanwhile, the stupid bag of puzzle pieces have fallen lose from the back of the mirror. Claud manages to react as minimally as possible so as not to draw Sonny's attention. Luckily, his back is turned. And also, he's kind of an idiot.
The End
Showing posts with label Claudia and Sonny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Claudia and Sonny. Show all posts
Friday, January 2, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
GH Recap 12/19: Speed-the-plow
Carly's House: Carly has busted out the Christmas ornaments for the tree. Jax shows up with a gift for the little boy who lives upstairs. Carly is too exhausted to pick a fight. Monty runs downstairs and asks with a face full of hope if Jax is going to spend Christmas with them. Such a cute kid, that one.
Corinthaus: Claud is still listening to Jerry's annoying voice. Sonny walks in and asks what she's hiding.
Sink Hole: Sascha and Jason are still on the phone talking about Sam. Sascha has hilariously been watching Sam try to Mario Brothers her way out of this hole this entire time and warns that if Jason doesn't find her soon, she won't be around to find.
Credits.
Emma's Closet: Anna shows up to say she got all the stuff in London that Robin wanted. Oh, so does that explain where she's been. Anna hears someone walk in, and it turns out to be Robert! Anna asks if his oncologist knows he's here. robert says he only has cancer in a parallel universe that has nothing to do with GH. Or really, he just smiles mysteriously.
Carly's House: Carly explains that Jax will be with Lady Jane b/c she needs her son like Carly needs Monty. Jax decides to let the kid open his gift now. I hope it's a Z-box like on OLTL! Oh, it's just a generic "video game system" I suppose they also use cotton swabs instead of Q-tips and drink carbonated beverages instead of Pepsi?
Corinthaus: Sonny finally notices the cheerfully decorated tree and angrily asks what she's done. Well, Sonny, she's done what she already emphatically said she'd do.
Jason's Penthouse: Sascha demands that Jason meet him on the pier, or Sam dies. Jason tells Spinelli where he's going (Ahem, SAM, see how smart adventure junkies do it? they have a buddy they tell stuff to. Sam needs a Starsky) Spinelli objects and says if Jason gets killed then the world is doomed. He's less dramatic, but we all know it's true. It'd be like in Superman II when Superman decided to become Clark Kent full time so he could bang Lois, and then those evil phantom dudes took over the White House. Gawd, I love that movie!
Commercials
Carly's House: Monty plays with his video game console. Oh, he is pretty young. I guess it should be more Leapfrog than Zombie Killers. The box looks like it holds fun, educational delight for a little kid. Carly ruins Monty's fun and tells him to go upstairs and put on the special zen music earphones she bought him so he won't hear Mommy and _______ fighting all the time. Carly thanks Jax for being a good stepdad. Jax remembers how happy they were last year, and she wonders how they got here. (when were they happy? doesn't he always go surfing this time of year and abandon her or Skye or Brenduh?)
Corinthaus: Claud says she knows he's mad at the universe for Chucky's coma. He angrily (but rightly) says it wasn't God or the universe that got Chucky shot "it was MEEEEE!" and then he throws something and breaks it. Aw, Sonny DOES love Claudia! He only breaks crystal when it's true love.
GH: Patrick and Shawn Douglas bicker a little bit about Shawn Douglas' gift to Emma. Patrick invites Shawn to his wedding the day after Christmas. he also asks him to be his best man. Shawn Douglas is quite flummoxed.
Emma's Closet: Robert and Anna have tea. He assures her he's in remission, but she's going to check up at the clinic to make sure. He says she's welcome to call them b/c he's being honest. Then they bicker about being able to kick each other's booties. Robin comes home and jubilantly asks them what they are doing. Anna guiltily says they are fighting. Robert says they are playing catch up, and then he pats her fanny in such a way that makes her wiggly.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Robin cuddles Emma. I'm so sure that Robert and Anna could just stand there and not grab that cutie baby from her. I fully plan on handing my kid off before my mom even says hello. Robert holds her and gives her a bottle. She gives out a few squeels. Robin is doing a good job of pretending like she doesn't hate her baby, so Emma relaxes. Robert sweetly says that Emma is proof he did something right in this world. He tells her he was in the hospital knocking on heaven's door, then he jokes it was probably the other place, but he knew there was something he needed to do. He kisses her forehead when she coos and says "you, my darling, were definitely worth the fight." aw!
Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli wonders why Jason is going to endanger himself. Jason grumpily says Sam saved Jakeson, so what does Spinelli want him to do? Well, for starters, you can only save people who don't purposefully put themselves in danger. Love ya, Sam, but COME ON!
Sink Hole: Sam writhes in pain, her face wet with tears, and her leg clearly broken or otherwise terribly injured. She tries to get back up, but she falls down in agony.
Carly's House: Carly cries about missing Chucky. Monty runs downstairs with a picture he made of Lady Jane. Jax says he's a great artist. Monty says "I miss you." and hugs Jax and causes Carly to sob. Gee, Carlidiot, maybe you should thought of THIS MOMENT when you traded in your marriage to save that jerkweed mobster, Sonny. You won't let Sonny see Monty, so why would you give up the one man you do think is worthy of your demon spawn?
Corinthaus: Sonny is in rare form for this scene. Claud says Sonny didn't put Chucky in a coma b/c he was the intended target. Sonny says he should have had guards (yes, 24/7) He says he should have reacted differently when he saw the rifle (you mean diving for your lover instead of your child? right again!) Sonny strikes at the air with his fist and talks about the people who continue to hurt people. He says Devlin crossed the line when he tried to kill him in front of his child. This jerkmonster doesn't even see it as Devlin's main sin was firing when a kid was present. Sonny is the worst. Claud apologizes for making Christmas worse for him. Sonny says the only gift he wants is to find out if the man who shot his son had an accomplice. claud holds back tears and says Devlin paid with his life. Sonny whispers, in what I believe is supposed to be a threatening way "it's not enough"
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Patrick finds Shawn Douglas and asks if he is going to be his best man. Shawn-D asks about Coleman,a nd Patrick says he'll understand. Shawn-D says he had plans with football and big screen and cheerleaders. Patrick says there are DVR's. Okay, dude, whathefuckever. A man may very well give up other women, but what kind of confirmed bachelor gives up bowl games for a dorky wedding with only 14 people attending? Seriously, have that nonsense after the 5th. Or did Patrick go to some lame school with a crappy football team? That must be it. oh, and GO GATERS, if you don't mind. Rip their lungs out, 'kay? Patrick sincerely says he wants Shawn-D there, and he agrees.
Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert watch Emma sleep, as you do when a baby is in the room. Robert tells her to quit look at him with a sappy face. Robin says they can't help being sappy since he was dying and now he's healthy. Anna says seeing him with Emma was a lovely moment. Robert asks Robin if she wants him here or not. She says of course she does, but she doesn't want him to risk his life over it. Robert promises he's in great shape, and his doctor's signed off on it. Robin says she'd rather take his word. Anna moans at how many times she's been there, done that. heh. then they stand and watch Emma fidget and coo. Robert says he sees a lot of Robin and Anna. Robin says she sees a lot of Patrick. Anna says she is the spitting image of Robin. Robin and Anna talk a bit about how Robert didn't even know Robin as a baby. Then they tease each other for being grandparents, while Robin beams at her two parents who were totally dead to the point she spoke to their ghosts when she was diagnosed with HIV, but who are now living and breathing, or at least, remarkably charming zombies. Regardless, it must feel nice to have them around.
Alleydocks: Sascha and Jason meet. Sascha recaps how many times Sam has been in her grasp. She also says Sam fell and now they get to have this nice little talk, and she sounds so much like Heidi Klum Seal saying "we are going to have a little chat" before the judging, that I get confused about what show I'm watching. Jason impatiently asks what her point is.
Christmas Fantasy: sarly sobs over a Super heart breaking memory that I can't imagine ever happened of Carly, Sonny, Chucky and Monty having a merry, cheerful, family moment, hanging stockings. In the present she looks at the bare mantel, paralized by whether or not you hang your son's stocking who lives at a Whole Foods. Is it more heart breaking to see it sitting there, or just to have Monty's? She holds her face in her hands. And yeah, dum dum, this is why I don't get why you chose the cretin who got your son shot over the man who wanted to move heaven and earth to keep your kids safe?
Commercials
Corinthaus: Carly calls Sonny and says she needs to see him in person. Claud asks where he's going, but he dismissively tells her not to wait up. I guess Sonny gave up on the whole "winning Claud over" bit?
Emma's Closet: Robin jokes that she went into labor in the first ceremony, so Robert could be here for the 2nd one. Robert asks what she needs for the wedding, but Robin says Maxie has it all under control. robert asks how Patrick is handling all this. Robin says he's the best, and emma likes him more than her (though she says it like she's kidding.) Patrick shows up, surprised to see Robert. Robert teases he couldn't stay away b/c he has to give the FIL/SIL chat. My dad and his brothers give The Real Man test to all the grooms in the family. None of the women ever know what it is. I have my guesses. I know you have to be really, really drunk to administer it!
Alleydocks: Sascha tells Jason that he's hurt The Danger, and they are wondering whether they can stay in this random town that can't possibly be all that lucrative for one mob syndicate, much less 8, and they are considering leaving town.
Sink Hole: Alexis appears to Sam and sternly tells her that she can't go to sleep, or she'll freeze to death. Sam mumbles that Alexis is just in her mind. Alexis says she's telling her what she already knows. "You can save yourself, but you have to get up and keep moving." Sam snuggles back against the rock.
Corinthaus: Claud goes back to listening to Jerry ramble endlessly about his stupid game and the stupid marriage. He goes on and on until even Claud yells "oh, get to the point, you psycho!" Also, was it St. Patrick's Day when Jerry recorded this? That's the only excuse for the ugly green jacket and the sickly green tint. Jerry gives a stupid clue about the window of her soul. So, apparently the GH writers moonlight as Survivor treemail writers? I hope they all start rhyming, and that Claud has to do a bunch of stupid puzzles!
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert leave to run an errand. I think it's so dumb when they don't give extra padding to a new mom on these shows. Or couldn't they at least dress Robin in something other than tight jeans a few weeks after she gives birth? Robin and Robert talk about the first day they met and how it was love at first sight. Robin asks how Robert really is, and at first seems to be asking doctorly questions, but then she asks him if he can walk her down the aisle.
Sink Hole: Alexis sternly but lovingly tells her she has to stay awake. Sam says now she knows she's dreaming b/c Alexis doesn't like being her mother. Alexis says maybe that's not true, and that's why Sam is imagining her. Sam weepily says she wants her mother to save her. Alexis regretfully says her mother can't save her, but Sam can save herself. Then she sternly repeats that Sam has to get up and start moving. Sam takes a deep breath and struggles to stand.
Alleydocks: Jason is on the phone and tells Bernie to send something now. Sascha checks her phone and is pleased with the results. Sascha says she's happy to leave this place and is glad that Jason will beat those sons of bitches (which, is quickly becoming my favorite curse word) Suddenly we hear a silencer shot, and Sascha is shot in the back. Jason catches her and desperately says he gave her what she wanted, so she has to tell him where Sam is. Well, jason, see, sometimes when people are shot they DIE. They don't always have art studio supplies at the ready.
Carly's House: Sonny shows up and asks what was so important. Monty shows up smilingly and wishes his dad a Merry Christmas. Sonny, for all his evil and cynicism and self-loathing, can't wipe the giant smile off his face.
The end
Corinthaus: Claud is still listening to Jerry's annoying voice. Sonny walks in and asks what she's hiding.
Sink Hole: Sascha and Jason are still on the phone talking about Sam. Sascha has hilariously been watching Sam try to Mario Brothers her way out of this hole this entire time and warns that if Jason doesn't find her soon, she won't be around to find.
Credits.
Emma's Closet: Anna shows up to say she got all the stuff in London that Robin wanted. Oh, so does that explain where she's been. Anna hears someone walk in, and it turns out to be Robert! Anna asks if his oncologist knows he's here. robert says he only has cancer in a parallel universe that has nothing to do with GH. Or really, he just smiles mysteriously.
Carly's House: Carly explains that Jax will be with Lady Jane b/c she needs her son like Carly needs Monty. Jax decides to let the kid open his gift now. I hope it's a Z-box like on OLTL! Oh, it's just a generic "video game system" I suppose they also use cotton swabs instead of Q-tips and drink carbonated beverages instead of Pepsi?
Corinthaus: Sonny finally notices the cheerfully decorated tree and angrily asks what she's done. Well, Sonny, she's done what she already emphatically said she'd do.
Jason's Penthouse: Sascha demands that Jason meet him on the pier, or Sam dies. Jason tells Spinelli where he's going (Ahem, SAM, see how smart adventure junkies do it? they have a buddy they tell stuff to. Sam needs a Starsky) Spinelli objects and says if Jason gets killed then the world is doomed. He's less dramatic, but we all know it's true. It'd be like in Superman II when Superman decided to become Clark Kent full time so he could bang Lois, and then those evil phantom dudes took over the White House. Gawd, I love that movie!
Commercials
Carly's House: Monty plays with his video game console. Oh, he is pretty young. I guess it should be more Leapfrog than Zombie Killers. The box looks like it holds fun, educational delight for a little kid. Carly ruins Monty's fun and tells him to go upstairs and put on the special zen music earphones she bought him so he won't hear Mommy and _______ fighting all the time. Carly thanks Jax for being a good stepdad. Jax remembers how happy they were last year, and she wonders how they got here. (when were they happy? doesn't he always go surfing this time of year and abandon her or Skye or Brenduh?)
Corinthaus: Claud says she knows he's mad at the universe for Chucky's coma. He angrily (but rightly) says it wasn't God or the universe that got Chucky shot "it was MEEEEE!" and then he throws something and breaks it. Aw, Sonny DOES love Claudia! He only breaks crystal when it's true love.
GH: Patrick and Shawn Douglas bicker a little bit about Shawn Douglas' gift to Emma. Patrick invites Shawn to his wedding the day after Christmas. he also asks him to be his best man. Shawn Douglas is quite flummoxed.
Emma's Closet: Robert and Anna have tea. He assures her he's in remission, but she's going to check up at the clinic to make sure. He says she's welcome to call them b/c he's being honest. Then they bicker about being able to kick each other's booties. Robin comes home and jubilantly asks them what they are doing. Anna guiltily says they are fighting. Robert says they are playing catch up, and then he pats her fanny in such a way that makes her wiggly.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Robin cuddles Emma. I'm so sure that Robert and Anna could just stand there and not grab that cutie baby from her. I fully plan on handing my kid off before my mom even says hello. Robert holds her and gives her a bottle. She gives out a few squeels. Robin is doing a good job of pretending like she doesn't hate her baby, so Emma relaxes. Robert sweetly says that Emma is proof he did something right in this world. He tells her he was in the hospital knocking on heaven's door, then he jokes it was probably the other place, but he knew there was something he needed to do. He kisses her forehead when she coos and says "you, my darling, were definitely worth the fight." aw!
Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli wonders why Jason is going to endanger himself. Jason grumpily says Sam saved Jakeson, so what does Spinelli want him to do? Well, for starters, you can only save people who don't purposefully put themselves in danger. Love ya, Sam, but COME ON!
Sink Hole: Sam writhes in pain, her face wet with tears, and her leg clearly broken or otherwise terribly injured. She tries to get back up, but she falls down in agony.
Carly's House: Carly cries about missing Chucky. Monty runs downstairs with a picture he made of Lady Jane. Jax says he's a great artist. Monty says "I miss you." and hugs Jax and causes Carly to sob. Gee, Carlidiot, maybe you should thought of THIS MOMENT when you traded in your marriage to save that jerkweed mobster, Sonny. You won't let Sonny see Monty, so why would you give up the one man you do think is worthy of your demon spawn?
Corinthaus: Sonny is in rare form for this scene. Claud says Sonny didn't put Chucky in a coma b/c he was the intended target. Sonny says he should have had guards (yes, 24/7) He says he should have reacted differently when he saw the rifle (you mean diving for your lover instead of your child? right again!) Sonny strikes at the air with his fist and talks about the people who continue to hurt people. He says Devlin crossed the line when he tried to kill him in front of his child. This jerkmonster doesn't even see it as Devlin's main sin was firing when a kid was present. Sonny is the worst. Claud apologizes for making Christmas worse for him. Sonny says the only gift he wants is to find out if the man who shot his son had an accomplice. claud holds back tears and says Devlin paid with his life. Sonny whispers, in what I believe is supposed to be a threatening way "it's not enough"
Commercials
Nurse's Station: Patrick finds Shawn Douglas and asks if he is going to be his best man. Shawn-D asks about Coleman,a nd Patrick says he'll understand. Shawn-D says he had plans with football and big screen and cheerleaders. Patrick says there are DVR's. Okay, dude, whathefuckever. A man may very well give up other women, but what kind of confirmed bachelor gives up bowl games for a dorky wedding with only 14 people attending? Seriously, have that nonsense after the 5th. Or did Patrick go to some lame school with a crappy football team? That must be it. oh, and GO GATERS, if you don't mind. Rip their lungs out, 'kay? Patrick sincerely says he wants Shawn-D there, and he agrees.
Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert watch Emma sleep, as you do when a baby is in the room. Robert tells her to quit look at him with a sappy face. Robin says they can't help being sappy since he was dying and now he's healthy. Anna says seeing him with Emma was a lovely moment. Robert asks Robin if she wants him here or not. She says of course she does, but she doesn't want him to risk his life over it. Robert promises he's in great shape, and his doctor's signed off on it. Robin says she'd rather take his word. Anna moans at how many times she's been there, done that. heh. then they stand and watch Emma fidget and coo. Robert says he sees a lot of Robin and Anna. Robin says she sees a lot of Patrick. Anna says she is the spitting image of Robin. Robin and Anna talk a bit about how Robert didn't even know Robin as a baby. Then they tease each other for being grandparents, while Robin beams at her two parents who were totally dead to the point she spoke to their ghosts when she was diagnosed with HIV, but who are now living and breathing, or at least, remarkably charming zombies. Regardless, it must feel nice to have them around.
Alleydocks: Sascha and Jason meet. Sascha recaps how many times Sam has been in her grasp. She also says Sam fell and now they get to have this nice little talk, and she sounds so much like Heidi Klum Seal saying "we are going to have a little chat" before the judging, that I get confused about what show I'm watching. Jason impatiently asks what her point is.
Christmas Fantasy: sarly sobs over a Super heart breaking memory that I can't imagine ever happened of Carly, Sonny, Chucky and Monty having a merry, cheerful, family moment, hanging stockings. In the present she looks at the bare mantel, paralized by whether or not you hang your son's stocking who lives at a Whole Foods. Is it more heart breaking to see it sitting there, or just to have Monty's? She holds her face in her hands. And yeah, dum dum, this is why I don't get why you chose the cretin who got your son shot over the man who wanted to move heaven and earth to keep your kids safe?
Commercials
Corinthaus: Carly calls Sonny and says she needs to see him in person. Claud asks where he's going, but he dismissively tells her not to wait up. I guess Sonny gave up on the whole "winning Claud over" bit?
Emma's Closet: Robin jokes that she went into labor in the first ceremony, so Robert could be here for the 2nd one. Robert asks what she needs for the wedding, but Robin says Maxie has it all under control. robert asks how Patrick is handling all this. Robin says he's the best, and emma likes him more than her (though she says it like she's kidding.) Patrick shows up, surprised to see Robert. Robert teases he couldn't stay away b/c he has to give the FIL/SIL chat. My dad and his brothers give The Real Man test to all the grooms in the family. None of the women ever know what it is. I have my guesses. I know you have to be really, really drunk to administer it!
Alleydocks: Sascha tells Jason that he's hurt The Danger, and they are wondering whether they can stay in this random town that can't possibly be all that lucrative for one mob syndicate, much less 8, and they are considering leaving town.
Sink Hole: Alexis appears to Sam and sternly tells her that she can't go to sleep, or she'll freeze to death. Sam mumbles that Alexis is just in her mind. Alexis says she's telling her what she already knows. "You can save yourself, but you have to get up and keep moving." Sam snuggles back against the rock.
Corinthaus: Claud goes back to listening to Jerry ramble endlessly about his stupid game and the stupid marriage. He goes on and on until even Claud yells "oh, get to the point, you psycho!" Also, was it St. Patrick's Day when Jerry recorded this? That's the only excuse for the ugly green jacket and the sickly green tint. Jerry gives a stupid clue about the window of her soul. So, apparently the GH writers moonlight as Survivor treemail writers? I hope they all start rhyming, and that Claud has to do a bunch of stupid puzzles!
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Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert leave to run an errand. I think it's so dumb when they don't give extra padding to a new mom on these shows. Or couldn't they at least dress Robin in something other than tight jeans a few weeks after she gives birth? Robin and Robert talk about the first day they met and how it was love at first sight. Robin asks how Robert really is, and at first seems to be asking doctorly questions, but then she asks him if he can walk her down the aisle.
Sink Hole: Alexis sternly but lovingly tells her she has to stay awake. Sam says now she knows she's dreaming b/c Alexis doesn't like being her mother. Alexis says maybe that's not true, and that's why Sam is imagining her. Sam weepily says she wants her mother to save her. Alexis regretfully says her mother can't save her, but Sam can save herself. Then she sternly repeats that Sam has to get up and start moving. Sam takes a deep breath and struggles to stand.
Alleydocks: Jason is on the phone and tells Bernie to send something now. Sascha checks her phone and is pleased with the results. Sascha says she's happy to leave this place and is glad that Jason will beat those sons of bitches (which, is quickly becoming my favorite curse word) Suddenly we hear a silencer shot, and Sascha is shot in the back. Jason catches her and desperately says he gave her what she wanted, so she has to tell him where Sam is. Well, jason, see, sometimes when people are shot they DIE. They don't always have art studio supplies at the ready.
Carly's House: Sonny shows up and asks what was so important. Monty shows up smilingly and wishes his dad a Merry Christmas. Sonny, for all his evil and cynicism and self-loathing, can't wipe the giant smile off his face.
The end
Monday, December 15, 2008
GH Recap 12/15: Come and Knock On My Door
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Bleck, I forgot that Maxie thought she was overhearing Johnny and Looloo have way to loud sex, but they were really moving furniture.
Alleydocks: Sascha yells at some Russians about a shipment. Because after Russians set several buildings and ships on fire, I'm so sure that they would still be able to do business as usual. Sam, idiotically, sneaks up to hide behind some wooden crates.
Jason's Apartment: Jason and Spinelli talk about The Danger. Meanwhile, someone copies files from Spinelli's laptop. they are very bad hackers, however, because a giant, animated window pops up that clearly states "copying files". Luckily for the inept hacker, Spinelli is not looking, and is instead trying to talk Jason into teaming up with Sonny again.
Corinthaus: Claud pulls away from Sonny's kiss and says she thought he hated her and asks what changed. He non answers by saying "what do you think."
Credits
Alleydocks: Sascha continues to ramble about The Danger, but then Natasha shows up! Dressed in black and zippy necklaces. She is so over the Russians and The Danger, and it's about time. She wants Sascha to either answer her questions now, or prepare to be subpoena'd. Sascha asks on what grounds, and Natasha points out that the stupid Russians have blown up half the town at this point, so this is a dumb question.
Sam's Apartment Lucky shows up with a box. It looks like the sort of box you'd put pastries in. He realizes Sam isn't home, and poutily snots "so much for dinner." Well, since your idea of "dinner" is a big cake, Lucky, it's no wonder Sam isn't there. Yo don't maintain a body like that by eating sheet cake for dinner, you dimwit.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Even Maxie can't save how stupid and xylophone-y this scene is.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily tells Spinelli that Sonny is the reason that Jason's family and businesses have been targeted. He gruffly says he doesn't think Sonny thought Jakeson would be kidnapped when he shot Krapov, but he should have. About dang time someone noticed Sonny's culpability in all this!
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud boringingly discuss this kiss. She doesn't know if he's trying to strengthen his ties to the Z's by strengthening their marriage. Or maybe he's not feeling as compelled to go back to Kate as he thought he would. Sonny says she's reading more into the kiss than she should. Is this how he's planning on seducing her? By insulting her? Claud also wants to discuss The Danger as well. She thinks on the one hand, he wants the Z's to help him with The Russians, but on the other hand, they know Jason is vulnerable, and so does Sonny, so he wants to make a move against Jason. Sonny mumbleasks why he'd do that to his oldest friend. Claud twirls her hair and says no one believes Sonny and Jason are friends anymore, including Sonny and Jason. heh.
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Corinthaus: Claud taunts Sonny a bit that Sonny gave Jason the Biz, but Jason wouldn't give it back. Sonny finally tells her that Jason and Carly plotted to take his sons away from him. You know who helped with that, Sonny? You did by not hiring guards to protect your kids. Also, Claud helped a lot by hiring the hitman who shot your son!
Haunted Star: Lucky mopes over to the HS to talk to his dad and share pastries with him. Does Lucky have an eating disorder?
Alleydocks: Sascha says her business associate was murdered. Alexis explains that a Desolate Mountain Bar blew up with a kid inside, but Sascha knew that. Sascha says she didn't know it at the time, and that the kid's mother accosted her at the hospital. Alexis asks if the name Jakeson Spencer means nothing to her. Alexis says she knows Sascha is not from this country, but it's frowned upon to threaten the district attorney. Sascha says she thinks Natasha is harassing her to deflect attention from her lover who has disappeared, and her daughter, who unfortunately has not. sam, who has been eaveslurking behind some crates, makes a rotten egg face at this.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason explains this all started 10 months ago when Chucky was put into a coma, and Sonny hasn't been thinking right since. Jason says he tried to explain to Sonny that people like them don't get to be happy, but he stupidly started making plans to be just that with Liz. He says Sonny is still lying, and I think he means to himself. Jason says he doesn't know if Sonny is planning a move against him. A knock at the door reveals Special Agent Raynor. Spinelli dutifully leaves, and Jason asks if he needs his attorney. SA Raynor says he doesn't, " what I have to say may save your life." Psst, Special Agent Raynor, just so's you know, no matter what you say or don't say or do or don't do, Jason is going to die an old man. He's Superjase! It should have been in your report.
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Alleydocks: Sascha says Natasha's personal life is common knowledge. Well, it is for creepy bad guys who are stalking her, Sascha. Natasha tells Sascha to get her guards to back off. Sascha calls Sam a drug smuggling slut. Natasha gets in Sascha's face and repeats that Sas needs to call of her guards, or she'll send the text giving the police Sascha's location. Sam smiles happily at her badass of a mom.
Haunted Star: Lucky whines to Lucky that his girlfriend has bigger balls than him. Luke eats pastries and says "Cowboy, it's time you learn that just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you can make a life with them."
Corinthaus: Sonny gives lip service to his guilt about Chucky. He says he'll never see his kids again without guards around. Yes, MOBSTER, that is how it's done. Claud says maybe he can get joint custody. Sonny says he signed over his parental rights to Carly. Claud is surprised that jason sided with Carly. Why are people ever confused about this? Sonny is the quote "biggest mobster on the easter seaboard" unquote, and he took his son to a place where his business is done, and he didn't have any guards available. Because he's INSANE. I guess maybe Claud is playing Sonny and pretending to think he was wronged by Carly and Jason. She says he lost Jason and Carly, and it didn't work with Kate, so now all he's got left are the Z's. Max announces Wheels. Sonny angrily asks if he ever can just call. Wheels rudely dismisses Claud. Sonny says Wheels can leave, and he'll discuss things with his wife. Wheels relents, and Claud stays. Sonny sits to talk about Jason and The Danger. Sonny says Jason doesn't have the resources to fight him and the Russians at the same time.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor tells Jason all about his life as Mullet Boy, and the car accident, and the being taken advantage of by a mobster for his brain damage. Jason asks if Raynor is giving him a way out of prosecution due to mental incompetence. Raynor says that this life Jason has chosen is going to end in prison or death. The feds want to offer Jason immunity from prosecution. Jason asks what he has to give in return. It's very telling that he's at least open enough to ask that question.
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Casa de 3s a Crowd: Strings of Stupidity splink while Maxie insists they make a list of rules. Looloo agrees that she'd never want to wear Maxie's clothes. This becomes Rule #1. Rule #2 is never eat Maxie's food, even if it's just left overs and even if Looloo pays her back. Rule #3 is if Johnny lives here, he pays a third of the rent. Idiot Looloo stares in surprise at this. Yep, I can peg a mooch, loser tenant from a mile away! Even fictitious ones.
Haunted Star: Luke says that Lucky likes stability and order and the old Spencer House that Laura also loved. Luke asks if Sam likes that old house. Lucky says Sam likes her hot tub (hi, writers!) and in fact they spend most of their time at her apartment. Luke is basically saying that Lucky should date Tracy, and he himself should date Sam. Not in so many words b/c it would be icky, but that Lucky is as boring as an old rug, and Sam wants to buy rugs in Morocco and use them to smuggle herself into a mobster's den.
Alleydocks: Natasha tells Sascha that she better start cooperating or be ready to go to prison. She holds up her phone like it's attached to a detonator and politely shoves her way past Sascha's gaurds. Sascha stares out at the water and somehow doesn't see Sam staring at her. Poor Sascha may be going blind and should have her complete lack of peripheral vision checked out!
Corinthaus: Sonny gets a call, leaving Claud and Wheels alone to talk. Claud angrily says she doesn't know what her father's plan is yet, but it seems to be working for him so far. Wheels giggles that she's right.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor wants info to build a case against Sonny and Wheels. Jason says he's barely dealt with Wheels, and the Feds should know he doesn't talk to Sonny anymore. Raynor says Sonny and Wheels have done bad guy stuff, and Jason gets a blank slate if he gives info. Raynor further says that if Jason stays a mobster, they will basically look the other way. Raynor says that Jason made a bad choice when he didn't know better, due to the brain damage, so he has the chance to make good on that. He asks what Jason really owes Sonny anyway. In case the audience is actually as stupid as the writers clearly think they are, Jason clarifies "so you're asking me to give up Sonny to save myself?" Yes, Jason. He has not been remotely subtle. Gawd.
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Haunted Star: Luke and Natasha! Hang out and drink! Yay! I hope they accidentally kill someone again tonight! He tells her that he thinks it's clear he chose Tracy b/c he's here and Tracy's here and Laura is in Paris. Alexis says that Tracy wants to know that he loves Tracy the most and would choose her. Luke asks how she knows that, and she says she watches Oprah. Alexis says she has never been the love of anyone's life, and in fact has never kissed a boy where it didn't turn into a disaster. Luke says he senses this conversation has turned in a Jerry Jax-themed one.
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Looloo says Johnny is a guest. Maxie asks if Johnny is going to be using the refrigerator, the bathroom and the living room. He says yes to all three, and Maxie says that settles it, he's paying rent. Johnny says he has no problem paying rent until he finds aplace. Looloo idiotically says that Maxie is just jealous b/c she thought she heard them having sex. Shut up, Looloo. Johnny offers to take everyone out for Chinese. Probably because, like me, ever since Maxie mentioned leftover Chinese food, he's been craving it. Maxie wants to stay home and pout and stew over her list of rules.
Corinthaus: Wheels leaves. Claud thanks Sonny for not kicking her out. He says he likes to annoy Wheels, and also doesn't mind her being around. He says they are on the same side. Claud says this seems too easy, adn that when something seems too good to be true, it is. and yet, dum dums like Claud continue to ignore that instinct on a daily basis in this town.
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Haunted Star: Alexis explains to Luke that they played each other, and if he hadn't died, she'd have had no problem turning him and the evidence over. Luke nervously asks if this is just true for Jerry, or other criminals she knows. She asks if he's talking about the time he tried to kill her step mother. Luke quickly corrects saying "WE!" and Alexis says that the "we" part is what negates her ability to prosecute him. He relaxes at this news. Alexis is not the crappy sort of friend that most people are in this town, and lets the conversation turn back to Luke's needs and explains the fact that Luke still loves Laura has to be a real kick in the teeth to Tracy.
Corinthaus: Sonny says he didn't plan on treating Claud miserably. He says he's not proud of the way he treated her in the past, but he had a lot going on, and he took it out on her. Claud admits she was hardly Little Miss Sunshine. Show, please don't mention the titles of far superior and more entertaining movies b/c it just makes me hyper aware of how crappy this show can be. Milo interrupts to deliver the mail. Do Max and Milo really just hang out in the foyer? It must be so cold in there! Claud hops up to look through her magazines. He asks what they can do to make the marriage work for both of them.
Casa de 3s a crowd: Looloo and Johnny come home with Chinese take out. They can hear Maxie giggling and romping. Looloo thinks Maxie is having sex with Spinelli to prove a point. She knows Spinelli is in love with Maxie and thinks this is mean. Spinelli enters at this moment with a Tiffany blue box. That is so nice. Looloo does some quick math and wonders who is in Maxie's room. We hear Maxie moaning "don't stop! don't stop!"
Sam's Apartment: Lucky comes back to Sam's and leaves a message, poutily saying "I guess you decided to skip dinner. Next time just give me a call." and while Lucky is so whiny, Sam really was a jerk not to text him that she was not going to meet him.
Alleydocks: Lucky got voicemail b/c Sam was calling Jason at this exact moment. She whispers to herself as the phone ring, begging Jason to pick up. (we see Jason's phone ringing at his penthouse, no one around to answer it) Sam starts to leave, but realizes The Russian Goons have her surrounded. Oh, maybe Sascha's peripheral vision isn't so bad afterall.
the end
The "this week" promo is about Sonny and Claud. Annoucer: his wife's ambition put his son in a coma. (we see shots of Claud and Sonny and Little Chucky all snuggled in at Whole Foods). Announcer: This week the truth could get her killed. (turns out Jerry made a DVD that details Claud's part in hiring the shooter. Claud gets the DVD and has to keep is secret).
Sonny angrily asks what she's done. (but it seems more like he's asking about Christmas decorations than anything The Danger related)
Alleydocks: Sascha yells at some Russians about a shipment. Because after Russians set several buildings and ships on fire, I'm so sure that they would still be able to do business as usual. Sam, idiotically, sneaks up to hide behind some wooden crates.
Jason's Apartment: Jason and Spinelli talk about The Danger. Meanwhile, someone copies files from Spinelli's laptop. they are very bad hackers, however, because a giant, animated window pops up that clearly states "copying files". Luckily for the inept hacker, Spinelli is not looking, and is instead trying to talk Jason into teaming up with Sonny again.
Corinthaus: Claud pulls away from Sonny's kiss and says she thought he hated her and asks what changed. He non answers by saying "what do you think."
Credits
Alleydocks: Sascha continues to ramble about The Danger, but then Natasha shows up! Dressed in black and zippy necklaces. She is so over the Russians and The Danger, and it's about time. She wants Sascha to either answer her questions now, or prepare to be subpoena'd. Sascha asks on what grounds, and Natasha points out that the stupid Russians have blown up half the town at this point, so this is a dumb question.
Sam's Apartment Lucky shows up with a box. It looks like the sort of box you'd put pastries in. He realizes Sam isn't home, and poutily snots "so much for dinner." Well, since your idea of "dinner" is a big cake, Lucky, it's no wonder Sam isn't there. Yo don't maintain a body like that by eating sheet cake for dinner, you dimwit.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Even Maxie can't save how stupid and xylophone-y this scene is.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily tells Spinelli that Sonny is the reason that Jason's family and businesses have been targeted. He gruffly says he doesn't think Sonny thought Jakeson would be kidnapped when he shot Krapov, but he should have. About dang time someone noticed Sonny's culpability in all this!
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud boringingly discuss this kiss. She doesn't know if he's trying to strengthen his ties to the Z's by strengthening their marriage. Or maybe he's not feeling as compelled to go back to Kate as he thought he would. Sonny says she's reading more into the kiss than she should. Is this how he's planning on seducing her? By insulting her? Claud also wants to discuss The Danger as well. She thinks on the one hand, he wants the Z's to help him with The Russians, but on the other hand, they know Jason is vulnerable, and so does Sonny, so he wants to make a move against Jason. Sonny mumbleasks why he'd do that to his oldest friend. Claud twirls her hair and says no one believes Sonny and Jason are friends anymore, including Sonny and Jason. heh.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Claud taunts Sonny a bit that Sonny gave Jason the Biz, but Jason wouldn't give it back. Sonny finally tells her that Jason and Carly plotted to take his sons away from him. You know who helped with that, Sonny? You did by not hiring guards to protect your kids. Also, Claud helped a lot by hiring the hitman who shot your son!
Haunted Star: Lucky mopes over to the HS to talk to his dad and share pastries with him. Does Lucky have an eating disorder?
Alleydocks: Sascha says her business associate was murdered. Alexis explains that a Desolate Mountain Bar blew up with a kid inside, but Sascha knew that. Sascha says she didn't know it at the time, and that the kid's mother accosted her at the hospital. Alexis asks if the name Jakeson Spencer means nothing to her. Alexis says she knows Sascha is not from this country, but it's frowned upon to threaten the district attorney. Sascha says she thinks Natasha is harassing her to deflect attention from her lover who has disappeared, and her daughter, who unfortunately has not. sam, who has been eaveslurking behind some crates, makes a rotten egg face at this.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason explains this all started 10 months ago when Chucky was put into a coma, and Sonny hasn't been thinking right since. Jason says he tried to explain to Sonny that people like them don't get to be happy, but he stupidly started making plans to be just that with Liz. He says Sonny is still lying, and I think he means to himself. Jason says he doesn't know if Sonny is planning a move against him. A knock at the door reveals Special Agent Raynor. Spinelli dutifully leaves, and Jason asks if he needs his attorney. SA Raynor says he doesn't, " what I have to say may save your life." Psst, Special Agent Raynor, just so's you know, no matter what you say or don't say or do or don't do, Jason is going to die an old man. He's Superjase! It should have been in your report.
Commercials
Alleydocks: Sascha says Natasha's personal life is common knowledge. Well, it is for creepy bad guys who are stalking her, Sascha. Natasha tells Sascha to get her guards to back off. Sascha calls Sam a drug smuggling slut. Natasha gets in Sascha's face and repeats that Sas needs to call of her guards, or she'll send the text giving the police Sascha's location. Sam smiles happily at her badass of a mom.
Haunted Star: Lucky whines to Lucky that his girlfriend has bigger balls than him. Luke eats pastries and says "Cowboy, it's time you learn that just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you can make a life with them."
Corinthaus: Sonny gives lip service to his guilt about Chucky. He says he'll never see his kids again without guards around. Yes, MOBSTER, that is how it's done. Claud says maybe he can get joint custody. Sonny says he signed over his parental rights to Carly. Claud is surprised that jason sided with Carly. Why are people ever confused about this? Sonny is the quote "biggest mobster on the easter seaboard" unquote, and he took his son to a place where his business is done, and he didn't have any guards available. Because he's INSANE. I guess maybe Claud is playing Sonny and pretending to think he was wronged by Carly and Jason. She says he lost Jason and Carly, and it didn't work with Kate, so now all he's got left are the Z's. Max announces Wheels. Sonny angrily asks if he ever can just call. Wheels rudely dismisses Claud. Sonny says Wheels can leave, and he'll discuss things with his wife. Wheels relents, and Claud stays. Sonny sits to talk about Jason and The Danger. Sonny says Jason doesn't have the resources to fight him and the Russians at the same time.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor tells Jason all about his life as Mullet Boy, and the car accident, and the being taken advantage of by a mobster for his brain damage. Jason asks if Raynor is giving him a way out of prosecution due to mental incompetence. Raynor says that this life Jason has chosen is going to end in prison or death. The feds want to offer Jason immunity from prosecution. Jason asks what he has to give in return. It's very telling that he's at least open enough to ask that question.
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Strings of Stupidity splink while Maxie insists they make a list of rules. Looloo agrees that she'd never want to wear Maxie's clothes. This becomes Rule #1. Rule #2 is never eat Maxie's food, even if it's just left overs and even if Looloo pays her back. Rule #3 is if Johnny lives here, he pays a third of the rent. Idiot Looloo stares in surprise at this. Yep, I can peg a mooch, loser tenant from a mile away! Even fictitious ones.
Haunted Star: Luke says that Lucky likes stability and order and the old Spencer House that Laura also loved. Luke asks if Sam likes that old house. Lucky says Sam likes her hot tub (hi, writers!) and in fact they spend most of their time at her apartment. Luke is basically saying that Lucky should date Tracy, and he himself should date Sam. Not in so many words b/c it would be icky, but that Lucky is as boring as an old rug, and Sam wants to buy rugs in Morocco and use them to smuggle herself into a mobster's den.
Alleydocks: Natasha tells Sascha that she better start cooperating or be ready to go to prison. She holds up her phone like it's attached to a detonator and politely shoves her way past Sascha's gaurds. Sascha stares out at the water and somehow doesn't see Sam staring at her. Poor Sascha may be going blind and should have her complete lack of peripheral vision checked out!
Corinthaus: Sonny gets a call, leaving Claud and Wheels alone to talk. Claud angrily says she doesn't know what her father's plan is yet, but it seems to be working for him so far. Wheels giggles that she's right.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor wants info to build a case against Sonny and Wheels. Jason says he's barely dealt with Wheels, and the Feds should know he doesn't talk to Sonny anymore. Raynor says Sonny and Wheels have done bad guy stuff, and Jason gets a blank slate if he gives info. Raynor further says that if Jason stays a mobster, they will basically look the other way. Raynor says that Jason made a bad choice when he didn't know better, due to the brain damage, so he has the chance to make good on that. He asks what Jason really owes Sonny anyway. In case the audience is actually as stupid as the writers clearly think they are, Jason clarifies "so you're asking me to give up Sonny to save myself?" Yes, Jason. He has not been remotely subtle. Gawd.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke and Natasha! Hang out and drink! Yay! I hope they accidentally kill someone again tonight! He tells her that he thinks it's clear he chose Tracy b/c he's here and Tracy's here and Laura is in Paris. Alexis says that Tracy wants to know that he loves Tracy the most and would choose her. Luke asks how she knows that, and she says she watches Oprah. Alexis says she has never been the love of anyone's life, and in fact has never kissed a boy where it didn't turn into a disaster. Luke says he senses this conversation has turned in a Jerry Jax-themed one.
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Looloo says Johnny is a guest. Maxie asks if Johnny is going to be using the refrigerator, the bathroom and the living room. He says yes to all three, and Maxie says that settles it, he's paying rent. Johnny says he has no problem paying rent until he finds aplace. Looloo idiotically says that Maxie is just jealous b/c she thought she heard them having sex. Shut up, Looloo. Johnny offers to take everyone out for Chinese. Probably because, like me, ever since Maxie mentioned leftover Chinese food, he's been craving it. Maxie wants to stay home and pout and stew over her list of rules.
Corinthaus: Wheels leaves. Claud thanks Sonny for not kicking her out. He says he likes to annoy Wheels, and also doesn't mind her being around. He says they are on the same side. Claud says this seems too easy, adn that when something seems too good to be true, it is. and yet, dum dums like Claud continue to ignore that instinct on a daily basis in this town.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Alexis explains to Luke that they played each other, and if he hadn't died, she'd have had no problem turning him and the evidence over. Luke nervously asks if this is just true for Jerry, or other criminals she knows. She asks if he's talking about the time he tried to kill her step mother. Luke quickly corrects saying "WE!" and Alexis says that the "we" part is what negates her ability to prosecute him. He relaxes at this news. Alexis is not the crappy sort of friend that most people are in this town, and lets the conversation turn back to Luke's needs and explains the fact that Luke still loves Laura has to be a real kick in the teeth to Tracy.
Corinthaus: Sonny says he didn't plan on treating Claud miserably. He says he's not proud of the way he treated her in the past, but he had a lot going on, and he took it out on her. Claud admits she was hardly Little Miss Sunshine. Show, please don't mention the titles of far superior and more entertaining movies b/c it just makes me hyper aware of how crappy this show can be. Milo interrupts to deliver the mail. Do Max and Milo really just hang out in the foyer? It must be so cold in there! Claud hops up to look through her magazines. He asks what they can do to make the marriage work for both of them.
Casa de 3s a crowd: Looloo and Johnny come home with Chinese take out. They can hear Maxie giggling and romping. Looloo thinks Maxie is having sex with Spinelli to prove a point. She knows Spinelli is in love with Maxie and thinks this is mean. Spinelli enters at this moment with a Tiffany blue box. That is so nice. Looloo does some quick math and wonders who is in Maxie's room. We hear Maxie moaning "don't stop! don't stop!"
Sam's Apartment: Lucky comes back to Sam's and leaves a message, poutily saying "I guess you decided to skip dinner. Next time just give me a call." and while Lucky is so whiny, Sam really was a jerk not to text him that she was not going to meet him.
Alleydocks: Lucky got voicemail b/c Sam was calling Jason at this exact moment. She whispers to herself as the phone ring, begging Jason to pick up. (we see Jason's phone ringing at his penthouse, no one around to answer it) Sam starts to leave, but realizes The Russian Goons have her surrounded. Oh, maybe Sascha's peripheral vision isn't so bad afterall.
the end
The "this week" promo is about Sonny and Claud. Annoucer: his wife's ambition put his son in a coma. (we see shots of Claud and Sonny and Little Chucky all snuggled in at Whole Foods). Announcer: This week the truth could get her killed. (turns out Jerry made a DVD that details Claud's part in hiring the shooter. Claud gets the DVD and has to keep is secret).
Sonny angrily asks what she's done. (but it seems more like he's asking about Christmas decorations than anything The Danger related)
Friday, December 12, 2008
GH recap 12/12: Take a Step That is New
Corinthaus: I don't understand where this dining room is? I like that Sonny is the only person rich enough to actually afford a separate room for eathing. Poor Nik has to eat, work, have sex and change clothes all in that one room. Claud is dubious about Sonny's intentions. He claims he just likes making lunch.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli repeats his protest about Johnny jacktrippering into Looloo and Maxie's house. Maybe because Spinelli believes that he's better at tripping over furniture than Johnny?
Sams' Apartment: Sam tries to play off pulling away from Lucky's kiss as if it's no big deal.
Courthouse: Liz tearfully asks why Jason wants her to know that he kills people for a living, and he tearfully says b/c it explains why they can never see each other again.
Credits
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny agrees with Spinelli that he should get a life and his own place. Looloo says Maxie already agreed that John can move in. She did? She's dumb. It's ANNOYING to have a live in roommate who doesn't pay rent or utilities, but just drinks the milk and eats the food and uses the hot water. Spinelli is worried that Maxie will get caught in her underwear, and Maxie says it's cute that he's jealous.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that it's not like anyone in her family treats her like respect, and he's going to at least do that much as her husband. She remains dubious. But she does drink her wine.
Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't seem to understand the concept of "upstate NY in winter". What's with the tank top. Sam explains the case that opened 3 minutes ago is now closed. Lucky stupidly thinks that's great. Sam says The Russians and The Dangers still exist. He doesn't want her to be involved, but she only likes the way her stilletto heels sound on the Yellow Brick Road.
Courthouse: Liz angrily says she knows how much danger Cam and Jakeson were in. She sobs and says she thought their love would create a magic shield around them. Jason says he should have left her alone, but she says he tried to warn her, but she ignored her kids b/c she wanted to be with him. Jason admits they are both responsible. Tears fall down her lovely, alabaster skin as he says they now know what to do. "There can be no contact with me, you, Jakeson." I guess Cameron is still cannon fodder, though.
Commercials
Ducktard Junction: Nik has been making funeral arrangements for Alfalfa. That is actually incredibly generous, loving and kind. Nadine and her hideous shirt are in shock. I think it's a leopard print shirt, but instead of gold and black, it's a teal, maroon, cream and black. It's like someone was in a really bad mood and had some ugly paints to throw at fabric. Maybe this is what Liz made in her studio the other day.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky chastises Sam for going after more danger. Sam says he puts his life in danger daily. he angrily says she's a civilian. Sam angrily says she can go places cops can't. He yells she should join the department, and she retorts they would never hire her with her background. hello, it's call the WSB. It's like no one knows about the secret military ops that rules this town. Like how they never bring up the coven of rock star vampires. Lucky leaves in anger. As he does.
Courthouse: Jason offers to put Liz up, but she tearfully says she can support her kids. he holds back tears and says he will never see his son again, and Jakeson won't have his name, so please let him provide for his future. Liz's eyes fill with tears and she promises a safe life for Jakeson. She promises not to call or try to see him. She's sorry it took her so long to see the truth. She's sorry she hurt her boys and him, she's sorry for her own selfishness. Jason tries not to cry, but tears spill down his cheeks, and he says he was selfish too. He turns to leave and stare in private. A single tear dribbles down Liz's cheek as she stares at the place he once stood.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie continues to argue in favor of having a free-loading roommate. Shut UP, Maxie. Let Spinelli take the bullet and do your dirty work and get rid of an extra roommate! Looloo snots that Johnny gave up his trust fund, so he has to live here. Loo and John go to her room. Maxie says she's really cool with it, and asks him to help her measure the mantle. Maxie says it could get crazy, but Johnny's hot, so who cares. Well, that is a good point.
Corinthaus: Ric has hotly shown up in a gray suite and red tie to flirt with Claud some more. When did Sonny get this ugly furniture? Has it always been this pidge podge of hideous orange tones? Claud insists it wasn't her idea to marry Sonny, but she's going to make the best of it. She naively says that some day Sonny is going to share his new power with her. Ric hotly holds his face in his hands and says Sonny just married her to get the power. He admits that Sonny may sleep with her, but he's not going to share anything. Claud mockingly asks if Ric is asking her to be faithful to him. He hotly says yes, as if it's the smartest thing she could do. Also? I would think it would be the easiest thing she's ever done. And Claudia? only owns black and red and I'm saying only sleeping with Ric is much easier than picking out her outfits, which she clearly does blindfolded. also...the blindfold would probably be fun in the sack with Ric.
Courthouse: Liz sits after her interview and stares into space, her eyes welling with tears. Lucky shows up. She tells him she just had the last conversation she'll ever have with Jason. Lucky sits down and asks why she would say that. I think Lucky has learned that rhetorical questions make people sound smart, and also, rhetorical questions are a good way to learn about stuff if people will answer them. Not that Lucky uses the word "rhetorical" in his mind, of course. Liz explains that Jason wanted her to learn about how jakeson would have died if Sam hadn't gotten him out. Lucky stupidly and angrily asks what that would have proved (um, the point you've tried to make 800 times to her, you dolt!) Liz says Jason was making a point, an effective point. She says if Jason hadn't broken it off, she was going to.
Random Boxing Ring: Jason is in some random room. Is this a room in the Penthouse? down the hall from the Unfortunate Pink Room? Regardless, he punches a punching bag with a great deal of vigor. Alas, he doesn't do it shirtless. I really don't understand the point of a soap character who doesn't angrily punch while shirtless. Nick on Y&R would be in boxer briefs for this scene, is what I'm saying.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Loo and John enter Loo's new room. Geesh, if this is the "big" room, I feel bad for Maxie. also, how vile to rent an apartment that comes with a mattress. Throw that creepy thing OUT post haste! but instead they just passionately collapse on the old, used sheets.
Ducktard Junction: Someone named Eric shows up, and Nadine is glad to see him. Nik is bored....oh, sorry, I mean jealous.
Jason's Penthouse: Carly shows up in a trenchcoat. Back in the day, she'd have a negligee on under that coat. Carly sensed something is wrong. Jason says he can never be with Liz and can never be a father to Jakeson. Carly is confused and says she thought he made that decision when Chucky was shot. He admits he's been meeting with Liz in secret. Dude, you met like 3 times with her in secret. Stupid show. Jason sits and says after the newest The Danger, he can't be with her. Carly decides to actually be a good friend and not insult Liz and asks him to talk to her.
Corinthaus: Ric says Claud is opening herself up for a world of misery, and he can't stand to watch it. Claud says she'd be sad to miss him. She reasonably asks what he wants her to say. She's only ever trusted her brother, so now she's supposed to trust him b/c they are outsiders and great in bed. He hotly says that's exactly what he's saying. She thinks maybe he just wants to take his brother's wife. He gets hotly insulted and starts to leave. She begs him to stay and reminds him she's a contradictory mess and that he knew that going in. She says she still thinks their being together is a hotass goal, but she needs time to get what she needs from Sonny.
Metrocourt: If every line Kate and Sonny uttered meant $3000 was donated to the charity of my choice, I still don't think I could pay attention. Mostly because fashionista kHate is wearing the ugliest top ever. It's like she put on an ugly white long sleeved shirt, with a hideous ruffle collar, and then an ugly black vest with gray slanted stripes, and then someone cut off the long sleeves of the white shirt, but left some of the white shirt sticking out past the edge of the vest. I hate it. I hate her hair, too. She tells Sonny she slept with Jax. He has the nerve to be hurt. She manages to tell him to stuff his sorries in a sack and leaves.
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli points out that Maxie's room is only a foot smaller than Loo's room. He also says she can see the harbor. He's mostly concerned that she's embracing the move for its own merits and not b/c of him and Mac. Maxie promises it's for herself she's moving. We hear Johnny and Looloo grunting and laughing. Spinelli goe sto ask them to be quiet, but Maxie says he can't interrupt them having sex. the grunts and laughs are very loud, and there is much rumbling. I hope we cut to to a scene of their moving furniture b/c otherwise, this is incredibly loud and mock-worthy sex they are having. If a guy kept shouting "yeah! Alright!" during sex, I'd have to laugh and leave. Spinelli does just that. Maxie refuses to be chased away. first investment: sound proofing!
GH: Sonny and Mike gossip about khate sleeping with Jax. Sonny hops all around like a weirdo and says he's dealing with it by finding out who shot khate. and honestly, idiot, what does it really matter? She still slept with Jax. You still will always only go to Carly. Sonny explains the stupid plan to know all of Wheel's men, and they will only....oh, you know what. I just remembered I don't care about this. I don't accept the premise that anyone is afraid of Sonny. I don't accept the premise that Claud wouldn't see through Sonny. Also, why does Sonny suddenly NOW have all kinds of patience? His best friend BEGGED him, not on bended knee b/c they don't roll like that anymore, but still, he BEGGED him for patience, but Sonny couldn't be bothered. Sonny basically is who almost got Jakeson killed, but he's not in trouble in the least for it...yet NOW he's Mr. Patience?
Jason's Penthouse: Violins of Sorrow mournfully sound as Jason explains that his son's life was held in the balance, and he could do almost nothing to save him. He laments that nobody is safe around him. Carly remembers that she's his best friend, and just tearfully embraces him.
courthouse: Liz says she's the worst mother in the world. Lucky lies that she's not. She admits she put her needs above her kids. Lucky kindly points out that he's screwed up a lot, and she always forgives him. She smiles in appreciation of this sentiment. Liz admits that Jason set up a trust fund for Cam and Jakeson. Lucky is concerned it's mob money, but she says Jason made it look like it was coming from Emily. She says it's important that Jason be able to do this, and Lucky concedes. He says he knows she's going to make a great life for her boys, and if she ever feels like she's going to fall, he'll be there to catch her. Aw. She tearfully thanks him for being such a good friend and a good dad to the boys. he offers her a ride home.
Sam's Apartment: In the midst of all this, Sam decided to go shopping. She has some stupid kind of building with only a street entrance. Hilariously, the Russians park directly in front of her building. In what is clearly not a parking spot. She hides as Sascha and Belvedere go into her building. Then she insanely breaks into the van....the mobster van that doesn't have an alarm system, and she climbs into the back of their van. See, Sam, I'm all down with your Danger Girl thing, but you actually do need back up. Why not leave a quick text for someone before doing this incredibly stupid thing?
Commercials
Casa de 3s a crowd: the laughing and giggling continues. Maxie tries not to be annoyed. She then clops down the incredibly long hallway to call Loo and John rude...omg, how gigantic is this place? I'm guessing it's around 1400 square feet, which for a "crappy" 2 bedroom apartment is insanely huge. Oh, I was right. Loo and John were just moving furniture.
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny talk about trust and such. he agrees with her that it's needed. She says someone has to make the first move, and he leans in for a kiss.
Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home, and Jason is all business. he wants to know about The Danger and where their money came from. The hell? they didn't do this 3 months ago when the Russians showed up? Worst Mobsters Ever! Jason asks if there are empty rooms in maxie's building. Spinelli says it's a desirable building so he doubts it. wait, what? I thought it was the only affordable place in town? I don't understand Port Charles. Jason thinks Spinelli should move out to protect Spinelli. Spinelli stands to make a case for staying, but all that matters is El Laptopo is totally being jackaled by someone else!
Sam's Apartment: Sam "hides" in the back of a van while sascha and Belvedere come out of her building. I say "hide" because don't any of you who drive bigass SUV's think you'd notice a human being breathing in your vehicle?
the end
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli repeats his protest about Johnny jacktrippering into Looloo and Maxie's house. Maybe because Spinelli believes that he's better at tripping over furniture than Johnny?
Sams' Apartment: Sam tries to play off pulling away from Lucky's kiss as if it's no big deal.
Courthouse: Liz tearfully asks why Jason wants her to know that he kills people for a living, and he tearfully says b/c it explains why they can never see each other again.
Credits
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny agrees with Spinelli that he should get a life and his own place. Looloo says Maxie already agreed that John can move in. She did? She's dumb. It's ANNOYING to have a live in roommate who doesn't pay rent or utilities, but just drinks the milk and eats the food and uses the hot water. Spinelli is worried that Maxie will get caught in her underwear, and Maxie says it's cute that he's jealous.
Corinthaus: Sonny says that it's not like anyone in her family treats her like respect, and he's going to at least do that much as her husband. She remains dubious. But she does drink her wine.
Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't seem to understand the concept of "upstate NY in winter". What's with the tank top. Sam explains the case that opened 3 minutes ago is now closed. Lucky stupidly thinks that's great. Sam says The Russians and The Dangers still exist. He doesn't want her to be involved, but she only likes the way her stilletto heels sound on the Yellow Brick Road.
Courthouse: Liz angrily says she knows how much danger Cam and Jakeson were in. She sobs and says she thought their love would create a magic shield around them. Jason says he should have left her alone, but she says he tried to warn her, but she ignored her kids b/c she wanted to be with him. Jason admits they are both responsible. Tears fall down her lovely, alabaster skin as he says they now know what to do. "There can be no contact with me, you, Jakeson." I guess Cameron is still cannon fodder, though.
Commercials
Ducktard Junction: Nik has been making funeral arrangements for Alfalfa. That is actually incredibly generous, loving and kind. Nadine and her hideous shirt are in shock. I think it's a leopard print shirt, but instead of gold and black, it's a teal, maroon, cream and black. It's like someone was in a really bad mood and had some ugly paints to throw at fabric. Maybe this is what Liz made in her studio the other day.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky chastises Sam for going after more danger. Sam says he puts his life in danger daily. he angrily says she's a civilian. Sam angrily says she can go places cops can't. He yells she should join the department, and she retorts they would never hire her with her background. hello, it's call the WSB. It's like no one knows about the secret military ops that rules this town. Like how they never bring up the coven of rock star vampires. Lucky leaves in anger. As he does.
Courthouse: Jason offers to put Liz up, but she tearfully says she can support her kids. he holds back tears and says he will never see his son again, and Jakeson won't have his name, so please let him provide for his future. Liz's eyes fill with tears and she promises a safe life for Jakeson. She promises not to call or try to see him. She's sorry it took her so long to see the truth. She's sorry she hurt her boys and him, she's sorry for her own selfishness. Jason tries not to cry, but tears spill down his cheeks, and he says he was selfish too. He turns to leave and stare in private. A single tear dribbles down Liz's cheek as she stares at the place he once stood.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie continues to argue in favor of having a free-loading roommate. Shut UP, Maxie. Let Spinelli take the bullet and do your dirty work and get rid of an extra roommate! Looloo snots that Johnny gave up his trust fund, so he has to live here. Loo and John go to her room. Maxie says she's really cool with it, and asks him to help her measure the mantle. Maxie says it could get crazy, but Johnny's hot, so who cares. Well, that is a good point.
Corinthaus: Ric has hotly shown up in a gray suite and red tie to flirt with Claud some more. When did Sonny get this ugly furniture? Has it always been this pidge podge of hideous orange tones? Claud insists it wasn't her idea to marry Sonny, but she's going to make the best of it. She naively says that some day Sonny is going to share his new power with her. Ric hotly holds his face in his hands and says Sonny just married her to get the power. He admits that Sonny may sleep with her, but he's not going to share anything. Claud mockingly asks if Ric is asking her to be faithful to him. He hotly says yes, as if it's the smartest thing she could do. Also? I would think it would be the easiest thing she's ever done. And Claudia? only owns black and red and I'm saying only sleeping with Ric is much easier than picking out her outfits, which she clearly does blindfolded. also...the blindfold would probably be fun in the sack with Ric.
Courthouse: Liz sits after her interview and stares into space, her eyes welling with tears. Lucky shows up. She tells him she just had the last conversation she'll ever have with Jason. Lucky sits down and asks why she would say that. I think Lucky has learned that rhetorical questions make people sound smart, and also, rhetorical questions are a good way to learn about stuff if people will answer them. Not that Lucky uses the word "rhetorical" in his mind, of course. Liz explains that Jason wanted her to learn about how jakeson would have died if Sam hadn't gotten him out. Lucky stupidly and angrily asks what that would have proved (um, the point you've tried to make 800 times to her, you dolt!) Liz says Jason was making a point, an effective point. She says if Jason hadn't broken it off, she was going to.
Random Boxing Ring: Jason is in some random room. Is this a room in the Penthouse? down the hall from the Unfortunate Pink Room? Regardless, he punches a punching bag with a great deal of vigor. Alas, he doesn't do it shirtless. I really don't understand the point of a soap character who doesn't angrily punch while shirtless. Nick on Y&R would be in boxer briefs for this scene, is what I'm saying.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Loo and John enter Loo's new room. Geesh, if this is the "big" room, I feel bad for Maxie. also, how vile to rent an apartment that comes with a mattress. Throw that creepy thing OUT post haste! but instead they just passionately collapse on the old, used sheets.
Ducktard Junction: Someone named Eric shows up, and Nadine is glad to see him. Nik is bored....oh, sorry, I mean jealous.
Jason's Penthouse: Carly shows up in a trenchcoat. Back in the day, she'd have a negligee on under that coat. Carly sensed something is wrong. Jason says he can never be with Liz and can never be a father to Jakeson. Carly is confused and says she thought he made that decision when Chucky was shot. He admits he's been meeting with Liz in secret. Dude, you met like 3 times with her in secret. Stupid show. Jason sits and says after the newest The Danger, he can't be with her. Carly decides to actually be a good friend and not insult Liz and asks him to talk to her.
Corinthaus: Ric says Claud is opening herself up for a world of misery, and he can't stand to watch it. Claud says she'd be sad to miss him. She reasonably asks what he wants her to say. She's only ever trusted her brother, so now she's supposed to trust him b/c they are outsiders and great in bed. He hotly says that's exactly what he's saying. She thinks maybe he just wants to take his brother's wife. He gets hotly insulted and starts to leave. She begs him to stay and reminds him she's a contradictory mess and that he knew that going in. She says she still thinks their being together is a hotass goal, but she needs time to get what she needs from Sonny.
Metrocourt: If every line Kate and Sonny uttered meant $3000 was donated to the charity of my choice, I still don't think I could pay attention. Mostly because fashionista kHate is wearing the ugliest top ever. It's like she put on an ugly white long sleeved shirt, with a hideous ruffle collar, and then an ugly black vest with gray slanted stripes, and then someone cut off the long sleeves of the white shirt, but left some of the white shirt sticking out past the edge of the vest. I hate it. I hate her hair, too. She tells Sonny she slept with Jax. He has the nerve to be hurt. She manages to tell him to stuff his sorries in a sack and leaves.
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli points out that Maxie's room is only a foot smaller than Loo's room. He also says she can see the harbor. He's mostly concerned that she's embracing the move for its own merits and not b/c of him and Mac. Maxie promises it's for herself she's moving. We hear Johnny and Looloo grunting and laughing. Spinelli goe sto ask them to be quiet, but Maxie says he can't interrupt them having sex. the grunts and laughs are very loud, and there is much rumbling. I hope we cut to to a scene of their moving furniture b/c otherwise, this is incredibly loud and mock-worthy sex they are having. If a guy kept shouting "yeah! Alright!" during sex, I'd have to laugh and leave. Spinelli does just that. Maxie refuses to be chased away. first investment: sound proofing!
GH: Sonny and Mike gossip about khate sleeping with Jax. Sonny hops all around like a weirdo and says he's dealing with it by finding out who shot khate. and honestly, idiot, what does it really matter? She still slept with Jax. You still will always only go to Carly. Sonny explains the stupid plan to know all of Wheel's men, and they will only....oh, you know what. I just remembered I don't care about this. I don't accept the premise that anyone is afraid of Sonny. I don't accept the premise that Claud wouldn't see through Sonny. Also, why does Sonny suddenly NOW have all kinds of patience? His best friend BEGGED him, not on bended knee b/c they don't roll like that anymore, but still, he BEGGED him for patience, but Sonny couldn't be bothered. Sonny basically is who almost got Jakeson killed, but he's not in trouble in the least for it...yet NOW he's Mr. Patience?
Jason's Penthouse: Violins of Sorrow mournfully sound as Jason explains that his son's life was held in the balance, and he could do almost nothing to save him. He laments that nobody is safe around him. Carly remembers that she's his best friend, and just tearfully embraces him.
courthouse: Liz says she's the worst mother in the world. Lucky lies that she's not. She admits she put her needs above her kids. Lucky kindly points out that he's screwed up a lot, and she always forgives him. She smiles in appreciation of this sentiment. Liz admits that Jason set up a trust fund for Cam and Jakeson. Lucky is concerned it's mob money, but she says Jason made it look like it was coming from Emily. She says it's important that Jason be able to do this, and Lucky concedes. He says he knows she's going to make a great life for her boys, and if she ever feels like she's going to fall, he'll be there to catch her. Aw. She tearfully thanks him for being such a good friend and a good dad to the boys. he offers her a ride home.
Sam's Apartment: In the midst of all this, Sam decided to go shopping. She has some stupid kind of building with only a street entrance. Hilariously, the Russians park directly in front of her building. In what is clearly not a parking spot. She hides as Sascha and Belvedere go into her building. Then she insanely breaks into the van....the mobster van that doesn't have an alarm system, and she climbs into the back of their van. See, Sam, I'm all down with your Danger Girl thing, but you actually do need back up. Why not leave a quick text for someone before doing this incredibly stupid thing?
Commercials
Casa de 3s a crowd: the laughing and giggling continues. Maxie tries not to be annoyed. She then clops down the incredibly long hallway to call Loo and John rude...omg, how gigantic is this place? I'm guessing it's around 1400 square feet, which for a "crappy" 2 bedroom apartment is insanely huge. Oh, I was right. Loo and John were just moving furniture.
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny talk about trust and such. he agrees with her that it's needed. She says someone has to make the first move, and he leans in for a kiss.
Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home, and Jason is all business. he wants to know about The Danger and where their money came from. The hell? they didn't do this 3 months ago when the Russians showed up? Worst Mobsters Ever! Jason asks if there are empty rooms in maxie's building. Spinelli says it's a desirable building so he doubts it. wait, what? I thought it was the only affordable place in town? I don't understand Port Charles. Jason thinks Spinelli should move out to protect Spinelli. Spinelli stands to make a case for staying, but all that matters is El Laptopo is totally being jackaled by someone else!
Sam's Apartment: Sam "hides" in the back of a van while sascha and Belvedere come out of her building. I say "hide" because don't any of you who drive bigass SUV's think you'd notice a human being breathing in your vehicle?
the end
GH Recap 12/11: Day after caps
Emma's Closet: Robin whines about her kid. Patrick assures her. But Emma is crying as Patrick holds Emma, so it seems like her theory is wrong. Robin hates her baby, though, so she leaves in a huff. Poor Baby.
Corinthaus: I guess Olivia wanders around town with a fresh change of clothes? Because it's morning at Corinthaus, and she's in new clothes...and that blouse would clearly need to be ironed. Claud snottily tells Olivia she's better now and should leave. Sonny walks in and Olivia asks if that's what Sonny wants.
Liz's Mansion: Lucky and Liz bring the boys home.
Courthouse: Sam and Jason discuss that they have to give testimony. Jason doesn't want Sam to get in trouble, but she says she made a choice and will answer for the things she did.
Credits
Corinthaus: Claud does the Port Charles Gazette crossword puzzle in pen. Sonnny agrees that Olivia would be better off not here (meaning around Claud's bitchiness). Olivia decides to walk home to Kate's, but she has to talk to Sonny first and almost accidentally tell him about his son 8 times.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie breezes in, delighted that she and Looloo have the apartment now. I don't get why it's partially furnished with stuff from the 80's. I do love that it has the exact same mantle that is in one of my mom's rooms. Maxie says the house has potential, but Looloo the horrible only sees the hard work. Maxie says she gets the bigger bedroom, because it has the bigger closet, and she has better clothes. Even I couldn't argue with that. (and I'd have been the roommate with the crappy clothes)
Q Manse: Tracy and Edward remember that ELQ is a company. They complain that the stock is down. Gee, writers, how topical. They complain about how Tracy's gallavanting after Luke affected the company. Or, you know, maybe it's the planetary recession. Luke runs in to pretend he's drunk because he knows he can behave however he wants, and she won't divorce him. Luke, I've seen people take this tact on Survivor. They assume being a jerk will get them to the finals b/c no one would vote for them, but eventually they overstay their welcome and are snuffed. Con cuidado, is what I'm saying.
Liz's Manse: Liz is in the mood to be nice to Lucky this week and to be thankful for his help. Why is she wearing my Christmas napkins as a shirt? They decide to go on a family outing. Liz gets a call that causes Music of Malady to play. Liz is concerned by the call and says The Danger is not over after all.
Courthouse: You'll be happy to know that Jason's cuts are 10 times more healed than they were the day before. Sam remains in such a philosophical mood lately. She says she feels like Dorothy and has been living the excitement of flying monkeys and opium naps, but now she's back in Kansas and it's all lacking vibrancy. She laughs at her metaphor, saying he hasn't seen the Wizard of Oz and doesn't know what she's talking about. Jason, is Superjase, though, so he turned on his metaphor translator program and solemnly says he does understand.
Commercials
Park Bench: Mac finds Robin. Did she call him, or did he randomly run into her. I love that this park is like Central Park, and you can hear the traffic noises in the distance. My friends and I tried to post to you once when we visited NYC, but we couldn't do it from our phone. I still feel stupid that we never made it to the Whole Foods in Union Square to visit the produce section and give our regards to Michael. Anyways, Robin whines about her baby.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo's hair is so long lately. Maxie adds that she's going to have to listen to Loo and Johnny go at it, so she gets the big room. Looloo takes off her coat and snots "jealous much?" Spinelli visits, and Maxie and Looloo drape themselves over him. Maxie says he's here just in time. Spinelli cutely asks "dare I ask for what?" and it's a visual joke and normally the music starts going "brown chicken brown cow" if this were a different type of movie. But it's just this soap, so the Strings of Silliness plink away. Looloo says they need an unbiased opinion. Maxie interrupts and angrily asks "should someone get the bigger bedroom just b/c they plan on having sex?"
Spencer Home: Liz has changed out of her Christmas napkin shirt. She has to go to court, I guess. She tells Lucky that when she thinks about what she did to her boys, it makes her sick. She needs to face this, so she never has to think about it again. (until she falls for Dante)
Courthouse: The music becomes sort of ephemeral. Jason comments to Sam that she stayed calm the whole time. She says she's just glad she could help. Diane comes out to call them in. For some dumb reason they are being interviewed together. We meet Special Agent Thoma Raynor. He used to be Grant Harrison on Another World. I wish I was watching that show right now. He pops a mint and leans forward to angrily says "The report reads like a wild west movie with Russians." He gives the body count and asks why they both shouldn't be charged with murder. I guess because neither has council present, so any charges wouldn't stick?
Commercials
Q Manse: Luke acts like a big ol' drama queen and says he thinks he can drink himself to liver failure in a matter of weeks. Tracy suggests he go suck some fruit in France. She doesn't exactly say that, but close enough. Luke says this is not about Laura. He stands up an stumbles to her and starts to kiss her, but she blanches and says there is no alcohol on his breath, and he's faking.
Corinthaus: Sonny assures Olivia she's welcome to stay, but he honestly thinks she better. He tells her to be more careful next time. Um, what, the next time she walks home? Look out for Russians? What a stupid show. Olivia is sad for Sonny's life. he grumpily tells her not to be sad b/c he knows what he's doing. But he sinks back on the couch and stares ahead and looks so crazy and angry and bitter, that even I feel a little bad for the guy. Olivia sadly says that the first time he said he knew what he was doing was when he started down the path towards mobsterdom. She says he does know what he's doing, and he knows exactly how much it will cost him.
SA Raynor's office: Sam and Jason tell the story to Raynor. Thankfully, we cut ahead for big chunks of the story. OMG< I forgot Jason and Sam were trapped in a papier mache mine for awhile there. Raynor is doing this annoying thing where he's pretending to have a deep and gravelly voice. Either that or the actor playing him is a two pack a day man. He asks whose idea was it to get Jakeson themselves without calling the cops. Jason and Sam intone at the same time "mine."
Commercials
Raynor's Office: Sam says it was the only viable plan, given the situation. Raynor is dubious that this pint sized woman going into roadhouse full of armed Russian mobsters was a good idea. When he puts it like that, it does sound incredibly ill advised. Now Raynor is over enunciating his words, like he's that Elf King guy from the Matrix. What is that actor's name? I love that guy. He enunciates that the report indicates they acted in defense of a minor child (so what was with the wild west jabs and the murder charge earlier?), and he's prepared to drop it.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie adn Loo argue about the room. Maxie points out that she wants to be a success, and Looloo is just a dilettante. Spinelli wisely points out that they should decide up front things like sharing refrigerator space and cleaning and shopping duties. Truer words were never spoken, but boys are smart and girls are dumb, so they still only care about the big room. Shut up, Guza. They consider drawing cards for the room. Why not flip a coin? I doubt either woman carries a deck of cards around. Johnny shows up and Loo says she can't wait to show him her room, as soon as it's hers.
Q Mansion: I love these actors, but the repetition is beyond annoying. Tracy finally convinces Luke she's done with him, so he angrily says he's going on a bender. Oh, that's so charming! Luke leaves and Tracy runs after him, but Alan stops her and mocks her for still caring. He asks what she'd do if Luke really did drink himself to death. Oh, lord, we aren't going to have an It's a Wonderful Like Tracy-style this year, are we?
Corinthaus: Sonny confides to Max about this big, stupid plan that he thinks the Z's shot Kate and wants to find out from Claud if this is true, so he's going to pretend that she's getting to him.
Courthouse: Jason and Sam are done with the questioning. Sam points out that Sascha got away with all of this unscathed. Jason's eyes grow dark and murdery and he says he'll handle her. Sam exhales sharply and answers "not if I see her first." Aw, those two crazy, cold blooded killin' kids. How can they not see how right they are for each other? It's like in the Gift of the Magi when Della cut off her long hair and braided it into a noose and killed their enemy, while Jim sold his watch in exchange for a Glock and also killed the same enemy? So romantic!
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli and Johnny are going to pick cards. High card gets the big bedroom. Spinelli draws a Jack. Maxie is giddy. Johnny pulls the ace of spades....which, these people are such losers, that they didn't make devil hands and sing "the ace of spaaaaades" like they are in a Motorhead video. Looloo then announces it's good she has the big room b/c Johnny will be living with them. That is such horseshit. Spinelli objects.
Park Bench: honk honk! There goes the bus! Also, I think kids are playing on the swingset devoted to Chucky. Mac tries to encourage Robin not to hate her baby so much. Patrick shows up and happens upon them. Just like in Central Park where you can just easily happen upon someone else on a bench. Because it's not gigantic at all. it's not like you can wear yourself out walking through a 1/3 of it.
Sam's Apartment: Sam wanders around her drab, gray, Kansas apartment and tries to unclick her heels. Lucky shows up and embraces her, saying he's glad she's safe. Did they really not have this conversation in the 24 hours she's been home?
Courthouse: Diane goes over business with Jason and says he and Sam made a good impression. Jason stares at Liz approaching. Diane realizes he's not listening and says he's on fire. He just tells her he can go. She warns against a heart to heart with Liz, but realizes she's talking to herself, so she leaves. Jason asks how jakeson is and if she's here to make a statement. She says Jakeson is fine, and she's here to meet Raynor. He gravely asks her to ask Raynor to explain to her how the Russians died.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Patrick cutely dancese with a bundle of coats. I think there's supposed to be a baby in there. I don't know who invented putting animal ears on baby coats, but may I just say I love that person? Cutest idea ever!
Corinthaus: Oh, so who had "3 days" before Sonny romanced Claud with his cooking? You won $85 in the pool! Claud cutely picks up Sonny's plate of food and exchanges it for hers (in case it's poisoned). Tomato basil soup and sausage and pepper paninis. I gotta say, the soup almost doesn't look gross. The panini looks like a fat patty melt, though. She says breaking bread with someone is a nice gesture. She's touched, but asks what it's going to cost her.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky explains that he's wanted to be with her, but it didn't feel right to leave the boys last night. Fair enough. He says the doctor has given Jakeson a clean bill of health. Sam still feels guilty, but Lucky assures her that he and Liz both feel gratitude. he says he wants to get back to them, and he kisses her, but Sam pulls away.
Courthouse: Liz looks at her lap and asks why he wants her to hear how the Russians died. He softly says "because Jakeson would have died the same way" He says the Russians fired, and he fired back, and Jakeson's chance of dying increased with every bullet he fired. Liz tries to stop him, but he angrily says the room Jakeson was in was 10 feet from the gunfire. He repeats that number "10 feet!" he says if Sam didn't get him out of the building, he'd be dead. Liz stares mournfully at him.
The End
Corinthaus: I guess Olivia wanders around town with a fresh change of clothes? Because it's morning at Corinthaus, and she's in new clothes...and that blouse would clearly need to be ironed. Claud snottily tells Olivia she's better now and should leave. Sonny walks in and Olivia asks if that's what Sonny wants.
Liz's Mansion: Lucky and Liz bring the boys home.
Courthouse: Sam and Jason discuss that they have to give testimony. Jason doesn't want Sam to get in trouble, but she says she made a choice and will answer for the things she did.
Credits
Corinthaus: Claud does the Port Charles Gazette crossword puzzle in pen. Sonnny agrees that Olivia would be better off not here (meaning around Claud's bitchiness). Olivia decides to walk home to Kate's, but she has to talk to Sonny first and almost accidentally tell him about his son 8 times.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie breezes in, delighted that she and Looloo have the apartment now. I don't get why it's partially furnished with stuff from the 80's. I do love that it has the exact same mantle that is in one of my mom's rooms. Maxie says the house has potential, but Looloo the horrible only sees the hard work. Maxie says she gets the bigger bedroom, because it has the bigger closet, and she has better clothes. Even I couldn't argue with that. (and I'd have been the roommate with the crappy clothes)
Q Manse: Tracy and Edward remember that ELQ is a company. They complain that the stock is down. Gee, writers, how topical. They complain about how Tracy's gallavanting after Luke affected the company. Or, you know, maybe it's the planetary recession. Luke runs in to pretend he's drunk because he knows he can behave however he wants, and she won't divorce him. Luke, I've seen people take this tact on Survivor. They assume being a jerk will get them to the finals b/c no one would vote for them, but eventually they overstay their welcome and are snuffed. Con cuidado, is what I'm saying.
Liz's Manse: Liz is in the mood to be nice to Lucky this week and to be thankful for his help. Why is she wearing my Christmas napkins as a shirt? They decide to go on a family outing. Liz gets a call that causes Music of Malady to play. Liz is concerned by the call and says The Danger is not over after all.
Courthouse: You'll be happy to know that Jason's cuts are 10 times more healed than they were the day before. Sam remains in such a philosophical mood lately. She says she feels like Dorothy and has been living the excitement of flying monkeys and opium naps, but now she's back in Kansas and it's all lacking vibrancy. She laughs at her metaphor, saying he hasn't seen the Wizard of Oz and doesn't know what she's talking about. Jason, is Superjase, though, so he turned on his metaphor translator program and solemnly says he does understand.
Commercials
Park Bench: Mac finds Robin. Did she call him, or did he randomly run into her. I love that this park is like Central Park, and you can hear the traffic noises in the distance. My friends and I tried to post to you once when we visited NYC, but we couldn't do it from our phone. I still feel stupid that we never made it to the Whole Foods in Union Square to visit the produce section and give our regards to Michael. Anyways, Robin whines about her baby.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo's hair is so long lately. Maxie adds that she's going to have to listen to Loo and Johnny go at it, so she gets the big room. Looloo takes off her coat and snots "jealous much?" Spinelli visits, and Maxie and Looloo drape themselves over him. Maxie says he's here just in time. Spinelli cutely asks "dare I ask for what?" and it's a visual joke and normally the music starts going "brown chicken brown cow" if this were a different type of movie. But it's just this soap, so the Strings of Silliness plink away. Looloo says they need an unbiased opinion. Maxie interrupts and angrily asks "should someone get the bigger bedroom just b/c they plan on having sex?"
Spencer Home: Liz has changed out of her Christmas napkin shirt. She has to go to court, I guess. She tells Lucky that when she thinks about what she did to her boys, it makes her sick. She needs to face this, so she never has to think about it again. (until she falls for Dante)
Courthouse: The music becomes sort of ephemeral. Jason comments to Sam that she stayed calm the whole time. She says she's just glad she could help. Diane comes out to call them in. For some dumb reason they are being interviewed together. We meet Special Agent Thoma Raynor. He used to be Grant Harrison on Another World. I wish I was watching that show right now. He pops a mint and leans forward to angrily says "The report reads like a wild west movie with Russians." He gives the body count and asks why they both shouldn't be charged with murder. I guess because neither has council present, so any charges wouldn't stick?
Commercials
Q Manse: Luke acts like a big ol' drama queen and says he thinks he can drink himself to liver failure in a matter of weeks. Tracy suggests he go suck some fruit in France. She doesn't exactly say that, but close enough. Luke says this is not about Laura. He stands up an stumbles to her and starts to kiss her, but she blanches and says there is no alcohol on his breath, and he's faking.
Corinthaus: Sonny assures Olivia she's welcome to stay, but he honestly thinks she better. He tells her to be more careful next time. Um, what, the next time she walks home? Look out for Russians? What a stupid show. Olivia is sad for Sonny's life. he grumpily tells her not to be sad b/c he knows what he's doing. But he sinks back on the couch and stares ahead and looks so crazy and angry and bitter, that even I feel a little bad for the guy. Olivia sadly says that the first time he said he knew what he was doing was when he started down the path towards mobsterdom. She says he does know what he's doing, and he knows exactly how much it will cost him.
SA Raynor's office: Sam and Jason tell the story to Raynor. Thankfully, we cut ahead for big chunks of the story. OMG< I forgot Jason and Sam were trapped in a papier mache mine for awhile there. Raynor is doing this annoying thing where he's pretending to have a deep and gravelly voice. Either that or the actor playing him is a two pack a day man. He asks whose idea was it to get Jakeson themselves without calling the cops. Jason and Sam intone at the same time "mine."
Commercials
Raynor's Office: Sam says it was the only viable plan, given the situation. Raynor is dubious that this pint sized woman going into roadhouse full of armed Russian mobsters was a good idea. When he puts it like that, it does sound incredibly ill advised. Now Raynor is over enunciating his words, like he's that Elf King guy from the Matrix. What is that actor's name? I love that guy. He enunciates that the report indicates they acted in defense of a minor child (so what was with the wild west jabs and the murder charge earlier?), and he's prepared to drop it.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie adn Loo argue about the room. Maxie points out that she wants to be a success, and Looloo is just a dilettante. Spinelli wisely points out that they should decide up front things like sharing refrigerator space and cleaning and shopping duties. Truer words were never spoken, but boys are smart and girls are dumb, so they still only care about the big room. Shut up, Guza. They consider drawing cards for the room. Why not flip a coin? I doubt either woman carries a deck of cards around. Johnny shows up and Loo says she can't wait to show him her room, as soon as it's hers.
Q Mansion: I love these actors, but the repetition is beyond annoying. Tracy finally convinces Luke she's done with him, so he angrily says he's going on a bender. Oh, that's so charming! Luke leaves and Tracy runs after him, but Alan stops her and mocks her for still caring. He asks what she'd do if Luke really did drink himself to death. Oh, lord, we aren't going to have an It's a Wonderful Like Tracy-style this year, are we?
Corinthaus: Sonny confides to Max about this big, stupid plan that he thinks the Z's shot Kate and wants to find out from Claud if this is true, so he's going to pretend that she's getting to him.
Courthouse: Jason and Sam are done with the questioning. Sam points out that Sascha got away with all of this unscathed. Jason's eyes grow dark and murdery and he says he'll handle her. Sam exhales sharply and answers "not if I see her first." Aw, those two crazy, cold blooded killin' kids. How can they not see how right they are for each other? It's like in the Gift of the Magi when Della cut off her long hair and braided it into a noose and killed their enemy, while Jim sold his watch in exchange for a Glock and also killed the same enemy? So romantic!
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli and Johnny are going to pick cards. High card gets the big bedroom. Spinelli draws a Jack. Maxie is giddy. Johnny pulls the ace of spades....which, these people are such losers, that they didn't make devil hands and sing "the ace of spaaaaades" like they are in a Motorhead video. Looloo then announces it's good she has the big room b/c Johnny will be living with them. That is such horseshit. Spinelli objects.
Park Bench: honk honk! There goes the bus! Also, I think kids are playing on the swingset devoted to Chucky. Mac tries to encourage Robin not to hate her baby so much. Patrick shows up and happens upon them. Just like in Central Park where you can just easily happen upon someone else on a bench. Because it's not gigantic at all. it's not like you can wear yourself out walking through a 1/3 of it.
Sam's Apartment: Sam wanders around her drab, gray, Kansas apartment and tries to unclick her heels. Lucky shows up and embraces her, saying he's glad she's safe. Did they really not have this conversation in the 24 hours she's been home?
Courthouse: Diane goes over business with Jason and says he and Sam made a good impression. Jason stares at Liz approaching. Diane realizes he's not listening and says he's on fire. He just tells her he can go. She warns against a heart to heart with Liz, but realizes she's talking to herself, so she leaves. Jason asks how jakeson is and if she's here to make a statement. She says Jakeson is fine, and she's here to meet Raynor. He gravely asks her to ask Raynor to explain to her how the Russians died.
Commercials
Emma's Closet: Patrick cutely dancese with a bundle of coats. I think there's supposed to be a baby in there. I don't know who invented putting animal ears on baby coats, but may I just say I love that person? Cutest idea ever!
Corinthaus: Oh, so who had "3 days" before Sonny romanced Claud with his cooking? You won $85 in the pool! Claud cutely picks up Sonny's plate of food and exchanges it for hers (in case it's poisoned). Tomato basil soup and sausage and pepper paninis. I gotta say, the soup almost doesn't look gross. The panini looks like a fat patty melt, though. She says breaking bread with someone is a nice gesture. She's touched, but asks what it's going to cost her.
Sam's Apartment: Lucky explains that he's wanted to be with her, but it didn't feel right to leave the boys last night. Fair enough. He says the doctor has given Jakeson a clean bill of health. Sam still feels guilty, but Lucky assures her that he and Liz both feel gratitude. he says he wants to get back to them, and he kisses her, but Sam pulls away.
Courthouse: Liz looks at her lap and asks why he wants her to hear how the Russians died. He softly says "because Jakeson would have died the same way" He says the Russians fired, and he fired back, and Jakeson's chance of dying increased with every bullet he fired. Liz tries to stop him, but he angrily says the room Jakeson was in was 10 feet from the gunfire. He repeats that number "10 feet!" he says if Sam didn't get him out of the building, he'd be dead. Liz stares mournfully at him.
The End
Monday, December 8, 2008
GH Recap 12/8: See You At the Next Funeral
Desolate Bar: We repeat the slow motion montage from Friday's show. Feel free to re-read the end of the recap, but I'm not typing it all again. Here are some of the lyrics to the song. Apparently it was on some ABC Family movie about a samurai girl. Also, "Ours to Keep" is part of that same soundtrack. "You stumbled on my hunting ground....found out your secret. run away now. Taste my last kiss, my silent input. take one last look, and beg for mercy."
Also, you really should rent "Spaced" the delightful romantic comedy series that ran on the BBC in 2000 or so, created by Simon Pegg (creator of Shaun of the Dead) and Jessica Stevenson. In series 2, there is a hilarious slow motion gun fight that outshines all the ones we've seen here. I won't give away the joke. If you like laughing really hard at funny things, just put it on the Netflix and thank me later.
This montage on GH ends again with Lucky taking the knife from Liz as she sobs, and Jason being blown to the ground with the Desolate Bar explodes. Jason re-stands up and bellows for Jake, only this time a big hunk of metal collapses and bars the door.
Credits
Metrocourt: Horrible Snooty Woman With a Fake British Accent (HSWWFB) purrs to Kate that she noticed Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress. Well, HSWWFB, there IS only one clothing store in the tri-state area, so it's not really that surprising. Kate deflects and tells HSWWFB that she's sorry HSW didn't have more time to shop for a dress that wasn't ugly. Jax makes a tedious speech. This party is not lame b/c Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress, this party is lame b/c it looks impossibly boring and unattended.
Liz's Studio of Art and Nervous Breakdowns: Liz sits on the floor and sobs that she can't believe how long it took her to realize that dating a mobster is not something you can do and also be a good mother. Lucky annoyingly tells her that it's not that bad, but Liz stands and yells at him that b/c she was so selfish about her needs and now her son is gone. She angrily picks up the slashed art and says Jason is a killer for hire and some day another killer for hire is going to kill Jason and that will be that, a wasted life. She throws the art off to the side. Lucky gently tells her he understands how she feels and thinks she's hitting rock bottom. In her Jason addiction, I guess?
Desolate Bar: Jason opens the back of the Mob Mobile, but Sam rushes up holding a blue afgan that is wrapped around Jason's first born. He takes his son.
Commercials
Crimson: Maxie and Looloo try to figure out what to do tht Carly is wearing the same dress and lookss better in it. I'm not sure I agree. I mean, the dress is pretty ugly, if you ask me, and they wear it equally well. the problem might be Olivia in her hotass dress. Even some of the extras look better than Carly and Kate. Forgive me if I choose to just tell personal stories during certain segments of the show. It entertains me to type furiously and creatively an hour or so a day, but this show? not really giving me much inspiration lately, and I feel beholden to be entertaining!
So regarding the pups (if you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about 6 Shiba Inu pups I've been obsessed with for a few weeks, half of whom went to their new homes this weekend.) I have a story of two pups from the same litter, but it ends sadly. I guess we watch soaps for bittersweet stories, so I will share it. Before I was born, my dad and Uncle got 2 German Shepherds from the same litter. They cuddled and played when they were tiny, just like to Shiba Inu's do now. Dad's was named Duke. I forget my uncle's dog's name, but let's call him Earl. Dad and Uncle didn't live in the same town, so the pups were separated for about a year.
Liz's Studio: Lucky says he bottomed out over Jakeson too. When she got pregnant, he realized he had to go to rehab. Liz says they don't have rehab for bad boyfriend choices. Lucky promises she'll be able to rebuild her life. She turns to him, eyes full of tears and says if Jakeson dies, she doesn't want to keep living. Liz gets a call from work. It's Piph. Liz tells him she can't come into work today. Piph interrupts and says that Patrick was called into work, so he had to take Cameron to the hospital. Liz angrily (at herself) tells Lucky that her other son is sitting in a lounge alone in the middle of the night "because I can't even keep track of my other son."
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Ric to stay away from his wife. I do find it comforting when Sonny is being a hypocriticalass.
GH: Matt and Cameron play in the lounge area, much to the delight of Patrick. Liz and Lucky show up, and Cameron hollers out a gleeful 'daddy!" and jumps into Lucky's arms. Patrick and Liz talk about Jakeson a little bit, and Patrick asks her not to give up.
Desolate Bar: Sam explains how she and Sascha fought, and Sascha disappeared. Sam grabbed Jakeson and jumped out of the window. Jason asks if he's okay. Sam assures him he's fine. Jakeson just screamed a little when they jumped out the window (is she saying as in "through the glass and wood?" because that is a little hard core to do with a baby), but he didn't cry. Sirens can be heard in the distance, and Jason and Sam share weak smiles.
Commercials
Metrocourt: blah blah Crimson party. Kate busts Loo for telling Carly about the hideous dress. Kate delivers a lot of really bad acting, and Olivia, of course, is the only saving grace in the scene. (back to my dog story: Dad and Mom drove with Duke to visit Uncle one Christmas, but they all worried a bit if Duke and Earl would get along because each dog likely fancied himself the alpha dog. A few blocks from Uncle's house, Duke started to growl a low but persistent growl. Duke was a mellow dog, for the most part, so Mom and Dad were a bit nervous that this was a bad sign. When they got to Uncle's, Uncle said that Earl was having some sort of fit. Duke was in the car barking like a rabid dog, and Earl was barking and jumping at the fence.
Mom, Dad and Uncle decided maybe this was a bad idea because German Shepherds can be mighty fierce dogs, and my family loved their dogs so much and wouldn't know how to stop a fight without being injured themselves or injuring one or both of the dogs. Dad decided to let Duke out to pee and then they'd just have to drive home. Dad opened the door and Duke bounded out and LEAPED over the fence and ran straight for Earl, barking and growling all the way. Mom, Dad and Uncle stared in horror.)
Corinthaus: Ric hotly tells Sonny that he's worked very hard to get his position with the Z's and Sonny should work with him. Sonny stutterbarks that he doesn't know yet what Ric is capable of, and he doesn't want to watch Ric and Claud make out. Ric points out that Wheels would love to watch them fight. Sonny whisperbarks that Ric can't get in the middle with the Z's, because if he does, he will shut him out. That makes little sense, but at least it was delivered laughably. Sonny whsipermumbles to Ric to leave and not come back until he hears from him. Ric hotly leaves, and Claud tries to hold his hand as he does. then she mockingly says to Sonny "so much for not interfering in each other's personal lives."
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax fight about Dressgate. (My family stared in horror as Duke and Earl clashed into each other like rams. Duke and Earl growled and clamped their jaws onto each other's throats, and then they broke apart and chased each other the length of the yard and back and then fell into a loving, brotherly tussle. They played and frolicked exactly like two brothers who had been kept apart for a year would. They ran and played for hours and then napped in a pile, waking to share easily from the same food and water bowl, and then they ran and played some more. I hope these sweet Shiba Inu's get to have the same type of happy reunion for years to come.)
Docks: Olivia stumbles down the steps and stops to listen to messages. She sort of leans against the docks walll, so Sascha doesn't see her when she clops down the other steps, talking about kidnapping a baby. Sascha is as bad at being a mobster as everyone else, apparently. Olivia tries to become invisible, but Sascha sees her and asks how much she heard. Olivia tries to say she knows nothing, but she's shaking, so Sascha pulls out a gun.
Mob Mobile: Sam calls Liz to tell her Jakeson is safe. Liz cries and says to Jakeson that she'll see him soon. Jason drives and stares.
Commercials.
Docks: Olivia has her hands up. Oh, and Sascha only has a knife. Olivia swears she heard nothing, and Sascha says there is no problem. Olivia turns to go, and then Sascha sucker stabs her. Man, that is so low. It's mean enough to stab an unarmed person, but to trick stab them? Sascha officially has less class than Sonny. Way to go, Sas. Sascha runs off and Patrick, who was just called into duty, happens upon the deck and offers assistance. We see that Olivia's abdomen is bleeding.
Crimson: Oh, Maxie took the blame for blabbing to Carly about the stupid dress. Kate is preparing to fire them. Jax asks if they can prove they told Carly about the dress. Kate bizarrely says "no", but then she says Maxie admitted it. I am so sick of Kate. It's now not just the character. The actress is both shrill yet emotionally flat in her line delivery. Jax insists that b/c he's an investor, he can prohibit Kate from firing them. For some reason, Kate, Queen of the Losers goes along with this. Looloo asks maxie why she covered for her, and she reiterates what everyone watching the show is thinking "I have no idea."
Corinthaus: Spinelli stops by Sonny's to tell him Jakeson is on his way home. Sonny nods and seems to make a yummy noise.
Mob Mobile: Jakeson sits on Sam's lap, and she coos adorably to him while he plays with her phone. The phone makes that fake "took a picture" sound that phones make for no good reason. She asks if he took a picture, and he coos cutely that he did. She tells Jason that Jakeson has his eyes. Jason smiles as he listens to all of this, in spite of his desire to stare blankly into space.
Commercials
Docks: Olivia writhes in pain on a bench, and patrick insists that she needs the hospital. She says her son already calls her 20 times as it is, and if he finds out she was knifed, he's going to show up. Patrick says either he takes her to the hospital, or he waits for her to pass out and an ambulance takes her. She asks him to take her somewhere else. Liz's studio is currently empty!
Crimson: Maxie and Looloo fight about Dressgate. Maxie insults Loo for being such a Looloo, but Loo just thanks her for being a true friend. Maxie tells her to beat it b/c she can be more awesome when Looloo is not around, and demands that Looloo bring her delicious coffee drinks whenever she wants them and doesn't complain. Looloo happily agrees b/c she has to support Johnny's pouting habit now, and also b/c she is secretly on Team Maxie like the rest of us. As she leaves, Looloo sing songs that some day she's going to prove she's just as good a friend as Maxie just did. Maxie smiles but pretends to think this is nonsense.
Mob Mobile: Jason wonders if they should take Jakeson to the hospital. Sam says she thinks he's fine and asks if he's going to let those creeps scare him. She listens to him and tells Jason "he said no." Jason chuckles and says that's good. Sam continues to coo to Jakeson. She asks if he felt like he was flying when they jumped out the window. Jason asks her not to talk to Jakeson about stuff like that. Sam says it's clear Jakeson has Jason's adventure gene. Sam coos to Jakeson "I know you are smart and fearless, but I bet you are going to use it in better ways." She asks if he's going to be a teacher, but Jakes says no. She suggests maybe he'll be a doctor and save people. Jake cutely is focused on her phone this whole time, like it's the funnest toy ever. Jason's eyes fill with tears at the relief that his son has a future again of endless possibilities. Sam says "either way, I know your dad is going to be so proud of you!"
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud try to get details from Spinelli. Well, Sonny angermumbles to him and thumps him when he starts babbling, but Claud manages to ask a series of simple yes and no questions to get decipherable answers. Spinelli cutely goes to stand closer to Claud b/c she's nicer. Sonny rudely dimisses Spinelli. Claud says she likes him and thinks it's so great he came over to tell them. She says now Sonny can go after The Danger.
Commercials
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax get flirty. Jax says he stopped maxie and Looloo from being fired. (The sad ending to the story is that Duke died of a seizure the year before I was born. My dad was a coach, and his football team lost the big game, and he cried the whole way home on the bus. The players sitting near him thought he was sad about the loss of their team, and each player took a moment to confidently tell him "don't worry, Coach, we'll get 'em next year." My dad could only smile and nod, not wanting to tell them that he was really crying because his beautiful dog, who had been so big he could stare eye to eye with my dad if he hopped up to put his front paws on my dad's shoulders, had died.
Luckily I was born a year later, and they could stop mourning ol' Duke and lavish that same love on lil' ol' baby me.)
Crimson: Maxie hugs Spinelli for finding Jakeson. Spinelli is humble and says Jason did it, but she insists Jason is not so Superjase-y couldn't do it without Spinelli. Mac angrily bursts in and tells Spinelli to unhand his daughter. He repeats his angry diatribe that Spinelli is just as much in the mob as Sonny and Jason. Maxie interrupts, but Spinelli tells her he can finish. Mac asks when Spinelli is going to quit wasting his talents on death and destruction. he says a desolate roadhouse blew up tonight and several Russians are dead. Maxie chipperly says "but baby Jake is safe!" Mac says Spinelli thinks he saves people, but he didn't. Spinelli seems sad about this news. Mac still considers Spinelli to be bad for Maxie and asks him to leave. Maxie grabs Spinelli's arm and insists he's her best friend, and he's staying.
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny briefly discuss The Danger. She says regarding their marriage, they could just keep everything at home. Max bursts in with a bleeding Olivia.
Spencer Home: Liz rushes outside to snuggle Jakeson. She tearfully turns to Sam and thanks her. She gives Jake a hug and softly and sadly thanks Jason. Jason, dutifully, stares and nods.
the end
oh, and the teaser for the week is all about Sam. The announcer with a deep and menacing voice tells us that someone takes matters into her own hands. we see shots of Sam doing incredibly stupid things like hiding behind crates in dangerous places. she ends up on her knees and surrounded by The Danger. If she was in a cheerleading costume, I'd have sworn I'd seen this movie before. Is the secret that Sonny and Jason really produce crates for a living? and then force everyone in town to buy 30 of them and stack them around town, so that people can eaveslurk more easily?
Also, you really should rent "Spaced" the delightful romantic comedy series that ran on the BBC in 2000 or so, created by Simon Pegg (creator of Shaun of the Dead) and Jessica Stevenson. In series 2, there is a hilarious slow motion gun fight that outshines all the ones we've seen here. I won't give away the joke. If you like laughing really hard at funny things, just put it on the Netflix and thank me later.
This montage on GH ends again with Lucky taking the knife from Liz as she sobs, and Jason being blown to the ground with the Desolate Bar explodes. Jason re-stands up and bellows for Jake, only this time a big hunk of metal collapses and bars the door.
Credits
Metrocourt: Horrible Snooty Woman With a Fake British Accent (HSWWFB) purrs to Kate that she noticed Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress. Well, HSWWFB, there IS only one clothing store in the tri-state area, so it's not really that surprising. Kate deflects and tells HSWWFB that she's sorry HSW didn't have more time to shop for a dress that wasn't ugly. Jax makes a tedious speech. This party is not lame b/c Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress, this party is lame b/c it looks impossibly boring and unattended.
Liz's Studio of Art and Nervous Breakdowns: Liz sits on the floor and sobs that she can't believe how long it took her to realize that dating a mobster is not something you can do and also be a good mother. Lucky annoyingly tells her that it's not that bad, but Liz stands and yells at him that b/c she was so selfish about her needs and now her son is gone. She angrily picks up the slashed art and says Jason is a killer for hire and some day another killer for hire is going to kill Jason and that will be that, a wasted life. She throws the art off to the side. Lucky gently tells her he understands how she feels and thinks she's hitting rock bottom. In her Jason addiction, I guess?
Desolate Bar: Jason opens the back of the Mob Mobile, but Sam rushes up holding a blue afgan that is wrapped around Jason's first born. He takes his son.
Commercials
Crimson: Maxie and Looloo try to figure out what to do tht Carly is wearing the same dress and lookss better in it. I'm not sure I agree. I mean, the dress is pretty ugly, if you ask me, and they wear it equally well. the problem might be Olivia in her hotass dress. Even some of the extras look better than Carly and Kate. Forgive me if I choose to just tell personal stories during certain segments of the show. It entertains me to type furiously and creatively an hour or so a day, but this show? not really giving me much inspiration lately, and I feel beholden to be entertaining!
So regarding the pups (if you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about 6 Shiba Inu pups I've been obsessed with for a few weeks, half of whom went to their new homes this weekend.) I have a story of two pups from the same litter, but it ends sadly. I guess we watch soaps for bittersweet stories, so I will share it. Before I was born, my dad and Uncle got 2 German Shepherds from the same litter. They cuddled and played when they were tiny, just like to Shiba Inu's do now. Dad's was named Duke. I forget my uncle's dog's name, but let's call him Earl. Dad and Uncle didn't live in the same town, so the pups were separated for about a year.
Liz's Studio: Lucky says he bottomed out over Jakeson too. When she got pregnant, he realized he had to go to rehab. Liz says they don't have rehab for bad boyfriend choices. Lucky promises she'll be able to rebuild her life. She turns to him, eyes full of tears and says if Jakeson dies, she doesn't want to keep living. Liz gets a call from work. It's Piph. Liz tells him she can't come into work today. Piph interrupts and says that Patrick was called into work, so he had to take Cameron to the hospital. Liz angrily (at herself) tells Lucky that her other son is sitting in a lounge alone in the middle of the night "because I can't even keep track of my other son."
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Ric to stay away from his wife. I do find it comforting when Sonny is being a hypocriticalass.
GH: Matt and Cameron play in the lounge area, much to the delight of Patrick. Liz and Lucky show up, and Cameron hollers out a gleeful 'daddy!" and jumps into Lucky's arms. Patrick and Liz talk about Jakeson a little bit, and Patrick asks her not to give up.
Desolate Bar: Sam explains how she and Sascha fought, and Sascha disappeared. Sam grabbed Jakeson and jumped out of the window. Jason asks if he's okay. Sam assures him he's fine. Jakeson just screamed a little when they jumped out the window (is she saying as in "through the glass and wood?" because that is a little hard core to do with a baby), but he didn't cry. Sirens can be heard in the distance, and Jason and Sam share weak smiles.
Commercials
Metrocourt: blah blah Crimson party. Kate busts Loo for telling Carly about the hideous dress. Kate delivers a lot of really bad acting, and Olivia, of course, is the only saving grace in the scene. (back to my dog story: Dad and Mom drove with Duke to visit Uncle one Christmas, but they all worried a bit if Duke and Earl would get along because each dog likely fancied himself the alpha dog. A few blocks from Uncle's house, Duke started to growl a low but persistent growl. Duke was a mellow dog, for the most part, so Mom and Dad were a bit nervous that this was a bad sign. When they got to Uncle's, Uncle said that Earl was having some sort of fit. Duke was in the car barking like a rabid dog, and Earl was barking and jumping at the fence.
Mom, Dad and Uncle decided maybe this was a bad idea because German Shepherds can be mighty fierce dogs, and my family loved their dogs so much and wouldn't know how to stop a fight without being injured themselves or injuring one or both of the dogs. Dad decided to let Duke out to pee and then they'd just have to drive home. Dad opened the door and Duke bounded out and LEAPED over the fence and ran straight for Earl, barking and growling all the way. Mom, Dad and Uncle stared in horror.)
Corinthaus: Ric hotly tells Sonny that he's worked very hard to get his position with the Z's and Sonny should work with him. Sonny stutterbarks that he doesn't know yet what Ric is capable of, and he doesn't want to watch Ric and Claud make out. Ric points out that Wheels would love to watch them fight. Sonny whisperbarks that Ric can't get in the middle with the Z's, because if he does, he will shut him out. That makes little sense, but at least it was delivered laughably. Sonny whsipermumbles to Ric to leave and not come back until he hears from him. Ric hotly leaves, and Claud tries to hold his hand as he does. then she mockingly says to Sonny "so much for not interfering in each other's personal lives."
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax fight about Dressgate. (My family stared in horror as Duke and Earl clashed into each other like rams. Duke and Earl growled and clamped their jaws onto each other's throats, and then they broke apart and chased each other the length of the yard and back and then fell into a loving, brotherly tussle. They played and frolicked exactly like two brothers who had been kept apart for a year would. They ran and played for hours and then napped in a pile, waking to share easily from the same food and water bowl, and then they ran and played some more. I hope these sweet Shiba Inu's get to have the same type of happy reunion for years to come.)
Docks: Olivia stumbles down the steps and stops to listen to messages. She sort of leans against the docks walll, so Sascha doesn't see her when she clops down the other steps, talking about kidnapping a baby. Sascha is as bad at being a mobster as everyone else, apparently. Olivia tries to become invisible, but Sascha sees her and asks how much she heard. Olivia tries to say she knows nothing, but she's shaking, so Sascha pulls out a gun.
Mob Mobile: Sam calls Liz to tell her Jakeson is safe. Liz cries and says to Jakeson that she'll see him soon. Jason drives and stares.
Commercials.
Docks: Olivia has her hands up. Oh, and Sascha only has a knife. Olivia swears she heard nothing, and Sascha says there is no problem. Olivia turns to go, and then Sascha sucker stabs her. Man, that is so low. It's mean enough to stab an unarmed person, but to trick stab them? Sascha officially has less class than Sonny. Way to go, Sas. Sascha runs off and Patrick, who was just called into duty, happens upon the deck and offers assistance. We see that Olivia's abdomen is bleeding.
Crimson: Oh, Maxie took the blame for blabbing to Carly about the stupid dress. Kate is preparing to fire them. Jax asks if they can prove they told Carly about the dress. Kate bizarrely says "no", but then she says Maxie admitted it. I am so sick of Kate. It's now not just the character. The actress is both shrill yet emotionally flat in her line delivery. Jax insists that b/c he's an investor, he can prohibit Kate from firing them. For some reason, Kate, Queen of the Losers goes along with this. Looloo asks maxie why she covered for her, and she reiterates what everyone watching the show is thinking "I have no idea."
Corinthaus: Spinelli stops by Sonny's to tell him Jakeson is on his way home. Sonny nods and seems to make a yummy noise.
Mob Mobile: Jakeson sits on Sam's lap, and she coos adorably to him while he plays with her phone. The phone makes that fake "took a picture" sound that phones make for no good reason. She asks if he took a picture, and he coos cutely that he did. She tells Jason that Jakeson has his eyes. Jason smiles as he listens to all of this, in spite of his desire to stare blankly into space.
Commercials
Docks: Olivia writhes in pain on a bench, and patrick insists that she needs the hospital. She says her son already calls her 20 times as it is, and if he finds out she was knifed, he's going to show up. Patrick says either he takes her to the hospital, or he waits for her to pass out and an ambulance takes her. She asks him to take her somewhere else. Liz's studio is currently empty!
Crimson: Maxie and Looloo fight about Dressgate. Maxie insults Loo for being such a Looloo, but Loo just thanks her for being a true friend. Maxie tells her to beat it b/c she can be more awesome when Looloo is not around, and demands that Looloo bring her delicious coffee drinks whenever she wants them and doesn't complain. Looloo happily agrees b/c she has to support Johnny's pouting habit now, and also b/c she is secretly on Team Maxie like the rest of us. As she leaves, Looloo sing songs that some day she's going to prove she's just as good a friend as Maxie just did. Maxie smiles but pretends to think this is nonsense.
Mob Mobile: Jason wonders if they should take Jakeson to the hospital. Sam says she thinks he's fine and asks if he's going to let those creeps scare him. She listens to him and tells Jason "he said no." Jason chuckles and says that's good. Sam continues to coo to Jakeson. She asks if he felt like he was flying when they jumped out the window. Jason asks her not to talk to Jakeson about stuff like that. Sam says it's clear Jakeson has Jason's adventure gene. Sam coos to Jakeson "I know you are smart and fearless, but I bet you are going to use it in better ways." She asks if he's going to be a teacher, but Jakes says no. She suggests maybe he'll be a doctor and save people. Jake cutely is focused on her phone this whole time, like it's the funnest toy ever. Jason's eyes fill with tears at the relief that his son has a future again of endless possibilities. Sam says "either way, I know your dad is going to be so proud of you!"
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud try to get details from Spinelli. Well, Sonny angermumbles to him and thumps him when he starts babbling, but Claud manages to ask a series of simple yes and no questions to get decipherable answers. Spinelli cutely goes to stand closer to Claud b/c she's nicer. Sonny rudely dimisses Spinelli. Claud says she likes him and thinks it's so great he came over to tell them. She says now Sonny can go after The Danger.
Commercials
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax get flirty. Jax says he stopped maxie and Looloo from being fired. (The sad ending to the story is that Duke died of a seizure the year before I was born. My dad was a coach, and his football team lost the big game, and he cried the whole way home on the bus. The players sitting near him thought he was sad about the loss of their team, and each player took a moment to confidently tell him "don't worry, Coach, we'll get 'em next year." My dad could only smile and nod, not wanting to tell them that he was really crying because his beautiful dog, who had been so big he could stare eye to eye with my dad if he hopped up to put his front paws on my dad's shoulders, had died.
Luckily I was born a year later, and they could stop mourning ol' Duke and lavish that same love on lil' ol' baby me.)
Crimson: Maxie hugs Spinelli for finding Jakeson. Spinelli is humble and says Jason did it, but she insists Jason is not so Superjase-y couldn't do it without Spinelli. Mac angrily bursts in and tells Spinelli to unhand his daughter. He repeats his angry diatribe that Spinelli is just as much in the mob as Sonny and Jason. Maxie interrupts, but Spinelli tells her he can finish. Mac asks when Spinelli is going to quit wasting his talents on death and destruction. he says a desolate roadhouse blew up tonight and several Russians are dead. Maxie chipperly says "but baby Jake is safe!" Mac says Spinelli thinks he saves people, but he didn't. Spinelli seems sad about this news. Mac still considers Spinelli to be bad for Maxie and asks him to leave. Maxie grabs Spinelli's arm and insists he's her best friend, and he's staying.
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny briefly discuss The Danger. She says regarding their marriage, they could just keep everything at home. Max bursts in with a bleeding Olivia.
Spencer Home: Liz rushes outside to snuggle Jakeson. She tearfully turns to Sam and thanks her. She gives Jake a hug and softly and sadly thanks Jason. Jason, dutifully, stares and nods.
the end
oh, and the teaser for the week is all about Sam. The announcer with a deep and menacing voice tells us that someone takes matters into her own hands. we see shots of Sam doing incredibly stupid things like hiding behind crates in dangerous places. she ends up on her knees and surrounded by The Danger. If she was in a cheerleading costume, I'd have sworn I'd seen this movie before. Is the secret that Sonny and Jason really produce crates for a living? and then force everyone in town to buy 30 of them and stack them around town, so that people can eaveslurk more easily?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
GH Recap 12/4: Tim Gunn would not be able to make that work
I need to edit a joke I made poorly yesterday when Jason and Sam were in the mine shaft. I said "and then the shaft goes down, which must be a nice change of pace for it", but what I realize the actual joke was: and then the shaft goes down on Sam, which must be a nice change of pace for her. Sorry about that. It won't happen again.
Emma's Closet: Robin whines that sometimes babies cry, especially babies that make the mother openly sigh with hatred when she cries. Patrick thinks maybe Robin could go back to work. Robin also whines at this. Patrick scoops up Emma and runs off to find a nice, non-whining woman. Or not really, he just smiles.
Dogpatch: Oh, Look, it's time to learn more about Nik and Nadine's Hilarious Misadventures in Dogpatch, or what I like to call "Time to Watch the Puppies!" I would like to recap the rest of this horrible storyline all at once. This isn't based on spoilers, just my assumptions: Nik and Nadine get married for very stupid reasons, with hilarious results. Nadine learns that Nik never actually wanted to marry her, just as he realizes that he actually is in love with her, but she stupidly pretends not to be in love with him so that he is free to be with Carly (who Nadine thinks Nik is in love with). Then hopefully a herd of elephants kills them. (because Jax turned Spoon Island into an elephant farm. duh.)
Metrocourt: McFarty and Carly talk about a fancy party Kate wants to throw. Jax angrily walks up to tell McFarty that Carly gets no gossip about Crimson from now on. Carly explains to Mcfarty that it's going to be a bitter divorce.
Corinthaus: Sonny meets with Max and Milo. Claud shows up dressed like some sort of storm trooping kick boxer. Honestly, y'all, what is she wearing? Weird, tiny boxing gloves and a skin tight cat suit. Did I miss Project Runway's "Create a Comic Book Look for a Soap Opera Character" challenge last season? Claud angrily asks why Sonny started the meeting without her.
Credits
Emma's Closet: I'm all about a really well done post-partum depression storyline. (see also: Lauren on Young and the Restless), but that doesn't seem to be what this is. Robin has spent a few days with her daughter and is ready to give up.
Dogpatch: Nik's pants are very shiny.
Metrocourt: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen toots cheerfully in the lobby while Jax and Carly fight in front of a very uncomfortable McFarty. Kate shows up to sassy Carly a bit. They snot at each other about being prostitutes and such. Kate insists that Carly got her money from marrying rich dudes, while Kate earned her money. Kate and Jax happily go off to plan the Crimson Cocktail Party, while Carly her the Curls stew.
Corinthaus: Sonny dismisses Max and Milo. Claud tries the seductive tact with Sonny.
Commercials
I have been fighting a cold for a few days, so I've finally broken down and taken some Nyquil. This may end up being either a short recap or a bit of a confusing one.
Nurse's Station: Robin shows up looking for charts and messages. Wouldn't she be on some sort of official leave and thus not have any patients? What if she didn't suck as a mother and didn't come to work? Would her patients have all just died? Piph and Layla are surprised to see her, and Robin, is of course, her usual gracious self, and by that mean she's perfectly bitchy for no reason whatsoever. Robin trots off to be hateful and mean somewhere else, while Matt watches in concern.
Tiki Torture: Luke and Tracy play cards and fight about their relationship.
Crimson: Maxie comes back to work, and for some reason security doesn't escort her the heck out of the offices. Xylophone Guy must have wished Devil Wears Prada ended with Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt taking over Runway, because he happily plinks along as Maxie and Loo get seamlessly back to work and are happy about it. Since Looloo was never competent at this job before she disappeared for 4 months, I have no idea why she's suddenly capable now. Whatever. Hopefully Maxie steals her boyfriend soon by convincing everyone that Looloo is carrying Milo's child.
Commercials
Petticoat Dogpatch: screach screach whine whine (face face furrowed brow) what what what (it's okay) forgot to tell Raylene we aren't getting married WHOOPS! (face face confused)
Tiki Torture: Luke is mad b/c Tracy tricked him into embracing life, and now she doesn't want him b/c he's not dying. Tracy says she doesn't like her men to be invalids. She says as much as he hurt her, she admires who he is. Oh, they are about 7 sheets to the wind. Luke says he loves her and wants to stay her husband. Tracy tearfully says that's all well and good today, but what if Lllllaaauuuurrrraaa waltzes back into his life?
Crimson: Kate graciously welcomes Looloo back to work. Kate tells Loo that Claud if throwing a fit about the Crimson party, and she needs to know where Looloo's loyalties lie.
Metrocourt: Carly and Olivia hang out. Olivia hilariously says that Carly is not a silicon bimbo who's had everything handed to her. The silicon issue is clearly true, but she's been handed plenty. And apparently Olivia has too since she can afford to pay for a Brooklyn apartment while not working for months on end. The Brooklynites I know work 60 hours a week or have a roommate in order to pay for their apartments.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Sascha shows up to talk about the future. Violins play ominously so that we know we are supposed to take Sonny seriously when he tells her that he's in charge now, and that this will of course be shorthand to her that she's in a great deal of peril because Sonny is so powerful and awesome. Sonny should tip that chamber orchestra he carries around with him at all times to make him seem scary.
Commercials
Corinthaus: The Violins are working on Sascha b/c she begins to act afraid and says she's just the messenger....just the lawyer. She's not the Decider. She starts to back out of the room, but Max stops her. she says a child has been kidnapped. Sonny raises his fist (in the least menacing way a fist can be raised.) but Sascha stammers that if anything happens to her, there may be retaliation on the kid. Sonny blathers that he's tuff stuff and lets Sascha go. Claud lies that this is impressive. Or maybe Claud really does think it's impressive and is the sort of person who will watch Barbara Walters interview Tom Cruise and Will Smith and ask them what it's like to be so awesome and will think "that IS fascinating!"
Emma's Closet: Matt shows up with toys and gifts for Emma. In a very hijinksy move, Patrick gives Matt a Nascar toy and asks him to play with it with Emma. It's kind of cute.
Nurse's Station: Lainey's been dipping into the extensions bucket apparently. She notices Robin being aggravated at work. She also suggests that putting her feet up and drinking hot chocolate will cure her PPD. Lainey is a scientologist, it seems.
Dogpatch: Nik meets Aunt Raylene, played by Mary Gross. She played Alfalfa on SNL when Buckwheat was shot (in a parody of the Reagan shooting). Alfalfa asks Nik to be honest with her about Nadine. Which is an incredibly weird thing to do. Why is she automatically assuming Nik and Nadine aren't getting married? Does she know her niece is a complete whack job?
Commercials
Tiki Torture: I don't understand this bar. Why are there no employees? Why can Luke and Tracy drink the entire contents of the bar? They play the game where you hide something under one of three cups and move the cups around and guess where the thingy is. Meanwhile Luke says he will always care for Laura b/c they have kids, and she knows he's complicated, and she likes that. Tracy half sobs "it's always fancy dancing, and I can't believe a word of it." heh, that was a particularly drunken thing to say, even though it also made sense.
Dogpatch: Alfalfa and Nik discuss Nadine's feelings. Alfalfa says you can't predict the future and asks Nik to be kind to Nadine b/c apparently she's one bad dumping away from pulling an Ophelia.
Emma's Closet: Robin comes home and hears Matt and Patrick racing on the video games. ( I realize saying "video game" may sound to some like "listening to the victrola", but I don't know the various gamins systems. I tried bowling on the Wii system once after many glasses of champagne and found the whole thing to be out of my skill set) Matt leaves, and Robin sits with her family. Patrick gently tells her that they will get through this together, and she cries sweetly.
Corinthaus Terrace: Claud and John meet outside. Claud informs him that the Russians are about to make a move. Johnny is worried about Claud. I think they are talking about Chucky's shooting. John points out that it will be easy to kill Claud b/c he can always blame the Russians. Claud asks Johnny what he's going to do.
Commercials
Petticoat Junction: Nadine tells Nik the story of Raylene's love life. It sounds quite a bit like Jane Eyre, if Bertha hadn't died. Anyhoo, as I said at the beginning of the recap: Nik and Nadine are going to marry.
Crimson: Kate gives Maxie pages of notes. Olivia watches and tells Kate to take a break. Kate drags Olivia into her office and angrily tells her not to refer to her as Connie in the office again. Olivia agrees but thinks Kate is trying to prove something to Carly. Gee, maybe she has a huge business to run that employs hundreds of people? the hell? Just because your job in Brooklyn only requires you to work 40 hours a year, Olivia, doesn't mean that most people don't have to put in many more than that. Kate says that Carly set out to keep Kate and Sonny apart, and succeeded (the hell? Sonny had nothing to do with that?) Kate wants to show up at the party on Jax's arm and rub it in to Carly. Classy.
Metrocourt: We never did get Looloo's answer about her loyalties, but we next see her buddying up to Carly, but she says she promised Kate she could be professional and thus can't gossip bout Crimson. Carly quickly agrees and says she just wants to know what Kate is wearing to the party. Poor Looloo is probably too fashion stupid to know that Kate wouldn't want Carly to know this. Jax shows up to tell Carly "nice try" b/c this is one of those moments where standing 10 feet away from a conversation means you CAN hear every word and nuance. (as opposed to all the times Olivia has shouted "Dante is Sonny's son" and Sonny was 10 feet away and could NOT hear any of it.
Corinthaus: something about The Danger. I think Sonny tells Claud that Jakeson was kidnapped. He says he can't move on the Russians now. Claud quickly agrees and says if anyhing happens to the kid, he'll never forgive himself. For some bizarre reason Sonny says it sounds like Claud is talking from experience. Well, Sonny, since you just said Jakeson is the son of Jason's sometimes girlfriend, and Liz is also someone who is your friend, and we are talking about a BABY even if you don't know the baby, wouldn't you OBVIOUSLY feel bad if you did anything that caused injury to the baby? His intincts baffle me.
The End
Emma's Closet: Robin whines that sometimes babies cry, especially babies that make the mother openly sigh with hatred when she cries. Patrick thinks maybe Robin could go back to work. Robin also whines at this. Patrick scoops up Emma and runs off to find a nice, non-whining woman. Or not really, he just smiles.
Dogpatch: Oh, Look, it's time to learn more about Nik and Nadine's Hilarious Misadventures in Dogpatch, or what I like to call "Time to Watch the Puppies!" I would like to recap the rest of this horrible storyline all at once. This isn't based on spoilers, just my assumptions: Nik and Nadine get married for very stupid reasons, with hilarious results. Nadine learns that Nik never actually wanted to marry her, just as he realizes that he actually is in love with her, but she stupidly pretends not to be in love with him so that he is free to be with Carly (who Nadine thinks Nik is in love with). Then hopefully a herd of elephants kills them. (because Jax turned Spoon Island into an elephant farm. duh.)
Metrocourt: McFarty and Carly talk about a fancy party Kate wants to throw. Jax angrily walks up to tell McFarty that Carly gets no gossip about Crimson from now on. Carly explains to Mcfarty that it's going to be a bitter divorce.
Corinthaus: Sonny meets with Max and Milo. Claud shows up dressed like some sort of storm trooping kick boxer. Honestly, y'all, what is she wearing? Weird, tiny boxing gloves and a skin tight cat suit. Did I miss Project Runway's "Create a Comic Book Look for a Soap Opera Character" challenge last season? Claud angrily asks why Sonny started the meeting without her.
Credits
Emma's Closet: I'm all about a really well done post-partum depression storyline. (see also: Lauren on Young and the Restless), but that doesn't seem to be what this is. Robin has spent a few days with her daughter and is ready to give up.
Dogpatch: Nik's pants are very shiny.
Metrocourt: God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen toots cheerfully in the lobby while Jax and Carly fight in front of a very uncomfortable McFarty. Kate shows up to sassy Carly a bit. They snot at each other about being prostitutes and such. Kate insists that Carly got her money from marrying rich dudes, while Kate earned her money. Kate and Jax happily go off to plan the Crimson Cocktail Party, while Carly her the Curls stew.
Corinthaus: Sonny dismisses Max and Milo. Claud tries the seductive tact with Sonny.
Commercials
I have been fighting a cold for a few days, so I've finally broken down and taken some Nyquil. This may end up being either a short recap or a bit of a confusing one.
Nurse's Station: Robin shows up looking for charts and messages. Wouldn't she be on some sort of official leave and thus not have any patients? What if she didn't suck as a mother and didn't come to work? Would her patients have all just died? Piph and Layla are surprised to see her, and Robin, is of course, her usual gracious self, and by that mean she's perfectly bitchy for no reason whatsoever. Robin trots off to be hateful and mean somewhere else, while Matt watches in concern.
Tiki Torture: Luke and Tracy play cards and fight about their relationship.
Crimson: Maxie comes back to work, and for some reason security doesn't escort her the heck out of the offices. Xylophone Guy must have wished Devil Wears Prada ended with Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt taking over Runway, because he happily plinks along as Maxie and Loo get seamlessly back to work and are happy about it. Since Looloo was never competent at this job before she disappeared for 4 months, I have no idea why she's suddenly capable now. Whatever. Hopefully Maxie steals her boyfriend soon by convincing everyone that Looloo is carrying Milo's child.
Commercials
Petticoat Dogpatch: screach screach whine whine (face face furrowed brow) what what what (it's okay) forgot to tell Raylene we aren't getting married WHOOPS! (face face confused)
Tiki Torture: Luke is mad b/c Tracy tricked him into embracing life, and now she doesn't want him b/c he's not dying. Tracy says she doesn't like her men to be invalids. She says as much as he hurt her, she admires who he is. Oh, they are about 7 sheets to the wind. Luke says he loves her and wants to stay her husband. Tracy tearfully says that's all well and good today, but what if Lllllaaauuuurrrraaa waltzes back into his life?
Crimson: Kate graciously welcomes Looloo back to work. Kate tells Loo that Claud if throwing a fit about the Crimson party, and she needs to know where Looloo's loyalties lie.
Metrocourt: Carly and Olivia hang out. Olivia hilariously says that Carly is not a silicon bimbo who's had everything handed to her. The silicon issue is clearly true, but she's been handed plenty. And apparently Olivia has too since she can afford to pay for a Brooklyn apartment while not working for months on end. The Brooklynites I know work 60 hours a week or have a roommate in order to pay for their apartments.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Sascha shows up to talk about the future. Violins play ominously so that we know we are supposed to take Sonny seriously when he tells her that he's in charge now, and that this will of course be shorthand to her that she's in a great deal of peril because Sonny is so powerful and awesome. Sonny should tip that chamber orchestra he carries around with him at all times to make him seem scary.
Commercials
Corinthaus: The Violins are working on Sascha b/c she begins to act afraid and says she's just the messenger....just the lawyer. She's not the Decider. She starts to back out of the room, but Max stops her. she says a child has been kidnapped. Sonny raises his fist (in the least menacing way a fist can be raised.) but Sascha stammers that if anything happens to her, there may be retaliation on the kid. Sonny blathers that he's tuff stuff and lets Sascha go. Claud lies that this is impressive. Or maybe Claud really does think it's impressive and is the sort of person who will watch Barbara Walters interview Tom Cruise and Will Smith and ask them what it's like to be so awesome and will think "that IS fascinating!"
Emma's Closet: Matt shows up with toys and gifts for Emma. In a very hijinksy move, Patrick gives Matt a Nascar toy and asks him to play with it with Emma. It's kind of cute.
Nurse's Station: Lainey's been dipping into the extensions bucket apparently. She notices Robin being aggravated at work. She also suggests that putting her feet up and drinking hot chocolate will cure her PPD. Lainey is a scientologist, it seems.
Dogpatch: Nik meets Aunt Raylene, played by Mary Gross. She played Alfalfa on SNL when Buckwheat was shot (in a parody of the Reagan shooting). Alfalfa asks Nik to be honest with her about Nadine. Which is an incredibly weird thing to do. Why is she automatically assuming Nik and Nadine aren't getting married? Does she know her niece is a complete whack job?
Commercials
Tiki Torture: I don't understand this bar. Why are there no employees? Why can Luke and Tracy drink the entire contents of the bar? They play the game where you hide something under one of three cups and move the cups around and guess where the thingy is. Meanwhile Luke says he will always care for Laura b/c they have kids, and she knows he's complicated, and she likes that. Tracy half sobs "it's always fancy dancing, and I can't believe a word of it." heh, that was a particularly drunken thing to say, even though it also made sense.
Dogpatch: Alfalfa and Nik discuss Nadine's feelings. Alfalfa says you can't predict the future and asks Nik to be kind to Nadine b/c apparently she's one bad dumping away from pulling an Ophelia.
Emma's Closet: Robin comes home and hears Matt and Patrick racing on the video games. ( I realize saying "video game" may sound to some like "listening to the victrola", but I don't know the various gamins systems. I tried bowling on the Wii system once after many glasses of champagne and found the whole thing to be out of my skill set) Matt leaves, and Robin sits with her family. Patrick gently tells her that they will get through this together, and she cries sweetly.
Corinthaus Terrace: Claud and John meet outside. Claud informs him that the Russians are about to make a move. Johnny is worried about Claud. I think they are talking about Chucky's shooting. John points out that it will be easy to kill Claud b/c he can always blame the Russians. Claud asks Johnny what he's going to do.
Commercials
Petticoat Junction: Nadine tells Nik the story of Raylene's love life. It sounds quite a bit like Jane Eyre, if Bertha hadn't died. Anyhoo, as I said at the beginning of the recap: Nik and Nadine are going to marry.
Crimson: Kate gives Maxie pages of notes. Olivia watches and tells Kate to take a break. Kate drags Olivia into her office and angrily tells her not to refer to her as Connie in the office again. Olivia agrees but thinks Kate is trying to prove something to Carly. Gee, maybe she has a huge business to run that employs hundreds of people? the hell? Just because your job in Brooklyn only requires you to work 40 hours a year, Olivia, doesn't mean that most people don't have to put in many more than that. Kate says that Carly set out to keep Kate and Sonny apart, and succeeded (the hell? Sonny had nothing to do with that?) Kate wants to show up at the party on Jax's arm and rub it in to Carly. Classy.
Metrocourt: We never did get Looloo's answer about her loyalties, but we next see her buddying up to Carly, but she says she promised Kate she could be professional and thus can't gossip bout Crimson. Carly quickly agrees and says she just wants to know what Kate is wearing to the party. Poor Looloo is probably too fashion stupid to know that Kate wouldn't want Carly to know this. Jax shows up to tell Carly "nice try" b/c this is one of those moments where standing 10 feet away from a conversation means you CAN hear every word and nuance. (as opposed to all the times Olivia has shouted "Dante is Sonny's son" and Sonny was 10 feet away and could NOT hear any of it.
Corinthaus: something about The Danger. I think Sonny tells Claud that Jakeson was kidnapped. He says he can't move on the Russians now. Claud quickly agrees and says if anyhing happens to the kid, he'll never forgive himself. For some bizarre reason Sonny says it sounds like Claud is talking from experience. Well, Sonny, since you just said Jakeson is the son of Jason's sometimes girlfriend, and Liz is also someone who is your friend, and we are talking about a BABY even if you don't know the baby, wouldn't you OBVIOUSLY feel bad if you did anything that caused injury to the baby? His intincts baffle me.
The End
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
GH Recap 12/02:
Z'House: Trevor and Carly continue to plot about bringing down kHate. I think I already saw this movie. Both versions actually. I don't even mind watching the two actors b/c they are entertaining. But the storyline is just absolutely silly. Does Trevor have any power over ANYONE at this point? He already "destroyed" kHate, and she rebuilt a new magazine empire in 12 minutes.
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud fight. Sonny stilts "when I.......want your advice..........I will ask .....for it......" I love Sonny. Sonny suddenly turns to Ric, who's boredly sitting on a chair and asks "Ric, is there something interesting about my wife?" and that can't be the complete line, but Maurice is clearly done, so we cut to credits.
Credits
Beachbum Corners: Looloo and Johnny fight about his fighting with the cop. John says the cop was a disgrace to his badge. But he thinks that b/c he thinks the cop should have arrested him for parking in the wrong spot. Yet he DOESN'T think he should stick around and be arrested for assaulting a cop. So, shut up, Johnny's hypocrisy.
Q Living Room: Monica, Edward, Edward's Hat and Alice bicker about what to do with Tracy and Luke. Tracy angrily busts in and yells at them. Tracy is angry that Monica moved some sort of charity meeting at the hospital. General Hospital confuses the hell out of me. It clearly has an entire floor devoted to various board rooms for Quartermaine and Cassadine interests, yet the Q's seem to hold all their board meetings in their living room slash dining room slash breakfast room slash library slash bar slash parlor. The rest of the Q's leave, and Tracy pours a stiff drink. Alan pops up, still in a jogging suit. He and Tracy and Xylophone Guy plink plonk along. Alan wants Tracy to work things out with Luke, but she refuses.
Corinthaus: Ric says he meant no disrespect but just wanted to move the meeting along to discuss profits, or something. Sonny asks to speak to Claud alone, and she says she should stay for the meeting b/c nobody knows the business better than her. She promises not to speak, just sit and file away things that need to be corrected and explain them to him later. heh, that's sort of awesome that she just said that. Sonny pretends to be sanguine and says he doesn't know what he was thinking. Sonny's beard tells the room that they'll reconvene at 9am tomorrow. Ric stands around to hotly make suggestions. Sonny's beard wilts and says that both Claud and Ric are trying to tell Sonny what to do, but the beard doesn't trust either of them. Claud says she's Sonny's wife, so her and Sonny's interests are one and the same. I think Sonny's beard thinks it is Don Draper.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Johnny and Looloo continue to celebrate themselves for being so awesome as to assault a cop b/c they didn't like the way the cop spoke to them. Or whatever. It's likely freezing outside, and they left a man unconscious on the side of the road, at night. Who knows if some other driver doesn't accidentally run over him? Forgive me if I loathe Johnny and Looloo for acting like the cop was the bad guy.
Corinthaus: Sonny blathers about for a bit, and Ric hotly translates to Claud "In other words, you just got shot out. Don't take offense, Sonny does that with everybody." Sonny's beard whips Sonny's face towards Ric. I love when Ric is all smug and pleased with himself and absolutely right.
Commercials
Q Mansion: Oh, right, I forgot. It's December and thus time for Luke to tell some woman that he really does love her and is sorry that he left before. Whether it's Laura or Flea or Skye or Tracy, it always ends exactly the same way. I prefer to watch the puppies. They do the same 4 things over and over again, too, but they are sooooo cute about it. Every time one gets up and frolics to the door, just to scamper right back to bed and bite on his sister's ear, I fall in love all over again the exact same amount each time. Strings of Stupidity plink happily that the rest of the Q's want Luke to stay around, so that she'll turn her venom on Luke instead of them. Oh, well, it is nice to see Monica and Edward, so there's that.
Beachbum Corners: blah blah Looloo has absolutely no identity or goals, other than to stand near Johnny. Maxie and Spinelli rush in. Maxie asks what is wrong with them for hitting a cop. Looloo snots that if Maxie didn't want to help, why did she show up. Maxie puts on a smiley face but bitchily says "because Spinelli is helping me be a better person!" Johnny and Looloo need big box store clothes and fake ID's. Maxie says that running Crimson was more fun when Loo was there to boss around, but if this is what Johnny and Loo need, she and Spin will make it happen.
Metrocourt Bar: Carly and Nik meet. Lemme guess: They gossip about Jax and don't actually get any business done. Because unless you run an ad agency in 1952 (and thus have a small army of secretaries to do the ACTUAL business) NO ONE does business in a bar all the dang time!
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny continue to work out the kinks of their "marriage" Sonny says two things that aren't negotiable for Ric and Claud: "never undermine me, and never make decisions in my name" Ric agrees. Sonny grabs his coat and says he's going to Kate's. Claud ask if she's supposed to be okay with that. Sonny angerbarks that they get to do whatever the hyellll they want with their personal lives. He leaves, and Ric and Claud just smile at each other thinking, "man, he's an idiot that he just gave us carte blanche"
Commercials
Corinthaus: Ric and Claud giggle and flirt with each other. He says that Sonny just said she can do whatever she wants. Claud says that she read it that she and Sonny are on thin ice, so continuing with Ric would be a bad idea. Her body language indicates otherwise. But then Ric stops her cold when he explains that she might be thinking she has the potential for a real relationship with Sonny, and Sonny only falls for women who will "save" him. and by "save" him, Ric means women who are willing to lie to themselves that Sonny didn't deserve to be shot and thus deserves a tearful bedside vigil. Women who will lie to themselves that mental illness is a real thing and will treat it with Orange juice and washrags. Ric says Claud isn't capable of saving Sonny. She takes it as an insult because she doesn't know it's easily the nicest thing Ric has ever said about a person.
Kate's Beige House: Sonny shows up and for some reason kHate lets him in. He blathers that just b/c he ignored her pleas to let The Revenge go, and even though he went to Carly for an alibi, and even though he let the world think he slept with Carly, and even though he married another woman and made that decision without discussing it with kHate first, it totally doesn't mean that the doesn't love her. Khate manages to say it doesn't matter what he feels.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Loo and John tease each other about knowing how to hot wire a car. So now they are going to steal a car? and that makes them heroes? Looloo learned how to hotwire a car when she was 9 apparently. blah blah, as long as they are together, that's all that matters to her.
Metrocourt: Carly remains vindictive. Nik says that it's clear Carly still loves Jax, so she better be sure she's okay with the consequences.
Corinthaus: Claud says Ric is hardly an expert on Sonny. ric says he doesn't have to be Sonny's BFF to understand how he operates. Ric says Sonny is a walking disaster. Claud assures Ric that she's not going to fall for Sonny b/c she doesn't do love. Ric says that Sonny does. He hotly sits and says that Sonny, for all his faults, still thinks of love as this magical thing that happens and has redemptive powers. he says Claud doesn't fit the profile "you're not kHate, you're not Emily, you're not the Sainted Lili." Claud says she thinks love is the stupid things with wings that gets in the way of important stuff like clothes and power. Or something like that. Ric says he feels sorrier for her than Sonny, if that is true. Then he hotly says "Goodnight, Mrs. Corinthos" and leaves. and that was about the meanest thing he's ever said to anyone. So she cries a little.
kHate's Beige House: I dunno, y'all. These two yuck yucks continue to blather back and forth about their lives. kHate does interestingly say that no woman can change him, and maybe he shouldn't change. omg, you beige-headed idiot! What a concept! Maybe YOU shouldn't marry a man you think needs to change. Maybe you should just find a man who is already the man you want him to be. How complicated is this concept for a woman in her late 30's...early 40's? How PATHETIC that she doesn't know that. Are there any women in the early 40's who are still desperately clinging to a man, hoping he'll become someone else and propose. If you are out there...please cut that out! That never ends well.
Commercials
Q Manse: Tracy is going to get a quickie divorce.
Beachbum Corners: Maxie brings a lovely leather bag full of clothes and food. Spinelli rushes in to tell them the assault was never recorded. Did this happen 8 weeks ago? How do we know the cop hasn't reported it yet b/c he's in the hospital recovering from hypothermia? Unless the same cop DID report other things he did that same day, then I don't get the "never" part. But whatever. everyone celebrates. Except stupid Looloo and Johnny b/c they were looking forward to being Bonnie and Clyde.
Metrocourt: Carly and Nik blather about revenge and such. Nadine calls to tamaracry that they have to postpone their marriage b/c she won't be back soon, and she doesn't think she's alright.
Corinthaus: Claud creepily sits in the dark on the sofa. Sonny comes home and pours a drink. She asks how the visit with kHate did. Sonny thinks he can't be forgiven. Claud suggests he embrace his Inner Monster and quit trying to live up to what everyone else wants. Yes, all people should do that. Sonny says this may be good advice, that hanging onto your dreams only causes pain. That's not true, Sonny. Hanging onto stupid dreams that involve your doing whatever the heck you feel like doing at all times, of your never having to compromise or bend or give anything to anyone, yet also depend on EVERYONE ELSE changing their lives all around to accomodate your whims, those sorts of dreams aren't even as sound as a 5 year old wanting to be a ballerina or an astronaut. They aren't even dreams. They are fanciful demands on everyone else. kHate doesn't want to be with a mobster. I suppose you can dream that one day she will want to be with a mobster, but you love her b/c she's not a part of the mobster world. She would just be Carly if she was down with it. and you loathe Carly. More than you loathe people who shoot at your children.
the end
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud fight. Sonny stilts "when I.......want your advice..........I will ask .....for it......" I love Sonny. Sonny suddenly turns to Ric, who's boredly sitting on a chair and asks "Ric, is there something interesting about my wife?" and that can't be the complete line, but Maurice is clearly done, so we cut to credits.
Credits
Beachbum Corners: Looloo and Johnny fight about his fighting with the cop. John says the cop was a disgrace to his badge. But he thinks that b/c he thinks the cop should have arrested him for parking in the wrong spot. Yet he DOESN'T think he should stick around and be arrested for assaulting a cop. So, shut up, Johnny's hypocrisy.
Q Living Room: Monica, Edward, Edward's Hat and Alice bicker about what to do with Tracy and Luke. Tracy angrily busts in and yells at them. Tracy is angry that Monica moved some sort of charity meeting at the hospital. General Hospital confuses the hell out of me. It clearly has an entire floor devoted to various board rooms for Quartermaine and Cassadine interests, yet the Q's seem to hold all their board meetings in their living room slash dining room slash breakfast room slash library slash bar slash parlor. The rest of the Q's leave, and Tracy pours a stiff drink. Alan pops up, still in a jogging suit. He and Tracy and Xylophone Guy plink plonk along. Alan wants Tracy to work things out with Luke, but she refuses.
Corinthaus: Ric says he meant no disrespect but just wanted to move the meeting along to discuss profits, or something. Sonny asks to speak to Claud alone, and she says she should stay for the meeting b/c nobody knows the business better than her. She promises not to speak, just sit and file away things that need to be corrected and explain them to him later. heh, that's sort of awesome that she just said that. Sonny pretends to be sanguine and says he doesn't know what he was thinking. Sonny's beard tells the room that they'll reconvene at 9am tomorrow. Ric stands around to hotly make suggestions. Sonny's beard wilts and says that both Claud and Ric are trying to tell Sonny what to do, but the beard doesn't trust either of them. Claud says she's Sonny's wife, so her and Sonny's interests are one and the same. I think Sonny's beard thinks it is Don Draper.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Johnny and Looloo continue to celebrate themselves for being so awesome as to assault a cop b/c they didn't like the way the cop spoke to them. Or whatever. It's likely freezing outside, and they left a man unconscious on the side of the road, at night. Who knows if some other driver doesn't accidentally run over him? Forgive me if I loathe Johnny and Looloo for acting like the cop was the bad guy.
Corinthaus: Sonny blathers about for a bit, and Ric hotly translates to Claud "In other words, you just got shot out. Don't take offense, Sonny does that with everybody." Sonny's beard whips Sonny's face towards Ric. I love when Ric is all smug and pleased with himself and absolutely right.
Commercials
Q Mansion: Oh, right, I forgot. It's December and thus time for Luke to tell some woman that he really does love her and is sorry that he left before. Whether it's Laura or Flea or Skye or Tracy, it always ends exactly the same way. I prefer to watch the puppies. They do the same 4 things over and over again, too, but they are sooooo cute about it. Every time one gets up and frolics to the door, just to scamper right back to bed and bite on his sister's ear, I fall in love all over again the exact same amount each time. Strings of Stupidity plink happily that the rest of the Q's want Luke to stay around, so that she'll turn her venom on Luke instead of them. Oh, well, it is nice to see Monica and Edward, so there's that.
Beachbum Corners: blah blah Looloo has absolutely no identity or goals, other than to stand near Johnny. Maxie and Spinelli rush in. Maxie asks what is wrong with them for hitting a cop. Looloo snots that if Maxie didn't want to help, why did she show up. Maxie puts on a smiley face but bitchily says "because Spinelli is helping me be a better person!" Johnny and Looloo need big box store clothes and fake ID's. Maxie says that running Crimson was more fun when Loo was there to boss around, but if this is what Johnny and Loo need, she and Spin will make it happen.
Metrocourt Bar: Carly and Nik meet. Lemme guess: They gossip about Jax and don't actually get any business done. Because unless you run an ad agency in 1952 (and thus have a small army of secretaries to do the ACTUAL business) NO ONE does business in a bar all the dang time!
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny continue to work out the kinks of their "marriage" Sonny says two things that aren't negotiable for Ric and Claud: "never undermine me, and never make decisions in my name" Ric agrees. Sonny grabs his coat and says he's going to Kate's. Claud ask if she's supposed to be okay with that. Sonny angerbarks that they get to do whatever the hyellll they want with their personal lives. He leaves, and Ric and Claud just smile at each other thinking, "man, he's an idiot that he just gave us carte blanche"
Commercials
Corinthaus: Ric and Claud giggle and flirt with each other. He says that Sonny just said she can do whatever she wants. Claud says that she read it that she and Sonny are on thin ice, so continuing with Ric would be a bad idea. Her body language indicates otherwise. But then Ric stops her cold when he explains that she might be thinking she has the potential for a real relationship with Sonny, and Sonny only falls for women who will "save" him. and by "save" him, Ric means women who are willing to lie to themselves that Sonny didn't deserve to be shot and thus deserves a tearful bedside vigil. Women who will lie to themselves that mental illness is a real thing and will treat it with Orange juice and washrags. Ric says Claud isn't capable of saving Sonny. She takes it as an insult because she doesn't know it's easily the nicest thing Ric has ever said about a person.
Kate's Beige House: Sonny shows up and for some reason kHate lets him in. He blathers that just b/c he ignored her pleas to let The Revenge go, and even though he went to Carly for an alibi, and even though he let the world think he slept with Carly, and even though he married another woman and made that decision without discussing it with kHate first, it totally doesn't mean that the doesn't love her. Khate manages to say it doesn't matter what he feels.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Loo and John tease each other about knowing how to hot wire a car. So now they are going to steal a car? and that makes them heroes? Looloo learned how to hotwire a car when she was 9 apparently. blah blah, as long as they are together, that's all that matters to her.
Metrocourt: Carly remains vindictive. Nik says that it's clear Carly still loves Jax, so she better be sure she's okay with the consequences.
Corinthaus: Claud says Ric is hardly an expert on Sonny. ric says he doesn't have to be Sonny's BFF to understand how he operates. Ric says Sonny is a walking disaster. Claud assures Ric that she's not going to fall for Sonny b/c she doesn't do love. Ric says that Sonny does. He hotly sits and says that Sonny, for all his faults, still thinks of love as this magical thing that happens and has redemptive powers. he says Claud doesn't fit the profile "you're not kHate, you're not Emily, you're not the Sainted Lili." Claud says she thinks love is the stupid things with wings that gets in the way of important stuff like clothes and power. Or something like that. Ric says he feels sorrier for her than Sonny, if that is true. Then he hotly says "Goodnight, Mrs. Corinthos" and leaves. and that was about the meanest thing he's ever said to anyone. So she cries a little.
kHate's Beige House: I dunno, y'all. These two yuck yucks continue to blather back and forth about their lives. kHate does interestingly say that no woman can change him, and maybe he shouldn't change. omg, you beige-headed idiot! What a concept! Maybe YOU shouldn't marry a man you think needs to change. Maybe you should just find a man who is already the man you want him to be. How complicated is this concept for a woman in her late 30's...early 40's? How PATHETIC that she doesn't know that. Are there any women in the early 40's who are still desperately clinging to a man, hoping he'll become someone else and propose. If you are out there...please cut that out! That never ends well.
Commercials
Q Manse: Tracy is going to get a quickie divorce.
Beachbum Corners: Maxie brings a lovely leather bag full of clothes and food. Spinelli rushes in to tell them the assault was never recorded. Did this happen 8 weeks ago? How do we know the cop hasn't reported it yet b/c he's in the hospital recovering from hypothermia? Unless the same cop DID report other things he did that same day, then I don't get the "never" part. But whatever. everyone celebrates. Except stupid Looloo and Johnny b/c they were looking forward to being Bonnie and Clyde.
Metrocourt: Carly and Nik blather about revenge and such. Nadine calls to tamaracry that they have to postpone their marriage b/c she won't be back soon, and she doesn't think she's alright.
Corinthaus: Claud creepily sits in the dark on the sofa. Sonny comes home and pours a drink. She asks how the visit with kHate did. Sonny thinks he can't be forgiven. Claud suggests he embrace his Inner Monster and quit trying to live up to what everyone else wants. Yes, all people should do that. Sonny says this may be good advice, that hanging onto your dreams only causes pain. That's not true, Sonny. Hanging onto stupid dreams that involve your doing whatever the heck you feel like doing at all times, of your never having to compromise or bend or give anything to anyone, yet also depend on EVERYONE ELSE changing their lives all around to accomodate your whims, those sorts of dreams aren't even as sound as a 5 year old wanting to be a ballerina or an astronaut. They aren't even dreams. They are fanciful demands on everyone else. kHate doesn't want to be with a mobster. I suppose you can dream that one day she will want to be with a mobster, but you love her b/c she's not a part of the mobster world. She would just be Carly if she was down with it. and you loathe Carly. More than you loathe people who shoot at your children.
the end
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