Previously on GH:
The U.S. military forgot how to make weapons without using plows, or something like that, and Nadine inherited the only plow on earth, but she had always thought that the military should use harsh language instead of guns, so she refused to let the military use her plow, and for some reason Hallifiction didn't buy her plow outright in the first place because apparently in the Port Charlesiverse, Dick Cheney and his ilk are less bright than Lucky Spencer. So now Natasha and her best bud, let's call her Silda Holis, are going to work together to bring down Hallifiction along with Nik and Nadine because apparently Eisenhower was a big dummy, and all we ever needed to bring down the military-industrial complex was Gidget. See also, Russ Meyer's controversial film: Faster Gidget, Kill, Kill.
I believe this is our last Natalia-free Friday, so enjoy.
Alexis' Office: Diane and Alexis seem to be working together to dissuade Carly and Jax from divorcing. oh, brudder.
Haunted Star: Luke and Sonny meet to drink and mumble. Sonny says he's playing Untruth or Dare with Jason regarding shipping highly illegal pillow cushions into Jason's territory. Sonny says he plans on convincing Jason he doesn't want to mess with Sonny, and he plans on taking over Jason's territory pier by pier. Luke calls it a bloodless coup. Sonny laughs and says haughtily that he's already taken over the Z's. Luke seems to believe it's a good idea but points out that once Sonny has all the power, that's when the trouble starts. Also, since when is Superjase going to not notice Sonny taking over his territory?
Cafe Interrogate: Claud visits Johnny. He seems pretty depressed. She is doing that annoying thing whereby she is wearing a headband, but no hair is actually being held back by it. She wants to help him.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie is dressed in a red robe, and Spinelli enjoys the after glow of their George and Izzy-like sexcapades. Lemme guess, Jesse's stupid ghost is going to come back soon, and she'll start sleeping with him? Also, I had to stop watching Grey's Anatomy when it became stupider than Passions. Maxie says this seals their relationship, and now Winnie won't be around.
Docks: Raynor congratulates Winnie on being a good little spy.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli realizes Maxie isn't that into him. She just was reacting to Winnie.
Credits
DC: Nik and Nadine are meeting with "The Government" to talk about how she wants to beat their swords into plowshares and such. This is stupider than the time a spider bit Emily, and Nik had to take her to a magical garden to save her.
Alexis' Office: Diane explains they are going to go over the financial records with a magnifying glass. She says they will need lots of patient. Jax says he thought this would be easy. Alexis barks it could be if he'd stop sitting around like a lump and shine the light on Carly's myriad failings as a wife. Carly sits their wounded and tearful. Was the limo ride over not that fun, Carlycakes? is that the problem.
Haunted Star: Claud says she knew Wheels would do something dastardly. She says his choices are do what Wheels wants or go to prison. Johnny says what he wants also matters. He's still angry that Claud had to marry Sonny. Claud asks how much of Johnny's bravado has to do with Looloo and showing that he's decent. SHe reminds him that Loo won't be his soul mate.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli broken heartedly says he knows Maxie slept with him b/c of Winnie. Her eyes and face grow red with tears and she asks why he's saying "you. What happened to fair Maximista?" She says she didn't do anything bad, she just wanted to remind him of their connection. He sadly says she never wanted him and made an advance she knew he couldn't turn down. He starts to leave, but she calls after him that she was trying to stop him from making a mistake. Maybe you should have tried telling him you were pregnant or hooking him on drugs, first, Maxie.
Commercials
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli starts to leave, but he angrily asks why he didn't understand her low opinion of him, that she doesn't think he can make his own decisions. Maxie tearfully says everyone knows he's brilliant about facts and figures, but when it comes to people, he is a bit child like, and Winnie is a good example. Spinelli asks her to explain. She puts on her tough maxie face, but she unabashedly answers that his male role model and hero is a career criminal. She says that people take advantage of him, and Winnie is the most recent example. He says that's very insulting and mean. She crosses her arms and bites back tears because even though she's a mess, she really does believe that Winnie is using him.
DC: I dunno. Something about going to meet with senators to ask Hallifiction to quit making weapons, or something equally stupid.
Alexis's Office: Alexis continues to bash Carly. Diane bitingly reminds Alexis that they had an agreement, which is clear that they had agreed to stall the divorce. Alexis has decided she can probably do that by insulting Carly. Which is fine with me. Alexis calls Carly a trainwreck, so Diane calls Jax a traitor, so Jax asks them to get back to the meeting, and Alexis asks where they were, and Carly utters "trainwreck" heh. Alexis apologizes, but she's set her trap and Carly walks right into it. She admits she's done all the things Alexis said, but all those admitted failings aside, she loves him.
Haunted Star: Luke reminds Sonny that the feds will be looking at Sonny, and so far he's kept them off balance. He suggests Sonny grow a new set of eyes in the back of his head. he wants Sonny to succeed because they are friends and because it helps Luke's business. Luke explains that Johnny has been framed by Wheels and wants to know if Sonny can help. Gee, one guess, and the first 8 million don't count.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud lets Johnny know that Jerry Probst left a trail of bags of puzzle pieces all over the Corinthaus tribe, and she has to make it through the maze and over the balance beam and win individual immunity, or she'll be snuffed at tribal council. Then she cries because Sarah Joy Brown has to contractually cry every 3rd scene. Johnny talks about looloo, and Claud's head nearly explodes that Johnny's life is on the line, and he's rambling about Looloo. On cue, Looloo waltzes in. I wish I could be arrested in Port Charles. I'd love to get to see this much of my friends and family all day long!
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke continues to explain that Wheels framed Johnny, and Ric won't do anything, so he needs another option. Sonny asks why Luke is interested. Luke explains that Johnny gave him money to open the HS and is his business partner. He says that a friend of his just happens to be the head of the Z'organization, so maybe he can pull some strings. Sonny mumbles something.
Cafe Interrogate: Claud and Loo exhcange cattiness. Looloo says she supports Johnny, but she's wearing an off the shoulder outfit. Claud passionately, once again, tries to help her dolt of a brother. Looloo does this thing that makes me think of ice picks and skull caps and speaks in a grating voice and asks if Claud cares about Johnny b/c she needs something. Claud looks at her with tearful rage, and I remember why I love Sarah Brown.
Alexis' Office: Carly makes an impassioned plea for her marriage, but she doesn't really plea. She simply apologizes. and stupid Jax's face only ever needed an apology. Not fidelity, or to come ahead of her ex lovers. Just remorse. Idiot. She leaves and Jax considers forgiving her. Idiot, idiot.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Whatever point Maxie could have ever had will be lost and Spinelli emotionally cries that she initiated sex to keep him away from Winnie. Her eyes fill with tears and she says if he thinks she's that shallow, then she doesn't know him. How is this bizarre, asexual couple delivering the most passionate, heart breaking performances of that last 18 months?
commercials
Haunted Star: Luke says he knows Wheels is kuckoo for cocoa puffs and it may cause problems for Sonny to get involved. (and also, he knows Sonny is a rat fink bastahd and calling him a loser like this will get his way) On cue, Sonny says he owes Johnny for putting him in Paddington last year, so he'll help.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie venomously says that computer nerds are a dime a dozen, and she could have found anyone to help her. He says sadly that she lied about her feelings. She stands there, with her big, beautiful eyes full of tears, and she manages to disallow them to fall down her cheeks and issues a barrage of insults on him that Shakespeare would wince at. She says she pities him and thinks he's lame, but Georgie loved him, so she put up with him, but she's done with him and hopes he goes to Winnie. He allows this to wash over him and leaves. She runs to the door, slams it and weeps against it.
DC: dum dum dum dum dumdum dumdum dumdum
Alexis' Office: Diane is pleased about the outcome b/c they helped along the course of true love and also got a lot of billable hours. heh. Diane says it's great that both clients will go home happy. Alexis sadly says it would be great if Carly were capable of long term happiness. Eventually Sonny will crook his finger, and she'll trample all over Jax again. Alexis sadly asks what kind of friend she'd be if she facilitated this.
Metrocourt: Jax and Carly meet. Carly says Alexis is right about her, but she does love him. He says he knows. He says he instructed Alexis to make the divorce painless. Carly says divorce always hurts. (and she would know...am I right, people?)
Cafe Interrogate: Loo continues to invite an ice pick into her brain because she's acting like having a great father is an accomplishment to gloat over. forget all the times she treats Luke like dog poo, he's getting her stupid boyfriend out of jail, so she considers herself awesome. The guard shows up to say Johnny can go. Hilariously, he doesn't offer him his clothes or even unchain his legs. "take the floor with you" I guess is the subtext? Claud warns Loo that Luke better know what he's doing, and Loo smiles like a giant idiot b/c what does she care about comptence? Her boyfriends beats up cops and leaves them to die, and her brother is a cop, but she doesn't care about anything but Johnny's hotness. Don't get me wrong. I'd probably be an idiot about Johnny at 19 as well. Especially if I'd been 5 for 12 years.
Commercials
DC: Senator ViolinsInHisOffice says that the soldiers need good weapons. Nadine says she knows, but she doesn't want Hallifiction to make money, or something. SenatorViolinsinHisOffice says Hallifiction didn't start the war. Omg, I can't begin to tell you how much I loathe this story line. It's not even that it's dumb b/c I watched Marlena be possessed by the devil every day for months in college. It's that it's so halfassed.
Docks: Claud and her pleather coat rush to Sonny and says Johnny was just released from jail. Sonny plays it off, but Claud knows that Sonny was involved. She says Z'army isn't that into Sonny and Wheels will find out. Sonny says he owed Johnny. Instead of saying "yes, you do, you creep, you're almost even", Claud agrees that she now owes Sonny.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie remembers getting the Most Awesome Mixed Tape ever in the form of the journal he made that traced the evolution of beauty since the dawn of time. In the present, she sits in the living room and sobs. Johnny and Loo stumble in, in a romantic clinch. Maxie sucks up her tears and says casually that she found what she was looking for regarding a poem Spinelli put in the book. Looloo actually manages to be Lulu for a minute and asks Maxie if she's okay. Maxie nods and shoves off the blankie and mumbles something about how she's fine b/c she's done it again, only this time it was to a true friend, and she rushes out the door while Johnny and Looloo look at each other in concern.
Commercials
It's just...show, if you want to make some sort of political blabber jabber about the military-industrial complex, then actually DO something. Don't cut and paste this tedious story line that makes no sense. So now suddenly Nik busts out a document for Nadine to sign that gives him control of the patent. A magical, non-notary requiring document. Nik announces that Hallifiction will thusly not be using the plow. They'll have to beat their thumtacks into swords, I suppose.
Split action: Jax and Carly's song plays. as they each go to their lawyers and ask for the longest divorce ever so they can have time to rebuild their marriage. Diane hilariously offers Carly a discount on her fee.
Haunted Star: Tracy is annoyed that she saw Luke cavorting with Sonny. Remind me again what Tracy loves about Luke? it's not the way he acts. it's not who he knows. they never have sex. why are they a couple? Luke charmingly warns her not to police his activities. FYI, this is the exact relationship Liz and Jason would have had if they had become a couple, so be glad for the pleasant moments you go.
Docks: Somehow Claud can tell that the ship in the distance is Sonny's ship, but it's heading towards Jason's pier. Claud says Jason won't stand for this and asks how he thinks Jason will react. On cue, their faces light up orange and we hear an explosion. You rat bastards better not have hurt the buoy bell! Sonny stares and then smiles with a bit of pride in his borg-like protege and says "well, probably like that." heh, I was wondering where Jason was this whole episode. You go, Superjase!
Other Docks: Maxie rushes about with a bouquet of flowers. She sees Spinelli and calls his name. At that moment, men in black show up to arrest Spinelli for treason and such. dun dun dunnnnnn.
the end
Showing posts with label Johnny and Looloo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Johnny and Looloo. Show all posts
Friday, January 9, 2009
Monday, December 15, 2008
GH Recap 12/15: Come and Knock On My Door
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Bleck, I forgot that Maxie thought she was overhearing Johnny and Looloo have way to loud sex, but they were really moving furniture.
Alleydocks: Sascha yells at some Russians about a shipment. Because after Russians set several buildings and ships on fire, I'm so sure that they would still be able to do business as usual. Sam, idiotically, sneaks up to hide behind some wooden crates.
Jason's Apartment: Jason and Spinelli talk about The Danger. Meanwhile, someone copies files from Spinelli's laptop. they are very bad hackers, however, because a giant, animated window pops up that clearly states "copying files". Luckily for the inept hacker, Spinelli is not looking, and is instead trying to talk Jason into teaming up with Sonny again.
Corinthaus: Claud pulls away from Sonny's kiss and says she thought he hated her and asks what changed. He non answers by saying "what do you think."
Credits
Alleydocks: Sascha continues to ramble about The Danger, but then Natasha shows up! Dressed in black and zippy necklaces. She is so over the Russians and The Danger, and it's about time. She wants Sascha to either answer her questions now, or prepare to be subpoena'd. Sascha asks on what grounds, and Natasha points out that the stupid Russians have blown up half the town at this point, so this is a dumb question.
Sam's Apartment Lucky shows up with a box. It looks like the sort of box you'd put pastries in. He realizes Sam isn't home, and poutily snots "so much for dinner." Well, since your idea of "dinner" is a big cake, Lucky, it's no wonder Sam isn't there. Yo don't maintain a body like that by eating sheet cake for dinner, you dimwit.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Even Maxie can't save how stupid and xylophone-y this scene is.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily tells Spinelli that Sonny is the reason that Jason's family and businesses have been targeted. He gruffly says he doesn't think Sonny thought Jakeson would be kidnapped when he shot Krapov, but he should have. About dang time someone noticed Sonny's culpability in all this!
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud boringingly discuss this kiss. She doesn't know if he's trying to strengthen his ties to the Z's by strengthening their marriage. Or maybe he's not feeling as compelled to go back to Kate as he thought he would. Sonny says she's reading more into the kiss than she should. Is this how he's planning on seducing her? By insulting her? Claud also wants to discuss The Danger as well. She thinks on the one hand, he wants the Z's to help him with The Russians, but on the other hand, they know Jason is vulnerable, and so does Sonny, so he wants to make a move against Jason. Sonny mumbleasks why he'd do that to his oldest friend. Claud twirls her hair and says no one believes Sonny and Jason are friends anymore, including Sonny and Jason. heh.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Claud taunts Sonny a bit that Sonny gave Jason the Biz, but Jason wouldn't give it back. Sonny finally tells her that Jason and Carly plotted to take his sons away from him. You know who helped with that, Sonny? You did by not hiring guards to protect your kids. Also, Claud helped a lot by hiring the hitman who shot your son!
Haunted Star: Lucky mopes over to the HS to talk to his dad and share pastries with him. Does Lucky have an eating disorder?
Alleydocks: Sascha says her business associate was murdered. Alexis explains that a Desolate Mountain Bar blew up with a kid inside, but Sascha knew that. Sascha says she didn't know it at the time, and that the kid's mother accosted her at the hospital. Alexis asks if the name Jakeson Spencer means nothing to her. Alexis says she knows Sascha is not from this country, but it's frowned upon to threaten the district attorney. Sascha says she thinks Natasha is harassing her to deflect attention from her lover who has disappeared, and her daughter, who unfortunately has not. sam, who has been eaveslurking behind some crates, makes a rotten egg face at this.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason explains this all started 10 months ago when Chucky was put into a coma, and Sonny hasn't been thinking right since. Jason says he tried to explain to Sonny that people like them don't get to be happy, but he stupidly started making plans to be just that with Liz. He says Sonny is still lying, and I think he means to himself. Jason says he doesn't know if Sonny is planning a move against him. A knock at the door reveals Special Agent Raynor. Spinelli dutifully leaves, and Jason asks if he needs his attorney. SA Raynor says he doesn't, " what I have to say may save your life." Psst, Special Agent Raynor, just so's you know, no matter what you say or don't say or do or don't do, Jason is going to die an old man. He's Superjase! It should have been in your report.
Commercials
Alleydocks: Sascha says Natasha's personal life is common knowledge. Well, it is for creepy bad guys who are stalking her, Sascha. Natasha tells Sascha to get her guards to back off. Sascha calls Sam a drug smuggling slut. Natasha gets in Sascha's face and repeats that Sas needs to call of her guards, or she'll send the text giving the police Sascha's location. Sam smiles happily at her badass of a mom.
Haunted Star: Lucky whines to Lucky that his girlfriend has bigger balls than him. Luke eats pastries and says "Cowboy, it's time you learn that just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you can make a life with them."
Corinthaus: Sonny gives lip service to his guilt about Chucky. He says he'll never see his kids again without guards around. Yes, MOBSTER, that is how it's done. Claud says maybe he can get joint custody. Sonny says he signed over his parental rights to Carly. Claud is surprised that jason sided with Carly. Why are people ever confused about this? Sonny is the quote "biggest mobster on the easter seaboard" unquote, and he took his son to a place where his business is done, and he didn't have any guards available. Because he's INSANE. I guess maybe Claud is playing Sonny and pretending to think he was wronged by Carly and Jason. She says he lost Jason and Carly, and it didn't work with Kate, so now all he's got left are the Z's. Max announces Wheels. Sonny angrily asks if he ever can just call. Wheels rudely dismisses Claud. Sonny says Wheels can leave, and he'll discuss things with his wife. Wheels relents, and Claud stays. Sonny sits to talk about Jason and The Danger. Sonny says Jason doesn't have the resources to fight him and the Russians at the same time.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor tells Jason all about his life as Mullet Boy, and the car accident, and the being taken advantage of by a mobster for his brain damage. Jason asks if Raynor is giving him a way out of prosecution due to mental incompetence. Raynor says that this life Jason has chosen is going to end in prison or death. The feds want to offer Jason immunity from prosecution. Jason asks what he has to give in return. It's very telling that he's at least open enough to ask that question.
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Strings of Stupidity splink while Maxie insists they make a list of rules. Looloo agrees that she'd never want to wear Maxie's clothes. This becomes Rule #1. Rule #2 is never eat Maxie's food, even if it's just left overs and even if Looloo pays her back. Rule #3 is if Johnny lives here, he pays a third of the rent. Idiot Looloo stares in surprise at this. Yep, I can peg a mooch, loser tenant from a mile away! Even fictitious ones.
Haunted Star: Luke says that Lucky likes stability and order and the old Spencer House that Laura also loved. Luke asks if Sam likes that old house. Lucky says Sam likes her hot tub (hi, writers!) and in fact they spend most of their time at her apartment. Luke is basically saying that Lucky should date Tracy, and he himself should date Sam. Not in so many words b/c it would be icky, but that Lucky is as boring as an old rug, and Sam wants to buy rugs in Morocco and use them to smuggle herself into a mobster's den.
Alleydocks: Natasha tells Sascha that she better start cooperating or be ready to go to prison. She holds up her phone like it's attached to a detonator and politely shoves her way past Sascha's gaurds. Sascha stares out at the water and somehow doesn't see Sam staring at her. Poor Sascha may be going blind and should have her complete lack of peripheral vision checked out!
Corinthaus: Sonny gets a call, leaving Claud and Wheels alone to talk. Claud angrily says she doesn't know what her father's plan is yet, but it seems to be working for him so far. Wheels giggles that she's right.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor wants info to build a case against Sonny and Wheels. Jason says he's barely dealt with Wheels, and the Feds should know he doesn't talk to Sonny anymore. Raynor says Sonny and Wheels have done bad guy stuff, and Jason gets a blank slate if he gives info. Raynor further says that if Jason stays a mobster, they will basically look the other way. Raynor says that Jason made a bad choice when he didn't know better, due to the brain damage, so he has the chance to make good on that. He asks what Jason really owes Sonny anyway. In case the audience is actually as stupid as the writers clearly think they are, Jason clarifies "so you're asking me to give up Sonny to save myself?" Yes, Jason. He has not been remotely subtle. Gawd.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke and Natasha! Hang out and drink! Yay! I hope they accidentally kill someone again tonight! He tells her that he thinks it's clear he chose Tracy b/c he's here and Tracy's here and Laura is in Paris. Alexis says that Tracy wants to know that he loves Tracy the most and would choose her. Luke asks how she knows that, and she says she watches Oprah. Alexis says she has never been the love of anyone's life, and in fact has never kissed a boy where it didn't turn into a disaster. Luke says he senses this conversation has turned in a Jerry Jax-themed one.
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Looloo says Johnny is a guest. Maxie asks if Johnny is going to be using the refrigerator, the bathroom and the living room. He says yes to all three, and Maxie says that settles it, he's paying rent. Johnny says he has no problem paying rent until he finds aplace. Looloo idiotically says that Maxie is just jealous b/c she thought she heard them having sex. Shut up, Looloo. Johnny offers to take everyone out for Chinese. Probably because, like me, ever since Maxie mentioned leftover Chinese food, he's been craving it. Maxie wants to stay home and pout and stew over her list of rules.
Corinthaus: Wheels leaves. Claud thanks Sonny for not kicking her out. He says he likes to annoy Wheels, and also doesn't mind her being around. He says they are on the same side. Claud says this seems too easy, adn that when something seems too good to be true, it is. and yet, dum dums like Claud continue to ignore that instinct on a daily basis in this town.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Alexis explains to Luke that they played each other, and if he hadn't died, she'd have had no problem turning him and the evidence over. Luke nervously asks if this is just true for Jerry, or other criminals she knows. She asks if he's talking about the time he tried to kill her step mother. Luke quickly corrects saying "WE!" and Alexis says that the "we" part is what negates her ability to prosecute him. He relaxes at this news. Alexis is not the crappy sort of friend that most people are in this town, and lets the conversation turn back to Luke's needs and explains the fact that Luke still loves Laura has to be a real kick in the teeth to Tracy.
Corinthaus: Sonny says he didn't plan on treating Claud miserably. He says he's not proud of the way he treated her in the past, but he had a lot going on, and he took it out on her. Claud admits she was hardly Little Miss Sunshine. Show, please don't mention the titles of far superior and more entertaining movies b/c it just makes me hyper aware of how crappy this show can be. Milo interrupts to deliver the mail. Do Max and Milo really just hang out in the foyer? It must be so cold in there! Claud hops up to look through her magazines. He asks what they can do to make the marriage work for both of them.
Casa de 3s a crowd: Looloo and Johnny come home with Chinese take out. They can hear Maxie giggling and romping. Looloo thinks Maxie is having sex with Spinelli to prove a point. She knows Spinelli is in love with Maxie and thinks this is mean. Spinelli enters at this moment with a Tiffany blue box. That is so nice. Looloo does some quick math and wonders who is in Maxie's room. We hear Maxie moaning "don't stop! don't stop!"
Sam's Apartment: Lucky comes back to Sam's and leaves a message, poutily saying "I guess you decided to skip dinner. Next time just give me a call." and while Lucky is so whiny, Sam really was a jerk not to text him that she was not going to meet him.
Alleydocks: Lucky got voicemail b/c Sam was calling Jason at this exact moment. She whispers to herself as the phone ring, begging Jason to pick up. (we see Jason's phone ringing at his penthouse, no one around to answer it) Sam starts to leave, but realizes The Russian Goons have her surrounded. Oh, maybe Sascha's peripheral vision isn't so bad afterall.
the end
The "this week" promo is about Sonny and Claud. Annoucer: his wife's ambition put his son in a coma. (we see shots of Claud and Sonny and Little Chucky all snuggled in at Whole Foods). Announcer: This week the truth could get her killed. (turns out Jerry made a DVD that details Claud's part in hiring the shooter. Claud gets the DVD and has to keep is secret).
Sonny angrily asks what she's done. (but it seems more like he's asking about Christmas decorations than anything The Danger related)
Alleydocks: Sascha yells at some Russians about a shipment. Because after Russians set several buildings and ships on fire, I'm so sure that they would still be able to do business as usual. Sam, idiotically, sneaks up to hide behind some wooden crates.
Jason's Apartment: Jason and Spinelli talk about The Danger. Meanwhile, someone copies files from Spinelli's laptop. they are very bad hackers, however, because a giant, animated window pops up that clearly states "copying files". Luckily for the inept hacker, Spinelli is not looking, and is instead trying to talk Jason into teaming up with Sonny again.
Corinthaus: Claud pulls away from Sonny's kiss and says she thought he hated her and asks what changed. He non answers by saying "what do you think."
Credits
Alleydocks: Sascha continues to ramble about The Danger, but then Natasha shows up! Dressed in black and zippy necklaces. She is so over the Russians and The Danger, and it's about time. She wants Sascha to either answer her questions now, or prepare to be subpoena'd. Sascha asks on what grounds, and Natasha points out that the stupid Russians have blown up half the town at this point, so this is a dumb question.
Sam's Apartment Lucky shows up with a box. It looks like the sort of box you'd put pastries in. He realizes Sam isn't home, and poutily snots "so much for dinner." Well, since your idea of "dinner" is a big cake, Lucky, it's no wonder Sam isn't there. Yo don't maintain a body like that by eating sheet cake for dinner, you dimwit.
Casa de 3's a crowd: Even Maxie can't save how stupid and xylophone-y this scene is.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily tells Spinelli that Sonny is the reason that Jason's family and businesses have been targeted. He gruffly says he doesn't think Sonny thought Jakeson would be kidnapped when he shot Krapov, but he should have. About dang time someone noticed Sonny's culpability in all this!
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud boringingly discuss this kiss. She doesn't know if he's trying to strengthen his ties to the Z's by strengthening their marriage. Or maybe he's not feeling as compelled to go back to Kate as he thought he would. Sonny says she's reading more into the kiss than she should. Is this how he's planning on seducing her? By insulting her? Claud also wants to discuss The Danger as well. She thinks on the one hand, he wants the Z's to help him with The Russians, but on the other hand, they know Jason is vulnerable, and so does Sonny, so he wants to make a move against Jason. Sonny mumbleasks why he'd do that to his oldest friend. Claud twirls her hair and says no one believes Sonny and Jason are friends anymore, including Sonny and Jason. heh.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Claud taunts Sonny a bit that Sonny gave Jason the Biz, but Jason wouldn't give it back. Sonny finally tells her that Jason and Carly plotted to take his sons away from him. You know who helped with that, Sonny? You did by not hiring guards to protect your kids. Also, Claud helped a lot by hiring the hitman who shot your son!
Haunted Star: Lucky mopes over to the HS to talk to his dad and share pastries with him. Does Lucky have an eating disorder?
Alleydocks: Sascha says her business associate was murdered. Alexis explains that a Desolate Mountain Bar blew up with a kid inside, but Sascha knew that. Sascha says she didn't know it at the time, and that the kid's mother accosted her at the hospital. Alexis asks if the name Jakeson Spencer means nothing to her. Alexis says she knows Sascha is not from this country, but it's frowned upon to threaten the district attorney. Sascha says she thinks Natasha is harassing her to deflect attention from her lover who has disappeared, and her daughter, who unfortunately has not. sam, who has been eaveslurking behind some crates, makes a rotten egg face at this.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason explains this all started 10 months ago when Chucky was put into a coma, and Sonny hasn't been thinking right since. Jason says he tried to explain to Sonny that people like them don't get to be happy, but he stupidly started making plans to be just that with Liz. He says Sonny is still lying, and I think he means to himself. Jason says he doesn't know if Sonny is planning a move against him. A knock at the door reveals Special Agent Raynor. Spinelli dutifully leaves, and Jason asks if he needs his attorney. SA Raynor says he doesn't, " what I have to say may save your life." Psst, Special Agent Raynor, just so's you know, no matter what you say or don't say or do or don't do, Jason is going to die an old man. He's Superjase! It should have been in your report.
Commercials
Alleydocks: Sascha says Natasha's personal life is common knowledge. Well, it is for creepy bad guys who are stalking her, Sascha. Natasha tells Sascha to get her guards to back off. Sascha calls Sam a drug smuggling slut. Natasha gets in Sascha's face and repeats that Sas needs to call of her guards, or she'll send the text giving the police Sascha's location. Sam smiles happily at her badass of a mom.
Haunted Star: Lucky whines to Lucky that his girlfriend has bigger balls than him. Luke eats pastries and says "Cowboy, it's time you learn that just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you can make a life with them."
Corinthaus: Sonny gives lip service to his guilt about Chucky. He says he'll never see his kids again without guards around. Yes, MOBSTER, that is how it's done. Claud says maybe he can get joint custody. Sonny says he signed over his parental rights to Carly. Claud is surprised that jason sided with Carly. Why are people ever confused about this? Sonny is the quote "biggest mobster on the easter seaboard" unquote, and he took his son to a place where his business is done, and he didn't have any guards available. Because he's INSANE. I guess maybe Claud is playing Sonny and pretending to think he was wronged by Carly and Jason. She says he lost Jason and Carly, and it didn't work with Kate, so now all he's got left are the Z's. Max announces Wheels. Sonny angrily asks if he ever can just call. Wheels rudely dismisses Claud. Sonny says Wheels can leave, and he'll discuss things with his wife. Wheels relents, and Claud stays. Sonny sits to talk about Jason and The Danger. Sonny says Jason doesn't have the resources to fight him and the Russians at the same time.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor tells Jason all about his life as Mullet Boy, and the car accident, and the being taken advantage of by a mobster for his brain damage. Jason asks if Raynor is giving him a way out of prosecution due to mental incompetence. Raynor says that this life Jason has chosen is going to end in prison or death. The feds want to offer Jason immunity from prosecution. Jason asks what he has to give in return. It's very telling that he's at least open enough to ask that question.
Commercials
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Strings of Stupidity splink while Maxie insists they make a list of rules. Looloo agrees that she'd never want to wear Maxie's clothes. This becomes Rule #1. Rule #2 is never eat Maxie's food, even if it's just left overs and even if Looloo pays her back. Rule #3 is if Johnny lives here, he pays a third of the rent. Idiot Looloo stares in surprise at this. Yep, I can peg a mooch, loser tenant from a mile away! Even fictitious ones.
Haunted Star: Luke says that Lucky likes stability and order and the old Spencer House that Laura also loved. Luke asks if Sam likes that old house. Lucky says Sam likes her hot tub (hi, writers!) and in fact they spend most of their time at her apartment. Luke is basically saying that Lucky should date Tracy, and he himself should date Sam. Not in so many words b/c it would be icky, but that Lucky is as boring as an old rug, and Sam wants to buy rugs in Morocco and use them to smuggle herself into a mobster's den.
Alleydocks: Natasha tells Sascha that she better start cooperating or be ready to go to prison. She holds up her phone like it's attached to a detonator and politely shoves her way past Sascha's gaurds. Sascha stares out at the water and somehow doesn't see Sam staring at her. Poor Sascha may be going blind and should have her complete lack of peripheral vision checked out!
Corinthaus: Sonny gets a call, leaving Claud and Wheels alone to talk. Claud angrily says she doesn't know what her father's plan is yet, but it seems to be working for him so far. Wheels giggles that she's right.
Jason's Penthouse: Raynor wants info to build a case against Sonny and Wheels. Jason says he's barely dealt with Wheels, and the Feds should know he doesn't talk to Sonny anymore. Raynor says Sonny and Wheels have done bad guy stuff, and Jason gets a blank slate if he gives info. Raynor further says that if Jason stays a mobster, they will basically look the other way. Raynor says that Jason made a bad choice when he didn't know better, due to the brain damage, so he has the chance to make good on that. He asks what Jason really owes Sonny anyway. In case the audience is actually as stupid as the writers clearly think they are, Jason clarifies "so you're asking me to give up Sonny to save myself?" Yes, Jason. He has not been remotely subtle. Gawd.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Luke and Natasha! Hang out and drink! Yay! I hope they accidentally kill someone again tonight! He tells her that he thinks it's clear he chose Tracy b/c he's here and Tracy's here and Laura is in Paris. Alexis says that Tracy wants to know that he loves Tracy the most and would choose her. Luke asks how she knows that, and she says she watches Oprah. Alexis says she has never been the love of anyone's life, and in fact has never kissed a boy where it didn't turn into a disaster. Luke says he senses this conversation has turned in a Jerry Jax-themed one.
Casa de 3s a Crowd: Looloo says Johnny is a guest. Maxie asks if Johnny is going to be using the refrigerator, the bathroom and the living room. He says yes to all three, and Maxie says that settles it, he's paying rent. Johnny says he has no problem paying rent until he finds aplace. Looloo idiotically says that Maxie is just jealous b/c she thought she heard them having sex. Shut up, Looloo. Johnny offers to take everyone out for Chinese. Probably because, like me, ever since Maxie mentioned leftover Chinese food, he's been craving it. Maxie wants to stay home and pout and stew over her list of rules.
Corinthaus: Wheels leaves. Claud thanks Sonny for not kicking her out. He says he likes to annoy Wheels, and also doesn't mind her being around. He says they are on the same side. Claud says this seems too easy, adn that when something seems too good to be true, it is. and yet, dum dums like Claud continue to ignore that instinct on a daily basis in this town.
Commercials
Haunted Star: Alexis explains to Luke that they played each other, and if he hadn't died, she'd have had no problem turning him and the evidence over. Luke nervously asks if this is just true for Jerry, or other criminals she knows. She asks if he's talking about the time he tried to kill her step mother. Luke quickly corrects saying "WE!" and Alexis says that the "we" part is what negates her ability to prosecute him. He relaxes at this news. Alexis is not the crappy sort of friend that most people are in this town, and lets the conversation turn back to Luke's needs and explains the fact that Luke still loves Laura has to be a real kick in the teeth to Tracy.
Corinthaus: Sonny says he didn't plan on treating Claud miserably. He says he's not proud of the way he treated her in the past, but he had a lot going on, and he took it out on her. Claud admits she was hardly Little Miss Sunshine. Show, please don't mention the titles of far superior and more entertaining movies b/c it just makes me hyper aware of how crappy this show can be. Milo interrupts to deliver the mail. Do Max and Milo really just hang out in the foyer? It must be so cold in there! Claud hops up to look through her magazines. He asks what they can do to make the marriage work for both of them.
Casa de 3s a crowd: Looloo and Johnny come home with Chinese take out. They can hear Maxie giggling and romping. Looloo thinks Maxie is having sex with Spinelli to prove a point. She knows Spinelli is in love with Maxie and thinks this is mean. Spinelli enters at this moment with a Tiffany blue box. That is so nice. Looloo does some quick math and wonders who is in Maxie's room. We hear Maxie moaning "don't stop! don't stop!"
Sam's Apartment: Lucky comes back to Sam's and leaves a message, poutily saying "I guess you decided to skip dinner. Next time just give me a call." and while Lucky is so whiny, Sam really was a jerk not to text him that she was not going to meet him.
Alleydocks: Lucky got voicemail b/c Sam was calling Jason at this exact moment. She whispers to herself as the phone ring, begging Jason to pick up. (we see Jason's phone ringing at his penthouse, no one around to answer it) Sam starts to leave, but realizes The Russian Goons have her surrounded. Oh, maybe Sascha's peripheral vision isn't so bad afterall.
the end
The "this week" promo is about Sonny and Claud. Annoucer: his wife's ambition put his son in a coma. (we see shots of Claud and Sonny and Little Chucky all snuggled in at Whole Foods). Announcer: This week the truth could get her killed. (turns out Jerry made a DVD that details Claud's part in hiring the shooter. Claud gets the DVD and has to keep is secret).
Sonny angrily asks what she's done. (but it seems more like he's asking about Christmas decorations than anything The Danger related)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
GH Recap 12/10: boring, boring, boring... GOOSE!
Emma's Closet: Robin made breakfast and has figured out how to hold Emma without terrifying her and thus has renewed confidence. Patrick cutely leans over and sort of smells Robin's wrist while she talks. Maybe he gives it a kiss, but it looked like sniffing...in an endearing way.
Petticoat Junction: Nik is going to help Nadine do chores. I can only imagine how riveting that will be.
Chez Zee: Johnny reads the paper shirtless on the sofa. Because he's unemployed now, so he just lives his entire life like Sunday morning. That sounds awesome. Jax bops in to say he needs his place back. Wait, this was Jax's apartment? Since when?
Jason's Penthouse: Jason is all business as Spinelli tries to tell him something. Before he can, Maxie trots down the stairs in the cutest nightgown ever. I think it has a petticoat for heaven's sakes. She cheerfully calls out good morning, much to Jason's chagrin.
Credits
Q Manse: Alice greets Luke. Luke is surprised that Tracy isn't back from Tiki Torture yet. Alice has all the fixin's for bloody mary's laid out on the table that normally just has disgusting room temperature oj and crusty pastries. Maybe it simply IS Sunday.
Emma's Closet: Robin lays Emma in her cute little bed that says "cozy baby" on the foot board. She whispers that she's read that baby digestive tracts take weeks to develop. Before Patrick leaves, Robin asks Robin to check on one of her patients. Okay, what in the hell? Is Robin on leave or is she not? Shouldn't she not have patients? Or is Night Shift on again, and this Mrs. Jessop is some crossover from there? Robin whispers to sleeping Emma that she's going to change clothes and be right back. As soon as she walks away, Emma starts wailing.
Petticoat Junction: Nadine and Nik put on super lovely, new clothes to go do these "chores". How hard can they be when you wear your everyday clothes to do them? I have a set of "chores" clothes that are so covered in paint and caulk that they can almost stand on their own. I'd never wear an outfit as cute as Nadine's to deal with pig slop. Nik seems to think FARM chores can't be that hard. If he's using my logic and assuming you need good boots and overalls for the work to actually be hard, then I agree...but even if you wear nice clothes, who on the planet doesn't know it's hard to be a farmer?
Chez Zee: whatever, Jax is evicting. Do real estate laws simply not exist in Port Charles? Does no one ever bother to read their lease?
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie chipperly makes herself at home, but Jason sternly bellows that Maxie can't stay with them and needs to leave.
Commercials
Shabby Stables Set: Nik insists he's descended for Kossack warriors, so he's sure he can do this. he asks how to milk a cow. Well, for starters, you get up 7 HOURS AGO and milk the cow. Geeze, show. It is a pretty black and white, cow though.
Chez Zee: Looloo tries to talk Jax out of his divorce. Why is this her concern or business? Jax says he's going to send a check to Johnny. Oh, so Looloo was only talking Jax out of his divorce so her boyfriend wouldn't have to move? Johnny says he can't afford rent there anyway.
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie wants to stay. I thought she already decided against living here? She says The Danger is over, but Jason sternly says it's not. Maxie says she feels safe with Spinelli and Mac was wrong. Jason furrows his brow and says Mac was right, and he wouldn't want his kid anywhere near someone like him.
Nurse's Station: Matt and Piph gossip about Patrick's whereabouts last night. Patrick just says he had an outpatient. Piph asks after Robin, and Patrick says she's doing well.
Alex clip clops up. Sam apparently called her office and decided to stalk her here. Alexis wonders why she didn't just call. But Alexis hugs her and says she heard about Jakeson. Sam wants to talk and knows Alexis needs an explanation for what happened with Jerry. Alexis says that would be kind of good.
Commercials
Mr. Mad is making bacon-wrapped, pecan-stuffed dates for his work party tonight. I hope I don't accidentally eat 2 dozen of them!
GH Lounge Area: Sam explains that Jerry's plan was to blow up his ship, kill Sam and fake his death. Jason saved her. Sam explains that Jerry was on the ship when it exploded, and she seriously doubts he's alive. Alexis is grateful that Sam is alright. Sam says Jerry mentioned Alexis, and for what it's worth....but Alexis cuts her off before she can finish. She says the truth is Jerry was working her, and she was working him, and there's no amount of rationalization that will make her feel less horrible. Alexis tells Sam the drug charges are being dropped. Sam thanks her, and Alexis matter of factedly says she was never going to let them stick anyway. She goes off to work, but Sam stops her and apologizes for the pain and headache (and dropped storylines- the fake drugs, and improbable storylines-Alexis dating Jerry). Alexis (and NLG) seem glad to be done with it and says she could have handled it better. Then she kisses Sam's forehead and hopefully goes off to get a decent storyline.
Nurse's Lounge: patrick tells Piph that Robin and emma are probably taking a stroll in the park.
Emma's Closet: Robin has changed clothes and rocks Emma. She can't figure out why they were getting along last night but not now. Does Robin not know about driving around and putting the kid in the carseat while singing songs? or getting a swing? or putting Emma in a stroller and going for a walk? (assuming she's fed, changed and burped her?) Maxie shows up, and Emma instantly stops crying. that's awesome that Emma is like that little frog that sings "hello my baby, hello my darling", but he only does it when the guy is alone.
Shabby Stables Set: For some reason Nadine teases Nik about not knowing how to milk a cow. As if she wasn't shown how the first time, and as if she got better at it with practice. Nik is too wimpy to milk the cow. But it turns out Nadine just lured Nik out to the barn to make out? In front of a cow? So I hope this means that someone milked that poor cow several hours ago, so they aren't torturing her. Also, that's kind of creepy to get off on kissing in front of barn animals. Elsie moos in disgust.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason solemnly tells Spinelli that he triggered an explosion, and if Sam hadn't jumped out of the window with Jakeson, he'd be dead. Well, that's true, Jason, but there's a whole, giant series of events that compounds that: If you'd bothered to send guards to always be around your girlfriend and son, if you had bothered to keep better account of The Danger, if you had neutralized Sonny ages ago, if you had simply stayed in Africa. and, I don't know, maybe not so much with becoming a hitman for a living the next time you get the chance!
Commercials
I really don't think a bong and a beer could make this show watchable.
Q Manse: Edward is glad that Tracy has dumped Luke, but now the future seems dimmer to him. Apparently Alice makes a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. Maybe I need a Bloody Mary to get through this show. I'll see if Mr. Mad will make me one. He puts wasabi in it sometimes, for an extra kick. Alice thinks Luke can win Tracy back. Tracy walks in and angrily says she left him face down on the floor of Tiki Torture. He says he woke up and assumes she got her divorce, but they are far from the end.
Petticoat Junction: Nik says he did a great job, but he says they sure do have a lot of cows. Nadine says they have a milking machine. And then, you know what happens? Why Nik is sort of fake angry that she almost made him milk a cow. I sure hope they talk about how much the grass has grown since morning! My guess is 1 millimeter! What's your guess? Wait, don't tell me...let me guess what your guess is! or...hey...you can guess what I would guess your guess would be! That would fill up about 20 seconds of time, and it would be thrice as entertaining as this nonsense. Alfalfa comes into the living room, so now we have a third person to bore us to tears.
Emma's Closet: Maxie talks so fast. She's trying to figure out where to live. Alas, Kelly's burned down, so there's nowhere for a young ingenue to go these days. Robin suggests the classifieds and says she can help out with rent, if Maxie needs it. That is so nice. Maxie says there are tons of website rental places. Maxie rushes out of the room b/c I guess the internet isn't in Emma's closet?
Jason's Penthouse: Diane shows up and says Jason is going to be questioned by the Feds. It's a shame Diane doesn't have a phone. She is dressed all in purple, though, so that's a pretty good trade off.
Commercials
Q Manse: Did you guys know that Luke and Tracy are getting a divorce? I guess I missed this during the roughly 15 hours they've devoted to this exact same conversation. The good news is, Mr. Mad has realized that this break in our gutters is probably what is causing a crack in the sunroom tile to appear. We are thinking of fixing it later after a trip to the new Home Depot. I honestly think recapping that visit would be more entertaining than this. Tracy tells Edward that she would never divorce Luke, but he doesn't need to know. Poor, mad cow suffering, Edward is too befuddled to notice Luke's face blatantly peering around the corner. Luke looks quite satisfied with this news.
Petticoat Junction: WHAT IS THE BLEEDING POINT OF AUNT RAYLENE? Mr. Mad comes in and laughs "is that Alffalfa? and is she always on?" I explain she's doing this tedious guest spot for no good reason. Nadine explains she's not getting married, and Alfafalfa could not care less? So what was the point of all this? Just to torture Tyler Christopher and make him want any job but this one?
Maxie's Ridiculously Fabulous Apartment: Maxie finds a totally great apartment (other than the tediously exposed brick) to rent. It's cheap and it's supposed to suck. A crappy apartment wouldn't have a giant living room that's not also the kitchen and bathroom.
Jason's Penthouse: Diane explains that Jason's stonewall techniques will seem like arrogant contempt for the law, so he has to tell exactly what happened and why. Sort of like how OJ was a jerk and turned down a 3 year stint in jail b/c he expected a public apology instead, and is now facing 9 to 33 because the Judge decided he was "arrogant and stupid"?
Commercials
Mr. Mad just sang to me the Toys R Us theme song "from bikes and toys and video games, it's the biggest toy store there is"
Emma's Closet: Emma cries until Patrick picks her up. Robin dejectedly hands him the bottle. She's clearly upset and broken hearted that her baby hates her. Patrick says the first couple of months are toughest. The violins know that Emma is going to hate her forever, though, so they play a mournful tune. Robin thinks they have to hire a baby nurse and face the truth that she's a terrible mother.
Petticoat Junction: Oh, gawd, these two haven't died of typhoid yet? I miss Nik's neck. Why is he so bobble headed all the time? Oh heavens. Alfafalfa passed away while Nik and Nadine talked about how they aren't getting married.
Maxie's Fab Apartment: Stupid Looloo shows up and wants the apartment. They fight over it. Why are they acting like all that matters is who gives a deposit and gets approved first? Or, more to the point, why aren't they acting like they are clearly going to be roommates? Oh, here is comes. Looloo and Maxie are roommates. Kill me now.
Courthouse: Diane says she has to have a prelimary meeting, so she asks him to sit tight and not shoot anyone. Sam walks up and eyes Jason curiously. He eyes her like he needs some Activia. No idea what that was about.
The end
Petticoat Junction: Nik is going to help Nadine do chores. I can only imagine how riveting that will be.
Chez Zee: Johnny reads the paper shirtless on the sofa. Because he's unemployed now, so he just lives his entire life like Sunday morning. That sounds awesome. Jax bops in to say he needs his place back. Wait, this was Jax's apartment? Since when?
Jason's Penthouse: Jason is all business as Spinelli tries to tell him something. Before he can, Maxie trots down the stairs in the cutest nightgown ever. I think it has a petticoat for heaven's sakes. She cheerfully calls out good morning, much to Jason's chagrin.
Credits
Q Manse: Alice greets Luke. Luke is surprised that Tracy isn't back from Tiki Torture yet. Alice has all the fixin's for bloody mary's laid out on the table that normally just has disgusting room temperature oj and crusty pastries. Maybe it simply IS Sunday.
Emma's Closet: Robin lays Emma in her cute little bed that says "cozy baby" on the foot board. She whispers that she's read that baby digestive tracts take weeks to develop. Before Patrick leaves, Robin asks Robin to check on one of her patients. Okay, what in the hell? Is Robin on leave or is she not? Shouldn't she not have patients? Or is Night Shift on again, and this Mrs. Jessop is some crossover from there? Robin whispers to sleeping Emma that she's going to change clothes and be right back. As soon as she walks away, Emma starts wailing.
Petticoat Junction: Nadine and Nik put on super lovely, new clothes to go do these "chores". How hard can they be when you wear your everyday clothes to do them? I have a set of "chores" clothes that are so covered in paint and caulk that they can almost stand on their own. I'd never wear an outfit as cute as Nadine's to deal with pig slop. Nik seems to think FARM chores can't be that hard. If he's using my logic and assuming you need good boots and overalls for the work to actually be hard, then I agree...but even if you wear nice clothes, who on the planet doesn't know it's hard to be a farmer?
Chez Zee: whatever, Jax is evicting. Do real estate laws simply not exist in Port Charles? Does no one ever bother to read their lease?
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie chipperly makes herself at home, but Jason sternly bellows that Maxie can't stay with them and needs to leave.
Commercials
Shabby Stables Set: Nik insists he's descended for Kossack warriors, so he's sure he can do this. he asks how to milk a cow. Well, for starters, you get up 7 HOURS AGO and milk the cow. Geeze, show. It is a pretty black and white, cow though.
Chez Zee: Looloo tries to talk Jax out of his divorce. Why is this her concern or business? Jax says he's going to send a check to Johnny. Oh, so Looloo was only talking Jax out of his divorce so her boyfriend wouldn't have to move? Johnny says he can't afford rent there anyway.
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie wants to stay. I thought she already decided against living here? She says The Danger is over, but Jason sternly says it's not. Maxie says she feels safe with Spinelli and Mac was wrong. Jason furrows his brow and says Mac was right, and he wouldn't want his kid anywhere near someone like him.
Nurse's Station: Matt and Piph gossip about Patrick's whereabouts last night. Patrick just says he had an outpatient. Piph asks after Robin, and Patrick says she's doing well.
Alex clip clops up. Sam apparently called her office and decided to stalk her here. Alexis wonders why she didn't just call. But Alexis hugs her and says she heard about Jakeson. Sam wants to talk and knows Alexis needs an explanation for what happened with Jerry. Alexis says that would be kind of good.
Commercials
Mr. Mad is making bacon-wrapped, pecan-stuffed dates for his work party tonight. I hope I don't accidentally eat 2 dozen of them!
GH Lounge Area: Sam explains that Jerry's plan was to blow up his ship, kill Sam and fake his death. Jason saved her. Sam explains that Jerry was on the ship when it exploded, and she seriously doubts he's alive. Alexis is grateful that Sam is alright. Sam says Jerry mentioned Alexis, and for what it's worth....but Alexis cuts her off before she can finish. She says the truth is Jerry was working her, and she was working him, and there's no amount of rationalization that will make her feel less horrible. Alexis tells Sam the drug charges are being dropped. Sam thanks her, and Alexis matter of factedly says she was never going to let them stick anyway. She goes off to work, but Sam stops her and apologizes for the pain and headache (and dropped storylines- the fake drugs, and improbable storylines-Alexis dating Jerry). Alexis (and NLG) seem glad to be done with it and says she could have handled it better. Then she kisses Sam's forehead and hopefully goes off to get a decent storyline.
Nurse's Lounge: patrick tells Piph that Robin and emma are probably taking a stroll in the park.
Emma's Closet: Robin has changed clothes and rocks Emma. She can't figure out why they were getting along last night but not now. Does Robin not know about driving around and putting the kid in the carseat while singing songs? or getting a swing? or putting Emma in a stroller and going for a walk? (assuming she's fed, changed and burped her?) Maxie shows up, and Emma instantly stops crying. that's awesome that Emma is like that little frog that sings "hello my baby, hello my darling", but he only does it when the guy is alone.
Shabby Stables Set: For some reason Nadine teases Nik about not knowing how to milk a cow. As if she wasn't shown how the first time, and as if she got better at it with practice. Nik is too wimpy to milk the cow. But it turns out Nadine just lured Nik out to the barn to make out? In front of a cow? So I hope this means that someone milked that poor cow several hours ago, so they aren't torturing her. Also, that's kind of creepy to get off on kissing in front of barn animals. Elsie moos in disgust.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason solemnly tells Spinelli that he triggered an explosion, and if Sam hadn't jumped out of the window with Jakeson, he'd be dead. Well, that's true, Jason, but there's a whole, giant series of events that compounds that: If you'd bothered to send guards to always be around your girlfriend and son, if you had bothered to keep better account of The Danger, if you had neutralized Sonny ages ago, if you had simply stayed in Africa. and, I don't know, maybe not so much with becoming a hitman for a living the next time you get the chance!
Commercials
I really don't think a bong and a beer could make this show watchable.
Q Manse: Edward is glad that Tracy has dumped Luke, but now the future seems dimmer to him. Apparently Alice makes a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. Maybe I need a Bloody Mary to get through this show. I'll see if Mr. Mad will make me one. He puts wasabi in it sometimes, for an extra kick. Alice thinks Luke can win Tracy back. Tracy walks in and angrily says she left him face down on the floor of Tiki Torture. He says he woke up and assumes she got her divorce, but they are far from the end.
Petticoat Junction: Nik says he did a great job, but he says they sure do have a lot of cows. Nadine says they have a milking machine. And then, you know what happens? Why Nik is sort of fake angry that she almost made him milk a cow. I sure hope they talk about how much the grass has grown since morning! My guess is 1 millimeter! What's your guess? Wait, don't tell me...let me guess what your guess is! or...hey...you can guess what I would guess your guess would be! That would fill up about 20 seconds of time, and it would be thrice as entertaining as this nonsense. Alfalfa comes into the living room, so now we have a third person to bore us to tears.
Emma's Closet: Maxie talks so fast. She's trying to figure out where to live. Alas, Kelly's burned down, so there's nowhere for a young ingenue to go these days. Robin suggests the classifieds and says she can help out with rent, if Maxie needs it. That is so nice. Maxie says there are tons of website rental places. Maxie rushes out of the room b/c I guess the internet isn't in Emma's closet?
Jason's Penthouse: Diane shows up and says Jason is going to be questioned by the Feds. It's a shame Diane doesn't have a phone. She is dressed all in purple, though, so that's a pretty good trade off.
Commercials
Q Manse: Did you guys know that Luke and Tracy are getting a divorce? I guess I missed this during the roughly 15 hours they've devoted to this exact same conversation. The good news is, Mr. Mad has realized that this break in our gutters is probably what is causing a crack in the sunroom tile to appear. We are thinking of fixing it later after a trip to the new Home Depot. I honestly think recapping that visit would be more entertaining than this. Tracy tells Edward that she would never divorce Luke, but he doesn't need to know. Poor, mad cow suffering, Edward is too befuddled to notice Luke's face blatantly peering around the corner. Luke looks quite satisfied with this news.
Petticoat Junction: WHAT IS THE BLEEDING POINT OF AUNT RAYLENE? Mr. Mad comes in and laughs "is that Alffalfa? and is she always on?" I explain she's doing this tedious guest spot for no good reason. Nadine explains she's not getting married, and Alfafalfa could not care less? So what was the point of all this? Just to torture Tyler Christopher and make him want any job but this one?
Maxie's Ridiculously Fabulous Apartment: Maxie finds a totally great apartment (other than the tediously exposed brick) to rent. It's cheap and it's supposed to suck. A crappy apartment wouldn't have a giant living room that's not also the kitchen and bathroom.
Jason's Penthouse: Diane explains that Jason's stonewall techniques will seem like arrogant contempt for the law, so he has to tell exactly what happened and why. Sort of like how OJ was a jerk and turned down a 3 year stint in jail b/c he expected a public apology instead, and is now facing 9 to 33 because the Judge decided he was "arrogant and stupid"?
Commercials
Mr. Mad just sang to me the Toys R Us theme song "from bikes and toys and video games, it's the biggest toy store there is"
Emma's Closet: Emma cries until Patrick picks her up. Robin dejectedly hands him the bottle. She's clearly upset and broken hearted that her baby hates her. Patrick says the first couple of months are toughest. The violins know that Emma is going to hate her forever, though, so they play a mournful tune. Robin thinks they have to hire a baby nurse and face the truth that she's a terrible mother.
Petticoat Junction: Oh, gawd, these two haven't died of typhoid yet? I miss Nik's neck. Why is he so bobble headed all the time? Oh heavens. Alfafalfa passed away while Nik and Nadine talked about how they aren't getting married.
Maxie's Fab Apartment: Stupid Looloo shows up and wants the apartment. They fight over it. Why are they acting like all that matters is who gives a deposit and gets approved first? Or, more to the point, why aren't they acting like they are clearly going to be roommates? Oh, here is comes. Looloo and Maxie are roommates. Kill me now.
Courthouse: Diane says she has to have a prelimary meeting, so she asks him to sit tight and not shoot anyone. Sam walks up and eyes Jason curiously. He eyes her like he needs some Activia. No idea what that was about.
The end
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
GH Recap 12/02:
Z'House: Trevor and Carly continue to plot about bringing down kHate. I think I already saw this movie. Both versions actually. I don't even mind watching the two actors b/c they are entertaining. But the storyline is just absolutely silly. Does Trevor have any power over ANYONE at this point? He already "destroyed" kHate, and she rebuilt a new magazine empire in 12 minutes.
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud fight. Sonny stilts "when I.......want your advice..........I will ask .....for it......" I love Sonny. Sonny suddenly turns to Ric, who's boredly sitting on a chair and asks "Ric, is there something interesting about my wife?" and that can't be the complete line, but Maurice is clearly done, so we cut to credits.
Credits
Beachbum Corners: Looloo and Johnny fight about his fighting with the cop. John says the cop was a disgrace to his badge. But he thinks that b/c he thinks the cop should have arrested him for parking in the wrong spot. Yet he DOESN'T think he should stick around and be arrested for assaulting a cop. So, shut up, Johnny's hypocrisy.
Q Living Room: Monica, Edward, Edward's Hat and Alice bicker about what to do with Tracy and Luke. Tracy angrily busts in and yells at them. Tracy is angry that Monica moved some sort of charity meeting at the hospital. General Hospital confuses the hell out of me. It clearly has an entire floor devoted to various board rooms for Quartermaine and Cassadine interests, yet the Q's seem to hold all their board meetings in their living room slash dining room slash breakfast room slash library slash bar slash parlor. The rest of the Q's leave, and Tracy pours a stiff drink. Alan pops up, still in a jogging suit. He and Tracy and Xylophone Guy plink plonk along. Alan wants Tracy to work things out with Luke, but she refuses.
Corinthaus: Ric says he meant no disrespect but just wanted to move the meeting along to discuss profits, or something. Sonny asks to speak to Claud alone, and she says she should stay for the meeting b/c nobody knows the business better than her. She promises not to speak, just sit and file away things that need to be corrected and explain them to him later. heh, that's sort of awesome that she just said that. Sonny pretends to be sanguine and says he doesn't know what he was thinking. Sonny's beard tells the room that they'll reconvene at 9am tomorrow. Ric stands around to hotly make suggestions. Sonny's beard wilts and says that both Claud and Ric are trying to tell Sonny what to do, but the beard doesn't trust either of them. Claud says she's Sonny's wife, so her and Sonny's interests are one and the same. I think Sonny's beard thinks it is Don Draper.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Johnny and Looloo continue to celebrate themselves for being so awesome as to assault a cop b/c they didn't like the way the cop spoke to them. Or whatever. It's likely freezing outside, and they left a man unconscious on the side of the road, at night. Who knows if some other driver doesn't accidentally run over him? Forgive me if I loathe Johnny and Looloo for acting like the cop was the bad guy.
Corinthaus: Sonny blathers about for a bit, and Ric hotly translates to Claud "In other words, you just got shot out. Don't take offense, Sonny does that with everybody." Sonny's beard whips Sonny's face towards Ric. I love when Ric is all smug and pleased with himself and absolutely right.
Commercials
Q Mansion: Oh, right, I forgot. It's December and thus time for Luke to tell some woman that he really does love her and is sorry that he left before. Whether it's Laura or Flea or Skye or Tracy, it always ends exactly the same way. I prefer to watch the puppies. They do the same 4 things over and over again, too, but they are sooooo cute about it. Every time one gets up and frolics to the door, just to scamper right back to bed and bite on his sister's ear, I fall in love all over again the exact same amount each time. Strings of Stupidity plink happily that the rest of the Q's want Luke to stay around, so that she'll turn her venom on Luke instead of them. Oh, well, it is nice to see Monica and Edward, so there's that.
Beachbum Corners: blah blah Looloo has absolutely no identity or goals, other than to stand near Johnny. Maxie and Spinelli rush in. Maxie asks what is wrong with them for hitting a cop. Looloo snots that if Maxie didn't want to help, why did she show up. Maxie puts on a smiley face but bitchily says "because Spinelli is helping me be a better person!" Johnny and Looloo need big box store clothes and fake ID's. Maxie says that running Crimson was more fun when Loo was there to boss around, but if this is what Johnny and Loo need, she and Spin will make it happen.
Metrocourt Bar: Carly and Nik meet. Lemme guess: They gossip about Jax and don't actually get any business done. Because unless you run an ad agency in 1952 (and thus have a small army of secretaries to do the ACTUAL business) NO ONE does business in a bar all the dang time!
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny continue to work out the kinks of their "marriage" Sonny says two things that aren't negotiable for Ric and Claud: "never undermine me, and never make decisions in my name" Ric agrees. Sonny grabs his coat and says he's going to Kate's. Claud ask if she's supposed to be okay with that. Sonny angerbarks that they get to do whatever the hyellll they want with their personal lives. He leaves, and Ric and Claud just smile at each other thinking, "man, he's an idiot that he just gave us carte blanche"
Commercials
Corinthaus: Ric and Claud giggle and flirt with each other. He says that Sonny just said she can do whatever she wants. Claud says that she read it that she and Sonny are on thin ice, so continuing with Ric would be a bad idea. Her body language indicates otherwise. But then Ric stops her cold when he explains that she might be thinking she has the potential for a real relationship with Sonny, and Sonny only falls for women who will "save" him. and by "save" him, Ric means women who are willing to lie to themselves that Sonny didn't deserve to be shot and thus deserves a tearful bedside vigil. Women who will lie to themselves that mental illness is a real thing and will treat it with Orange juice and washrags. Ric says Claud isn't capable of saving Sonny. She takes it as an insult because she doesn't know it's easily the nicest thing Ric has ever said about a person.
Kate's Beige House: Sonny shows up and for some reason kHate lets him in. He blathers that just b/c he ignored her pleas to let The Revenge go, and even though he went to Carly for an alibi, and even though he let the world think he slept with Carly, and even though he married another woman and made that decision without discussing it with kHate first, it totally doesn't mean that the doesn't love her. Khate manages to say it doesn't matter what he feels.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Loo and John tease each other about knowing how to hot wire a car. So now they are going to steal a car? and that makes them heroes? Looloo learned how to hotwire a car when she was 9 apparently. blah blah, as long as they are together, that's all that matters to her.
Metrocourt: Carly remains vindictive. Nik says that it's clear Carly still loves Jax, so she better be sure she's okay with the consequences.
Corinthaus: Claud says Ric is hardly an expert on Sonny. ric says he doesn't have to be Sonny's BFF to understand how he operates. Ric says Sonny is a walking disaster. Claud assures Ric that she's not going to fall for Sonny b/c she doesn't do love. Ric says that Sonny does. He hotly sits and says that Sonny, for all his faults, still thinks of love as this magical thing that happens and has redemptive powers. he says Claud doesn't fit the profile "you're not kHate, you're not Emily, you're not the Sainted Lili." Claud says she thinks love is the stupid things with wings that gets in the way of important stuff like clothes and power. Or something like that. Ric says he feels sorrier for her than Sonny, if that is true. Then he hotly says "Goodnight, Mrs. Corinthos" and leaves. and that was about the meanest thing he's ever said to anyone. So she cries a little.
kHate's Beige House: I dunno, y'all. These two yuck yucks continue to blather back and forth about their lives. kHate does interestingly say that no woman can change him, and maybe he shouldn't change. omg, you beige-headed idiot! What a concept! Maybe YOU shouldn't marry a man you think needs to change. Maybe you should just find a man who is already the man you want him to be. How complicated is this concept for a woman in her late 30's...early 40's? How PATHETIC that she doesn't know that. Are there any women in the early 40's who are still desperately clinging to a man, hoping he'll become someone else and propose. If you are out there...please cut that out! That never ends well.
Commercials
Q Manse: Tracy is going to get a quickie divorce.
Beachbum Corners: Maxie brings a lovely leather bag full of clothes and food. Spinelli rushes in to tell them the assault was never recorded. Did this happen 8 weeks ago? How do we know the cop hasn't reported it yet b/c he's in the hospital recovering from hypothermia? Unless the same cop DID report other things he did that same day, then I don't get the "never" part. But whatever. everyone celebrates. Except stupid Looloo and Johnny b/c they were looking forward to being Bonnie and Clyde.
Metrocourt: Carly and Nik blather about revenge and such. Nadine calls to tamaracry that they have to postpone their marriage b/c she won't be back soon, and she doesn't think she's alright.
Corinthaus: Claud creepily sits in the dark on the sofa. Sonny comes home and pours a drink. She asks how the visit with kHate did. Sonny thinks he can't be forgiven. Claud suggests he embrace his Inner Monster and quit trying to live up to what everyone else wants. Yes, all people should do that. Sonny says this may be good advice, that hanging onto your dreams only causes pain. That's not true, Sonny. Hanging onto stupid dreams that involve your doing whatever the heck you feel like doing at all times, of your never having to compromise or bend or give anything to anyone, yet also depend on EVERYONE ELSE changing their lives all around to accomodate your whims, those sorts of dreams aren't even as sound as a 5 year old wanting to be a ballerina or an astronaut. They aren't even dreams. They are fanciful demands on everyone else. kHate doesn't want to be with a mobster. I suppose you can dream that one day she will want to be with a mobster, but you love her b/c she's not a part of the mobster world. She would just be Carly if she was down with it. and you loathe Carly. More than you loathe people who shoot at your children.
the end
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud fight. Sonny stilts "when I.......want your advice..........I will ask .....for it......" I love Sonny. Sonny suddenly turns to Ric, who's boredly sitting on a chair and asks "Ric, is there something interesting about my wife?" and that can't be the complete line, but Maurice is clearly done, so we cut to credits.
Credits
Beachbum Corners: Looloo and Johnny fight about his fighting with the cop. John says the cop was a disgrace to his badge. But he thinks that b/c he thinks the cop should have arrested him for parking in the wrong spot. Yet he DOESN'T think he should stick around and be arrested for assaulting a cop. So, shut up, Johnny's hypocrisy.
Q Living Room: Monica, Edward, Edward's Hat and Alice bicker about what to do with Tracy and Luke. Tracy angrily busts in and yells at them. Tracy is angry that Monica moved some sort of charity meeting at the hospital. General Hospital confuses the hell out of me. It clearly has an entire floor devoted to various board rooms for Quartermaine and Cassadine interests, yet the Q's seem to hold all their board meetings in their living room slash dining room slash breakfast room slash library slash bar slash parlor. The rest of the Q's leave, and Tracy pours a stiff drink. Alan pops up, still in a jogging suit. He and Tracy and Xylophone Guy plink plonk along. Alan wants Tracy to work things out with Luke, but she refuses.
Corinthaus: Ric says he meant no disrespect but just wanted to move the meeting along to discuss profits, or something. Sonny asks to speak to Claud alone, and she says she should stay for the meeting b/c nobody knows the business better than her. She promises not to speak, just sit and file away things that need to be corrected and explain them to him later. heh, that's sort of awesome that she just said that. Sonny pretends to be sanguine and says he doesn't know what he was thinking. Sonny's beard tells the room that they'll reconvene at 9am tomorrow. Ric stands around to hotly make suggestions. Sonny's beard wilts and says that both Claud and Ric are trying to tell Sonny what to do, but the beard doesn't trust either of them. Claud says she's Sonny's wife, so her and Sonny's interests are one and the same. I think Sonny's beard thinks it is Don Draper.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Johnny and Looloo continue to celebrate themselves for being so awesome as to assault a cop b/c they didn't like the way the cop spoke to them. Or whatever. It's likely freezing outside, and they left a man unconscious on the side of the road, at night. Who knows if some other driver doesn't accidentally run over him? Forgive me if I loathe Johnny and Looloo for acting like the cop was the bad guy.
Corinthaus: Sonny blathers about for a bit, and Ric hotly translates to Claud "In other words, you just got shot out. Don't take offense, Sonny does that with everybody." Sonny's beard whips Sonny's face towards Ric. I love when Ric is all smug and pleased with himself and absolutely right.
Commercials
Q Mansion: Oh, right, I forgot. It's December and thus time for Luke to tell some woman that he really does love her and is sorry that he left before. Whether it's Laura or Flea or Skye or Tracy, it always ends exactly the same way. I prefer to watch the puppies. They do the same 4 things over and over again, too, but they are sooooo cute about it. Every time one gets up and frolics to the door, just to scamper right back to bed and bite on his sister's ear, I fall in love all over again the exact same amount each time. Strings of Stupidity plink happily that the rest of the Q's want Luke to stay around, so that she'll turn her venom on Luke instead of them. Oh, well, it is nice to see Monica and Edward, so there's that.
Beachbum Corners: blah blah Looloo has absolutely no identity or goals, other than to stand near Johnny. Maxie and Spinelli rush in. Maxie asks what is wrong with them for hitting a cop. Looloo snots that if Maxie didn't want to help, why did she show up. Maxie puts on a smiley face but bitchily says "because Spinelli is helping me be a better person!" Johnny and Looloo need big box store clothes and fake ID's. Maxie says that running Crimson was more fun when Loo was there to boss around, but if this is what Johnny and Loo need, she and Spin will make it happen.
Metrocourt Bar: Carly and Nik meet. Lemme guess: They gossip about Jax and don't actually get any business done. Because unless you run an ad agency in 1952 (and thus have a small army of secretaries to do the ACTUAL business) NO ONE does business in a bar all the dang time!
Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny continue to work out the kinks of their "marriage" Sonny says two things that aren't negotiable for Ric and Claud: "never undermine me, and never make decisions in my name" Ric agrees. Sonny grabs his coat and says he's going to Kate's. Claud ask if she's supposed to be okay with that. Sonny angerbarks that they get to do whatever the hyellll they want with their personal lives. He leaves, and Ric and Claud just smile at each other thinking, "man, he's an idiot that he just gave us carte blanche"
Commercials
Corinthaus: Ric and Claud giggle and flirt with each other. He says that Sonny just said she can do whatever she wants. Claud says that she read it that she and Sonny are on thin ice, so continuing with Ric would be a bad idea. Her body language indicates otherwise. But then Ric stops her cold when he explains that she might be thinking she has the potential for a real relationship with Sonny, and Sonny only falls for women who will "save" him. and by "save" him, Ric means women who are willing to lie to themselves that Sonny didn't deserve to be shot and thus deserves a tearful bedside vigil. Women who will lie to themselves that mental illness is a real thing and will treat it with Orange juice and washrags. Ric says Claud isn't capable of saving Sonny. She takes it as an insult because she doesn't know it's easily the nicest thing Ric has ever said about a person.
Kate's Beige House: Sonny shows up and for some reason kHate lets him in. He blathers that just b/c he ignored her pleas to let The Revenge go, and even though he went to Carly for an alibi, and even though he let the world think he slept with Carly, and even though he married another woman and made that decision without discussing it with kHate first, it totally doesn't mean that the doesn't love her. Khate manages to say it doesn't matter what he feels.
Commercials
Beachbum Corners: Loo and John tease each other about knowing how to hot wire a car. So now they are going to steal a car? and that makes them heroes? Looloo learned how to hotwire a car when she was 9 apparently. blah blah, as long as they are together, that's all that matters to her.
Metrocourt: Carly remains vindictive. Nik says that it's clear Carly still loves Jax, so she better be sure she's okay with the consequences.
Corinthaus: Claud says Ric is hardly an expert on Sonny. ric says he doesn't have to be Sonny's BFF to understand how he operates. Ric says Sonny is a walking disaster. Claud assures Ric that she's not going to fall for Sonny b/c she doesn't do love. Ric says that Sonny does. He hotly sits and says that Sonny, for all his faults, still thinks of love as this magical thing that happens and has redemptive powers. he says Claud doesn't fit the profile "you're not kHate, you're not Emily, you're not the Sainted Lili." Claud says she thinks love is the stupid things with wings that gets in the way of important stuff like clothes and power. Or something like that. Ric says he feels sorrier for her than Sonny, if that is true. Then he hotly says "Goodnight, Mrs. Corinthos" and leaves. and that was about the meanest thing he's ever said to anyone. So she cries a little.
kHate's Beige House: I dunno, y'all. These two yuck yucks continue to blather back and forth about their lives. kHate does interestingly say that no woman can change him, and maybe he shouldn't change. omg, you beige-headed idiot! What a concept! Maybe YOU shouldn't marry a man you think needs to change. Maybe you should just find a man who is already the man you want him to be. How complicated is this concept for a woman in her late 30's...early 40's? How PATHETIC that she doesn't know that. Are there any women in the early 40's who are still desperately clinging to a man, hoping he'll become someone else and propose. If you are out there...please cut that out! That never ends well.
Commercials
Q Manse: Tracy is going to get a quickie divorce.
Beachbum Corners: Maxie brings a lovely leather bag full of clothes and food. Spinelli rushes in to tell them the assault was never recorded. Did this happen 8 weeks ago? How do we know the cop hasn't reported it yet b/c he's in the hospital recovering from hypothermia? Unless the same cop DID report other things he did that same day, then I don't get the "never" part. But whatever. everyone celebrates. Except stupid Looloo and Johnny b/c they were looking forward to being Bonnie and Clyde.
Metrocourt: Carly and Nik blather about revenge and such. Nadine calls to tamaracry that they have to postpone their marriage b/c she won't be back soon, and she doesn't think she's alright.
Corinthaus: Claud creepily sits in the dark on the sofa. Sonny comes home and pours a drink. She asks how the visit with kHate did. Sonny thinks he can't be forgiven. Claud suggests he embrace his Inner Monster and quit trying to live up to what everyone else wants. Yes, all people should do that. Sonny says this may be good advice, that hanging onto your dreams only causes pain. That's not true, Sonny. Hanging onto stupid dreams that involve your doing whatever the heck you feel like doing at all times, of your never having to compromise or bend or give anything to anyone, yet also depend on EVERYONE ELSE changing their lives all around to accomodate your whims, those sorts of dreams aren't even as sound as a 5 year old wanting to be a ballerina or an astronaut. They aren't even dreams. They are fanciful demands on everyone else. kHate doesn't want to be with a mobster. I suppose you can dream that one day she will want to be with a mobster, but you love her b/c she's not a part of the mobster world. She would just be Carly if she was down with it. and you loathe Carly. More than you loathe people who shoot at your children.
the end
Sunday, November 30, 2008
GH Recap 11/23: Cold Turkey Has Got Me On the Run
I heard the John Lennon song Cold Turkey the other day, and I really liked the arrangement. I think it's actually about heroin, but the chorus seemed fitting for the week in real life and for our dim witted heroines.
Previously on General Hospital:
Indians used to live on Spoon Island. Jactslikeanidiot kidnapped Nik's son and then Nik found out and didn't press charges but remained bitter and angry when Jax was around, and Jax didn't appreciate the 'tude, so he bought the island in the least realistic way imaginable and is now taunting the man whose child he once claimed was his own.
The Danger showed up in a Russian form and burned down a diner that is older than my earliest memories, but also Sonny's stupid coffee house, and so Lucky and Jason decided to protect their women and children by sending them to a desolate cabin that just happens to have running water and a cord of firewood and is perfectly stocked but not at all dusty, and they, of course, sent them with no guards or cops.
Jactslikeanidiot continues to taunt Nik about Disneyland:Spoon Island.
[collapse expanded text]Corinthaus: Claud scoffs at Sonny's lame proposal saying it's not enough, but then Olivia walks in, and I guess that is enough, so she tells Olivia to tell Kate that she and Sonny are getting married.
PCPD: Apprently someone clued in Mac that half the town was burned down last night, so he's summoned Jason to chastise him.
Hidden Cabin: Sam and her t-shirt contest shirt and Liz re-discover that they are on their own.
Credits.
Desolate Cabin: Liz scoops up her boys and heads for the bedroom. She masterfully has them all play fort, so it's not terrifying that they are hanging out in the dark. Sam puts a chair under the door knob, which will be so effictive for a door with a window, but whatever, it's something. She loads a gun and goes into the bedroom. She and Liz say they are going to play "look out the window" while the boys play Fort. Then she and Liz heave a mattress in front of the door. and try to develop the power of invisibility.
Cafe Interrogate: mac gravely tells Jason about all The Danger and how Maxie was involved. Jaosn insists he hates all of this too. Mac is so scary and angry. Why can't they write him as an actually potent police chief? Jason sits there in cuffs, rubbing his face. Mac says that no matter what they call it in Mob World, in Mac's world, they call it murder, and he's going to shut the mob down.
Wyndermere: Nik points out that his lawyers are dealing with the fake estate interests. Carly flops all about but rightly points out that Spoon Island is creepy and bad things happen here, so it's a hard sell as a resort. lol, I hadn't even added the annual murder (or semi-murder) that happens here. Nik says he'll get back the unicorn, or he'll tie this up for years in court. Jactlikeadouche says he's fine with that and claims it's not personal. Carly says no one starts building in upstate NY in winter. Jactslikeadweeb names it "Spoon Island Spa"
Jake's: Johnny gets drunk and Looloo promises to love him no matter what. Looloo-pie, no matter how hot the guy, if he drinks as much as Johnny? It never ends well. Not even taking the body count into consideration. Why is Loo dressed like a peacock vomited on her?
Corinthaus: Olivia asks Sonny what he wants her to tell Connie. He says he'll handle it. She says no one but her should say. She puts on a disappointed voice and says she's not surprised. She wishes he'd been honest about what power means to him. Olivia, he was. Kate chose to labotomize herself with that knitting needle she got from Vera Wang's warehouse. Olivia leaves angrily and Claud asks "which cousin are you really in love with? Kate or Olivia?" Oh, Claud, don't you know by now? Sonny is always in love with the woman he hasn't slept with either yet or most recently.
Commercials
Wyndermere: Jactslikealosah tells Nik that he can taunt him if he wants. 'scuse me? Nik is taunting whom? Nik pulls out a ruler and says they can settle this right now. Carly is a bit overheated and wondering if it's rude to suggest a threesome. Can someone PLEASE give Carly a brush? How big is spoon island? Jax says he's going to develop Spoon Island and leaves, but Niks says he's going to enjoy bringhing him down.
Kate's Beige House: Maxie is defending her choices to Kate. Kate snips that Clarice is the junior editor, but Maxie didn't give her a voice. Well, then it sounds to me like Clarice is a DEPLORABLE editor, if Maxie has the power to talk the printers into doing things her way and not Clarice's. Kate angrily snips "who would carry a clutch like this to a formal" showing Maxie a page from the magazine. Maxie respectfully says "everyone I know." Kate softens a bit, but then Olivia shows up asking Kate to give Maxie a break. Maxie leaves, and Kate can tell that Olivia is there to tell her about Claud and Sonny's marriage that will happen during sweeps in 1428.
Corinthaus: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, oh, sorry, nodded off.
Desolate Cabin: Cuteness in the fort continues. Aw, Jakeson is a little toe head. (tow head?) Liz asks the boys to promise to stay in the fort no matter what happens and that she'll stay with them as long as she can. Sam hears a noise and leaves. There is a loud clunking and Cameron cutely squeals 'what iz dat mommeeee?" Liz whispers she doesn't know, like it's a fun game, but her eyes bulge.
Commercials
Desolate Cabin: Liz coos at the kids to play for awhile and rushes out to check on Sam. Sam or Liz hollers out "it's part of the surpriiiiiise!" Liz and Sam leave. Jakeson tries to walk away, but Cameron breaks the needle off the cutometer and holds Jakeson back and says "nonononono!" Aw, Cam is a little crime fighter in training. Liz and Sam try to put their brains together and find a clue.
Cafe Interrogate: Diane shows up to deliver one of her castigations that I so adore. Jason says she knows he won't be connected to the warehouse killings. Diane sucks on her teeth and knows no such things. She sees Alexis (!) through the window and finds it promising. I guess she's hoping to trade shoes for murder charges?
Corinthaus: Claud says they should stop acting like strangers that met in a bar. She says she's never going to be a Madonna, but she doesn't want to be treated like a whoor. Sonny shrugs and agrees. I have no idea what they are talking about....other than an arranged marriage. He hands her a ice rink ring, and says he wanted to do it right. She says it's tradition to put it on her finger. I feel bad for how much fun I made of Marlena being possessed by the devil. That was Hepburn and Tracy compared to this rot. I mean, Nico and Cecily was Dostoevsky compared to this!
Commercials
Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud keep mumbling to each other. Why are they whispering? Sonny says they should leave the past behind, and this will be hard for both of them. claud stands and says he's survived worse than her. Sonny says the ring is a sign of respect and puts it on her finger.
Jake's: Olivia is getting loaded and Carly shows up and orders a beer. Olivia says when Coleman gets the chance, they are going to need more shots. Carly takes her shot and aks "what?" This scene just made up for the past 12. Olivia says "it's official: Sonny and Claud are engaged. Carly picks up a shot glass. Hey ABC, gals, you know the drill...DRINK!
Cafe Interogate: Diane and her delicious line delivery (I imagine if it were cake it would be cheesecake with a fancy topping of your magical choice. Like Turkish Delight. the topping becomes for the eater whatever they fancy as the most delicious thing ever.) She says it's an uphill battle and leaves.
PCPD Bullpen: Diane and Alexis meet to once again determine who the show should really be about. Alexis tells Diane to drop the case while she has a chance. Diane tightens her gun belt and says there is no chance. They squint at each other, totally turned on about facing each other in court.
Desolate Cabin: Sam gives Liz a gun and does her best to give her Gun School 101 through 11001. "Just remember it's him or you." Sam has a shot gun, or some reason. Sam says they have to hope The Danger doesn't know if they are armed or how many of them there are. Liz goes to check on the boys. I think she gives them crackers? Liz meets Sam in the living room and asks "I know we've had our differences, but will you please promise me tonight, no matter what happens, you will protect my boys." I wonder why they didn't bother to settle this before leaving for the desolate cabin....without guards or cops?
Commercials
Desolate Cabin: Liz says the boys are asleep, but they'll wake up if they hear shooting. Um, so shoot quietly? Sam says letting Liz's kid be kidnapped is the worst thing she's ever done, but she promises she'll lay down her life to protect them. Liz believes her and asks "but it's not going to come to that right." She starts to lose it and says Jason warned her about this and she didn't listen. Sam is freakishly cool as a cucumber and says that all that matters is keeping it together for now. She turns to Liz and says "you're strong enough to get through this" and gives her an encouraging eyebrow flourish. This is totally the hottest lesbian porn I've ever seen.
Crimson: kate complains that coffee is crappy. (Have you tried delicious McCafe?) Maxie offers to make another pot. What, no espresso maker? I'm so sure. Kate says that she knows Olivia didn't make a choice b/c the theme is diffused and the rest is off topic. the hell? since when is Olivia a fashionista? She's a total hottie, but total hotties can look as hot in Tarjet as Wang. Maxie asks Kate not to take it out on her that Sonny is the worst. Jax shows up, and Maxie leaves. Kate says she doesn't want to talk about it: She wants to celebrate not making the worst decision of her life. jax agrees.
jakes: Carly is not surprised. She says she has kids with Sonny, so she'll always be connected. She wishes she could say she didn't care, but she didn't. She doesn' tknow what to say, but then she eloquently and rightly says that she'll always be there when he needs her like a big fat sucker. Olivia says maybe she loses these other relationships as an excuse to go back to Sonny. Carly disagrees and says Jacstlikeadouche is the perfect man for her, and she's worried about his big, dorky, wrath.
Corinthaus: Y'all, i just can't. I love Sarah Joy Brown, but this is such a boring storyline for her. These two actors seem to be going out of their way to be boring just to finally break the Guza spell that they are destined to be teamed up. I sort of loved Carly and Sonny back during their hate-sex days. I hated what they did to everyone else, but I did see their chemistry. But that was a decade ago. Can we all move on now?
Commercials
Kate's Beige House: Kate pours champagne and drinks to "mistakes and the promise to do better next time" and then without clinking, she downs her glass. heh. I guess I've been there, so I won't mock. He refills her glass, and they drink to freedom. So, just one glass of champagne is all it takes to send these two into each other's arms. and they are entitled and more power to them but don't act all high and mighty when you have been damming up this much sexual tension. Yet, they are the better people because THEY KEPT IT DAMMED UP.
Jake's: Olivia drunkely asks if all things were equal, who would Carly pick: Sonny or Jax. She clarifies "not the one you think you should pick. the one you want." Carly easily answers Jax. she says for a long time she would have said Sonny, but he's not in her heart like Jax is. She's good at trashing what's good in her life. Olivia slurs "don't give up. These things have a way of working out." carly says it won't happen. Carly says "cards on the table" Olivia slams her beer and slaps her hands flat on the bar "right here" heh. I love Drunken Scenes. Carly asks how mcuh Sonny meant to her back in the day. Olivia insta-answers "a lot. A lot more than I let anybody know." carly uses her freakish Laura Wright eyes to at once communicate jealousy and empathy and asks thusly "how much does he matter to you now?" Olivia stares bleary eyed.
Corinthaus: Imagine the chemsistry between Olivia and Carlya nd then dillute it with the Pacific Ocean, and you are left with Claud and Sonny, sitting around drinking boringly. Claud toasts to a successful arrangement, and Sonny clinks. Claud asks if they will live in the fortress. He says he told the maid she can have any room she wants except his. She says she's kind of a slob, so that was smart. He mumbles that's not what concerns him. She downs her drink, and they sit in awkward silence. Sonny wants to get married tonight.
Cafe Interrogate: Alexis tells Jason that the Commish has all the evidence he needs to tie Jason to the warehouse slayings. She says she's finally going to do her job. Diane says Alexis can't hold him without evidence. Alexis hilariously says Jason is wearing the same clothes as the warehouse assailant. Diane mocks that this will sound silly to a judge. I don't see why she doesn't say this is what he wears everywhere. Alexis mocks that Jason is "the good mobster" and so they should let him off the hook. Alexis assures Diane she will find the evidence. So PCPD is Gitmo now, and you can just hold people with no charges or evidence?
Desolate Cabin: Liz says she's freaked out. Sam says that Liz knows what she's doing in the ER and eerily says she's scared, but she feels like she can see better and hear better. Liz remains full of panic and fear. Sam remains some weird combination of a Russ Meyers film and a bad Ray Liotta movie. It rules. Suddenly a blast comes through the window.
The end.
Previously on General Hospital:
Indians used to live on Spoon Island. Jactslikeanidiot kidnapped Nik's son and then Nik found out and didn't press charges but remained bitter and angry when Jax was around, and Jax didn't appreciate the 'tude, so he bought the island in the least realistic way imaginable and is now taunting the man whose child he once claimed was his own.
The Danger showed up in a Russian form and burned down a diner that is older than my earliest memories, but also Sonny's stupid coffee house, and so Lucky and Jason decided to protect their women and children by sending them to a desolate cabin that just happens to have running water and a cord of firewood and is perfectly stocked but not at all dusty, and they, of course, sent them with no guards or cops.
Jactslikeanidiot continues to taunt Nik about Disneyland:Spoon Island.
[collapse expanded text]Corinthaus: Claud scoffs at Sonny's lame proposal saying it's not enough, but then Olivia walks in, and I guess that is enough, so she tells Olivia to tell Kate that she and Sonny are getting married.
PCPD: Apprently someone clued in Mac that half the town was burned down last night, so he's summoned Jason to chastise him.
Hidden Cabin: Sam and her t-shirt contest shirt and Liz re-discover that they are on their own.
Credits.
Desolate Cabin: Liz scoops up her boys and heads for the bedroom. She masterfully has them all play fort, so it's not terrifying that they are hanging out in the dark. Sam puts a chair under the door knob, which will be so effictive for a door with a window, but whatever, it's something. She loads a gun and goes into the bedroom. She and Liz say they are going to play "look out the window" while the boys play Fort. Then she and Liz heave a mattress in front of the door. and try to develop the power of invisibility.
Cafe Interrogate: mac gravely tells Jason about all The Danger and how Maxie was involved. Jaosn insists he hates all of this too. Mac is so scary and angry. Why can't they write him as an actually potent police chief? Jason sits there in cuffs, rubbing his face. Mac says that no matter what they call it in Mob World, in Mac's world, they call it murder, and he's going to shut the mob down.
Wyndermere: Nik points out that his lawyers are dealing with the fake estate interests. Carly flops all about but rightly points out that Spoon Island is creepy and bad things happen here, so it's a hard sell as a resort. lol, I hadn't even added the annual murder (or semi-murder) that happens here. Nik says he'll get back the unicorn, or he'll tie this up for years in court. Jactlikeadouche says he's fine with that and claims it's not personal. Carly says no one starts building in upstate NY in winter. Jactslikeadweeb names it "Spoon Island Spa"
Jake's: Johnny gets drunk and Looloo promises to love him no matter what. Looloo-pie, no matter how hot the guy, if he drinks as much as Johnny? It never ends well. Not even taking the body count into consideration. Why is Loo dressed like a peacock vomited on her?
Corinthaus: Olivia asks Sonny what he wants her to tell Connie. He says he'll handle it. She says no one but her should say. She puts on a disappointed voice and says she's not surprised. She wishes he'd been honest about what power means to him. Olivia, he was. Kate chose to labotomize herself with that knitting needle she got from Vera Wang's warehouse. Olivia leaves angrily and Claud asks "which cousin are you really in love with? Kate or Olivia?" Oh, Claud, don't you know by now? Sonny is always in love with the woman he hasn't slept with either yet or most recently.
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Wyndermere: Jactslikealosah tells Nik that he can taunt him if he wants. 'scuse me? Nik is taunting whom? Nik pulls out a ruler and says they can settle this right now. Carly is a bit overheated and wondering if it's rude to suggest a threesome. Can someone PLEASE give Carly a brush? How big is spoon island? Jax says he's going to develop Spoon Island and leaves, but Niks says he's going to enjoy bringhing him down.
Kate's Beige House: Maxie is defending her choices to Kate. Kate snips that Clarice is the junior editor, but Maxie didn't give her a voice. Well, then it sounds to me like Clarice is a DEPLORABLE editor, if Maxie has the power to talk the printers into doing things her way and not Clarice's. Kate angrily snips "who would carry a clutch like this to a formal" showing Maxie a page from the magazine. Maxie respectfully says "everyone I know." Kate softens a bit, but then Olivia shows up asking Kate to give Maxie a break. Maxie leaves, and Kate can tell that Olivia is there to tell her about Claud and Sonny's marriage that will happen during sweeps in 1428.
Corinthaus: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, oh, sorry, nodded off.
Desolate Cabin: Cuteness in the fort continues. Aw, Jakeson is a little toe head. (tow head?) Liz asks the boys to promise to stay in the fort no matter what happens and that she'll stay with them as long as she can. Sam hears a noise and leaves. There is a loud clunking and Cameron cutely squeals 'what iz dat mommeeee?" Liz whispers she doesn't know, like it's a fun game, but her eyes bulge.
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Desolate Cabin: Liz coos at the kids to play for awhile and rushes out to check on Sam. Sam or Liz hollers out "it's part of the surpriiiiiise!" Liz and Sam leave. Jakeson tries to walk away, but Cameron breaks the needle off the cutometer and holds Jakeson back and says "nonononono!" Aw, Cam is a little crime fighter in training. Liz and Sam try to put their brains together and find a clue.
Cafe Interrogate: Diane shows up to deliver one of her castigations that I so adore. Jason says she knows he won't be connected to the warehouse killings. Diane sucks on her teeth and knows no such things. She sees Alexis (!) through the window and finds it promising. I guess she's hoping to trade shoes for murder charges?
Corinthaus: Claud says they should stop acting like strangers that met in a bar. She says she's never going to be a Madonna, but she doesn't want to be treated like a whoor. Sonny shrugs and agrees. I have no idea what they are talking about....other than an arranged marriage. He hands her a ice rink ring, and says he wanted to do it right. She says it's tradition to put it on her finger. I feel bad for how much fun I made of Marlena being possessed by the devil. That was Hepburn and Tracy compared to this rot. I mean, Nico and Cecily was Dostoevsky compared to this!
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Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud keep mumbling to each other. Why are they whispering? Sonny says they should leave the past behind, and this will be hard for both of them. claud stands and says he's survived worse than her. Sonny says the ring is a sign of respect and puts it on her finger.
Jake's: Olivia is getting loaded and Carly shows up and orders a beer. Olivia says when Coleman gets the chance, they are going to need more shots. Carly takes her shot and aks "what?" This scene just made up for the past 12. Olivia says "it's official: Sonny and Claud are engaged. Carly picks up a shot glass. Hey ABC, gals, you know the drill...DRINK!
Cafe Interogate: Diane and her delicious line delivery (I imagine if it were cake it would be cheesecake with a fancy topping of your magical choice. Like Turkish Delight. the topping becomes for the eater whatever they fancy as the most delicious thing ever.) She says it's an uphill battle and leaves.
PCPD Bullpen: Diane and Alexis meet to once again determine who the show should really be about. Alexis tells Diane to drop the case while she has a chance. Diane tightens her gun belt and says there is no chance. They squint at each other, totally turned on about facing each other in court.
Desolate Cabin: Sam gives Liz a gun and does her best to give her Gun School 101 through 11001. "Just remember it's him or you." Sam has a shot gun, or some reason. Sam says they have to hope The Danger doesn't know if they are armed or how many of them there are. Liz goes to check on the boys. I think she gives them crackers? Liz meets Sam in the living room and asks "I know we've had our differences, but will you please promise me tonight, no matter what happens, you will protect my boys." I wonder why they didn't bother to settle this before leaving for the desolate cabin....without guards or cops?
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Desolate Cabin: Liz says the boys are asleep, but they'll wake up if they hear shooting. Um, so shoot quietly? Sam says letting Liz's kid be kidnapped is the worst thing she's ever done, but she promises she'll lay down her life to protect them. Liz believes her and asks "but it's not going to come to that right." She starts to lose it and says Jason warned her about this and she didn't listen. Sam is freakishly cool as a cucumber and says that all that matters is keeping it together for now. She turns to Liz and says "you're strong enough to get through this" and gives her an encouraging eyebrow flourish. This is totally the hottest lesbian porn I've ever seen.
Crimson: kate complains that coffee is crappy. (Have you tried delicious McCafe?) Maxie offers to make another pot. What, no espresso maker? I'm so sure. Kate says that she knows Olivia didn't make a choice b/c the theme is diffused and the rest is off topic. the hell? since when is Olivia a fashionista? She's a total hottie, but total hotties can look as hot in Tarjet as Wang. Maxie asks Kate not to take it out on her that Sonny is the worst. Jax shows up, and Maxie leaves. Kate says she doesn't want to talk about it: She wants to celebrate not making the worst decision of her life. jax agrees.
jakes: Carly is not surprised. She says she has kids with Sonny, so she'll always be connected. She wishes she could say she didn't care, but she didn't. She doesn' tknow what to say, but then she eloquently and rightly says that she'll always be there when he needs her like a big fat sucker. Olivia says maybe she loses these other relationships as an excuse to go back to Sonny. Carly disagrees and says Jacstlikeadouche is the perfect man for her, and she's worried about his big, dorky, wrath.
Corinthaus: Y'all, i just can't. I love Sarah Joy Brown, but this is such a boring storyline for her. These two actors seem to be going out of their way to be boring just to finally break the Guza spell that they are destined to be teamed up. I sort of loved Carly and Sonny back during their hate-sex days. I hated what they did to everyone else, but I did see their chemistry. But that was a decade ago. Can we all move on now?
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Kate's Beige House: Kate pours champagne and drinks to "mistakes and the promise to do better next time" and then without clinking, she downs her glass. heh. I guess I've been there, so I won't mock. He refills her glass, and they drink to freedom. So, just one glass of champagne is all it takes to send these two into each other's arms. and they are entitled and more power to them but don't act all high and mighty when you have been damming up this much sexual tension. Yet, they are the better people because THEY KEPT IT DAMMED UP.
Jake's: Olivia drunkely asks if all things were equal, who would Carly pick: Sonny or Jax. She clarifies "not the one you think you should pick. the one you want." Carly easily answers Jax. she says for a long time she would have said Sonny, but he's not in her heart like Jax is. She's good at trashing what's good in her life. Olivia slurs "don't give up. These things have a way of working out." carly says it won't happen. Carly says "cards on the table" Olivia slams her beer and slaps her hands flat on the bar "right here" heh. I love Drunken Scenes. Carly asks how mcuh Sonny meant to her back in the day. Olivia insta-answers "a lot. A lot more than I let anybody know." carly uses her freakish Laura Wright eyes to at once communicate jealousy and empathy and asks thusly "how much does he matter to you now?" Olivia stares bleary eyed.
Corinthaus: Imagine the chemsistry between Olivia and Carlya nd then dillute it with the Pacific Ocean, and you are left with Claud and Sonny, sitting around drinking boringly. Claud toasts to a successful arrangement, and Sonny clinks. Claud asks if they will live in the fortress. He says he told the maid she can have any room she wants except his. She says she's kind of a slob, so that was smart. He mumbles that's not what concerns him. She downs her drink, and they sit in awkward silence. Sonny wants to get married tonight.
Cafe Interrogate: Alexis tells Jason that the Commish has all the evidence he needs to tie Jason to the warehouse slayings. She says she's finally going to do her job. Diane says Alexis can't hold him without evidence. Alexis hilariously says Jason is wearing the same clothes as the warehouse assailant. Diane mocks that this will sound silly to a judge. I don't see why she doesn't say this is what he wears everywhere. Alexis mocks that Jason is "the good mobster" and so they should let him off the hook. Alexis assures Diane she will find the evidence. So PCPD is Gitmo now, and you can just hold people with no charges or evidence?
Desolate Cabin: Liz says she's freaked out. Sam says that Liz knows what she's doing in the ER and eerily says she's scared, but she feels like she can see better and hear better. Liz remains full of panic and fear. Sam remains some weird combination of a Russ Meyers film and a bad Ray Liotta movie. It rules. Suddenly a blast comes through the window.
The end.
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