GH Recaps 11/25: Every Time I Hear Our Song...

So I'm only interested in Liz and Sam and hope you got whatever you needed from the rest of these bozos as needed.

Desolate Cabin: Liz is a simpering mess. Honestly, I don't like that she lies but how silly is it that she can't hold it together, like at all? Shots blast all the glass out out of the windows. Liz tries to just randomly shoot from the floor. Sam stops her and says they don't have much ammo. Sam wants them to lay low and play dead until they can see the whites of their eyes. Lil Cameron calls out, but Sam makes Liz sit still. Grey Goose busts in the door and looks around, giving Sam time to shoot him. For some insane reason, she doesn't take his weapon but shuts the door on him. Since the door is obviously about as effective as wet matches at this point. Is that a zither playing? I'm so glad Zither Guy showed up!

Liz and Sam sit in the torn up living room. Liz whisper asks why they are sitting there,and Sam remains eerily calm and says they are buying time. At this Liz starts crawling across the floor, and Sam stops her. Sam assures her that doing what Sam says is the best chance they have to protect the kids. The longer they wait out The Danger, the better chance they have of Jason or Lucky coming to them. Liz asks how Sam can do this, and Sam shrugs and says she grew up handling guns for her dad. She tells of her childhood, being a little girl with a criminal and con artist for a father. One time one of the marks came to their house, and she shot at his feet b/c she'd seen it in a Western. Liz giggles in spite of the situation at this. Sam was only 8 when this happened. Cameron calls out again, and Liz says she has to go to him. Sam promises she'll give her life to protect Liz's kids. Liz can only hope and pray that 1. this is true and 2. it doesn't come to that.

Liz comes back and Sam worries it's too quiet out there. She hands a gun to Liz and says there are 3 bullets. Sam is out of bullets and can only use her gun as a blunt object. She demands Liz go to the boys and run for the river if things go bad. Liz doesn't want to leave Sam alone, but Sam snaps that Liz has to act like a mother and go to the boys. Liz leaves and Sam stands by the door. It opens and Chin Dimple enters. Sam tries to hit him on the head but misses. She and Chin Dimple struggle. A shot rings out and Chin Dimple falls. Sam turns in surprise to see Liz standing with a smoking gun.

Liz holds the gun and breathes is shallow, quivering breaths as Sam checks Chim Dimple's pulse. Liz asks "is he?" Sam responds that he's dead. She asks how Liz is doing, and Liz honestly answers that she doesn't know. Sam gently says that Liz saved her life. Liz lifts the gun and hands it to Sam and says "take this, I don't ever want to touch it again. Sam reminds Liz to breathe. Liz exhales "I just killed a man." Sam steps forward and resolutely reminds her "who would have killed you and your children." Liz stares at this statement hanging in the air, and Sam softens and says thinking of that will help her get through it. Liz says "just tell me this is over." Sam can only says she hopes it is. Liz slowly drifts back to her boys.

Jason drives in his car, talking to Bernie. What, no blue tooth in that $50k car? He says he's not worried about a fire on the outskirts of town, but then his logic chip kicks into gear, and he wonders if The Danger is trying to draw his attention from their real goal. He says he's going to check on the Desolate Cabin. But mostly this scene establishes there is no cell service in the Mountain Region of Port Charles. Jason tries to call the cabin and is alarmed that the number is out of order.

Liz stands in the doorway of Desolate Cabin #2432 and bellows out, in a sore throat inducing sort of bellow "Jake! Jaaaaaaaake!" Jason pulls up and Sam jumps in front of the car. Did she think he was going to run over Liz? That was odd. He asks Sam what happened, and Sam says The Danger took Jake. Sam hops in the car. They watch Liz standing there, with this cloth diaper in her hands, looking excactly how she was always going to end up looking a year or two after she climbed those 15 flights.

I tried to find the song that plays at the end, but to no avail.


Best lines:

Claud to Sonny: "when you don't believe in love, and you don't need the money, you don't think about marriage."

Oliva on Coleman: Agggg, he's hot, but a living, breathing mistake of the type I've made many, many times.
Carly, taking a shot, "oh, we all have regrets"
Oliva, out of the corner of her mouth "who says I regret it?"

Spinelli to Jason regarding Mac telling him to stay away from Maxie: "See,I know your Secret Pain, I am a fellow lone wolf!"

Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!

GH Recap 11/23: Cold Turkey Has Got Me On the Run

I heard the John Lennon song Cold Turkey the other day, and I really liked the arrangement. I think it's actually about heroin, but the chorus seemed fitting for the week in real life and for our dim witted heroines.

Previously on General Hospital:

Indians used to live on Spoon Island. Jactslikeanidiot kidnapped Nik's son and then Nik found out and didn't press charges but remained bitter and angry when Jax was around, and Jax didn't appreciate the 'tude, so he bought the island in the least realistic way imaginable and is now taunting the man whose child he once claimed was his own.

The Danger showed up in a Russian form and burned down a diner that is older than my earliest memories, but also Sonny's stupid coffee house, and so Lucky and Jason decided to protect their women and children by sending them to a desolate cabin that just happens to have running water and a cord of firewood and is perfectly stocked but not at all dusty, and they, of course, sent them with no guards or cops.

Jactslikeanidiot continues to taunt Nik about Disneyland:Spoon Island.

[collapse expanded text]Corinthaus: Claud scoffs at Sonny's lame proposal saying it's not enough, but then Olivia walks in, and I guess that is enough, so she tells Olivia to tell Kate that she and Sonny are getting married.

PCPD: Apprently someone clued in Mac that half the town was burned down last night, so he's summoned Jason to chastise him.

Hidden Cabin: Sam and her t-shirt contest shirt and Liz re-discover that they are on their own.

Credits.

Desolate Cabin: Liz scoops up her boys and heads for the bedroom. She masterfully has them all play fort, so it's not terrifying that they are hanging out in the dark. Sam puts a chair under the door knob, which will be so effictive for a door with a window, but whatever, it's something. She loads a gun and goes into the bedroom. She and Liz say they are going to play "look out the window" while the boys play Fort. Then she and Liz heave a mattress in front of the door. and try to develop the power of invisibility.

Cafe Interrogate: mac gravely tells Jason about all The Danger and how Maxie was involved. Jaosn insists he hates all of this too. Mac is so scary and angry. Why can't they write him as an actually potent police chief? Jason sits there in cuffs, rubbing his face. Mac says that no matter what they call it in Mob World, in Mac's world, they call it murder, and he's going to shut the mob down.

Wyndermere: Nik points out that his lawyers are dealing with the fake estate interests. Carly flops all about but rightly points out that Spoon Island is creepy and bad things happen here, so it's a hard sell as a resort. lol, I hadn't even added the annual murder (or semi-murder) that happens here. Nik says he'll get back the unicorn, or he'll tie this up for years in court. Jactlikeadouche says he's fine with that and claims it's not personal. Carly says no one starts building in upstate NY in winter. Jactslikeadweeb names it "Spoon Island Spa"

Jake's: Johnny gets drunk and Looloo promises to love him no matter what. Looloo-pie, no matter how hot the guy, if he drinks as much as Johnny? It never ends well. Not even taking the body count into consideration. Why is Loo dressed like a peacock vomited on her?

Corinthaus: Olivia asks Sonny what he wants her to tell Connie. He says he'll handle it. She says no one but her should say. She puts on a disappointed voice and says she's not surprised. She wishes he'd been honest about what power means to him. Olivia, he was. Kate chose to labotomize herself with that knitting needle she got from Vera Wang's warehouse. Olivia leaves angrily and Claud asks "which cousin are you really in love with? Kate or Olivia?" Oh, Claud, don't you know by now? Sonny is always in love with the woman he hasn't slept with either yet or most recently.

Commercials

Wyndermere: Jactslikealosah tells Nik that he can taunt him if he wants. 'scuse me? Nik is taunting whom? Nik pulls out a ruler and says they can settle this right now. Carly is a bit overheated and wondering if it's rude to suggest a threesome. Can someone PLEASE give Carly a brush? How big is spoon island? Jax says he's going to develop Spoon Island and leaves, but Niks says he's going to enjoy bringhing him down.

Kate's Beige House: Maxie is defending her choices to Kate. Kate snips that Clarice is the junior editor, but Maxie didn't give her a voice. Well, then it sounds to me like Clarice is a DEPLORABLE editor, if Maxie has the power to talk the printers into doing things her way and not Clarice's. Kate angrily snips "who would carry a clutch like this to a formal" showing Maxie a page from the magazine. Maxie respectfully says "everyone I know." Kate softens a bit, but then Olivia shows up asking Kate to give Maxie a break. Maxie leaves, and Kate can tell that Olivia is there to tell her about Claud and Sonny's marriage that will happen during sweeps in 1428.

Corinthaus: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, oh, sorry, nodded off.

Desolate Cabin: Cuteness in the fort continues. Aw, Jakeson is a little toe head. (tow head?) Liz asks the boys to promise to stay in the fort no matter what happens and that she'll stay with them as long as she can. Sam hears a noise and leaves. There is a loud clunking and Cameron cutely squeals 'what iz dat mommeeee?" Liz whispers she doesn't know, like it's a fun game, but her eyes bulge.

Commercials

Desolate Cabin: Liz coos at the kids to play for awhile and rushes out to check on Sam. Sam or Liz hollers out "it's part of the surpriiiiiise!" Liz and Sam leave. Jakeson tries to walk away, but Cameron breaks the needle off the cutometer and holds Jakeson back and says "nonononono!" Aw, Cam is a little crime fighter in training. Liz and Sam try to put their brains together and find a clue.

Cafe Interrogate: Diane shows up to deliver one of her castigations that I so adore. Jason says she knows he won't be connected to the warehouse killings. Diane sucks on her teeth and knows no such things. She sees Alexis (!) through the window and finds it promising. I guess she's hoping to trade shoes for murder charges?

Corinthaus: Claud says they should stop acting like strangers that met in a bar. She says she's never going to be a Madonna, but she doesn't want to be treated like a whoor. Sonny shrugs and agrees. I have no idea what they are talking about....other than an arranged marriage. He hands her a ice rink ring, and says he wanted to do it right. She says it's tradition to put it on her finger. I feel bad for how much fun I made of Marlena being possessed by the devil. That was Hepburn and Tracy compared to this rot. I mean, Nico and Cecily was Dostoevsky compared to this!

Commercials

Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud keep mumbling to each other. Why are they whispering? Sonny says they should leave the past behind, and this will be hard for both of them. claud stands and says he's survived worse than her. Sonny says the ring is a sign of respect and puts it on her finger.

Jake's: Olivia is getting loaded and Carly shows up and orders a beer. Olivia says when Coleman gets the chance, they are going to need more shots. Carly takes her shot and aks "what?" This scene just made up for the past 12. Olivia says "it's official: Sonny and Claud are engaged. Carly picks up a shot glass. Hey ABC, gals, you know the drill...DRINK!

Cafe Interogate: Diane and her delicious line delivery (I imagine if it were cake it would be cheesecake with a fancy topping of your magical choice. Like Turkish Delight. the topping becomes for the eater whatever they fancy as the most delicious thing ever.) She says it's an uphill battle and leaves.

PCPD Bullpen: Diane and Alexis meet to once again determine who the show should really be about. Alexis tells Diane to drop the case while she has a chance. Diane tightens her gun belt and says there is no chance. They squint at each other, totally turned on about facing each other in court.

Desolate Cabin: Sam gives Liz a gun and does her best to give her Gun School 101 through 11001. "Just remember it's him or you." Sam has a shot gun, or some reason. Sam says they have to hope The Danger doesn't know if they are armed or how many of them there are. Liz goes to check on the boys. I think she gives them crackers? Liz meets Sam in the living room and asks "I know we've had our differences, but will you please promise me tonight, no matter what happens, you will protect my boys." I wonder why they didn't bother to settle this before leaving for the desolate cabin....without guards or cops?

Commercials

Desolate Cabin: Liz says the boys are asleep, but they'll wake up if they hear shooting. Um, so shoot quietly? Sam says letting Liz's kid be kidnapped is the worst thing she's ever done, but she promises she'll lay down her life to protect them. Liz believes her and asks "but it's not going to come to that right." She starts to lose it and says Jason warned her about this and she didn't listen. Sam is freakishly cool as a cucumber and says that all that matters is keeping it together for now. She turns to Liz and says "you're strong enough to get through this" and gives her an encouraging eyebrow flourish. This is totally the hottest lesbian porn I've ever seen.

Crimson: kate complains that coffee is crappy. (Have you tried delicious McCafe?) Maxie offers to make another pot. What, no espresso maker? I'm so sure. Kate says that she knows Olivia didn't make a choice b/c the theme is diffused and the rest is off topic. the hell? since when is Olivia a fashionista? She's a total hottie, but total hotties can look as hot in Tarjet as Wang. Maxie asks Kate not to take it out on her that Sonny is the worst. Jax shows up, and Maxie leaves. Kate says she doesn't want to talk about it: She wants to celebrate not making the worst decision of her life. jax agrees.

jakes: Carly is not surprised. She says she has kids with Sonny, so she'll always be connected. She wishes she could say she didn't care, but she didn't. She doesn' tknow what to say, but then she eloquently and rightly says that she'll always be there when he needs her like a big fat sucker. Olivia says maybe she loses these other relationships as an excuse to go back to Sonny. Carly disagrees and says Jacstlikeadouche is the perfect man for her, and she's worried about his big, dorky, wrath.

Corinthaus: Y'all, i just can't. I love Sarah Joy Brown, but this is such a boring storyline for her. These two actors seem to be going out of their way to be boring just to finally break the Guza spell that they are destined to be teamed up. I sort of loved Carly and Sonny back during their hate-sex days. I hated what they did to everyone else, but I did see their chemistry. But that was a decade ago. Can we all move on now?

Commercials

Kate's Beige House: Kate pours champagne and drinks to "mistakes and the promise to do better next time" and then without clinking, she downs her glass. heh. I guess I've been there, so I won't mock. He refills her glass, and they drink to freedom. So, just one glass of champagne is all it takes to send these two into each other's arms. and they are entitled and more power to them but don't act all high and mighty when you have been damming up this much sexual tension. Yet, they are the better people because THEY KEPT IT DAMMED UP.

Jake's: Olivia drunkely asks if all things were equal, who would Carly pick: Sonny or Jax. She clarifies "not the one you think you should pick. the one you want." Carly easily answers Jax. she says for a long time she would have said Sonny, but he's not in her heart like Jax is. She's good at trashing what's good in her life. Olivia slurs "don't give up. These things have a way of working out." carly says it won't happen. Carly says "cards on the table" Olivia slams her beer and slaps her hands flat on the bar "right here" heh. I love Drunken Scenes. Carly asks how mcuh Sonny meant to her back in the day. Olivia insta-answers "a lot. A lot more than I let anybody know." carly uses her freakish Laura Wright eyes to at once communicate jealousy and empathy and asks thusly "how much does he matter to you now?" Olivia stares bleary eyed.

Corinthaus: Imagine the chemsistry between Olivia and Carlya nd then dillute it with the Pacific Ocean, and you are left with Claud and Sonny, sitting around drinking boringly. Claud toasts to a successful arrangement, and Sonny clinks. Claud asks if they will live in the fortress. He says he told the maid she can have any room she wants except his. She says she's kind of a slob, so that was smart. He mumbles that's not what concerns him. She downs her drink, and they sit in awkward silence. Sonny wants to get married tonight.

Cafe Interrogate: Alexis tells Jason that the Commish has all the evidence he needs to tie Jason to the warehouse slayings. She says she's finally going to do her job. Diane says Alexis can't hold him without evidence. Alexis hilariously says Jason is wearing the same clothes as the warehouse assailant. Diane mocks that this will sound silly to a judge. I don't see why she doesn't say this is what he wears everywhere. Alexis mocks that Jason is "the good mobster" and so they should let him off the hook. Alexis assures Diane she will find the evidence. So PCPD is Gitmo now, and you can just hold people with no charges or evidence?

Desolate Cabin: Liz says she's freaked out. Sam says that Liz knows what she's doing in the ER and eerily says she's scared, but she feels like she can see better and hear better. Liz remains full of panic and fear. Sam remains some weird combination of a Russ Meyers film and a bad Ray Liotta movie. It rules. Suddenly a blast comes through the window.

The end.

GH Recap 11/21: Grrrrllllllll power

So I know it's a bit silly that Liz and Sam would be in a minivan together. I know it's a bit silly that Liz is willing to trust Sam with her kids. But to me, this is easily my favorite twist in this silly show. It's frankly one of the few things that has my interest!

I am an unabashed Team Sam kind of girl. Now that Liez has quit liezing all the time, I can enjoy her again as well as simple Liz. (she used to be my favorite, and I never faulted her for hooking up with Jason) I find their uneasy truce to be very realistic if you pretend the mob stuff isn't there, and I also find it very maternal. I love that they totally hate each other but also are willing, for the sake of the kids and for the sake of their own happiness, and a bit b/c of their righteous guilt, to accept each other as a necessary evil and a sometimes surprising-blessing. I love that Sam reassures Liz about Jason, and I love that Liz needs that reassurance and accepts it like a champ.

I hate the GH mob. HATE IT. Don't see the need for it. This show has always been about mob and adventure and guns. But there used to be a time when the mobsters were the bad guys (and mobsters, fictional or otherwise are BAD GUYS. Always. end of story. Don't talk to me about abs b/c Jason had hotass abs when he was a doctor. and doctors? are hot. {hottest guy I ever dated was also the most boring, but he was so handsome, big blue eyes, had a motorcycle. He was a doctor. I GET the Jason thing, is what I'm saying.}

I think Liz is a dolt for wanting to be with Jason "come what may", but I dig it that she is willing to scoop her kids up with Sam into a mini-van and go to an undisclosed location. I dig that Sam has found her adventure jones, but she's willing to use that only to protect Liz and her kids. Honestly, I know most people hate one or the other, but I am in hog's heaven enjoying the heck out of them working together.
Chez Zee: Claud says she's going to miss their apartment. She's going to Sonny's house, she supposes and will be playing wifey soon.

Z House: Sonny reaffirms his agreement to marry Claud. Wheels says Sonny is getting the organization and "my precious pearl, Claudia"

Jason's Penthouse: Jason tells Spinelli that Liz and Sam were brought to one of Lucky's stupid safehouses b/c Lucky didn't want them under Jason's protection.

Minivan: Sam makes small talk and says she knows the boys are good campers. Liz smiles gamely at this, and Cameron squeals cutely. But suddenly we hear a boom and Liz screams and swerves.

Credits

Wyndermere: Jax comes in to tell Nik that his building will start soon. I can't even begin to say how unrealistic all this real estate babble is. Jax is going to build a causeway to the mainland. Nik throws Jax out. Carly shows up in a ridiculous blue shirt and tells Jax this has to stop. I hope she means the Strings of Stupidity.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason tells Spinelli they can't make any mistakes. Spinelli nervously prances about. Jason tells him the plan, but Spinelli blurts out that he made a mistake and held the Russians at gunpoint. Jason stares incredulously at this idiotic piece of news.

Minivan: Liz thanks Sam for changing the tire. Sam says it was a group effort. Liz says she was unsure about going away with Sam at first, but she's glad she's here. They compare notes that they are both feeling a bit paranoid and scared, but Liz peps up and says they'll be at the cabin in 30 minutes and no one will find them. Well, except the four guards that I'm sure Jason and Lucky insisted on! Other than them right? Russian guy peers at them through binoculars. Even though he's really close enough to see them clearly without them.

Chez Zee: Johnny angrily yells that marriage is supposed to be about love and trust and commitment. Claud laughs that he's totally adorable and says this plan is business and it's good. John doesn't like selling out his sister.

ZHouse: Sonny stutters that he's in charge and everyone reports to him. Wheels soothingly says 'of course...of course' He does ask to be kept in the loop. Ric hotly pours Sonny a glass of brandy and has it ready to hand to him as Sonny is saying if anyone goes behind his back, the deal is off. Ric gives Sonny his drink and hotly assures him he won't be a problem. Sonny looks so ridiculous in this scene. He seems to want to believe so badly that he's in charge, that he's convinced himself, but just a glace at Ric and Wheels communicates that clearly they are running the show.

Commercials

Quartermaine Mansion: Tracy has a stiff drink. Looloo, Monica and Edward talk about Luke like he's still a part of the family. Tracy finally yells that everyone needs to shut up b/c Luke doesn't live here. Luke appears at the terrace door and says "Mrs. Spencer, you do not mean that."

Jason's Apartment: Jason sternly asks Spinelli to spill. Spinelli explains that he cornered two slavic scoundrels. Jason asks exactly what was Spinelli thinking and what was he trying to prove. Spinelli sadly says he was trying to avenge Maxie. Jason says Spinelli is too smart to use a gun. "If you want to be a hero to Maxie, you stay the person you are. That's who she needs you to be." Knock at the door. It's Olivia, lounging in the door frame. she says they need to talk about Sonny.

Chez Zee: Johnny points out that Claud already once spilled a secret to Jason. She says she had hypothermia. Johnny oddly says she could get hypothermia again. She'll be with Sonny all the time, and she's sure to slip. Claud assures him again that it's a marriage of convenience. He asks if this means they aren't going to sleep together. She says of course she's going to sleep with him, since they are more compatible in bed than out of it.

Z'House: Sonny says he's going to provide guidance and leadership so the Z's can compete. Wheels says he needs them to stay alive. Sonny says they both win. Wheels says it's too bad he has to come and marry Claud, all because the man Sonny put in charge wouldn't let him back in. Sonny says he can handle Jason. (he can't) and Wheels says he's counting on it (don't count to high, Wheelsy!)

Commercials

Wyndermere: Carly yells at Jax for planning on building a resort on Spoon Island. Nik says his attorneys can keep this held up in court for years, and he still owns 25% of metrocourt. Carly says this is just a pathetic little contest with the two of them. Jax says Carly blah blah blah who cares.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli leaves to do Jason's bidding. Olivia says when she sees a train wreck coming, she has to speak up. I don't get that metaphor. She says he needs to let Sonny back in the mob.

Z'House: Johnny and Claud visit their dad. Wheels says Sonny has agreed to marry Claud. John says there won't be a wedding. Wheels tells Claud to go to Sonny tonight and seal the deal. John tells her not to, but she says it's her choice, and she agrees. Wheels says that Claud is looking out for his best interest. John says Wheels wants to sell Claud off to Sonny so that the organization is stronger when he's ready to take over, but Johnny doesn't want it. Claud tries to hide the fact that she wants it a lot.

Corinthaus: Milo and Max bicker a bit. Sonny tells Max that he's at the end of his rope. he tells him he's taking over Z'Organization, and to do that he has to marry Claudia. Because it's 1532. and Claudia is Portugal. I really am having a hard time following any of this. I feel like they should be wearing powdered wigs.

Commercials

Q Mansion: Alice gives Luke a massage and offers Luke some more bourbon. Edward angrily tells Tracy to get rid of Luke. Tracy says she tried. Looloo says Tracy is entitled to her feelings. Tracy thanks her and says she'll always be her step daughter and is welcome to live here. Monica says Tracy can't issue invitations to her house. Why do all these people hang out in this one room all the time since they clearly despise each other? Luke asks Alice to get rid of everyone so he can talk to Tracy alone. Edward tells Tracy to stick to her resolve. Tracy tells Luke she is immune to his romantic flim flam. Luke says he's not joking, and he's not giving her up.

Z'House: wheels says Johnny is naive. The deal has to happen whether he likes it or not. Claud says it's just business. You don't have to like the guy who buys stock in your company, you just have to take his money. Johnny again says this is a bad idea and thinks Claud believes it will be more than business. He tells Claud to be careful what she wishes for. Wheels asks if John ir right about Sonny. She drolly asks if she looks like a woman with any romantic illusions. She puts a rose in his pocket and leaves. But he hates her and thus hates the rose, so he crushes it.

Corinthaus: Max and Sonny discuss The new Danger. Sonny now thinks maybe one of the Z's shot Kate. Max asks why they would. Sonny says this is why he's marrying Claud, so he can learn about the organization and discover who shot Kate. Max asks what good this will do. Sonny busts out a Shatnerian line delivery and says "I will then.......... be in a ....pos....ition.....to do something.....about it." It even comes with a weird, slow head turn.

Jason's Penthouse: Olivia warns that Sonny will become as bad as the Z's if he joins them. She begs Jason not to let that happen and go get Sonny back. Jason asks why it's so important to her.

Hidden Cabin: The gang arrives. cameron cutely squeals and hops around. Sam goes to get supplies from the car, and Liz tells Cameron that he's so important to her, and she'll do anything to protect them. I don't think the word "anything" means what Liz thinks it means. She says she loves him, and Cameron cutes "I wove you too" back. Aw. Sam gets stuff from the car as a Russian lurks nearby. and honestly. What did he do? Park next to her? and she just figured that Liz brought an extra car and forgot to tell her? dumb!

Commercials

Q Mansion: woof, is this a boring episode! Tracy and Luke, such good actors, but they have had this conversation every time he comes back to town. It's pointless b/c we know he'll leave again. I would recommend renting "Fool for Love" instead of watching this. It's a Sam Shepard play made into a film.

Jason's Penthouse: Olivia manages to not answer Jason's question. Ric hotly shows up that if he wants to stop SOnny from teaming up with the Z's, he better do it fast. Ric is hotly amused and bored by all of this.

Jake's: Johnny gets his drink on with Coleman. Looloo shows up and offers wild and crazy hot sex. Johnny awesomely didn't hear a word she just said. He says he's thinking about his sister being about to marry Sonny.

Corinthaus: Claud struts in saying she heard the good news. Sonny sits in a chair and says she moves fast. Claud says that he hasn't asked her yet. Sonny nods oddly. Well, I guess he does everything oddly, and this is a B- in weird.

Commercials

I'm starting to think this episode will never end.

Wyndermere: Carly continues to whine to Nik that if Nik fights Jax, he'll just be more obnoxious. Nik asks what the other solution is. Jax comes back in and Nik rudely says "didn't you leave?" and honestly. Jactslikeanidiot is looking so petty and silly. Jax says the surveyors are coming tomorrow and wants to know if Nik will work with them. Well, what does that even mean? the surveyors will simply do their job and don't need to bother Nik in the slightest. Are their hounds that have to be called off? I assume there are hounds, right? Carly tells Nik he should sell her back her shares and then Jax will quit being such a doof.

Jake's: gah. gack. glarb. Loo thinks Johnny has to quit feeling guilty for being a Zacharra. Oh, Loo, rose by any other name would smell as trite.

Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud talk about getting married. Sonny asks all bored "Claudia, would you marry me?" as if he's asking for sports scores. Or really, more like he's watching a game and she's standing in front of the TV wanting to ask about laundry, and he angrily says "Claud, you make a better door than a window." Olivia eaveslurks from the terrace.

Hidden cabin: Liz calls Jason from the effing working phone in the hidden cabin. Who on earth has been paying all the utilities for this place all this time. I hope they get HBO b/c it would be a shame to miss the True Blood finale. Liz says everything is fine, and he doesn't need to worry. Liz delights about roasting marshmallows. Sam goes to get wood for the fire, but her sensitive nipples can tell that the Russians are there. She tries to casually rush into the house and locks the door. She says the russians are there. Liz jumps up to use the phone, and Sam says they must have cut the line. AND SO NEITHER OF YOU DOLTS BROUGHT A CELL PHONE? Sam says there's no other hidden cabins for miles, so they are on their own.

The end.

GH Recaps 11/14: Kelly's My Darling, you are my sunshine....

You have crossed the line, Show. I know you love killing babies (Sam's, Lili's, Clumpy Morgancell.) Dooming Michael to grow older at Whole Foods Union Square was really crossing the line.

But Kelly's?

Where Liz and the Good Lucky first met? The place with broken toaster and the clumpy chili? The place where Port Chuckians go daily to get coffee and gossip because Starbucks is EVERYWHERE except Port Charles? Aunt Ruby....Jessie Brewer, anyone? Jagger broke into Kelly's back in the day. Liz ordered a beer here when she was underaged. The QUARTERMAINES lived at Kelly's when they were once bankrupt, for heavens sake. The Quart. Er. Maines. It's where Lila developed Pickle Lila. Miquel and Brenda "lived above Kelly's" Tammy the hooker! The place where anyone can go and press a button on the jukebox and the perfect song that no one has ever heard but the music producers of ABC will begin to play, and it will perfectly illustrate the love, hope, heartbreak and desolation of any character at any time, and somehow the character magically knew that B-12 was the perfect song for their personal situation? The place where EVERY ingenue lives, for at least a little while, before she gets "saved" by some man in town. I doubt there is a single character, past or present, who hasn't had a meaningful moment at Kelly's, and if they didn't, they never mattered that much to the show, is my point. Every single fan of the show adores a memorable scene that happened at Kelly's.

but this is the place you burn down for The Danger? Not Sonnybucks (heh, I can't even remember who coined that, but it's still a favorite of mne), not any of the Alleydocks? Not Corinthaus?

Lemme guess, you actually considered burning down the hospital itself or the Quartermaine mansion but thought the better of it? well, thank you for that, I guess.

I can see how people put up with Sonny and Jason when it's just Alan that is killed. when it's just chucky who ends up at Whole Foods. when it's just a pregnant newlywed who is blown up. when it's just a train that derails. when it's just a hotel that catches on fire. when it's just one of Sonny's or Jason's stupid lovers who are in danger.

but KELLY'S?

I don't see how every character doesn't show up at Corinthaus with a pitchfork and a torch and ask him to kindly get the hellouttatown or face the music. You know, the music that used to play on the jukebox at KELLY'S?

So join me now, singing along with Woody from Cheers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hJjx7jTHA8



More...

Kelly's: It's all sadly boarded up already. Looloo finds it in surprise. Johnny shows up to be maudlin with her.

jason's Office: maxie for some reason is only just now telling Jason and Spinelli about seeing the Russians. So how did the fire get put out already, and the place boarded up?

Rissian Room of Shadows: Sascha and Smirnov and Belvedere hang out and speak to a Speaker Phone Guy about their night of mischief.

Hospital: Mike is in the hotel room. Sonny morosely says "they said they'd retaliate. Because of me." and as per usual, he's all sad and surprised and can't believe it's come to this WHEN HE FULL WELL KNEW HE WAS ...oh, nevermind. just HATE!

Credits

Kelly's al Fresco: Johnny asks if Loo knows his father did this. Loo then starts yammering about trying to process that her mother was catatonic and then 20 minutes later, she was on a plane to France. Looloo says she is used to having to walk on eggshells around Laura. SHe is acting like Laura has been visiting Catatonia off and on for decades. Loo says she got a call from Bobbie about Kelly's. Aw, poor Bobbie, she doesn't even get a scene being sad about her cafe. I'm just so hating this scene with the plywood and "do not cross" yellow tape.

Nurse's Station: Liz is so aggitated. It is annoying when you put in the diaphragm and then don't get to use it, I guess. She drops and fusses. Sam shows up to ask if Liz has a minute. lol. Liz says it's not a good time. I assume she "The Cenozoic Era" is not a good time. Sam promises nothing happened with Jason.

jason's office: Jason interprets for Spinelli and asks if she heard anything. She thinks she heard Russian. Jason asks if she talked to anyone. She says she didn't tell Mac and didn't tell 911 her number. Jason said she did good, but she has to go. She's grumpy, but he says she proved she couldn't keep her mouth shut last night. I guess he knows that Maxie sent Liz over to his house? How does he know that...oh, wait, what am I saying. He knows what everyone within a 50 mile radius had for breakfast by listening closely.

Mike's Room: Sonny sits around and blames himself because it's his fault, and Mike stupidly, lamely, pathetically, (anyone got a thesaurus?) tells him it's not his fault and not to blame himself. What is wrong with people. Kate shows up to visit Mike and is surprised to see Sonny. Mike says it looks worse than it is and he's a fast healer. Sonny just creepily stares at her and strokes the Beard with a finger. Kate tells Mike there won't be a new wedding b/c they are through. Yep, heard that one before.

Commercials




Robin's Room: That baby is so teeny and cute. Patrick is worried Robin will get fatigued holding the baby. Why does robin talk like a Robot sometimes? Like she's Data. Who talks in these long, informative speeches? patrick says he wouldn't know how to be a dad without her. She says he totally fixed a tricky cabinet once, and it will be just like that as a dad. Patrick teases her for suddenly being optimistic. She says when she woke up and saw their family, it restored her faith in miracles. Robin then, with her non stop bleeding evisceration wound, SITS UP and hands the baby to Patrick. and thus she busts all her stitches and bleeds out instantly. why can't they ever be vaguely realistic?

Kelly's al Fresco: Loo and Johnny talk about how they don't know who did it. Loo says Kelly's has always been around for her family. She angrily asks why someone would deliberately destroy it. Good question!

Nurse's Station: Sam wants to not go backwards from the good place she and Liz have managed to get to. Sam admits she's still with Lucky. Liz apologizes for over reacting and says they are having a tough time. She confides that it's confusing b/c one minute they are going off to Italy and then... and Sam empathizes and says "but business gets in the way." Sam says that Liz knows Jason loves her. Liz says she knows, but Jason says love is not enough, and she's starting to believe it. Sam says it will be difficult, but she just wants it to be clear that she and Jason are done and nothing has happened to change that. Liz wanly smiles in appreciation of this and Sam leaves.

Jason's Office: maxie sputters that Jason just said she did good, but he reveals that he put his fingers in the air and executed the mind reading application installed in them and discerned that she did tell Liz about Sam. She leaves, defeated. Spinelli tries to defend her, but jason angrily explains that he can't have people doing petty things that backfire, and he especially can't have Liz get hurt.

Maxie leaves Wheatgrass Cafe with two coffees. Smirnoff notices her and decides to try to get one of her coffees. Or, also, maybe he's trying to hurt her. boo!

Mike's Room: Olivia eaveslurks and listens ot Kate repeat what Jax has been saying to Carly for days: that the problem isn't even limosex, it's limoeverythingelse. it's everythingelsesex. It's Carly and Sonny always pick each other, and everyone else comes second. Sonny says he can't argue, but everyone close to him is going to be a target.

and I'm going to count to 10 and not scream very loudly that it's so aggravating that EVERY single person who knows Sonny has been telling him that this is PRECISELY what would happen if he went down this idiotic path of killing Krapov, and yet now he's acting like this is some new, grave bit of business that no one could have forseen. and now we all have to work together to fix it. Basically, Sonny is Mayor Nagin, Michael Brown, and George Bush rolled into one, idiotic, incompetent loser, except he's also Neptune and actually is responsible for the hurricane as well.

Commercials

Robin's Room: Shawn Douglas stops by to visit Robin. She says the "instant family" thing is kind of strange. She says she has experience in this area, and it gets easier. He looks at pics of Emma and says he sees her twice a day. She thinks that's sweet, and teases she might just start to think he's nice. He teases that he's just worried about Emma growing up with just Patrick. Robin asks him to Patricksit for awhile, so she can get a break from his hovering.

Z'House: Johnny finds Wheels reading the paper. Wheels giddily tells about kelly's being torched, a 'truck yard" being burned and Sonny's dad getting beat up. He says it's nice to read good news for a change. heh. Johnny implies that Wheels is responsible, and he, of course, feigns being innocent. John thinks Wheels did this to hurt Looloo and send her back to Shadyrose. Wheels says John thinks people think about Looloo a lot more than they do. Word. Wheels says that obviously Krapov did this to retaliate.

Jason's Office: Bernie is giving details to Jason about the Russian Rapscallions. Some truck yard is not salvageable. Bernie says he believes Jason will consider the men who work for him and consider how things will affect them. Bernie angrily says that Sonny doesn't do such things, and the men in Jason's army are angry. I'm thinking it's sort of like Saruman's Army out there. Jason says he'll call a meeting with the Lt's, but Bernie says they are ahead of him, and meet at Pier 10 in an hour. jason says he has to do something first. Bernie says "the town is going to be in rubble, Jason, what could possibly be more important?"

Mike's Room: Well, I can tell you one thing, Bernie: It would be whatever is going on in Mike's room where Sonny, Mike and Kate are hanging around and being whiny.

Commercials

Robins' Room: Apparently bleeding to death is pleasant. Robin cheerfully holds her baby and tells her a long story about how she and Patrick are control freaks. Patrick comes in and says she's busted and says it was obvious that Shawn Douglas would never invite him to dinner, and that she was obviously trying to get rid of him. Epiphany comes in to say that Robin and Emma are released. Oh, so she got cured? I guess I just missed that part?

Z'House: Wheels says the fall out from Krapov's murder will work just as well as Sonny coming to him directly. The Russians are going for blanket The Dangerer, so last night they came after Jason as well as Sonny. Wheels calls Jason "that Bazooka" hah! Johnny says Jason will want to protect his interests and will distance himself from Sonny. Sonny will be alone, so next time he comes to Wheels, he'll need protection for himself as well as Kate. Wheels is impressed with Johnny's understanding. Wheels, for some wacky reason, is still wanting Sonny to marry Claud. I'm so confused by this. Because then Wheels will protect Sonny from the Russians?

Mike's Room: Mike pathetically says Sonny had to strike back after he was knifed at the docks. Sonny says the Russians torched jason's holdings as well. Then he says Krapov's people are trying to get rid of any ally he has, but he weirdly pronounces it "aye-lie" He thinks he should go to Jason.

GH: Olivia shows up to still be obsessed with talking about Sonny constantly. Well, at least she is becoming gradually more annoying each day, so it won't bum me out as much when she sleeps with him. I would love it if Olivia just flat out shot Sonny. Olivia says she hired a private security force for Kate's house. How did she pay for it? Kate asks why Olivia is being so over the top. Olivia says Sonny just scratches whatever itch he needs to scratch and leaves the consequences for everything. Kate says protection from the mob is an illusion. She says if having been with Sonny makes her a target, there is nothing that can be done. Olivia says she wouldn't be so sure and leaves. Kate, why don't you go down to the docks with a target on your chest?

Commercials

Sams' Apartment: Maxie shows up with the coffees and to apologize to Sam for tattling about seeing her with Jason after Liz was rude to her. Sam says it's probably good in a weird way that Liz walked in when she did.

Nurse's Station: Jason walks up to Liz in a rush and asks to talk to her. Liz says she's working. Then bitterly adds "and like you, my work is important to me." heh. Jason says a lot has happened, and he needs to talk to her about it, and he'll wait. He goes to sit and wait while she pouts a little longer.

Wheatgrass Cafe: Olivia shows up and starts harassing the barrista to round up Jason. He's like "I just make coffee", but she tells him she knows there must be an emergency number, so call it and tell him she's waiting. She makes herself comfy in jason's office. Because what mobster would leave his office locked? Meanwhile, Smirnoff, Belvedere and Grey Goose show up with bats and malitov cocktails and start smashing the place. I think I've seen this before. It was a weird art house film made in the 40's about the danger of poor sportsmanship.

Commercials

Kelly's al fresco: Loo has summoned Johnny back, and they confirm that they know about the Russian Rapscallions. john still says it's from the world he's fron. That is father is giddy in anticipation for more rapscallawaggery. Loo says Wheels lives here too. Johnny says that their house already floated down the Hudson from where it used to be, so it's not like they can't just unattach and move further downstream. blah blah they kiss.

Sam's Apartment: Sam says she loved the danger, and thinking on her feet, and the stakes, that she felt like her old self. Maxie says she sounds like Luke and suggests they hook up. Sam says she's already found her perfect partner in crime. We see Stolichnaya is outside approaching the door, as Sam describes how she and Lucky get along and don't even have to talk, but she doesn't say Lucky's name, so Maxie teases "that must work out well for Jason" Sam bops her with a pillow.

Blue Stairwell: Jason and Liz meet. He says that he didn't show up last night b/c someone tried to kill him, that he's being retaliated in an attack on Sonny. Liz says "what?" like this is somehow shocking to her. Even though this man was holding her child when he got a call to go murder someone. He says he lost a lot of men. Then he senses something in the distance. She asks what is wrong. he says "see that glow over yonder? I think that's my office." Uh oh, how can Jason be uncertain of something? I feel so lost and cold.

Jason's Flaming Office: (ha) Olivia is trapped inside, and the flames are very high. I have no idea how she can possibly still breathe. Apparently no one ever taught her about getting close to the ground. Sonny shows up to big, fat stupid save her, even though she's only in danger because of him.

The end.