GH recap 12/12: Take a Step That is New

Corinthaus: I don't understand where this dining room is? I like that Sonny is the only person rich enough to actually afford a separate room for eathing. Poor Nik has to eat, work, have sex and change clothes all in that one room. Claud is dubious about Sonny's intentions. He claims he just likes making lunch.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli repeats his protest about Johnny jacktrippering into Looloo and Maxie's house. Maybe because Spinelli believes that he's better at tripping over furniture than Johnny?

Sams' Apartment: Sam tries to play off pulling away from Lucky's kiss as if it's no big deal.

Courthouse: Liz tearfully asks why Jason wants her to know that he kills people for a living, and he tearfully says b/c it explains why they can never see each other again.

Credits

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny agrees with Spinelli that he should get a life and his own place. Looloo says Maxie already agreed that John can move in. She did? She's dumb. It's ANNOYING to have a live in roommate who doesn't pay rent or utilities, but just drinks the milk and eats the food and uses the hot water. Spinelli is worried that Maxie will get caught in her underwear, and Maxie says it's cute that he's jealous.

Corinthaus: Sonny says that it's not like anyone in her family treats her like respect, and he's going to at least do that much as her husband. She remains dubious. But she does drink her wine.

Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't seem to understand the concept of "upstate NY in winter". What's with the tank top. Sam explains the case that opened 3 minutes ago is now closed. Lucky stupidly thinks that's great. Sam says The Russians and The Dangers still exist. He doesn't want her to be involved, but she only likes the way her stilletto heels sound on the Yellow Brick Road.

Courthouse: Liz angrily says she knows how much danger Cam and Jakeson were in. She sobs and says she thought their love would create a magic shield around them. Jason says he should have left her alone, but she says he tried to warn her, but she ignored her kids b/c she wanted to be with him. Jason admits they are both responsible. Tears fall down her lovely, alabaster skin as he says they now know what to do. "There can be no contact with me, you, Jakeson." I guess Cameron is still cannon fodder, though.

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Ducktard Junction: Nik has been making funeral arrangements for Alfalfa. That is actually incredibly generous, loving and kind. Nadine and her hideous shirt are in shock. I think it's a leopard print shirt, but instead of gold and black, it's a teal, maroon, cream and black. It's like someone was in a really bad mood and had some ugly paints to throw at fabric. Maybe this is what Liz made in her studio the other day.

Sam's Apartment: Lucky chastises Sam for going after more danger. Sam says he puts his life in danger daily. he angrily says she's a civilian. Sam angrily says she can go places cops can't. He yells she should join the department, and she retorts they would never hire her with her background. hello, it's call the WSB. It's like no one knows about the secret military ops that rules this town. Like how they never bring up the coven of rock star vampires. Lucky leaves in anger. As he does.

Courthouse: Jason offers to put Liz up, but she tearfully says she can support her kids. he holds back tears and says he will never see his son again, and Jakeson won't have his name, so please let him provide for his future. Liz's eyes fill with tears and she promises a safe life for Jakeson. She promises not to call or try to see him. She's sorry it took her so long to see the truth. She's sorry she hurt her boys and him, she's sorry for her own selfishness. Jason tries not to cry, but tears spill down his cheeks, and he says he was selfish too. He turns to leave and stare in private. A single tear dribbles down Liz's cheek as she stares at the place he once stood.

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Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie continues to argue in favor of having a free-loading roommate. Shut UP, Maxie. Let Spinelli take the bullet and do your dirty work and get rid of an extra roommate! Looloo snots that Johnny gave up his trust fund, so he has to live here. Loo and John go to her room. Maxie says she's really cool with it, and asks him to help her measure the mantle. Maxie says it could get crazy, but Johnny's hot, so who cares. Well, that is a good point.

Corinthaus: Ric has hotly shown up in a gray suite and red tie to flirt with Claud some more. When did Sonny get this ugly furniture? Has it always been this pidge podge of hideous orange tones? Claud insists it wasn't her idea to marry Sonny, but she's going to make the best of it. She naively says that some day Sonny is going to share his new power with her. Ric hotly holds his face in his hands and says Sonny just married her to get the power. He admits that Sonny may sleep with her, but he's not going to share anything. Claud mockingly asks if Ric is asking her to be faithful to him. He hotly says yes, as if it's the smartest thing she could do. Also? I would think it would be the easiest thing she's ever done. And Claudia? only owns black and red and I'm saying only sleeping with Ric is much easier than picking out her outfits, which she clearly does blindfolded. also...the blindfold would probably be fun in the sack with Ric.

Courthouse: Liz sits after her interview and stares into space, her eyes welling with tears. Lucky shows up. She tells him she just had the last conversation she'll ever have with Jason. Lucky sits down and asks why she would say that. I think Lucky has learned that rhetorical questions make people sound smart, and also, rhetorical questions are a good way to learn about stuff if people will answer them. Not that Lucky uses the word "rhetorical" in his mind, of course. Liz explains that Jason wanted her to learn about how jakeson would have died if Sam hadn't gotten him out. Lucky stupidly and angrily asks what that would have proved (um, the point you've tried to make 800 times to her, you dolt!) Liz says Jason was making a point, an effective point. She says if Jason hadn't broken it off, she was going to.

Random Boxing Ring: Jason is in some random room. Is this a room in the Penthouse? down the hall from the Unfortunate Pink Room? Regardless, he punches a punching bag with a great deal of vigor. Alas, he doesn't do it shirtless. I really don't understand the point of a soap character who doesn't angrily punch while shirtless. Nick on Y&R would be in boxer briefs for this scene, is what I'm saying.

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Casa de 3's a Crowd: Loo and John enter Loo's new room. Geesh, if this is the "big" room, I feel bad for Maxie. also, how vile to rent an apartment that comes with a mattress. Throw that creepy thing OUT post haste! but instead they just passionately collapse on the old, used sheets.

Ducktard Junction: Someone named Eric shows up, and Nadine is glad to see him. Nik is bored....oh, sorry, I mean jealous.

Jason's Penthouse: Carly shows up in a trenchcoat. Back in the day, she'd have a negligee on under that coat. Carly sensed something is wrong. Jason says he can never be with Liz and can never be a father to Jakeson. Carly is confused and says she thought he made that decision when Chucky was shot. He admits he's been meeting with Liz in secret. Dude, you met like 3 times with her in secret. Stupid show. Jason sits and says after the newest The Danger, he can't be with her. Carly decides to actually be a good friend and not insult Liz and asks him to talk to her.

Corinthaus: Ric says Claud is opening herself up for a world of misery, and he can't stand to watch it. Claud says she'd be sad to miss him. She reasonably asks what he wants her to say. She's only ever trusted her brother, so now she's supposed to trust him b/c they are outsiders and great in bed. He hotly says that's exactly what he's saying. She thinks maybe he just wants to take his brother's wife. He gets hotly insulted and starts to leave. She begs him to stay and reminds him she's a contradictory mess and that he knew that going in. She says she still thinks their being together is a hotass goal, but she needs time to get what she needs from Sonny.

Metrocourt: If every line Kate and Sonny uttered meant $3000 was donated to the charity of my choice, I still don't think I could pay attention. Mostly because fashionista kHate is wearing the ugliest top ever. It's like she put on an ugly white long sleeved shirt, with a hideous ruffle collar, and then an ugly black vest with gray slanted stripes, and then someone cut off the long sleeves of the white shirt, but left some of the white shirt sticking out past the edge of the vest. I hate it. I hate her hair, too. She tells Sonny she slept with Jax. He has the nerve to be hurt. She manages to tell him to stuff his sorries in a sack and leaves.

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Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli points out that Maxie's room is only a foot smaller than Loo's room. He also says she can see the harbor. He's mostly concerned that she's embracing the move for its own merits and not b/c of him and Mac. Maxie promises it's for herself she's moving. We hear Johnny and Looloo grunting and laughing. Spinelli goe sto ask them to be quiet, but Maxie says he can't interrupt them having sex. the grunts and laughs are very loud, and there is much rumbling. I hope we cut to to a scene of their moving furniture b/c otherwise, this is incredibly loud and mock-worthy sex they are having. If a guy kept shouting "yeah! Alright!" during sex, I'd have to laugh and leave. Spinelli does just that. Maxie refuses to be chased away. first investment: sound proofing!

GH: Sonny and Mike gossip about khate sleeping with Jax. Sonny hops all around like a weirdo and says he's dealing with it by finding out who shot khate. and honestly, idiot, what does it really matter? She still slept with Jax. You still will always only go to Carly. Sonny explains the stupid plan to know all of Wheel's men, and they will only....oh, you know what. I just remembered I don't care about this. I don't accept the premise that anyone is afraid of Sonny. I don't accept the premise that Claud wouldn't see through Sonny. Also, why does Sonny suddenly NOW have all kinds of patience? His best friend BEGGED him, not on bended knee b/c they don't roll like that anymore, but still, he BEGGED him for patience, but Sonny couldn't be bothered. Sonny basically is who almost got Jakeson killed, but he's not in trouble in the least for it...yet NOW he's Mr. Patience?

Jason's Penthouse: Violins of Sorrow mournfully sound as Jason explains that his son's life was held in the balance, and he could do almost nothing to save him. He laments that nobody is safe around him. Carly remembers that she's his best friend, and just tearfully embraces him.

courthouse: Liz says she's the worst mother in the world. Lucky lies that she's not. She admits she put her needs above her kids. Lucky kindly points out that he's screwed up a lot, and she always forgives him. She smiles in appreciation of this sentiment. Liz admits that Jason set up a trust fund for Cam and Jakeson. Lucky is concerned it's mob money, but she says Jason made it look like it was coming from Emily. She says it's important that Jason be able to do this, and Lucky concedes. He says he knows she's going to make a great life for her boys, and if she ever feels like she's going to fall, he'll be there to catch her. Aw. She tearfully thanks him for being such a good friend and a good dad to the boys. he offers her a ride home.

Sam's Apartment: In the midst of all this, Sam decided to go shopping. She has some stupid kind of building with only a street entrance. Hilariously, the Russians park directly in front of her building. In what is clearly not a parking spot. She hides as Sascha and Belvedere go into her building. Then she insanely breaks into the van....the mobster van that doesn't have an alarm system, and she climbs into the back of their van. See, Sam, I'm all down with your Danger Girl thing, but you actually do need back up. Why not leave a quick text for someone before doing this incredibly stupid thing?

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Casa de 3s a crowd: the laughing and giggling continues. Maxie tries not to be annoyed. She then clops down the incredibly long hallway to call Loo and John rude...omg, how gigantic is this place? I'm guessing it's around 1400 square feet, which for a "crappy" 2 bedroom apartment is insanely huge. Oh, I was right. Loo and John were just moving furniture.

Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny talk about trust and such. he agrees with her that it's needed. She says someone has to make the first move, and he leans in for a kiss.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home, and Jason is all business. he wants to know about The Danger and where their money came from. The hell? they didn't do this 3 months ago when the Russians showed up? Worst Mobsters Ever! Jason asks if there are empty rooms in maxie's building. Spinelli says it's a desirable building so he doubts it. wait, what? I thought it was the only affordable place in town? I don't understand Port Charles. Jason thinks Spinelli should move out to protect Spinelli. Spinelli stands to make a case for staying, but all that matters is El Laptopo is totally being jackaled by someone else!

Sam's Apartment: Sam "hides" in the back of a van while sascha and Belvedere come out of her building. I say "hide" because don't any of you who drive bigass SUV's think you'd notice a human being breathing in your vehicle?

the end

GH Recap 12/11: Day after caps

Emma's Closet: Robin whines about her kid. Patrick assures her. But Emma is crying as Patrick holds Emma, so it seems like her theory is wrong. Robin hates her baby, though, so she leaves in a huff. Poor Baby.

Corinthaus: I guess Olivia wanders around town with a fresh change of clothes? Because it's morning at Corinthaus, and she's in new clothes...and that blouse would clearly need to be ironed. Claud snottily tells Olivia she's better now and should leave. Sonny walks in and Olivia asks if that's what Sonny wants.

Liz's Mansion: Lucky and Liz bring the boys home.

Courthouse: Sam and Jason discuss that they have to give testimony. Jason doesn't want Sam to get in trouble, but she says she made a choice and will answer for the things she did.

Credits

Corinthaus: Claud does the Port Charles Gazette crossword puzzle in pen. Sonnny agrees that Olivia would be better off not here (meaning around Claud's bitchiness). Olivia decides to walk home to Kate's, but she has to talk to Sonny first and almost accidentally tell him about his son 8 times.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie breezes in, delighted that she and Looloo have the apartment now. I don't get why it's partially furnished with stuff from the 80's. I do love that it has the exact same mantle that is in one of my mom's rooms. Maxie says the house has potential, but Looloo the horrible only sees the hard work. Maxie says she gets the bigger bedroom, because it has the bigger closet, and she has better clothes. Even I couldn't argue with that. (and I'd have been the roommate with the crappy clothes)

Q Manse: Tracy and Edward remember that ELQ is a company. They complain that the stock is down. Gee, writers, how topical. They complain about how Tracy's gallavanting after Luke affected the company. Or, you know, maybe it's the planetary recession. Luke runs in to pretend he's drunk because he knows he can behave however he wants, and she won't divorce him. Luke, I've seen people take this tact on Survivor. They assume being a jerk will get them to the finals b/c no one would vote for them, but eventually they overstay their welcome and are snuffed. Con cuidado, is what I'm saying.

Liz's Manse: Liz is in the mood to be nice to Lucky this week and to be thankful for his help. Why is she wearing my Christmas napkins as a shirt? They decide to go on a family outing. Liz gets a call that causes Music of Malady to play. Liz is concerned by the call and says The Danger is not over after all.

Courthouse: You'll be happy to know that Jason's cuts are 10 times more healed than they were the day before. Sam remains in such a philosophical mood lately. She says she feels like Dorothy and has been living the excitement of flying monkeys and opium naps, but now she's back in Kansas and it's all lacking vibrancy. She laughs at her metaphor, saying he hasn't seen the Wizard of Oz and doesn't know what she's talking about. Jason, is Superjase, though, so he turned on his metaphor translator program and solemnly says he does understand.

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Park Bench: Mac finds Robin. Did she call him, or did he randomly run into her. I love that this park is like Central Park, and you can hear the traffic noises in the distance. My friends and I tried to post to you once when we visited NYC, but we couldn't do it from our phone. I still feel stupid that we never made it to the Whole Foods in Union Square to visit the produce section and give our regards to Michael. Anyways, Robin whines about her baby.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo's hair is so long lately. Maxie adds that she's going to have to listen to Loo and Johnny go at it, so she gets the big room. Looloo takes off her coat and snots "jealous much?" Spinelli visits, and Maxie and Looloo drape themselves over him. Maxie says he's here just in time. Spinelli cutely asks "dare I ask for what?" and it's a visual joke and normally the music starts going "brown chicken brown cow" if this were a different type of movie. But it's just this soap, so the Strings of Silliness plink away. Looloo says they need an unbiased opinion. Maxie interrupts and angrily asks "should someone get the bigger bedroom just b/c they plan on having sex?"

Spencer Home: Liz has changed out of her Christmas napkin shirt. She has to go to court, I guess. She tells Lucky that when she thinks about what she did to her boys, it makes her sick. She needs to face this, so she never has to think about it again. (until she falls for Dante)

Courthouse: The music becomes sort of ephemeral. Jason comments to Sam that she stayed calm the whole time. She says she's just glad she could help. Diane comes out to call them in. For some dumb reason they are being interviewed together. We meet Special Agent Thoma Raynor. He used to be Grant Harrison on Another World. I wish I was watching that show right now. He pops a mint and leans forward to angrily says "The report reads like a wild west movie with Russians." He gives the body count and asks why they both shouldn't be charged with murder. I guess because neither has council present, so any charges wouldn't stick?

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Q Manse: Luke acts like a big ol' drama queen and says he thinks he can drink himself to liver failure in a matter of weeks. Tracy suggests he go suck some fruit in France. She doesn't exactly say that, but close enough. Luke says this is not about Laura. He stands up an stumbles to her and starts to kiss her, but she blanches and says there is no alcohol on his breath, and he's faking.

Corinthaus: Sonny assures Olivia she's welcome to stay, but he honestly thinks she better. He tells her to be more careful next time. Um, what, the next time she walks home? Look out for Russians? What a stupid show. Olivia is sad for Sonny's life. he grumpily tells her not to be sad b/c he knows what he's doing. But he sinks back on the couch and stares ahead and looks so crazy and angry and bitter, that even I feel a little bad for the guy. Olivia sadly says that the first time he said he knew what he was doing was when he started down the path towards mobsterdom. She says he does know what he's doing, and he knows exactly how much it will cost him.

SA Raynor's office: Sam and Jason tell the story to Raynor. Thankfully, we cut ahead for big chunks of the story. OMG< I forgot Jason and Sam were trapped in a papier mache mine for awhile there. Raynor is doing this annoying thing where he's pretending to have a deep and gravelly voice. Either that or the actor playing him is a two pack a day man. He asks whose idea was it to get Jakeson themselves without calling the cops. Jason and Sam intone at the same time "mine."

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Raynor's Office: Sam says it was the only viable plan, given the situation. Raynor is dubious that this pint sized woman going into roadhouse full of armed Russian mobsters was a good idea. When he puts it like that, it does sound incredibly ill advised. Now Raynor is over enunciating his words, like he's that Elf King guy from the Matrix. What is that actor's name? I love that guy. He enunciates that the report indicates they acted in defense of a minor child (so what was with the wild west jabs and the murder charge earlier?), and he's prepared to drop it.

Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie adn Loo argue about the room. Maxie points out that she wants to be a success, and Looloo is just a dilettante. Spinelli wisely points out that they should decide up front things like sharing refrigerator space and cleaning and shopping duties. Truer words were never spoken, but boys are smart and girls are dumb, so they still only care about the big room. Shut up, Guza. They consider drawing cards for the room. Why not flip a coin? I doubt either woman carries a deck of cards around. Johnny shows up and Loo says she can't wait to show him her room, as soon as it's hers.

Q Mansion: I love these actors, but the repetition is beyond annoying. Tracy finally convinces Luke she's done with him, so he angrily says he's going on a bender. Oh, that's so charming! Luke leaves and Tracy runs after him, but Alan stops her and mocks her for still caring. He asks what she'd do if Luke really did drink himself to death. Oh, lord, we aren't going to have an It's a Wonderful Like Tracy-style this year, are we?

Corinthaus: Sonny confides to Max about this big, stupid plan that he thinks the Z's shot Kate and wants to find out from Claud if this is true, so he's going to pretend that she's getting to him.

Courthouse: Jason and Sam are done with the questioning. Sam points out that Sascha got away with all of this unscathed. Jason's eyes grow dark and murdery and he says he'll handle her. Sam exhales sharply and answers "not if I see her first." Aw, those two crazy, cold blooded killin' kids. How can they not see how right they are for each other? It's like in the Gift of the Magi when Della cut off her long hair and braided it into a noose and killed their enemy, while Jim sold his watch in exchange for a Glock and also killed the same enemy? So romantic!

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Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli and Johnny are going to pick cards. High card gets the big bedroom. Spinelli draws a Jack. Maxie is giddy. Johnny pulls the ace of spades....which, these people are such losers, that they didn't make devil hands and sing "the ace of spaaaaades" like they are in a Motorhead video. Looloo then announces it's good she has the big room b/c Johnny will be living with them. That is such horseshit. Spinelli objects.

Park Bench: honk honk! There goes the bus! Also, I think kids are playing on the swingset devoted to Chucky. Mac tries to encourage Robin not to hate her baby so much. Patrick shows up and happens upon them. Just like in Central Park where you can just easily happen upon someone else on a bench. Because it's not gigantic at all. it's not like you can wear yourself out walking through a 1/3 of it.

Sam's Apartment: Sam wanders around her drab, gray, Kansas apartment and tries to unclick her heels. Lucky shows up and embraces her, saying he's glad she's safe. Did they really not have this conversation in the 24 hours she's been home?

Courthouse: Diane goes over business with Jason and says he and Sam made a good impression. Jason stares at Liz approaching. Diane realizes he's not listening and says he's on fire. He just tells her he can go. She warns against a heart to heart with Liz, but realizes she's talking to herself, so she leaves. Jason asks how jakeson is and if she's here to make a statement. She says Jakeson is fine, and she's here to meet Raynor. He gravely asks her to ask Raynor to explain to her how the Russians died.

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Emma's Closet: Patrick cutely dancese with a bundle of coats. I think there's supposed to be a baby in there. I don't know who invented putting animal ears on baby coats, but may I just say I love that person? Cutest idea ever!

Corinthaus: Oh, so who had "3 days" before Sonny romanced Claud with his cooking? You won $85 in the pool! Claud cutely picks up Sonny's plate of food and exchanges it for hers (in case it's poisoned). Tomato basil soup and sausage and pepper paninis. I gotta say, the soup almost doesn't look gross. The panini looks like a fat patty melt, though. She says breaking bread with someone is a nice gesture. She's touched, but asks what it's going to cost her.

Sam's Apartment: Lucky explains that he's wanted to be with her, but it didn't feel right to leave the boys last night. Fair enough. He says the doctor has given Jakeson a clean bill of health. Sam still feels guilty, but Lucky assures her that he and Liz both feel gratitude. he says he wants to get back to them, and he kisses her, but Sam pulls away.

Courthouse: Liz looks at her lap and asks why he wants her to hear how the Russians died. He softly says "because Jakeson would have died the same way" He says the Russians fired, and he fired back, and Jakeson's chance of dying increased with every bullet he fired. Liz tries to stop him, but he angrily says the room Jakeson was in was 10 feet from the gunfire. He repeats that number "10 feet!" he says if Sam didn't get him out of the building, he'd be dead. Liz stares mournfully at him.

The End

GH Recap: 12/9: Free Will(ie)

Crimson: Mac continues to tell Spinelli to stay away from Maxie. She insists her life is better with Spinny in it. Mac says she won't have a life if Spinelli is around. Spinelli says he won't leave Maxie's side. Then we go to more promos for the day for some reason, so I don't know what just happened.

Corinthaus: Sonny angrily asks what happened to Olivia, who is bleeding all over his sofa.

Spencer Home: Liz reunites with Jakeson. Lucky brings Cameron out, and Cam cutely greets his baby brother, who so clearly has a different father, it's not even funny at this point. Jason watches his family that he can't have because he prefers killing people and acts all anguished about his free will.

Credits

Spencer Home: Lucky asks who wants popcorn. Cameron pipes up "meeee! Yayyyy!" Lucky brings the boys in so that Liz can tell Jason that her heart is so full of gratitude. Jason softly says Liz should thank Sam.

Crimson: Mac forbids Maxie from seeing Spinelli while she's living under his roof. If she can't abide, she has to find her own place to live, and he's cutting her off, meaning she can't take the car. Well, how old is Maxie by now? Isn't it more than past time she be on her own regardless? Spinelli tries to intervene. Maxie says she isn't turning her back on Spinelli, so if she has to live on her own and take public transportation, so be it. Mac says he's not backing down, but clearly neither is Maxie. Mac can only snottily say "proud of yourself?" to Spinelli and leave. Maxie says it's time to move out anyway, so she can't give in to Mac's blackmail.

Metrocourt: Carly and Jax are all gross and breathy and flirty. I've seen this particular scene 18 times now. I don't believe that's an exageration.

Corinthaus: Olivia explains about meeting a blond Russian woman. Claud mocks Patrick that his first instinct was to bring a stabbed woman here instead of a hospital. Sonny asks why Olivia didn't go to a hospital and she says "my son." She manages not to say "don't tell Sonny he's the father", though, and we've learned how impossible that is for her to avoid saying every chance she gets.

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Corinthaus: Olivia explains her son will flip if she goes into the hospital again. Does he check the hospital rolls every single day, or something? Why would he know if she was in the hospital? She's going to be lying to him by not saying she was stabbed, anyway, and it will be super lame when she gets a staph infection from using strings from a tennis racket to sew her up. She doesn't want Kate to know either. (Claud had suggested Max and Milo carry her over to Kate's and drop her off.) Sonny agrees to let her be carried upstairs.

metrocourt: Jax and Carly talk.

Mac's House: Robin visits and defends Spinelli, that he's a good friend and would take a bullet for her. Mac says that this is his point: hanging around Spinelli means Maxie might actually be in the line of fire for a bullet.

Crimson: Maxie is proud of Spinelli for standing up to Mac. He thanks her, but thinks Mac had good points. He's worried about blow back from his mobster ties. Maxie has had the mobsterlabotomy that broads get on this show and has a big, cheery blind spot when it comes to The Danger. She just knows that she's a better person for knowing Spinelli, and having him in her life is non-negotiable. Spinelli says he's impressed with her passion. She says she can only say this once: he's funny and wonderful and smart, and having the choice between one hour with him and happily ever after with someone else, she picks him. Maxie thinks Mac is a mess b/c he misses Georgie, and she's a career woman now and should have her own place. Spinelli offers her Stone Cold's house as a temporary place. She doesn't think that's smart, and assumes Jason and Sam are going to "bang like bunnies" after their adrenaline rush.

Spencer Home: Sam humbly says Jason did all the work, and she was just there to resist. Liz stares at Jason and says she's forever indebted to Sam. Sam is surprised and says Liz doesn't owe her anything. Liz goes back to staring at Jason and tells Sam she's sure Lucky will want to thank her himself. Liz goes inside, and Sam asks Jason if he's alright. He has sad, brimming eyes. Lucky rushes out to embrace Sam and say he's glad she's safe.

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Mac's House: Maxie shows up in a fur coat. I hope that is faux! She angrily tells Mac and Robin not to gang up on her. Mac gently tries to make amends and says she's welcome here. She says she appreciates his concerns, but her moving out isn't about Spinelli. She thinks it's time she stand on her own.

metrocourt: carly and jax. Jax has just now figured out that he can't have a life with Carly. He accepts his own blame in the relationship. She cries that she didn't want their life to be about blame and regret. Well, then maybe not so much with the cheating on him ever few months and picking your exes over him over and over again.

Spencer Home: Lucky asks if they thought about calling the police. Sam says the considered it, but Jason thought it would put Jakeson in the middle of a stand off, so they just went for it. Lucky is kind of a jerk about it, but Sam stiffens and points out that Jakeson is home. Lucky relents and agrees this is the point, but he and Sam clearly are going to have to pout and be defensive about this respectively. Lucky goes back inside.

Corinthaus: Sonny and patrick have a drink and talk about fatherhood and Robin. Patrick says he's getting the hang of it and Robin will adjust. Patrick finishes his drink and asks if these are Sonny's only questions. I always love a character who openly can't stand Sonny and puts on a facade of politeness. Sonny asks if Patrick thinks he should call Olivia's son and tell him about her injury. Patrick tries not to gulp to noticeably.

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metrocourt: Jax asks what the definition of insanity. (the answer is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results), but Carly says something about two people who love each other but are getting a divorce. No, Carly, that's the answer for the question: Who are my least favorite characters on the show at this point and what are they doing? Jax gives Carly his ring as she sobs in protest.

Corinthaus: Patrick says it's not up to him how he deals with Olivia's family. Sonny says he knows, but then basically goes on to indicate that he doesn't know. He rambles on that Olivia was like a cat? the hell? Is that a euphemism for her lady parts? Sonny needs to know if Olivia is really okay. Patrick says Olivia is fine, and there's no medical need to alert her family. He says it should be up to Olivia when she tells her family. Sonny again says he knows, but who knows what he thinks he heard Patrick say "Sonny, you are the wisest and sexiest mobster ever, so the world awaits your kingdom" or something along those lines is my guess. SOnny sends his well wishes to Robin. Claud shows up to add "and tell her we are married and accepting gifts" heh. That is mightily obnoxious.

Mac's Home: The least realistic thing I've ever seen is that Maxie is already packed. Also, why is she moving out in the middle of the night? No matter how career-wise or independent you are, you can't rent a new place at midnight. Maxie thanks Mac for his wisdom and support and for giving them a place to call home. Robin sweetly agrees. Mac tells Maxie to go out there and reclaim her life and that fashion career, and go and be the best she can be "I now you will. You'll dazzle the world." aw. Maxie says she has to leave before she cries, and she hugs him, promising to tell him where she's staying. She hugs Robin and leaves. Mac says he can't imagine how quiet this house is going to be. Robin says it's hard, but for the best. Mac teases that Emma is just a baby, but he can't wait to hear the song she sings when Emma is grown and leaving, hitching her star to a junior mobster. Robin laughs and blanches and says "ack, thanks for that picture." But it is true. When Emma and Jakeson fall in love in 12 years (when they are 22) , it is going to be hard on Robin!

Mob Mobile: Jason drives Sam home. She says she hurt her hip when she jumped from the window. Sam waxes philosophic. It must be all those law classes she's taking. She's glad to be alive and that Jakeson is safe. She worriedly asks Jason if he thinks Jakeson was okay. She pictures him in her mind and then reassures herself with a laugh that he was calm and steady, and says he was like Jason. Jason's big blue eyes are bright red from almost crying, and he forlornly laments that he doesn't want Jakeson to be like him, "I hope he doesn't even remember me."

Commercials

Mac's House: Mac puts on his coat to go off to work and distract himself. Does this mean he'll actually be competent? Patrick shows up at this point. Patrick and Robin talk about their busy nights, and how Patrick had to save Olivia. Robin teases that there must have been a reward involved. Patrick says he doesn't even see other women anymore. I wonder if it's like how color is for Stephen Colbert. Patrick just sees a human form, but has no idea what the gender is, unless it's Robin?

Corinthaus: Claud angrily flips through a magazine. I think it's called "SMARM" magazine. That is kind of awesome that someone went to the trouble to make a fake magazine called Smarm. Claud and Sonny bicker about a woman being in the house. Sonny insists Olivia is not into him. Sonny says he's only in love with Kate.

Mob Mobile: Sam asks Jason about telling Liz and Lucky that she saved Jakeson. She says Jason isn't giving himself enough credit, and she lists all he did. He angrily interrupts to say he's also the one who set off the explosion, and this was not the first time he put Jakeson in danger. He swears it will be the last. oops, I hope you aren't swearing on the inconstant moon, or anything Jason, because it monthly changes its circled orb.

Commercials

Carly's House: Or, is this a room at Metrocourt? because it's not all blue and chocolate colored. Maybe this is her bedroom. She holds a picture of Chucky riding a bike and cries that she misses him so much. She knew no man would like being second to Sonny. She then says there is just a small place that belongs to Sonny. She thinks she's either finally growing up or a complete fool. I can't follow what's going on her her bizarre Sonny addiction and her need for other men to like it, when she herself can't bear for another man to have so much as a conversation with another woman. Shut up, Carly's nonsense. Just go set some files on fire or cheat on someone. I don't need self reflection from a crazy person.

Corinthaus: Olivia comes downstairs and Sonny says whoever did this will pay. Claud hilariously yells 'oh come ON' and tells Sonny that he shouldn't invite more trouble just b/c Olivia eavesdropped. She starts yelling about The Danger and Mr. Mad chuckles from his office and says he loves that there are "Russians" involved in this soap. Olivia tells Claud something that makes Olivia smirk and puts Claud in her place.

Spencer Home: Lucky reads a story to the boys, while all of them sit in a big pile as warm and loving as the puppy pile.

Sam's Apartment Building: Jason thanks Sam again. She says she owed him and Liz. He says that's done now. They wait for Rie Sinclair to start singing their song, but she doesn't, so Sam says goodnight and goes inside. Jason gets back in the Mob Mobile and tries to figure out where to go now that won't hurt his kid.

The end.

GH Recap 12/1: Jake Leg

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving.

Kate's Beige House: Jax and Kate make love on the floor in front of the fire, as you do. Carly walks in with a gun in her hand and lets tears fall. But then she only dumps the bucket of ice for the champagne on them and asks if they are even now.

ZHouse: The Marriage continues.

Desolate Cabin: Sam hops in Jason's car and says that Liz and Cam are safe, and it's only been 2 minutes since The Danger left. Jason drives off, and Liz walks out of the house, clutching Cam. She waves a towel at Jason and sobs "Dammit Jason, you go find my baybeeee!"

Credits

Z'House: Preacher Man pronounces Sonny and Claud married and then stammers that it's traditional to kiss the bride. Sonny pulls Claud into a violent embrace and kisses her. So ridiculous.

Kate's Beige House: Jax puts his pants on while Carly yells at him. She says she slept with Sonny b/c she was really, super sad, but Jax is just mean. She says she never set out to hurt him. Jax says he never did either. Kate growls that Carly basically shoved Jax into her arms.

Roadside: Johnny and Looloo have stopped driving and are standing around in the freezing upstate New York night and trying to figure out where to go next. They figure their choices are south or west because north is cold and east becomes water after awhile. Loo says her family was on the run for years before she was born, and they went to so many places. She thinks it's her turn to be a real Spencer and be on the road with the man she loves.

Mob Mobile: Sam stares at her phone, willing it to get reception. She finally gets some and reports a kid was kidnapped, and there is still a woman with a young child. Jason listens panic stricken and winces when Sam mentions he was wearing a onesie. She loses reception before they can say anything. Sam says he missed the car by two minutues. He slams his fist into the dashboard and laments that he had no idea his son was in the car he passed.

Desolate Cabin: Liz cradles Cam and cries in his ear that it's okay, and Jason and Sam are going to bring his brother back. She sobs that she should have never brought him here, and he was so brave. She promises she'll never let anything like this happen again. Suddenly there comes a pounding on the door. the door with no latch or windows. What a polite intruder...or idiot.

Commercials

Desolate Cabin: Liz asks Cam to hide, and he smiles really big. Maybe he somehow inherited some stupid from Lucky. Speaking of whom, it's Lucky at the door. Liz tells him The Danger took Jake.

We cut back and forth from Liz and Sam explaining to Lucky and Jason respectively about how Sam went to get firewood and saw Stolichnaya. Sam explains they realized the phone lines were cut. Liz says Sam shot one with a shotgun, and it was so loud. Sam explains that she was out of bullets, so she tried to create a diversion, and a bad guy came in, and she was in serious trouble, so Liz shot him. Liz laments, babe in arms, that she killed a man, and her son is gone. Honestly, how do you say that while holding a kindergartner? Sam asks if he thinks Jason knew Jakeson was her. Jason says he doesn't know. Sam incredulously says "Jason, it was a trap, and your son was the bait."

Z'House: Wedding Reception. How do you get a nice wedding cake in the middle of the night? I mean, even if you have all the money in the world, it still takes time to bake the cake and roll the fondant and cover it just right. Sonny and Claud cut the cake. Or, more accurately, they mangle it. and they mangled the top that you are supposed to freeze and save for the first anniversary. Man, they are going to be so embarassed when they realize that a year from now! Wheels makes a toast to peace and prosperity to them all. Then he announces "wedding's over. claud, make yourself scarce, we have business." Sonnny puts his arm around Claud and says she's not going anywhere.

Kate's Beige House: Jax and Carly yell at each other about their boinking tally. Kate yells at Jax and tells him not to engage, just let her tucker herself out and leave. Carly scoffs that they will regret this. She says she's been holding onto the marriage, but she's over that now. Then she vows to destroy Connie. She leaves in a puffy-haired huff. Kate gulps. The air, not the champagne.

Roadside: Loo and Johnny hop into the tiny backseat for some very awkward Penthouse Forum type of fumbling sex. But a cop yells out for them to get out of the car. Loo says they were just looking at the stars, and then condescendingly points at the sky to show the cop what stars are. The cop is understandably not amused and says he'll charge them with sucking the life out of the show...er...lewd behavior. Looloo again scoffs openly at a cop and says he should arrest a bank robber or a drug dealer. Copper decides that he'll just arrest Johnny. For some reason, Looloo finds this surprising. Looloo hasn't met too many cops has she?

Haunted Star: Nik finds Luke, and they share a drink, and Nik informs Luke about his conversation with Laura. Things are going well for her. Luke hopes she's enjoying her independence. Nik asks if he is. Luke says he always enjoys his independence, but he does miss his wife. Nik wisely asks "which one?" and Luke hides his answer in the bottom of this glass.

Commercials

Z'House: Sonny says he will do business at Corinthaus and not here. Sonny orders Ric to hotly call a meeting with the Lieutenants. Wheels says that the meetings need to be here and sooffs that he's supposed to trust Sonny. Claud purrs that he is b/c that's why he made Sonny marry Claud. Sonny and Claud leave arm in arm. Ric hotly laughs and says to Wheels "well, ya wanted better or worse. Ya got it!" Then he hotly puts his hands in his pockets and saunters off to be hot elsewhere. Wheels and Trevor don't like this turn of events.

Haunted Star: Luke and Nik have a nice conversation about thinking you've found The One, only to lose her and then be suprised when you find The Other One. Nik says he never sees his life lessons coming, they just smack him upside the head. Nik asks how Luke could let Laura go to Paris without him when he loved her so much. Luke solemnly says he's married to Tracy now, and he can't just dump her whenever Laura is out of Catatonia. Luke laments that Tracy overheard him tell Loo that he would have gone with Laura to paris if she'd asked. he says he just meant to get Laura settled, but he knows Tracy won't buy that. He bitterly laughs that Tracy will never trust him again. and then he drinks.

Roadside: Copper asks for ID, which seems like a weird thing to do after someone is already in cuffs. I've watched enough Cops to know that is atypical. Copper stutters when he realizes Johnny is a Z. He uncuffs Johnny and apologizes. Johnny is annoyed that he's being given special treatment and starts acting out to the cop. he says if he can park in an unsafe place, then he can do anything right? and he shoves the cop. Match made in heaven, John and Loo!

Z'House: Ric hotly comes back and hotly licks at the cake. Wheels demands that Ric still has to report to him. ric asks why Wheels is so upset, because his plan is going as he wanted it to. Wheels chastises that it would be a mistake for Ric to hotly work with Sonny against him. Ric says Sonny hasn't been his brother for a very long time. "He made his choice, now I'm making mine." Then he leaves again. Also? I think Sonny and Claud had a red velvet cake.

Mob Mobile: Sam warns that she believes this is a trap. Jason interrupts her and won't listen. Sam starts to apologize for letting Jakeson be kidnapped, but he again snaps at her and tells her not to go there now. Sam quietly says she really has to say this b/c she's been realizing how horrible she was. She says Liz was amazing for her kids tonight. Jason stares ahead with watery, worried eyes. She senses she's bothering him, so she puts her head down, but she can't help but to finish and promise that she knows she owes it to Liz and Jason to do everything she can to get Jakeson back. They've reached their destination and get out of the car.

Commercials

Corinthaus: Milo and Max carry Claud's bags in. Max says "welcome home Mrs...uh...Nu Mrs C." they all share an awkward giggle. Sonny asks Milo to set Claud up in a room overlooking the lake. Milo doofs "your room, sir?" But Max shuts him up. They go upstairs. Sonny offers Claud a drink, and she asks how their wedding compared to all his other ones. He says it was just business, but he must like her b/c she gets ice in her water. He never even did that for Brenda!

Roadside: Copper tries to get Johnny to quit being an idiot b/c of how he can actually arrest or shoot him at will. Johnny petulantly says he doesn't want to calm down. Copper angrily tells Loo to take Johnny somewhere to chill out. Then big, bad Johnny sucker punches the Cop and knocks him out. THEN big, bad Johnny hops in the car and runs away like the worst combination of a sissy and a bully. He sat around goading this cop. He knocked him out and left him in the cold December night in upstate New York, but he's just going to drive away b/c he actually DOESN'T want to face consequences. Johnny sucks.

Z'House: Carly shows up to see Trevor. He says he's been banished from the inner circle. She says this is about Kate. She somehow learned that Trevor called to check up on Kate every day she was in the hospital, and she's curious about his motives. Trevor jumps to the point and asks what she wants. She takes her drink and wigglingly says "what if I could give you your Katy back?"

Desolate Cabin: More cops have shown up, and Liz is warily giving them a statement. Liz is freaked to learn that the cop hasn't heard from Jason or Sam. Even though there is a dead body, Lucky talks the cop into letting him get the rest of Liz's statement later. They leave.

The Danger Zone: Sam is in the woods and runs into a Russian. She's just a decoy, though, so Superjase can sneak up and knock him out. Apparently they already used all the hot Russians, because this guy is on the balding, tubby side. and by "side" I mean, he could be the quarterback for Team Tubby.

Commercials

Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny talk about Wheels. She says he wants it badly, and that Sonny played it brilliantly. She wants to see her room and asks to be escorted so she doesn't see anything she shouldn't. He reluctantly agrees.

Kate's Beige House: kate sits around and pretends to work, even though it's the middle of the night, and she's already had a bottle of champagne to herself as well as interrupted sex. Olivia comes home and tries to be comforting, but Kate just snaps at Olivia that she could have stopped The Marriage. Oh, I'm remembering why I was calling her Khate now.

Z'House: Carly and Trevor continue to talk about Kate Revenge. Carly points out that Kate dumped Trevor in a humiliating way. Trevor asks if Carly thinks he wants revenge, or wants Khate back. Carly says she doesn't care, she just wants Khate's past to haunt her.

The Danger Zone: Jason and Sam scurry about in the shadows, stalking Russians.

Commercials

Z'House: Trevor says Carly is fired up and wants to land on Khate like the wrath of God (God rolls His eyes and says, Dude, I have covered every scare inch of the planet in frogs when I get bored once. Don't compare this twit to Me.")

Kate's Beige House: Kate laments that Jax came over and Sonny and Carly came by at various inopportune moments. Olivia asks if this is here way of saying she "sproinked" Carly's husband. heh. Olivia tries not to laugh when Khate tells her about Carly's dumping the ice bucket on them. Or maybe that was me trying not to laugh. Regardless, Khate sees all of this as Olivia's fault. Olivia stands up for herself and says Khate is where she is b/c of her choices. She tells Khate to learn to live with her decisions. Khate ignores all this wise advice and snots "is that what you did when Sonny dumped you for me?" and again, Sonny dumped Olivia when they were in high school.

Corinthaus: Sonny starts ordering Ric and Max and Milo around. As per usual, he sounds so laughably ineffectual. Claud appears at the top of the stairs, and she and Ric share a sizzling non-smile. Claud says she thought business could wait, but Sonny stutterbarks that she thought wrong.

Spencer Home: Liz weeps, the bereft weeping of a mother who made one too many mistakes and is now paying the most horrible price. She sinks onto the sofa and sobs that she put herself above her kids, and now Jake is gone. She stares with crazy, sad eyes into space, trying to figure out what to do.

Danger Zone: Sam and Jason are in some sort of catacombs, but the not The Catacombs. New York is a geological wonder is what I'm saying. They find a clue that leads them to believe Jakeson was here recently. But then, of course, the whole place collapses on them. As places with collapsing abilities are wont to do.

The End

GH Recap 11/20: Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner...well..except Liz

Haunted Star: Looloo and her silly curls tells Luke she's surprised Luke didn't go to France with Laura. Luke says he wouldn't leave his wife. He sadly says that he and Laura had their life together, and it was wonderful, but life changes and people change. He hopes Laura is awake for good, and he hopes she moves on and finds a wonderful life for herself. Loo asks if Luke was at least tempted to go with Laura. Tracy, meanwhile, eaveslurks from behind a box tree.

GH: Olivia wraps herself in a sweater and leaves AMA to stop all hell from breaking lose.

Corinthaus: Sonny asks which son Kate means. She says the one who got cheated out of knowing his father, who got left behind. Oh, shut the eff up, Kate. Sonny's beard starts babbling about that they already figured out who is at fault for Chucky. Kate interrupts him and says he doesn't understand.

Docks: Spinelli holds a gun at Stolichnaya, but Stoly only laughs and says Spinelli is a little mouse and backed himself into a corner.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: gunfight ensues. Sam tries to hide behind various wooden crates, presumably hoping some of them contain something metal.

Credits
More...

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Gunfighting continues. Jason drops one of his guns, and it rolls near Sam. She picks it up and shoots someone over Jason's shoulder. Or maybe she's just a crappy aim. It's hard to tell. Jason exclaims "what are you doing?" then he grabs her wrist and drags her out the door. But then 25 more Russians are waiting b/c they obviously would have heard the gunfight, so they kill them both. Or not really. There are never more bad guys than Jason can handle, of course.

Docks: Johnny appears out of nowhere and saves Spinelli. He says it's a fair fight now. Stoli is sad.

Corinthaus: for some bizarre reason, Kate doesn't just flat out say "no, dickhead, you and Olivia have a son, his name is Dante." Instead she listens to Sonny's beard lament that he and Carly did everything they could to protect their kids, or some such lie that these people tell themselves regularly. Sonny says he'd love to see his kids, but he also thinks they are better off without him. Kate idiotically jumps in and says that the pain in his eyes is b/c he's not with his kids, and he should be with his kids. Yes, Kate, Sonny has pain about his kids. Bad parents who endanger their children's lives usually do. It's the wonderful way that kids can be protected from bad parents. The parents don't like feeling bad, so they release their kids to go and have nice, safe lives. Sonny says he sees his kids as much as their mothers will allow. Again, Kate can't finish a thought and only says she's not talking about Carly or Alexis.

Olivia busts in at this point. Sonny asks if she's serious. She asks "do I look serious?" and yes, she indeed looks very serious. Sonny wonders why she left the hospital to come all the way over here. Sonny is really bad at math, y'all. Well, he's bad at just about everything, but logic and math are even moreso not his thing.

Commercials.

Haunted Star: I am torn. On the one hand, Luke is entertaining in this scene. On the other hand: Looloo. Loo says she loves Johnny. Luke says he knows, and Johnny is his partner, and as long as he doesn't hurt Looloo, he's cool with that. "If he hurts you, he dies." Looloo giggles that she knows this is true. har dee har har, the heart warming moments of death threats. They really are the ties that bind. Looloo thankfully leaves. Tracy pretends she didn't hear any of that and briskly enters laughing. She asks if it's safe to say they will be getting back to normal.

Corinthaus: Kate and Olivia snipe at each other. Olivia has no right to her personal business. Kate snots that rights are something, but I have to tune her out b/c of how dreadful she has become. Sonny is all "hello, right here!" Olivia says that Kate is trying to have it her way, like always. She says that no matter what Kate says, Olivia will still have her rights, and that Sonny will still be a gangster. Kate says she has a lot to think about. Olivia says she needs to talk to Sonny. Kate bitterly laughs at this for no good reason and says she'll be at home. Kate leaves, and Sonny asks if he should have a clue what that was about. Olivia says it was Kate making a fool of herself over him.

GH: Looloo walks past the lounge and notices Maxie hiding behind the sofa. A nurse passes, and Maxie yells at looloo for not answering her message and says she needs a ride. Looloo deadpans "to Shadybrook?" heh. Maxie says that Spinelli cut her out of his life after she was jumped, and she's afraid he's going to do something dangerous. They run off to get themselves killed or maimed.

Docks: Johnny gets Stoli and Belvedere to leave their guns and go around a corner. oh, good, the Russians went around a corner, and presumably cease to exist. Johnny and Spinelli toss the Russian guns into the water and hang out like there aren't two dangerous Russians just around the corner. Is that the corner that goes directly to Gitmo, or something? Why are they not concerned that there are two bad guys still right there? Spinelli admits he couldn't fire the gun. He says it like it's a bad thing.

Commercials

Wyndermere: Alfred dodderingly reminds us all that Nik is facing two really stupid storylines at the same time: 1. He's being deported. 2. Something about Indians own the island, but they sold it to Jax, and somehow Nik can't just pull out his own lease of the island and point out that since he's not on month to month and no proper notice was given by him or the Indians, then even if the Indians sell the island, his lease will still convey with the sale. But all of that pales in comparison to the fact that Gidget comes running in and flops herself on the sofa and laments she has to leave town.

Haunted Star: Luke says he's happy to pick up where they left off and continue their marriage. Tracy bitterly chuckles "as if nothing happened?" Luke says nothing really did. She asks if that's true. Ric hotly strolls in. He says that Luke's money laundering past makes Wheels unsure about letting the HS re-open. Luke angrily says that Wheels doesn't get a vote. and seriously, unless there is a board of directors of this casino, why does Wheels get to have more than a vocal opinion?

Jason's Penthouse: Maxie and Looloo rush around jason's unlocked apartment and are killed by all the Russians that would have obviously planted bombs all over this completely unguarded mobster's den. Oh, wait, nope. No bad guys here at all, I guess. They can't find Spinelli. Spinelli and Johnny show up. Maxie embraces and thens smacks Spinelli for making her scared.

Liz's Mansion: Liz and Lucky meet. he says Sam called him and asked him to meet her here, and he heard gunfire. Liz is all indignant "what, so she's coming here, with the kids upstairs." Yes, Liz, just like a few days ago, you were going to bring Jason here...with the kids upstairs. Jason and Sam show up. Liz is all "what? a mob war?" As if she thought that Kate just got shot b/c it was shrapnel from a carnival? As if she thought Jason's burned down and Kelly's burned down because they got stuck in a California wildfire that accidentally got on a bus? As if she thought Sonny was going around threatening a mob war and that nothing would come of that? Is Liz really this stupid? Lucky gets off his phone. I really would like to meet the PCPD dispatch person some day. That dude is like Oz in his all knowingness. Lucky angrily asks Jason if he knows anything about a Russian Warehouse that has shadows coming from every conceivable angle at all times, as if there are 3 sons revolving around it.

Corinthaus: Olivia and Sonny continue to foreplayfight. She says he needs to let Kate go for Kate's own good. or something. You can see also: every other conversation these two have had for the past month.

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GH: ( I forgot to mention that Stolichnaya has entered GH and is rummaging around and clearly up to no good.)

Haunted Star: Tracy asks why Ric is still here. Ric hotly says he's just giving Luke a chance to re-think his position. Tracy says that any threats on Luke's life will be met with a lawsuit and will have the IRS crawling all over the Z's like lice. Luke says his wife makes a good point. Ric hotly says "The Russians are coming." Tracy repeats in a 'the hell?' tone "The Russians are coming?" heh. Luke says the Russians are here. Ric hotly leaves. Luke says he's glad they are still a formidable team. Tracy is way to bitter for sweet talk, though, and she says it's only b/c he doesn't have Laura around.

Jason's Penthouse: Maxie is shocked that Spinelli would think he could kill someone. Spinelli sadly says "yes, The Jackal is a wimp, everyone agrees." Looloo angrily tells him that he's the only one who thinks that. She totally understands that of course he couldn't kill anyone b/c only horrible people kill people. "yes, we are all friends with Jason, but it's IN SPITE of what he does, not because of it" maxie concurs. Johnny tries to not be all "ahem, I kill people" about it.

GH: In full view of an obviously nefarious dude, Piph yells at Kate b/c Maxie and Olivia both checked out of the hospital AMA. "Are all the women around you just fools asking for trouble?" I dunno, Piph, are all the nurses around you completely unethical and discuss patient's business loudly in front of strangers? Wheels rolls up and makes creepy comments at Kate. She says she's a pig and she'd rather die. (than be with him, I think) He tells her to be careful what she wishes for. She gets in the elevator and is clearly not at ease.

Corinthaus: Sonny's beard mumbles that he fell in love with her cousin, and his son was shot. he hopes she never has to know the pain to know something she did ruined her son's life. Olivia apologizes for not being more genteel about calling him a horrible murdering mobster. Sonny talks about when they were children and in love, but she dumped him b/c he was becoming a mobster. He didn't believe she was really dumping him. then he oddly stutters for 10 minutes, and she says "in front Louie's Pizzeria" Um, we get it. You lived in Bensonhurst. Of course you broke up in front of a pizzeria. He says he could never smell pizza the same. that may be the saddest thing I've ever heard. no wonder he's such a miserable cuss. I've had my heart broken, but I'd never let it ruin PIZZA for me. Loser. She asks if he went after Kate immediately just to get back at her.

and aren't we talking about 15 year olds? I suppose there are marked exceptions, but don't most people never think about the person they loved at 15 again...say once they are 17 or older?

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Corinthaus: SOnny admits he was sort of sticking it to Olivia, but he also really fell for Kate. She was unlike anyone he ever met. And again, they are basically talking about people the age of those high school musical kids. I'm sure it really, really, super a lot matters that everyone goes to prom with the right high school musical kid, but does anyone really hope that any of them remain happily ever after for the next 40 years? breaking into song at the drop of a hat when they get their first job? doing choreographed dances when they apply for AARP?

Liz's Mansion: Jason and Lucky bicker. Lucky doesn't want them to go to a safe house that can be traced to Sonny or Jason. Well, the definition of a SAFE HOUSE would be that it CAN'T be traced to Jason or Sonny. Otherwise? It's just a House. Luckily, Lucky totally knows "about a cabin in the woods that can't be traced to anyone." Hi, writers, thanks for reading the message boards! For some reason Jason takes Lucky at his word. Liz stands there fighting back tears. Aw, poor, Liz, if only she'd had some way of knowing that her boyfriend was a dangerous mobster before today!

Wyndermere: I don't know. Something about Aunt Raylene has heart problems, and something about Aunt Raylene does things with horse studs, and she's been asked to ride a horse in an effing parade of some idiotic sort. She tells us the horse's name, and I think it's supposed to be a joke, but she's so annoyingly fake cry-whining that I can't help but to fantasize that the horse's name is "Killsnadine" she promises to come back and marry him and make him a citizen as soon as this is over. For some reason Nik finds all this endearing instead of hateable. He tells her to go and have fun.

Haunted Star: Luke insists his feelings are real. Tracy asks if Laura had asked him to go to paris, would she have gone. Luke says "yes, but my time with her his over" He wants to be with Tracy now. Tracy angrily asks why she's not happy about being a second choice. "I'm Done! This marriage is over!"

Commercials

Haunted Star: Luke says they can work this out. Tracy thinks a second and then says 'nope, not this time.' She says if he'd broken her heart, it could heal. "but you stomped on my pride without a second thought, and I'll never give you a chance to do that again." Luke says he loves her. She chuckles and says he does, until Laura blows back into town. Luke angrily says she doesn't want to do this and doens't want to lose them. "I am the best time you ever sad." Tracy fairly says he's right, and that's what makes this so sad. he says "I won't give up on you, Wife." But she asks him to never call her that again and leaves.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason rushes in and says Liz and the boys are going out of town, so he has nothing to slow him in running the Russians into the ground.

Liz's Mansion: Sam asks Liz not to be mad at Jason for their having to leave. Liz says she's not. Lucky is clearly having an affair with the dispatch person, because he has to leave again. he tells them not to do anything dumb like leave the cabin. Sam says if this is advice for her, she promises not to leave. No matter how itchy that adrenaline itch gets, I guess. But of course there is a Russian hanging out in the bushes. Though, where would his car be? Wouldn't Lucky or Sam or Liz, or heck, even CAMERON notice a car pulls out of their driveway at the same time they do? And really? They don't have a driver that can avoid being followed to drive them? and really? they aren't bringing any guards? WORST MOBSTERS EVER.

corinthaus: Sonny shows up to agree ot marry Claud. Ric hotly looks bummed by this. Sonny makes a Nick Tortelli face, but then he makes this weird grimace/smile, and then goes back to staring. That was nightmarish. But not for any of the reasons Maurice thinks it was.

The End.

GH Recap 11/18: Chim, chiminey

Metrocourt: Jax and McFarty discuss stuff. Carly angrily walks up and asks if Jax said he'd sleep with Kate.

Olivia's Room: Kate eaveslurks on the flirting between Sonny and Olivia. she finally steps into the room and calls them on it.

Wheatgrass Cafe: As 77 from Soapnet hilariously pointed out, Liz stands there in all white, hat, gloves and coat because she rushed to the scene of a fire. She hugs Jason, who was in said fire, but somehow she remains soot free. It's always been the gritty, gritty realism of this show that has me entranced.

Spooky Steps: Spinelli rushes to Maxie's side and clutches her lifeless body.

More...

Metrocourt: McFarty is sort of adorable today. He's wearing a seafoam green shirt and a pretty blue tie. The tie seems to have tic tac toe "x and o's" on it. He has a matching pocket square. I suppose Carly and Jax also bicker about their tedious love. Carly actually has the nerve to be perturbed that Jax spends time with anyone but her. I wish someone would brush her hair.

Olivia's Room: Kate accuses Olivia of hitting on Sonny. of course she doesn't bother to accuse Sonny of anything. Kate says that 100 years ago, Olivia snuck off to meet Sonny at the Feast of San Genarro. Olivia had said that Sonny was no good, but then Kate found her making out with him behind the zeppole stand. I can almost smell the Brooklyn from here. Olivia mockingly says "you're right, Kate, I trapped myself in a burning building, so that I could be near Sonny." Sonny tells Kate she's out of line.

Spooky Steps: Spinelli calls for help.

Wheatgrass Cafe: Liz tells Jason about a patient who lost his love in a drunk driving accident, and how the patient wept for wasted and lost time. I love that General Hospital is like Seattle Grace and that the patients come in and have horrible days, and the idiot doctors and nurses just make these other people's tragedies "all about me." Liz, just b/c that guy lost the love of his life doesn't mean it's safe for your little boys to be around a mobster. To agree with me, beautiful lunkhead Lucky shows up and asks Liz what the heck she's doing. We won't know if he means "hanging out near a fire in all white" or "hanging out with a mobster who is currently under attack by Russian Rapscallions."

Commercials

Chez Zee: Looloo and Johnny hang out in his blue and shadowy bedroom. Oh dear, he says she's the one good and true thing that's ever happened to him. I sense a sex montage coming.

Corinthaus: IT'S RIC. HOTASS RIC LANSING. He waits for Sonny and finds Claud doing the same in the living room. How is it that I have very little power in this world, yet I manage to keep uninvited guests out of my home when I'm not there. Claud teases Ric that they will be in-laws soon. He says he thinks she wants him to talk her out of it. or her clothes. someone talk Ric out of his clothes.

Olivia's Room: Sonny interprets Kate's anger at Olivia to mean that Kate doesn't want Kate and Sonny to be over. Kate says he swore he was committed to her, but at the first opportunity, he ran to Carly. and then Sonny actually says "why do you have to bring that up?" and that is my cue to quit paying any attention to anything he ever says. I'm just going to pretend he's singing songs from The Wiz instead. Sonny eases on down the road, leaving Olivia and Kate alone. Kate tells Olivia that she should admit that she's falling for Sonny all over again.

Wheatgrass Cafe: Lucky points out that Jason is under attack by one of the largest countries on the planet. Liz whimpers away all the affection I've regained for her of late, and she petulantly tells Lucky that he can't tell her what to do. Man, this chick is annoying. Jason softly tells Liz that Lucky is right, so Liz now has not mind of her own and is fine with being told what to do on account of Jason told her so. She lets herself be led away by Lucky. Look, I don't really care if Liz is a good mother or not. No one on the show is, so it doesn't make her anything special, but I do care when a character is as schizophrenic as she is. She's been steadfast in her torturing of Jason, not letting him be around his son, but letting him be around his son just enough that it's cruel and unusual, just enough to keep him devoted and in love with the kid, but never enough to really bond with the kid. So now she's decided that her lady parts are open for business, and she doesn't care what happens to her kids. Fine, but then BE THAT. Don't let Lucky or Jason or anyone tell you otherwise, then, Liz. Send your dopey kids off to boarding school and get your freak on 4 days a week, for all I care. But don't be a petulant whiney baby about it.

Commercials

Can we PLEASE quit calling the "pregnant man" a man? he' s not a man any more than I'm a man. He's a lady on hormones some of the time.

Metrocourt: I hope Nik and Carly end up getting married. I would almost not hate that. Nik tells Carly that Nadine has offered to marry him. He says it jokingly. Carly guffaws at this and says "I bet she has." heh. Nik says he's sure Nadine is just doing him a favor. Why is Nik slowly becoming as dumb as his brother? Nadine shows up and gidgets that since they are engaged, he shouldn't spend too much time with Carly.

GH: Maxie gets wheeled in. Spinelli wants to follow Maxie into the ER, but Shawn Douglas stops him. Spinelli bellows that Maxie would never leave him in the same circumstances. Shawn D softens and says he has to get to work. Layla comes up to comfort Spinelli. Spinelli laments that he found Maxie at the same spot her sister died. he feared it was a repeat of that loss and says it would be unbearable.

Corinthaus: Ric asks Claud what she wants. Claud says her life is simply about survival and entertaining herself. She says being with Ric was surprising and lovely, but over. She's marrying Sonny. She says there will be no love, and if they do it right, they can keep seeing each other. Ric tells Claud that being in The Revenge business with Sonny ended up destroying anything good in his life. Does she know about the panic room? Claud says it will be fine. Ric says Sonny will chew her up and spit her out. Sonny walks in and asks if he threw a party he forgot about.

Olivia's Room: or as I like to think of it: refill the diet coke time.... mmm, refreshing! Olivia is still blathering that she knew sonny was not just going through a phase. Then she loudly and clearly enunciates that she will never tell Dante that Sonny is his father. Knock Knock. Who's there? Jason. Jason who? jason was standing 5 feet away near an open door but couldn't hear anything that was just said even though normally Jason can be standing on another continent and know what color your socks are. Do y'all not know that knock knock joke?

Commmercials

Chez Zee: Loo and Johnny bask in the afterglow, happy that they know they will count on their love for each other from now on.

Maxie's Room: Shawn Douglas assures Spin that Maxie is just bruised and will wake up soon. Spinelli says he knows only family can visit, but Shawn D is totally cool about it and lets Spinny sit bedside. Spinelli gives one of those gorgeous speeches that can only be transcribed verbatim to give the full effect. He says what he felt was that the world would no longer be manageable if she were not in it. He says "fair and cherished Maximista....Maxie. I love you." Aw. Maxie stirs and smiles openly at him, and my eyes grow warm.

GH: Liz is still bitchfacing left and right that she is so big and tough and can make her own decisions, except she is neither big nor tough and she has yet to make her own decision about just about anything...except maybe this get up she's wearing. Sam is there, but Liz asks to speak to Lucky alone. Liz tries to draw a comparison between Sam and Lucky and their confusing drug running bribery that was going on with Jerry. I love that I watch every day, and Liz and I have the exact same understanding of that plot line, which is to say: very little. and that she thinks it's stupid too. Lucky gently tells Liz that Jason is a MOBSTER who is a MOBSTER FOR A LIVING and deals with MOBSTERS. Liz blinks at him like this is news to her.

Corinthaus: Ric hotly tells Sonny that he doesn't need to deal with Wheels anymore. He says they don't agree about Jason, but he can handle the Russians. Sonny mumbles that he wants to take Wheels up on his offer, so that Ric has to answer to him. Ric hotly leaves. Sonny says claud was supposed to leave too. Claud says she can't believe Sonny is falling for anything Ric says. Sonny says that Ric is bummed b/c he worked hard to be at the top of Wheels ladder, and now he won't be. Claud says Ric is bummed b/c he thinks he can have Claud for himself. She says that they know better, and that she'll soon be Mrs. Sonny Corinthos (for the 4th time).

Commericals

Chez Zee: Johnny embraces Looloo as they enjoy the view from his penthouse. He says the money that bought this view is as dirty as it comes. Maybe Johnny can get a job rebuilding places the Russians burned down.

Metrocourt: Nadine rambles that she knows it's a marriage of convenience, but Carly is not very moral. Carly deadpans that she's going to let Nik handle this and leaves. Nik says the reason he asked her here is b/c he wanted to do this in person. At a hotel lobby, and not his house. Nadine says she realizes Nik wanted to be the one to propose.

Meanwhile, Carly realizes Jax is up to no good. Jax and the Strings of Stupidity plink their way over to Nik. So apparently some Indian tribe owns Spoon Island, and they've relinquished their right to it, so Jax bought it. I guess that's no more idiotic than anything else on the show. strum strum!

Maxie's Room: Maxie and Spinelli enjoy a few moments. Mac enters, steaming mad and angrily says only family is allowed. Maxie defends Spinelli and says he's who found her and saved her. Spinelli says he'll honor Mac's wishes. Mac and Spinelli meet in the hallway. spinelli starts to speak, but Mac? He has buried one too many daughters, and I can't say I have a single argument. Not that I would argue. He is so righteously angry, though it's unfair this is directed at Spinelli and not Jason or Sonny. He says Spinelli has chosen to ally himself with a murderer and a mobster, and he is just as responsible for the havoc they wreak. He says he's buried a daughter and his only remaining daughter is Maxie. He points at Spinelli's chest and with anger and exhaustion and fear and prayer tells Spinelli to stay away from her. he leaves a stunned Spinelli, who can only mostly agree with everything Mac just said.

Alleydocks: Sam and Jason meet up. She is still high from her adventures and wants another fix, and she thinks she has some sort of plan. Sam may be immoral and kind of dopey, but the girl knows to wear black to a fire, at least.

Commericals

Corinthaus: Sonny says Claud originally said she'd rather eat dirt than be with him. She says this was before he flipped the script and shot Krapov. He pours a drink for his beard. She says she knows he's going to drag his feet to get whatever concession he can from Wheels, but that he better not take too long. Sonny's beard is weakening Sonny's overall mojo. I think it's something to due with diluting the dimples. Claud says that at least they know the sex is good. She kisses him, and he doesn't resist. Kate, of course, watches from the terrace.

Jason's Apartment/ Maxie's Room: Maxie tells Mac that Spinelli is loyal and true. Mac says that he's just too dangerous. Her big beautiful blue eyes fill with tears as she says he's the only friend she's ever ahd, and that they'd do anything for each other. Mac admits that he even likes Spinelli somewhat. Mac says if Spinelli truely cares for her, he'll get out of her life b/c he's a danger to her.
Meanwhile, SPinelli has been Jackaling on his laptop and discovers something dire. he pulls out Jason's magic box of guns and photos of Jakeson andpulls out the gun.
Mac sadly says he can't lose her like he lost Georgie.

Docks: Sam says she can easily go back to work for the Russians to get more info. Jasons ays it's too much to risk. Sam says "Jason, I'm not elizabeth. You don't have to worry about me. This is what I do, and I'm good at it." Jason turns sharply to look at her in surprise. She says he's in no position to turn down help.

The end.