GH recap 12/12: Take a Step That is New

Corinthaus: I don't understand where this dining room is? I like that Sonny is the only person rich enough to actually afford a separate room for eathing. Poor Nik has to eat, work, have sex and change clothes all in that one room. Claud is dubious about Sonny's intentions. He claims he just likes making lunch.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Spinelli repeats his protest about Johnny jacktrippering into Looloo and Maxie's house. Maybe because Spinelli believes that he's better at tripping over furniture than Johnny?

Sams' Apartment: Sam tries to play off pulling away from Lucky's kiss as if it's no big deal.

Courthouse: Liz tearfully asks why Jason wants her to know that he kills people for a living, and he tearfully says b/c it explains why they can never see each other again.

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Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny agrees with Spinelli that he should get a life and his own place. Looloo says Maxie already agreed that John can move in. She did? She's dumb. It's ANNOYING to have a live in roommate who doesn't pay rent or utilities, but just drinks the milk and eats the food and uses the hot water. Spinelli is worried that Maxie will get caught in her underwear, and Maxie says it's cute that he's jealous.

Corinthaus: Sonny says that it's not like anyone in her family treats her like respect, and he's going to at least do that much as her husband. She remains dubious. But she does drink her wine.

Sam's Apartment: Sam doesn't seem to understand the concept of "upstate NY in winter". What's with the tank top. Sam explains the case that opened 3 minutes ago is now closed. Lucky stupidly thinks that's great. Sam says The Russians and The Dangers still exist. He doesn't want her to be involved, but she only likes the way her stilletto heels sound on the Yellow Brick Road.

Courthouse: Liz angrily says she knows how much danger Cam and Jakeson were in. She sobs and says she thought their love would create a magic shield around them. Jason says he should have left her alone, but she says he tried to warn her, but she ignored her kids b/c she wanted to be with him. Jason admits they are both responsible. Tears fall down her lovely, alabaster skin as he says they now know what to do. "There can be no contact with me, you, Jakeson." I guess Cameron is still cannon fodder, though.

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Ducktard Junction: Nik has been making funeral arrangements for Alfalfa. That is actually incredibly generous, loving and kind. Nadine and her hideous shirt are in shock. I think it's a leopard print shirt, but instead of gold and black, it's a teal, maroon, cream and black. It's like someone was in a really bad mood and had some ugly paints to throw at fabric. Maybe this is what Liz made in her studio the other day.

Sam's Apartment: Lucky chastises Sam for going after more danger. Sam says he puts his life in danger daily. he angrily says she's a civilian. Sam angrily says she can go places cops can't. He yells she should join the department, and she retorts they would never hire her with her background. hello, it's call the WSB. It's like no one knows about the secret military ops that rules this town. Like how they never bring up the coven of rock star vampires. Lucky leaves in anger. As he does.

Courthouse: Jason offers to put Liz up, but she tearfully says she can support her kids. he holds back tears and says he will never see his son again, and Jakeson won't have his name, so please let him provide for his future. Liz's eyes fill with tears and she promises a safe life for Jakeson. She promises not to call or try to see him. She's sorry it took her so long to see the truth. She's sorry she hurt her boys and him, she's sorry for her own selfishness. Jason tries not to cry, but tears spill down his cheeks, and he says he was selfish too. He turns to leave and stare in private. A single tear dribbles down Liz's cheek as she stares at the place he once stood.

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Casa de 3's a crowd: Maxie continues to argue in favor of having a free-loading roommate. Shut UP, Maxie. Let Spinelli take the bullet and do your dirty work and get rid of an extra roommate! Looloo snots that Johnny gave up his trust fund, so he has to live here. Loo and John go to her room. Maxie says she's really cool with it, and asks him to help her measure the mantle. Maxie says it could get crazy, but Johnny's hot, so who cares. Well, that is a good point.

Corinthaus: Ric has hotly shown up in a gray suite and red tie to flirt with Claud some more. When did Sonny get this ugly furniture? Has it always been this pidge podge of hideous orange tones? Claud insists it wasn't her idea to marry Sonny, but she's going to make the best of it. She naively says that some day Sonny is going to share his new power with her. Ric hotly holds his face in his hands and says Sonny just married her to get the power. He admits that Sonny may sleep with her, but he's not going to share anything. Claud mockingly asks if Ric is asking her to be faithful to him. He hotly says yes, as if it's the smartest thing she could do. Also? I would think it would be the easiest thing she's ever done. And Claudia? only owns black and red and I'm saying only sleeping with Ric is much easier than picking out her outfits, which she clearly does blindfolded. also...the blindfold would probably be fun in the sack with Ric.

Courthouse: Liz sits after her interview and stares into space, her eyes welling with tears. Lucky shows up. She tells him she just had the last conversation she'll ever have with Jason. Lucky sits down and asks why she would say that. I think Lucky has learned that rhetorical questions make people sound smart, and also, rhetorical questions are a good way to learn about stuff if people will answer them. Not that Lucky uses the word "rhetorical" in his mind, of course. Liz explains that Jason wanted her to learn about how jakeson would have died if Sam hadn't gotten him out. Lucky stupidly and angrily asks what that would have proved (um, the point you've tried to make 800 times to her, you dolt!) Liz says Jason was making a point, an effective point. She says if Jason hadn't broken it off, she was going to.

Random Boxing Ring: Jason is in some random room. Is this a room in the Penthouse? down the hall from the Unfortunate Pink Room? Regardless, he punches a punching bag with a great deal of vigor. Alas, he doesn't do it shirtless. I really don't understand the point of a soap character who doesn't angrily punch while shirtless. Nick on Y&R would be in boxer briefs for this scene, is what I'm saying.

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Casa de 3's a Crowd: Loo and John enter Loo's new room. Geesh, if this is the "big" room, I feel bad for Maxie. also, how vile to rent an apartment that comes with a mattress. Throw that creepy thing OUT post haste! but instead they just passionately collapse on the old, used sheets.

Ducktard Junction: Someone named Eric shows up, and Nadine is glad to see him. Nik is bored....oh, sorry, I mean jealous.

Jason's Penthouse: Carly shows up in a trenchcoat. Back in the day, she'd have a negligee on under that coat. Carly sensed something is wrong. Jason says he can never be with Liz and can never be a father to Jakeson. Carly is confused and says she thought he made that decision when Chucky was shot. He admits he's been meeting with Liz in secret. Dude, you met like 3 times with her in secret. Stupid show. Jason sits and says after the newest The Danger, he can't be with her. Carly decides to actually be a good friend and not insult Liz and asks him to talk to her.

Corinthaus: Ric says Claud is opening herself up for a world of misery, and he can't stand to watch it. Claud says she'd be sad to miss him. She reasonably asks what he wants her to say. She's only ever trusted her brother, so now she's supposed to trust him b/c they are outsiders and great in bed. He hotly says that's exactly what he's saying. She thinks maybe he just wants to take his brother's wife. He gets hotly insulted and starts to leave. She begs him to stay and reminds him she's a contradictory mess and that he knew that going in. She says she still thinks their being together is a hotass goal, but she needs time to get what she needs from Sonny.

Metrocourt: If every line Kate and Sonny uttered meant $3000 was donated to the charity of my choice, I still don't think I could pay attention. Mostly because fashionista kHate is wearing the ugliest top ever. It's like she put on an ugly white long sleeved shirt, with a hideous ruffle collar, and then an ugly black vest with gray slanted stripes, and then someone cut off the long sleeves of the white shirt, but left some of the white shirt sticking out past the edge of the vest. I hate it. I hate her hair, too. She tells Sonny she slept with Jax. He has the nerve to be hurt. She manages to tell him to stuff his sorries in a sack and leaves.

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Casa de 3s a Crowd: Spinelli points out that Maxie's room is only a foot smaller than Loo's room. He also says she can see the harbor. He's mostly concerned that she's embracing the move for its own merits and not b/c of him and Mac. Maxie promises it's for herself she's moving. We hear Johnny and Looloo grunting and laughing. Spinelli goe sto ask them to be quiet, but Maxie says he can't interrupt them having sex. the grunts and laughs are very loud, and there is much rumbling. I hope we cut to to a scene of their moving furniture b/c otherwise, this is incredibly loud and mock-worthy sex they are having. If a guy kept shouting "yeah! Alright!" during sex, I'd have to laugh and leave. Spinelli does just that. Maxie refuses to be chased away. first investment: sound proofing!

GH: Sonny and Mike gossip about khate sleeping with Jax. Sonny hops all around like a weirdo and says he's dealing with it by finding out who shot khate. and honestly, idiot, what does it really matter? She still slept with Jax. You still will always only go to Carly. Sonny explains the stupid plan to know all of Wheel's men, and they will only....oh, you know what. I just remembered I don't care about this. I don't accept the premise that anyone is afraid of Sonny. I don't accept the premise that Claud wouldn't see through Sonny. Also, why does Sonny suddenly NOW have all kinds of patience? His best friend BEGGED him, not on bended knee b/c they don't roll like that anymore, but still, he BEGGED him for patience, but Sonny couldn't be bothered. Sonny basically is who almost got Jakeson killed, but he's not in trouble in the least for it...yet NOW he's Mr. Patience?

Jason's Penthouse: Violins of Sorrow mournfully sound as Jason explains that his son's life was held in the balance, and he could do almost nothing to save him. He laments that nobody is safe around him. Carly remembers that she's his best friend, and just tearfully embraces him.

courthouse: Liz says she's the worst mother in the world. Lucky lies that she's not. She admits she put her needs above her kids. Lucky kindly points out that he's screwed up a lot, and she always forgives him. She smiles in appreciation of this sentiment. Liz admits that Jason set up a trust fund for Cam and Jakeson. Lucky is concerned it's mob money, but she says Jason made it look like it was coming from Emily. She says it's important that Jason be able to do this, and Lucky concedes. He says he knows she's going to make a great life for her boys, and if she ever feels like she's going to fall, he'll be there to catch her. Aw. She tearfully thanks him for being such a good friend and a good dad to the boys. he offers her a ride home.

Sam's Apartment: In the midst of all this, Sam decided to go shopping. She has some stupid kind of building with only a street entrance. Hilariously, the Russians park directly in front of her building. In what is clearly not a parking spot. She hides as Sascha and Belvedere go into her building. Then she insanely breaks into the van....the mobster van that doesn't have an alarm system, and she climbs into the back of their van. See, Sam, I'm all down with your Danger Girl thing, but you actually do need back up. Why not leave a quick text for someone before doing this incredibly stupid thing?

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Casa de 3s a crowd: the laughing and giggling continues. Maxie tries not to be annoyed. She then clops down the incredibly long hallway to call Loo and John rude...omg, how gigantic is this place? I'm guessing it's around 1400 square feet, which for a "crappy" 2 bedroom apartment is insanely huge. Oh, I was right. Loo and John were just moving furniture.

Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny talk about trust and such. he agrees with her that it's needed. She says someone has to make the first move, and he leans in for a kiss.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home, and Jason is all business. he wants to know about The Danger and where their money came from. The hell? they didn't do this 3 months ago when the Russians showed up? Worst Mobsters Ever! Jason asks if there are empty rooms in maxie's building. Spinelli says it's a desirable building so he doubts it. wait, what? I thought it was the only affordable place in town? I don't understand Port Charles. Jason thinks Spinelli should move out to protect Spinelli. Spinelli stands to make a case for staying, but all that matters is El Laptopo is totally being jackaled by someone else!

Sam's Apartment: Sam "hides" in the back of a van while sascha and Belvedere come out of her building. I say "hide" because don't any of you who drive bigass SUV's think you'd notice a human being breathing in your vehicle?

the end