GH Recap 12/15: Come and Knock On My Door

Casa de 3s a Crowd: Bleck, I forgot that Maxie thought she was overhearing Johnny and Looloo have way to loud sex, but they were really moving furniture.

Alleydocks: Sascha yells at some Russians about a shipment. Because after Russians set several buildings and ships on fire, I'm so sure that they would still be able to do business as usual. Sam, idiotically, sneaks up to hide behind some wooden crates.

Jason's Apartment: Jason and Spinelli talk about The Danger. Meanwhile, someone copies files from Spinelli's laptop. they are very bad hackers, however, because a giant, animated window pops up that clearly states "copying files". Luckily for the inept hacker, Spinelli is not looking, and is instead trying to talk Jason into teaming up with Sonny again.

Corinthaus: Claud pulls away from Sonny's kiss and says she thought he hated her and asks what changed. He non answers by saying "what do you think."

Credits

Alleydocks: Sascha continues to ramble about The Danger, but then Natasha shows up! Dressed in black and zippy necklaces. She is so over the Russians and The Danger, and it's about time. She wants Sascha to either answer her questions now, or prepare to be subpoena'd. Sascha asks on what grounds, and Natasha points out that the stupid Russians have blown up half the town at this point, so this is a dumb question.

Sam's Apartment Lucky shows up with a box. It looks like the sort of box you'd put pastries in. He realizes Sam isn't home, and poutily snots "so much for dinner." Well, since your idea of "dinner" is a big cake, Lucky, it's no wonder Sam isn't there. Yo don't maintain a body like that by eating sheet cake for dinner, you dimwit.

Casa de 3's a crowd: Even Maxie can't save how stupid and xylophone-y this scene is.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason angrily tells Spinelli that Sonny is the reason that Jason's family and businesses have been targeted. He gruffly says he doesn't think Sonny thought Jakeson would be kidnapped when he shot Krapov, but he should have. About dang time someone noticed Sonny's culpability in all this!

Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud boringingly discuss this kiss. She doesn't know if he's trying to strengthen his ties to the Z's by strengthening their marriage. Or maybe he's not feeling as compelled to go back to Kate as he thought he would. Sonny says she's reading more into the kiss than she should. Is this how he's planning on seducing her? By insulting her? Claud also wants to discuss The Danger as well. She thinks on the one hand, he wants the Z's to help him with The Russians, but on the other hand, they know Jason is vulnerable, and so does Sonny, so he wants to make a move against Jason. Sonny mumbleasks why he'd do that to his oldest friend. Claud twirls her hair and says no one believes Sonny and Jason are friends anymore, including Sonny and Jason. heh.

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Corinthaus: Claud taunts Sonny a bit that Sonny gave Jason the Biz, but Jason wouldn't give it back. Sonny finally tells her that Jason and Carly plotted to take his sons away from him. You know who helped with that, Sonny? You did by not hiring guards to protect your kids. Also, Claud helped a lot by hiring the hitman who shot your son!

Haunted Star: Lucky mopes over to the HS to talk to his dad and share pastries with him. Does Lucky have an eating disorder?

Alleydocks: Sascha says her business associate was murdered. Alexis explains that a Desolate Mountain Bar blew up with a kid inside, but Sascha knew that. Sascha says she didn't know it at the time, and that the kid's mother accosted her at the hospital. Alexis asks if the name Jakeson Spencer means nothing to her. Alexis says she knows Sascha is not from this country, but it's frowned upon to threaten the district attorney. Sascha says she thinks Natasha is harassing her to deflect attention from her lover who has disappeared, and her daughter, who unfortunately has not. sam, who has been eaveslurking behind some crates, makes a rotten egg face at this.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason explains this all started 10 months ago when Chucky was put into a coma, and Sonny hasn't been thinking right since. Jason says he tried to explain to Sonny that people like them don't get to be happy, but he stupidly started making plans to be just that with Liz. He says Sonny is still lying, and I think he means to himself. Jason says he doesn't know if Sonny is planning a move against him. A knock at the door reveals Special Agent Raynor. Spinelli dutifully leaves, and Jason asks if he needs his attorney. SA Raynor says he doesn't, " what I have to say may save your life." Psst, Special Agent Raynor, just so's you know, no matter what you say or don't say or do or don't do, Jason is going to die an old man. He's Superjase! It should have been in your report.

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Alleydocks: Sascha says Natasha's personal life is common knowledge. Well, it is for creepy bad guys who are stalking her, Sascha. Natasha tells Sascha to get her guards to back off. Sascha calls Sam a drug smuggling slut. Natasha gets in Sascha's face and repeats that Sas needs to call of her guards, or she'll send the text giving the police Sascha's location. Sam smiles happily at her badass of a mom.

Haunted Star: Lucky whines to Lucky that his girlfriend has bigger balls than him. Luke eats pastries and says "Cowboy, it's time you learn that just b/c you love someone, doesn't mean you can make a life with them."

Corinthaus: Sonny gives lip service to his guilt about Chucky. He says he'll never see his kids again without guards around. Yes, MOBSTER, that is how it's done. Claud says maybe he can get joint custody. Sonny says he signed over his parental rights to Carly. Claud is surprised that jason sided with Carly. Why are people ever confused about this? Sonny is the quote "biggest mobster on the easter seaboard" unquote, and he took his son to a place where his business is done, and he didn't have any guards available. Because he's INSANE. I guess maybe Claud is playing Sonny and pretending to think he was wronged by Carly and Jason. She says he lost Jason and Carly, and it didn't work with Kate, so now all he's got left are the Z's. Max announces Wheels. Sonny angrily asks if he ever can just call. Wheels rudely dismisses Claud. Sonny says Wheels can leave, and he'll discuss things with his wife. Wheels relents, and Claud stays. Sonny sits to talk about Jason and The Danger. Sonny says Jason doesn't have the resources to fight him and the Russians at the same time.

Jason's Penthouse: Raynor tells Jason all about his life as Mullet Boy, and the car accident, and the being taken advantage of by a mobster for his brain damage. Jason asks if Raynor is giving him a way out of prosecution due to mental incompetence. Raynor says that this life Jason has chosen is going to end in prison or death. The feds want to offer Jason immunity from prosecution. Jason asks what he has to give in return. It's very telling that he's at least open enough to ask that question.

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Casa de 3s a Crowd: Strings of Stupidity splink while Maxie insists they make a list of rules. Looloo agrees that she'd never want to wear Maxie's clothes. This becomes Rule #1. Rule #2 is never eat Maxie's food, even if it's just left overs and even if Looloo pays her back. Rule #3 is if Johnny lives here, he pays a third of the rent. Idiot Looloo stares in surprise at this. Yep, I can peg a mooch, loser tenant from a mile away! Even fictitious ones.

Haunted Star: Luke says that Lucky likes stability and order and the old Spencer House that Laura also loved. Luke asks if Sam likes that old house. Lucky says Sam likes her hot tub (hi, writers!) and in fact they spend most of their time at her apartment. Luke is basically saying that Lucky should date Tracy, and he himself should date Sam. Not in so many words b/c it would be icky, but that Lucky is as boring as an old rug, and Sam wants to buy rugs in Morocco and use them to smuggle herself into a mobster's den.

Alleydocks: Natasha tells Sascha that she better start cooperating or be ready to go to prison. She holds up her phone like it's attached to a detonator and politely shoves her way past Sascha's gaurds. Sascha stares out at the water and somehow doesn't see Sam staring at her. Poor Sascha may be going blind and should have her complete lack of peripheral vision checked out!

Corinthaus: Sonny gets a call, leaving Claud and Wheels alone to talk. Claud angrily says she doesn't know what her father's plan is yet, but it seems to be working for him so far. Wheels giggles that she's right.

Jason's Penthouse: Raynor wants info to build a case against Sonny and Wheels. Jason says he's barely dealt with Wheels, and the Feds should know he doesn't talk to Sonny anymore. Raynor says Sonny and Wheels have done bad guy stuff, and Jason gets a blank slate if he gives info. Raynor further says that if Jason stays a mobster, they will basically look the other way. Raynor says that Jason made a bad choice when he didn't know better, due to the brain damage, so he has the chance to make good on that. He asks what Jason really owes Sonny anyway. In case the audience is actually as stupid as the writers clearly think they are, Jason clarifies "so you're asking me to give up Sonny to save myself?" Yes, Jason. He has not been remotely subtle. Gawd.

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Haunted Star: Luke and Natasha! Hang out and drink! Yay! I hope they accidentally kill someone again tonight! He tells her that he thinks it's clear he chose Tracy b/c he's here and Tracy's here and Laura is in Paris. Alexis says that Tracy wants to know that he loves Tracy the most and would choose her. Luke asks how she knows that, and she says she watches Oprah. Alexis says she has never been the love of anyone's life, and in fact has never kissed a boy where it didn't turn into a disaster. Luke says he senses this conversation has turned in a Jerry Jax-themed one.

Casa de 3s a Crowd: Looloo says Johnny is a guest. Maxie asks if Johnny is going to be using the refrigerator, the bathroom and the living room. He says yes to all three, and Maxie says that settles it, he's paying rent. Johnny says he has no problem paying rent until he finds aplace. Looloo idiotically says that Maxie is just jealous b/c she thought she heard them having sex. Shut up, Looloo. Johnny offers to take everyone out for Chinese. Probably because, like me, ever since Maxie mentioned leftover Chinese food, he's been craving it. Maxie wants to stay home and pout and stew over her list of rules.

Corinthaus: Wheels leaves. Claud thanks Sonny for not kicking her out. He says he likes to annoy Wheels, and also doesn't mind her being around. He says they are on the same side. Claud says this seems too easy, adn that when something seems too good to be true, it is. and yet, dum dums like Claud continue to ignore that instinct on a daily basis in this town.

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Haunted Star: Alexis explains to Luke that they played each other, and if he hadn't died, she'd have had no problem turning him and the evidence over. Luke nervously asks if this is just true for Jerry, or other criminals she knows. She asks if he's talking about the time he tried to kill her step mother. Luke quickly corrects saying "WE!" and Alexis says that the "we" part is what negates her ability to prosecute him. He relaxes at this news. Alexis is not the crappy sort of friend that most people are in this town, and lets the conversation turn back to Luke's needs and explains the fact that Luke still loves Laura has to be a real kick in the teeth to Tracy.

Corinthaus: Sonny says he didn't plan on treating Claud miserably. He says he's not proud of the way he treated her in the past, but he had a lot going on, and he took it out on her. Claud admits she was hardly Little Miss Sunshine. Show, please don't mention the titles of far superior and more entertaining movies b/c it just makes me hyper aware of how crappy this show can be. Milo interrupts to deliver the mail. Do Max and Milo really just hang out in the foyer? It must be so cold in there! Claud hops up to look through her magazines. He asks what they can do to make the marriage work for both of them.

Casa de 3s a crowd: Looloo and Johnny come home with Chinese take out. They can hear Maxie giggling and romping. Looloo thinks Maxie is having sex with Spinelli to prove a point. She knows Spinelli is in love with Maxie and thinks this is mean. Spinelli enters at this moment with a Tiffany blue box. That is so nice. Looloo does some quick math and wonders who is in Maxie's room. We hear Maxie moaning "don't stop! don't stop!"

Sam's Apartment: Lucky comes back to Sam's and leaves a message, poutily saying "I guess you decided to skip dinner. Next time just give me a call." and while Lucky is so whiny, Sam really was a jerk not to text him that she was not going to meet him.

Alleydocks: Lucky got voicemail b/c Sam was calling Jason at this exact moment. She whispers to herself as the phone ring, begging Jason to pick up. (we see Jason's phone ringing at his penthouse, no one around to answer it) Sam starts to leave, but realizes The Russian Goons have her surrounded. Oh, maybe Sascha's peripheral vision isn't so bad afterall.

the end


The "this week" promo is about Sonny and Claud. Annoucer: his wife's ambition put his son in a coma. (we see shots of Claud and Sonny and Little Chucky all snuggled in at Whole Foods). Announcer: This week the truth could get her killed. (turns out Jerry made a DVD that details Claud's part in hiring the shooter. Claud gets the DVD and has to keep is secret).
Sonny angrily asks what she's done. (but it seems more like he's asking about Christmas decorations than anything The Danger related)