GH Recap 12/17: We've Been Waiting for You

Casa de 3s a Crowd: Maxie shows up in a super cute black dress with cream flowers embroidered on the trim. She has a cream colored flouncy sweater to go on top. She chats with Kate about work. Johnny sits around doing nothing. she asks if he got a job yet, and he rudely says if he had a job he'd be at work. Maxie wants to talk about what happened last night, but Looloo pops in at this moment and asks what happened.

GH: Luke begs Piph to admit him to GH as a heart patient.

Credits

Emma's Closet: Robin and Patrick wake up on the sofa. Robin points out Emma is sleeping. They check on her and then snuggle in for some smooching, but Emma hates Robin, so she starts crying. Also, Robin is wearing a horrible green sweater that has these blobs of fabric all along one side of it. It's like a muppet died on her shoulder.

Petticoat Junction: I wonder what Tyler Christopher did that was so terrible? Why is he stuck in this impossibly boring storyline? It's the day of Alfalfa's funeral. Nadine is very shaken up, and Nik promises to be there for her. Twice.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie says nothing happened and tries to turn the conversation to work. Johnny admits he and Maxie surprised each other in the living room last night. He leaves out the lingering stare part. Johnny leaves. Looloo snots that Johnny didn't do anything wrong, but she looks guilty as sin. well, Looloo, then tell your boyfriend to move out.

GH: Piph and Tracy gossip and complain about Tracy. She's apparently been a tyrant around the hospital. Luke says she's acting like that b/c she misses Luke, so he needs Piph's help winning her back. His stupid plan is that he's going to fake a heart attack.

Corinthaus: Because it's upstate NY, Claud is wearing a tank top and capris pants. Claud yammers about putting up a Christmas tree. Sonny stuttermumbles that he used to have a tree and presents. Claud asks if they are going to have any presents. Sonny says Chucky lives at Whole Foods in Union Square, and Carly has that other kid. Claud thinks it would be nice if Kristina came over. Sonny says he won't pressure Alexis. Claud doesn't get it, so Sonny stutterbarks "I'm a Father! pause pause blink I'm not going to be with my......kids...........for christmas! I........don't need a ....a......TREE......to remind me of that."

Commercials

Corinthaus: Claud talks about the story of the Grinch. Sonny is not amused. Claud says the Grinch thought he could stop Christmas, but he was wrong "because Christmas lives in the hearts and minds of everyone everywhere." thanks, Linus. Sonny says he will go to church and that will be enough. Claud's mom apparently loved the holidays and made egg nog and fruit bread and gave awesome doll houses as presents. Claud talks about playing with dolls as if she's the only girl who ever had one. Oh well, it turns out Wheels smashed it with a hammer and threw it away. Hopefully the overlap of little girls who has that as a story is much smaller! Sonny is sad to hear this. Claud says she loves a tree and is his wife and lives here, so she's going to get one.

Emma's Closet: Patrick tends to Emma while Robin holds a bottle. she wants to make this the best Christmas ever. He says he's already shopped and hidden the presents at Mac's house. It's cute when people try to surprise each other at Christmas. Mr. Mad totally busted me buying his present online. Very annoying. Robin wants to start some traditions. Patrick says Emma won't remember anything until she's 3 or 4, so they should just relax. Taking a newborn ice skating, as was robin's plan, sounds exhausting, I must say, so I agree with Patrick.

Q Mansion: Hilariously Monica is doing needlepoint. That's awesome that she's crafty! Tracy and Monica exchange insults, as they do. Tracy cues Xylophone Guy with a wry little smile, and Monica asks what she's plotting.

GH: Piph has taken up a hospital bed to give to Luke. I guess we've already had our monthly shooting, so beds may not be as high in demand. Piph tells Luke that if he gets caught, she's going to say she was never involved. Luke asks her to calibrate the heart machines so he looks sick. Is that even a thing? Piph suggests it's easier just to tell Tracy he loves her.

Casa de 3s a Crowd: Maxie tells Looloo that her insecurity will drive men away. Johnny calls to say he has a job. He's in the Honky Park and says he'll tell her about it later. Loo happily tells Maxie, who clomps off to the east wing of their palatial apartment. Loo wonders to herself where he's working.

Commercials

Emma's Closet: Maxie rushes in and says a lot of things like it is a really long word. She's helping with wedding plans still. Robin says they are making a much smaller wedding and haven't even gotten a tree yet. What is it with these idiots that they can't give themselves more than 12 minutes to do anything? Also, where are there friends and family? Why are none of them being helpful but Maxie?

Luke's Hosp Room: Looloo rushes in, sad that her dad is hurt. Luke confides that he's fine and has a plot to get Tracy back. Loo is understandably annoyed that he's faking a heart problem. She says Tracy will be suspicious if Loo doesn't call Laura. Luke says to tell Tracy that Laura is in recovery, so she doesn't want to bother her. Luke asks Loo to tell Tracy that she's the only one who can make him live. She tells him to tell Tracy himself.

Christmas Tree Lot: Claud guides Milo to pick out a 10' tree. She asks why he looks like he swallowed cod liver oil. Ew. I can only imagine how tasty that is. Milo is afraid of angering Sonny. Ah, Johnny got a job working at the tree lot. Grumpy Customer is angry that the needles are falling off of a tree. Johnny says the tree is two days old. So buy another tree, you cow. Geeze. Claud starts name dropping Zachara this and Corinthos that. Grumpy Lady apparently spends a lot of time on TMZ Mob.com because she's immediately afraid. Claud tells Milo to load the tree.

Corinthaus: Alexis visits Sonny and begins with "what, no Christmas tree?" He mumbles at her to not start with him. She gets to business, which is about The Danger and The Russians. She's also showing off quite a bit of boobage. Sonny stutterbarks that the Russian Danger are horrible people. Alexis says Jakeson was kidnapped and people died while he was being rescued. She says there is something sickeningly wrong in Port Charles, and it's her job to stop it. Is she just now figuring this out? Sonny, by the way, totally is staring at her chest as she talks.

Commercials

Tree Lot: Robin and Patrick have dragged poor, tiny Emma out to the Tree Lot. Robin rambles about the tree she likes: 6 foot, Scotch Pine, fat tree. She notices that Patrick is dissing Robin to Emma. Patrick, Emma already knows to hate Robin. Robin sees her perfect tree.

Meanwhile Claud gives John a hard time about this job. Johnny says he's happy, and it's better than watching her sell herself to Sonny. Claud tells him not to get ugly. He says it IS ugly, and will be so when Sonny finds out she had Chucky shot. She says they get along well, and Sonny even cooked for her. Johnny and I say "oh brudder" Claud insists she's doing this for Johnny that blah blah one day he'll take his rightful place. John says he loves her, but what she does, she needs to do for herself.

Luke's Hosp room: Luke knows this faking a heart attack thing is a bit extreme. Looloo says that Luke has to convince Tracy she doesn't come second. she kisses him and leaves. Tracy walks in and says she heard about his heart attack. She is annoyed.

Corinthaus: Alexis talks about long ago before they made the critical error of getting involved, Sonny says he remembers. She says she defended him b/c of the extenuating circumstances because she believed in him. Sonny stammers that he never said he was a good person. He stands up and mumbles about The Code. Alexis is annoyed by this and stands up ranting about the code, and how she did stupid things because she convinced herself he was a "good mobster" Sonny looks at her with narrowed eyes because he both hates and loves being chastised by Alexis. She says she has contributed to escalating the violence in this town, which has reached Biblical proportions, and she expects a plague of locusts any day now. Sonny says that wouldn't be good for her b/c she hates bugs. Alexis snaps at him to not be charming. She points her glasses at him and tells him being charming won't change the fact that he is wrong, and that became more clear when he married Claud.

Commercials

StupidHead Dum Dum World: Nik says Nadine gave a moving eulogy. Uncle Max and some dude I recognize from commercials has the will. Sure, why not read the will on the day of the funeral. It's no stupider than anything else that's happening. Alfalfa appears on the TV b/c of course it's a video will. That is one of the best inventions that helps soaps, I gotta say! Alfalfa tells Nadine she has some surprises about herself. I really don't know how I'm going to survive the tense waiting period until that question is answered. Maybe I'll paint a wall just to watch it dry.

Emma's Closet: It seems that Robin and Patrick left the baby somewhere. I'm sure they didn't, but I really don't see the stroller. Patrick brings in the tree and sets it down somewhere. For someone who is so fidgety, Robin oddly doesn't insist he put down layers of carpet padding under the tree so that it doesn't scratch the floor.

Luke's Hosp Room: Tracy and Luke bicker. She's annoyed he's gone back to his old habits that hurt his heart. He's angry that she chastises him. Monica shows up and says Luke's condition is dire. I can only assume this is what Tracy and Mon plotted earlier.

Corinthaus: Sonny says he sent Kristina some gifts. Alexis curtly tells Sonny not to change the subject. SOnny keeps talking about them, so Alexis barks "she got the gifts she loves the gifts. You are not coming over for Christmas." Alexis talks about the arcane practice of using a woman to solidify a business arrangement. She angrily asks what would make him do something this dangerous. Sonny says Jason wouldn't let him back into his old biz, so he needed a new one. Alexis says the Z's have no morals and scruples. Sonny cuts her off and drawls that he's a bad guy, and he's gotta do what he's gotta do. Alexis tells him there are no more excuses or free passes, and she will have to prosecute him the next time, and the z's will make him be the one to take the fall.

Commercials

StupidHead Dum Dumville: Alfalfa leaves her stuff to the people in the room. I can't fathom you care about the details. OMG, who is this woman and these people? Why does Alfalfa get more of a will reading than Alan? She starts telling everyone she's leaving them millions of dollars. Nadine is surprised Alfalfa has all this money. she leaves 3 million in trust for sister Jolene. Oh, Jolene's not dead? Is she at Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, I wonder? Alfalfa leaves Nadine and envelope. Nik is angry about this. and by angry, I mean, Nik looks slightly less bored out of his mind at this news.

Corinthaus: Milo brings in the tree. Sonny bickers about it. Claud says she's going to decorate it, and it will be lovely, and he'll like it. She predicts that by Christmas, the sight of the tree will make him feel better. Sonny pouts "don't bet on it" He relents and mumbles "treelooksalrighittallandstuff"

Tree Lot: Maxie and Looloo meet up to get a new tree for Kate's house. I guess a decorator put one up, and Kate hates it? so she thinks her too idiot assistants can do a better job. they bicker a bit and then see Johnny working. For some reason they hide.

Luke's Hosp Room: Monica tells Luke that he's very close to death and getting bypass surgery. Tracy rushes in and Monica says there is no time for goodbyes. She has Layla prepare a sedative to inject. His eyes widen with understandable alarm.

The End