GH Recap 2/5: Over the river and through the woods

Today's recommended drink for getting through the show:

A Port Charles ScrewLoo
equal parts vodka and orange juice
dash of bitters
pour over ice in a glass about the size of her chin

GH: Jason and Sam kibbitz that she shot him in the shoulder. I think it's supposed to be comical.

Snowy Forest: Robin is walking her baby in the effing snow to get to the hospital. Sing it with me IN A BLIZZARD.

GH HalL: Tracy gasps for breath, and Patrick tends to her.

Claud's Room: Sonny mumble-asks how she feels. He asks her to repeat what she said about Wheels shooting Kate. Sonny does his best stern, scary voice and says she needs to be sure about that b/c she knows what happens next. (um, nothing particularly interesting?)

Credit

GH: Sam angrily says "you SAID take the shot" he say that he meant as a diversion. She says that he always says what he means. He says that it was an impossible shot. She says that it's not her fault he stepped into the line of fire. Aw. I think I smell Chinese food.

Claud's room: claud explains the impossibly complicated plan to shoot Kate and then like in that story about for want of a nail the kingdom was lost...it all ends with Sonny killing Jason and then being vulnerable. lol. I"ve seen less convoluted Escher paintings.

GH Hall: Tracy gets wheeled away. Carly tells Patrick she is suddenly not sure how this plow pox works. pssst, Carly: totally randomly with no adherence to the laws of physics. Patrick explains this, and Carly half tearfully realizes that anyone in the board room is in danger.

Liz's Room: Nik visits to wish Liz well and chastise Lucky for breaking into the hospital. Chewbecca shows up to lurk outside the doorway with a nurse. Does she think Liz's room in an elevator or a cell phone?

Stupid Snowy Night: Robin finally decides that killing her baby in a snowy forest is a bad idea, and she should have just killed her in the broken car, but now she's lost. But fortunately, she's still remarkably stupid.

Commercials

Johnny's Car: Johnny and Maxie drive IN A BLIZZARD. Johnny jokes about global warming. Maxie hilariously makes a case that would please even Al Gore, but she says it was really Georgie who taught her about it. Johnny doesn't want to be alone with Maxie. She says she feels guilty, even though they shouldn't b/c they didn't do anything. Johnny says he feels guilty for using her to self destruct. She says she feels bad about hurting Spinelli, and even feels bad for kissing Looloo's boyfriend. He says they shouldn't feel bad. She says he's right b/c they didn't have sex and never will. But then they share a glance and clearly neither of them really feel like taking an oath on this subject.

GH: Piph has sewed up Jason's wound. Sam and Jason continue to george and gracie about this stupid gun shot wound. Spinelli rushes in to warn of impending doom.

Nurse's Station: Patrick tells Raynor that Tracy has passed out. He doesn't know if this is a delayed reaction, or if the plow pox is in the ventillation system. They bicker a bit. Raynor idiotically asks him about the remaining spheres and where the missing one is. Why wouldn't there be a team of Jack Bauer's trying to assess just this question?

Liz's Room: oh, Lili will be so glad to hear that the 3 remaining Scooby Doo'ers want to meet for dinner of ribs and brownies. Meanwhile Chewbecca still hangs out in the hall. But neither Liz, Lucky nor Nik notice. Nik wants to leave Nadine out. Aw, poor Nadine. She won't have to sit around and suffer while these idiots tell the same 3 stories for the 85th time.

Claud's Room: Claud knows what happens next. She knows she would be next on the list after Jason and Sonny, and maybe Johnny in time. Can someone tell me why someone can't just shoot Jason or Sonny? Or poison them? Why do you have to marry off your daughter, and shoot a random magazine mogul and chase away Russians....I mean....this is very complicated. This is the exact opposite of Bikini Girl.

Commercials

GH Lobby: Edward tells Carly that he won't the donors off the hook and will make sure they pay into the Chucky Corinthos Whole Foods Research Project. Carly is very appreciative and asks about Monica. She gently tells him that Tracy is also sick. Edward scoffs and says she's probably just flirting with a doctor. She assures him it's true, and says Patrick was there and immediately took her to ICU. John Ingle rather wonderfully puts on a grumpy face and then gets angry at everyone for not knowing what they are doing. Carly very sweetly understands that he's upset about his family and kindly rubs his shoulder and says "I know." Aw. very nice scene.

Claud's room: Claud has her back turned to Wheels while he once again LOUDLY threatens her life. Sonny walks in and says he has some bizinez with Wheels. Claud is tearful b/c she doesn't want her father dead (for some bizarre reason).

Nurse's station: Patrick yells at Raynor that he's just looking out for Hallifiction. Raynor says he's in the dark b/c this matter is above his clearance. the hell? So people know about this but they've still just left Jason and Sam in charge? Couldn't they at least dress the regular cast up in storm trooper outfits to make it SEEM like the United States or NY government still exists? okay, and then it gets super awesome stupid. Raynor tells Weenie to lead a team to the warehouse. I've heard strippers on Howard Stern who are not as stupid as all of this. and these are women who when asked "what is 10% of 100?" answer 50. or: What is the capital of California: "USA" maybe you don't know it's Sacramento. I have no fault with that....but USA? But still, that girl? Not as stupid as this story line.

Maxie and Johnny are out of the car.

Robin is freezing.

Commercials

Who designed Robin's neighborhood? Why did they put an infinite forest in the middle of it? Also? where's a nice abandoned cabin when you really need one!

GH very ugly room: Wheels asks Sonny what was so important. Sonny very realistically pulls a gun OUT OF HIS SCRUBS POCKET. lmao. But no one noticed this in the very thin layer of cotton pants until now. Sonny points the gun and tells Wheels to stand and take it like a Feets or sit and take it like a coward. Wheels very delightfully puts on an impressive display of feeble old mandedness. He points out how illogical it would be for him to shoot some fashion broad. He says Sonny is playing right into Claud's hands.

Snowy Infinite Forest: oh, I see, Maxie and Johnny found Robin's minivan. and just like how everyone knows when Emily's birthday is, everyone in town also apparently has everyone else's license plate numbers memorized, and they know this is Robin's van. They are concerned.

GH; Spinelli and Patrick bicker about the Plow Pox Plotters. Patrick yells at Spinelli that they have to get the rest of the spheres out of the hospital. um, because then he can kill everyone in town? Why not put them in a thermos, or something? or, I don't know WHY NOT PUT THEM BACK IN BRAGG'S STUPID BODY? or, heck, wrap them in Jason and Sam's leather jacket b/c that is clearly the most impermeable thing ever invented. Jason yells at Spinelli to stop fighting about this.

GH Lobby: Carly and Edward continue to have a totally adorable and sweet conversation about the fear of losing a loved one.

GH other Lobby: Spinelli wants to run off and deal with stuff. But Ubiquitous Sam is there to reason that if Spinelli gets hurt, Jason will implode or something.

GH doors: So, then Weenie and her stupid team of TWO show up, and Patrick opens the door. He forgot to say "hey toxin, look over there!" though, so I'm not sure the world is safe. Why would the FBI show up 18 weeks later to try to contain a biotoxin? This is making me feel guilty about not appreciating how Brownie was indeed doing a heckuva a job. Spinelli lurks around a corner. Oh my hell. Did Patrick really leave the keys to the stupid door in the lock?

Commercials

So is the hospital full of dum dums? Or did Piph cleverly dose everyone with horse tranquilizer? Why is no one particularly complaining about being trapped? Why do they all get to roam free and not be contained?

Liz's Room: Lucky creepily says he's staring at Liz, trying to memorize her face, so he can keep her with him. Dude, really? You haven't bothered to learn what she looks like during the duration of YOUR ENTIRE ADULT LIFE? Lucky makes me smile when he says really dopey things. Nik says "I know, it's like when it's all about me and my feelings." then he says he thought he saw Emily earlier. Lucky manages not to say "oh, I can't handle it if you have a brain tumor again", so Lucky is still a better sibling than Looloo.

Tracy's Room: Edward sadly sits by his hospital and lists all the people he's lost in the past few years. now Monica, now Tracy. He tells her that this should take him before her. He calls himself an old fool and says he didn't tell her enough that he loves her. He says he loves her and is proud of her. "You are the last child that is left to me,a nd I can't stand to lose you." Tracy makes a little gasp and then says "you make me sick" Edward's face relaxes gloriously, and he says with great relief "oh, oh, that's my girl' hee! so cute

Stupid Room with the Stupider Spheres: Weenie and her stupid "team" of two enter. Oh, no, sorry, one team member enters...and then another team member enters, but he politely left on his tale tell boots, so we know he's Cahoots.

Claud's Room: Claud and someone, I guess Carly, chat about Sonny and Wheels.

Random Very Ugly Room: Sonny and Wheels fight. Wheels has the old, sad grandpa thing working, but Sonny isn't buying. He says he can't walk, so Sonny points the gun at his legs and says theyshould test it. But Sonny is not very bright at all, and he lets Wheels talk and talk and talk, like he's a former Illinois governor on a certain late night talk show. Sonny is no more convinced than Dave was, but he's infinitely less cool, and mean and awesome about it. Jason walks in and chides Sonny that he can't kill Wheels.

Infinite Snowy Forest: Maxie and Johnny look for Robin. Johnny wisely says they have to turn back now while they still see their footprints. Maxie will not let another loved one die, and she insists they keep moving. She manages to see her cousin's form...IN A BLIZZARD....AT NIGHT. but whatever. I really couldn't bear Maxie's losing another family member, so I'm glad Robin won't die tonight. Johnny uncovers Robin. because, see...IN A BLIZZARD, you can get covered in snow, even if you are as big as a human being b/c it snows a LOT IN A BLIZZARD.

Commercials

Ugly GH room: Sonny explains that Wheels is lying and is really a Feets and also shot Kate. Jason is surprised. wha wha wahhhhat? There is something to be known that Jason didn't know. I feel very lost. Wheels begs and cries. Jason listens and is conflicted but he tells Sonny he can't shoot him b/c "you know why I need Wheels alive" Wheels sobs "yes! you need me alive! why do you need me alive?" heh. Jason and Sonny struggle with the gun, and Wheels busts into Feets mode and runs out of the room. Sonny and Jason tussle ont he ground, and Sonny shoots after Feets, but only hits the doorway.

GH: Patrick and Nik talk. Nik says he's worried about Liz, so he'll pull some favors to make things happen. Patrick thanks him and says he'll return the favor. He says he knows what NIk is going through with Emily, but he RUDELY doesn't have a bouquet of flowers and a card in honor of Emily's birthday. Chewbecca finally found her phone and wanders around aimlesslyin the background. She's all "I KNOW Bikini Girl was ROBBED"

Oh, sorry, NOW Maxie and Johnny find Robin. I guess it was a whiney stump that they found before. my bad.

the end