Wyndermere: Nadine and Nik have one of this idiotic conversations whereby she blathers about some sort of rhyme. Something about a horse lost a shoe. I don't know. She thinks it's bad luck. I think DUH it's bad luck. That's like saying "omg, I got a flat tire, that means bad luck."
Sam's Apartment: Lucky shows up to be gravelly voiced and whiny and pouty and even if Sam wasn't already sick of him she would become so at this point.
Crimson: Meth Addict Maxie says she re-wrote the Espadrille article, and he was right, it was better. Spinelli panics because something has gone wrong with El Laptopo.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is dressed for job interviews. She tells him to think positive. He hopes the interviewer has never heard of him. I think when random women on a Christmas tree lot have heard of the Zaccara's, then it's unlikely everyone hasn't.
Corinthaus: If I hear Jerry says "the window to your soul" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Claud calls Jerry a psycho, but then she clambors up onto the window ledge at the terrace and reaches around for the bag of puzzle pieces. Sonny walks in and asks if she thinks he doesn't know what she's looking for.
Credits
Wyndermere: Nadine poutily says that she knows he thinks superstitions are silly. What kind of idiot is sort of hurt if someone isn't all that traumatizd by a black cat walking by? Nik says he never gives knives as gifts or shakes hands through an open door. Watching these two is like watching The Simpsons. It all starts off where Lisa's horse lost a shoe, and then Bart rambles on about broken mirrors, but then it turns out the whole episode is really about some business man. It has all that disjointedness but none of the post-modern self-reflection. or enjoyableness.
Crimson: Maxie writes her article about shoes. This is a very shoe-heavy episode. Piano guy ploncks along merrily as Spinelli and Maxie type. If Spinelli and Maxie's keyboards were hooked up to musical keyboards, I imagine this would all sound like a John Davidson orchestral piece. I have no idea what's going on, but Spinelli sneezes. They really need to lay off the meth, these two.
Sams' Apartment: Sam has to hide a business card and tell lies to Lucky because she is so out of her mind bored with life unless she's lying or doing something dangerous. I was sad when her baby died, but I'm sort of relieved that her oddly placed uterus was shot.
Corinthaus: blah blah. Somehow Claud doesn't have to explain why she's climbing the walls like a crazy person. She manages to deflect and ask if Sonny is concerned about Kate.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam says whatever she's hiding is not illegal. Lucky angrily asks if she didn't learn her lesson from Jerry or following the Russian mob. Sam says she doesn't want to fight about this. He says he and Liz appreciate that she saved Jakeson, and if she's upset that he spent New year's Eve with her. She practically snorts in his face and says that's not it, she's glad he could help her. then she rapels out of the room. Not really. But she clearly wants to.
Crimson: Why does Spinelli have a cold? Why is that a plot point? Why is Maxie wearing a thousand bobbie pins in her hair? It's terrifying looking. Looloo odddly shows up to work. It's odd because she does it. They hear the elevator ding, so they rush to hide Spinelli. Kate comes in to get Maxie's article and her messages. She reveals she knows he's there. I think we are supposed to be amused.
Corinthaus: Claud is dressed like she's going to meet a bunch of thugs and have a dance off to regain territory, like MJ suggested in the 80's. Okay, so we just established that it's first thing in the morning b/c Loo brought coffee, and she and Maxie were at work before kate. But now Sonny and Claud are drinking bourbon. I only comment b/c he's the jerkweed who used to say AJ had a drinking problem. Sonny confides that yesterday was Chucky's birthday. He says his son is in a coma forever, and it puts things into perspective. Except...clearly it doesn't because Sonny is not doing anything to simply enjoy the people he actually loves that are not in comas. He says he likes the drapes, meaning he thinks Claud was climbing the walls b/c she was going to redecorate. Sonny has become Luckydumb.
Wyndermere: blah blah phone call. blah blah the plow patent is licensed to the Equinox corporation. Nik says they are a weapons manufacturer. Wait, not that I could give less of a rat's ass about this effing plow, but why is the patent licensed to anyone besides Raylene and now Nadine? Or is this one of those things where it turns out those pesky Indians from Spoon Island have been up to shennanigans again? Anywho, if Nadine ends up making an Iron Man suit, consider me gone.
Commercials
Sam's Apartment: Sam tries to assure Lucky that she knows his kids come first, and she knows Liz comes with the package. Lucky's phone rings, and he leaves immediately without even letting her finish a sentence. That would get old so quickly, if my husband had a phone like that.
Docks: Spinelli stumbles upon a girl talking to herself and typing on La Laptopa. She reminds me a bit of Molly Shannon in the face, and she has braids and glasses, so we know she's a nerd. Attractive people aren't able to understand computers, you see.
Corinthaus: Claud continues to run through the maze to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so she can build the Gabonese hut and win immunity. Ric hotly startles her.
Crimson: Kate and Jax look over headshots to find the right model. There is a lot of leopard print going on in this town today. Jax "hilariously" draws a mustache on a model's face and says they should go with something like that. Hot people are so annoying when they try to be funny. Kate and Jax flirt and flit about and Sonny shows up to be a big, grumpy, wet blanket.
Commercials
Wyndermere: blah blah how did a defense contractor get the patent. Nik says it explains the money. Nadine's phone rings, and it's Mr. Corday. She speaks like a mental patient and keeps repeating what he says so that Nik knows what's being said. I wish it was Mr. Corddry instead. Rob or Nate would do.
Docks: Nerdina thanks The Jackal for fixing her computer, and then she takes off.
Corinthaus: Claud angrily tells Ric that he had a decent childhood and a world class education. This marriage is giving her real power for the first time in her life. Gawd that's sad. She says Sonny is nicer to her than most men in her life have been. That's even sadder. Ric asks if she means him. She asks him to let her in on any plans he knows Wheels has. Ric hotly asks why Wheels would tell him anything. Claud says it would be to pit Ric against Sonny and make him feel important. Ric hotly scoffs that she has an overactive imagination. He drinks a bottle of Perrier and looks more nervous than a virgin in a pickle barrel. Claud picks up on this and tells him he can't trust her father. Even if John is really out of the picture, Wheels is not trust worthy. He asks her to tell him the plan, and they can hotly work out a side deal together. She pulls him into a quick kiss, but he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. He nervously gulps the water because that's not a guilty indicator at all. He leaves. and it's not exactly hot the way he leaves, but that just is because he's a good actor, and that is hot, so...he hotly leaves.
Johnny's Interviews: It's not going well. We only see Johnny's end of the interviews. He starts off with the typical cliche "people person, go getter" and then angrily says he's not his father. then he hilariously stands up and says with a tough guy accent "You want someone to keep jumping through hoops? Hire a monkey" and then he picks up a handful of pencils from the pencil holder and tosses them on the ground. heh.
Crimson: Sonny blah blah talks to Kate, and she tells him to go talk to his wife, and that is almost awesome, even for kHate. Sonny leaves and Maxie apologizes for letting him in. Kate says it's okay and tells Jax she hopes Sonny won't be back. She doesn't look remotely convinced that she means it, though.
Commercials
Wyndermere: Nik and Nadine meet with Mr. Corday. He wants to renew the license on the patent and gives Nadine a honking big check and will be back in 4 yeas when the license expirres. Nik says Mr. Corday is assuming a lot, and they are just getting started.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny comes him with a bloody knuckle and tells Loo it went badly, and he slammed a hole in the wall on the way out of one place. Why can't he just say his name is Johnny Jerome and get fake id's and stuff. If he hates his name, why keep it?
Sam's Apartment: Sam has summoned Spinelli to ask for help with the FBI guy that was asking her questions. she needs to know if he was investigating Spinelli. Spinelli believes he's lost his Jackalian prowess. Sam is very worried about him, and he leaves saying all is lost.
Corinthaus: OMG, SHUT THE EFF UP WITH THE EFFING WINDOW TO YOUR BLOODY SOUL BS. As per usual, Claud doesn't bother to check if anyone is home or just pulled up in the driveway, and she starts rattling around the house and knocking on mirrors. Sonny reasonably asks her what the hell she is doing now.
Commercials
Docks: Spinelli laments that El Laptopo has died. Buoy Boy clangs miserably. Nerdina has followed Spinelli and watches him with hero worship eyes. Maxie walks up and asks her why she's spying on Spinelli.
Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo puts a wash cloth on Johnny's knuckle to stop the bleeding. I don't think Julie Berman has ever been around any sort of injury in her life because she oddly dabs the cloth on and takes it off over and over. They start to get frisky, but Lucky shows up with a warrant for Johnny's arrest. The hell? Wouldn't he call first to make sure they were even home? And why say "PCPD" when he knocked. on his sister's door?
Wyndermere: Nadine asks point blank if Equinox uses the patent to make plows. He says he can't answer. She tears up the check and says that they can't have her aunts invention then. He says it's not that simple. But the music they use is Stings of Silliness, and not Ominous Musings in D Minor, so we know it is very likely this simple.
Corinthaus: Sonny tells Claud that he will find out if she's hiding anything. He flashes the dimples, but the Drumbeats of Danger sound, so we know it's serious. Meanwhile, the stupid bag of puzzle pieces have fallen lose from the back of the mirror. Claud manages to react as minimally as possible so as not to draw Sonny's attention. Luckily, his back is turned. And also, he's kind of an idiot.
The End
Showing posts with label Maxie and Spinelli. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Maxie and Spinelli. Show all posts
Friday, January 2, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
GH Recap 12/10: boring, boring, boring... GOOSE!
Emma's Closet: Robin made breakfast and has figured out how to hold Emma without terrifying her and thus has renewed confidence. Patrick cutely leans over and sort of smells Robin's wrist while she talks. Maybe he gives it a kiss, but it looked like sniffing...in an endearing way.
Petticoat Junction: Nik is going to help Nadine do chores. I can only imagine how riveting that will be.
Chez Zee: Johnny reads the paper shirtless on the sofa. Because he's unemployed now, so he just lives his entire life like Sunday morning. That sounds awesome. Jax bops in to say he needs his place back. Wait, this was Jax's apartment? Since when?
Jason's Penthouse: Jason is all business as Spinelli tries to tell him something. Before he can, Maxie trots down the stairs in the cutest nightgown ever. I think it has a petticoat for heaven's sakes. She cheerfully calls out good morning, much to Jason's chagrin.
Credits
Q Manse: Alice greets Luke. Luke is surprised that Tracy isn't back from Tiki Torture yet. Alice has all the fixin's for bloody mary's laid out on the table that normally just has disgusting room temperature oj and crusty pastries. Maybe it simply IS Sunday.
Emma's Closet: Robin lays Emma in her cute little bed that says "cozy baby" on the foot board. She whispers that she's read that baby digestive tracts take weeks to develop. Before Patrick leaves, Robin asks Robin to check on one of her patients. Okay, what in the hell? Is Robin on leave or is she not? Shouldn't she not have patients? Or is Night Shift on again, and this Mrs. Jessop is some crossover from there? Robin whispers to sleeping Emma that she's going to change clothes and be right back. As soon as she walks away, Emma starts wailing.
Petticoat Junction: Nadine and Nik put on super lovely, new clothes to go do these "chores". How hard can they be when you wear your everyday clothes to do them? I have a set of "chores" clothes that are so covered in paint and caulk that they can almost stand on their own. I'd never wear an outfit as cute as Nadine's to deal with pig slop. Nik seems to think FARM chores can't be that hard. If he's using my logic and assuming you need good boots and overalls for the work to actually be hard, then I agree...but even if you wear nice clothes, who on the planet doesn't know it's hard to be a farmer?
Chez Zee: whatever, Jax is evicting. Do real estate laws simply not exist in Port Charles? Does no one ever bother to read their lease?
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie chipperly makes herself at home, but Jason sternly bellows that Maxie can't stay with them and needs to leave.
Commercials
Shabby Stables Set: Nik insists he's descended for Kossack warriors, so he's sure he can do this. he asks how to milk a cow. Well, for starters, you get up 7 HOURS AGO and milk the cow. Geeze, show. It is a pretty black and white, cow though.
Chez Zee: Looloo tries to talk Jax out of his divorce. Why is this her concern or business? Jax says he's going to send a check to Johnny. Oh, so Looloo was only talking Jax out of his divorce so her boyfriend wouldn't have to move? Johnny says he can't afford rent there anyway.
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie wants to stay. I thought she already decided against living here? She says The Danger is over, but Jason sternly says it's not. Maxie says she feels safe with Spinelli and Mac was wrong. Jason furrows his brow and says Mac was right, and he wouldn't want his kid anywhere near someone like him.
Nurse's Station: Matt and Piph gossip about Patrick's whereabouts last night. Patrick just says he had an outpatient. Piph asks after Robin, and Patrick says she's doing well.
Alex clip clops up. Sam apparently called her office and decided to stalk her here. Alexis wonders why she didn't just call. But Alexis hugs her and says she heard about Jakeson. Sam wants to talk and knows Alexis needs an explanation for what happened with Jerry. Alexis says that would be kind of good.
Commercials
Mr. Mad is making bacon-wrapped, pecan-stuffed dates for his work party tonight. I hope I don't accidentally eat 2 dozen of them!
GH Lounge Area: Sam explains that Jerry's plan was to blow up his ship, kill Sam and fake his death. Jason saved her. Sam explains that Jerry was on the ship when it exploded, and she seriously doubts he's alive. Alexis is grateful that Sam is alright. Sam says Jerry mentioned Alexis, and for what it's worth....but Alexis cuts her off before she can finish. She says the truth is Jerry was working her, and she was working him, and there's no amount of rationalization that will make her feel less horrible. Alexis tells Sam the drug charges are being dropped. Sam thanks her, and Alexis matter of factedly says she was never going to let them stick anyway. She goes off to work, but Sam stops her and apologizes for the pain and headache (and dropped storylines- the fake drugs, and improbable storylines-Alexis dating Jerry). Alexis (and NLG) seem glad to be done with it and says she could have handled it better. Then she kisses Sam's forehead and hopefully goes off to get a decent storyline.
Nurse's Lounge: patrick tells Piph that Robin and emma are probably taking a stroll in the park.
Emma's Closet: Robin has changed clothes and rocks Emma. She can't figure out why they were getting along last night but not now. Does Robin not know about driving around and putting the kid in the carseat while singing songs? or getting a swing? or putting Emma in a stroller and going for a walk? (assuming she's fed, changed and burped her?) Maxie shows up, and Emma instantly stops crying. that's awesome that Emma is like that little frog that sings "hello my baby, hello my darling", but he only does it when the guy is alone.
Shabby Stables Set: For some reason Nadine teases Nik about not knowing how to milk a cow. As if she wasn't shown how the first time, and as if she got better at it with practice. Nik is too wimpy to milk the cow. But it turns out Nadine just lured Nik out to the barn to make out? In front of a cow? So I hope this means that someone milked that poor cow several hours ago, so they aren't torturing her. Also, that's kind of creepy to get off on kissing in front of barn animals. Elsie moos in disgust.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason solemnly tells Spinelli that he triggered an explosion, and if Sam hadn't jumped out of the window with Jakeson, he'd be dead. Well, that's true, Jason, but there's a whole, giant series of events that compounds that: If you'd bothered to send guards to always be around your girlfriend and son, if you had bothered to keep better account of The Danger, if you had neutralized Sonny ages ago, if you had simply stayed in Africa. and, I don't know, maybe not so much with becoming a hitman for a living the next time you get the chance!
Commercials
I really don't think a bong and a beer could make this show watchable.
Q Manse: Edward is glad that Tracy has dumped Luke, but now the future seems dimmer to him. Apparently Alice makes a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. Maybe I need a Bloody Mary to get through this show. I'll see if Mr. Mad will make me one. He puts wasabi in it sometimes, for an extra kick. Alice thinks Luke can win Tracy back. Tracy walks in and angrily says she left him face down on the floor of Tiki Torture. He says he woke up and assumes she got her divorce, but they are far from the end.
Petticoat Junction: Nik says he did a great job, but he says they sure do have a lot of cows. Nadine says they have a milking machine. And then, you know what happens? Why Nik is sort of fake angry that she almost made him milk a cow. I sure hope they talk about how much the grass has grown since morning! My guess is 1 millimeter! What's your guess? Wait, don't tell me...let me guess what your guess is! or...hey...you can guess what I would guess your guess would be! That would fill up about 20 seconds of time, and it would be thrice as entertaining as this nonsense. Alfalfa comes into the living room, so now we have a third person to bore us to tears.
Emma's Closet: Maxie talks so fast. She's trying to figure out where to live. Alas, Kelly's burned down, so there's nowhere for a young ingenue to go these days. Robin suggests the classifieds and says she can help out with rent, if Maxie needs it. That is so nice. Maxie says there are tons of website rental places. Maxie rushes out of the room b/c I guess the internet isn't in Emma's closet?
Jason's Penthouse: Diane shows up and says Jason is going to be questioned by the Feds. It's a shame Diane doesn't have a phone. She is dressed all in purple, though, so that's a pretty good trade off.
Commercials
Q Manse: Did you guys know that Luke and Tracy are getting a divorce? I guess I missed this during the roughly 15 hours they've devoted to this exact same conversation. The good news is, Mr. Mad has realized that this break in our gutters is probably what is causing a crack in the sunroom tile to appear. We are thinking of fixing it later after a trip to the new Home Depot. I honestly think recapping that visit would be more entertaining than this. Tracy tells Edward that she would never divorce Luke, but he doesn't need to know. Poor, mad cow suffering, Edward is too befuddled to notice Luke's face blatantly peering around the corner. Luke looks quite satisfied with this news.
Petticoat Junction: WHAT IS THE BLEEDING POINT OF AUNT RAYLENE? Mr. Mad comes in and laughs "is that Alffalfa? and is she always on?" I explain she's doing this tedious guest spot for no good reason. Nadine explains she's not getting married, and Alfafalfa could not care less? So what was the point of all this? Just to torture Tyler Christopher and make him want any job but this one?
Maxie's Ridiculously Fabulous Apartment: Maxie finds a totally great apartment (other than the tediously exposed brick) to rent. It's cheap and it's supposed to suck. A crappy apartment wouldn't have a giant living room that's not also the kitchen and bathroom.
Jason's Penthouse: Diane explains that Jason's stonewall techniques will seem like arrogant contempt for the law, so he has to tell exactly what happened and why. Sort of like how OJ was a jerk and turned down a 3 year stint in jail b/c he expected a public apology instead, and is now facing 9 to 33 because the Judge decided he was "arrogant and stupid"?
Commercials
Mr. Mad just sang to me the Toys R Us theme song "from bikes and toys and video games, it's the biggest toy store there is"
Emma's Closet: Emma cries until Patrick picks her up. Robin dejectedly hands him the bottle. She's clearly upset and broken hearted that her baby hates her. Patrick says the first couple of months are toughest. The violins know that Emma is going to hate her forever, though, so they play a mournful tune. Robin thinks they have to hire a baby nurse and face the truth that she's a terrible mother.
Petticoat Junction: Oh, gawd, these two haven't died of typhoid yet? I miss Nik's neck. Why is he so bobble headed all the time? Oh heavens. Alfafalfa passed away while Nik and Nadine talked about how they aren't getting married.
Maxie's Fab Apartment: Stupid Looloo shows up and wants the apartment. They fight over it. Why are they acting like all that matters is who gives a deposit and gets approved first? Or, more to the point, why aren't they acting like they are clearly going to be roommates? Oh, here is comes. Looloo and Maxie are roommates. Kill me now.
Courthouse: Diane says she has to have a prelimary meeting, so she asks him to sit tight and not shoot anyone. Sam walks up and eyes Jason curiously. He eyes her like he needs some Activia. No idea what that was about.
The end
Petticoat Junction: Nik is going to help Nadine do chores. I can only imagine how riveting that will be.
Chez Zee: Johnny reads the paper shirtless on the sofa. Because he's unemployed now, so he just lives his entire life like Sunday morning. That sounds awesome. Jax bops in to say he needs his place back. Wait, this was Jax's apartment? Since when?
Jason's Penthouse: Jason is all business as Spinelli tries to tell him something. Before he can, Maxie trots down the stairs in the cutest nightgown ever. I think it has a petticoat for heaven's sakes. She cheerfully calls out good morning, much to Jason's chagrin.
Credits
Q Manse: Alice greets Luke. Luke is surprised that Tracy isn't back from Tiki Torture yet. Alice has all the fixin's for bloody mary's laid out on the table that normally just has disgusting room temperature oj and crusty pastries. Maybe it simply IS Sunday.
Emma's Closet: Robin lays Emma in her cute little bed that says "cozy baby" on the foot board. She whispers that she's read that baby digestive tracts take weeks to develop. Before Patrick leaves, Robin asks Robin to check on one of her patients. Okay, what in the hell? Is Robin on leave or is she not? Shouldn't she not have patients? Or is Night Shift on again, and this Mrs. Jessop is some crossover from there? Robin whispers to sleeping Emma that she's going to change clothes and be right back. As soon as she walks away, Emma starts wailing.
Petticoat Junction: Nadine and Nik put on super lovely, new clothes to go do these "chores". How hard can they be when you wear your everyday clothes to do them? I have a set of "chores" clothes that are so covered in paint and caulk that they can almost stand on their own. I'd never wear an outfit as cute as Nadine's to deal with pig slop. Nik seems to think FARM chores can't be that hard. If he's using my logic and assuming you need good boots and overalls for the work to actually be hard, then I agree...but even if you wear nice clothes, who on the planet doesn't know it's hard to be a farmer?
Chez Zee: whatever, Jax is evicting. Do real estate laws simply not exist in Port Charles? Does no one ever bother to read their lease?
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie chipperly makes herself at home, but Jason sternly bellows that Maxie can't stay with them and needs to leave.
Commercials
Shabby Stables Set: Nik insists he's descended for Kossack warriors, so he's sure he can do this. he asks how to milk a cow. Well, for starters, you get up 7 HOURS AGO and milk the cow. Geeze, show. It is a pretty black and white, cow though.
Chez Zee: Looloo tries to talk Jax out of his divorce. Why is this her concern or business? Jax says he's going to send a check to Johnny. Oh, so Looloo was only talking Jax out of his divorce so her boyfriend wouldn't have to move? Johnny says he can't afford rent there anyway.
Jason's Penthouse: Maxie wants to stay. I thought she already decided against living here? She says The Danger is over, but Jason sternly says it's not. Maxie says she feels safe with Spinelli and Mac was wrong. Jason furrows his brow and says Mac was right, and he wouldn't want his kid anywhere near someone like him.
Nurse's Station: Matt and Piph gossip about Patrick's whereabouts last night. Patrick just says he had an outpatient. Piph asks after Robin, and Patrick says she's doing well.
Alex clip clops up. Sam apparently called her office and decided to stalk her here. Alexis wonders why she didn't just call. But Alexis hugs her and says she heard about Jakeson. Sam wants to talk and knows Alexis needs an explanation for what happened with Jerry. Alexis says that would be kind of good.
Commercials
Mr. Mad is making bacon-wrapped, pecan-stuffed dates for his work party tonight. I hope I don't accidentally eat 2 dozen of them!
GH Lounge Area: Sam explains that Jerry's plan was to blow up his ship, kill Sam and fake his death. Jason saved her. Sam explains that Jerry was on the ship when it exploded, and she seriously doubts he's alive. Alexis is grateful that Sam is alright. Sam says Jerry mentioned Alexis, and for what it's worth....but Alexis cuts her off before she can finish. She says the truth is Jerry was working her, and she was working him, and there's no amount of rationalization that will make her feel less horrible. Alexis tells Sam the drug charges are being dropped. Sam thanks her, and Alexis matter of factedly says she was never going to let them stick anyway. She goes off to work, but Sam stops her and apologizes for the pain and headache (and dropped storylines- the fake drugs, and improbable storylines-Alexis dating Jerry). Alexis (and NLG) seem glad to be done with it and says she could have handled it better. Then she kisses Sam's forehead and hopefully goes off to get a decent storyline.
Nurse's Lounge: patrick tells Piph that Robin and emma are probably taking a stroll in the park.
Emma's Closet: Robin has changed clothes and rocks Emma. She can't figure out why they were getting along last night but not now. Does Robin not know about driving around and putting the kid in the carseat while singing songs? or getting a swing? or putting Emma in a stroller and going for a walk? (assuming she's fed, changed and burped her?) Maxie shows up, and Emma instantly stops crying. that's awesome that Emma is like that little frog that sings "hello my baby, hello my darling", but he only does it when the guy is alone.
Shabby Stables Set: For some reason Nadine teases Nik about not knowing how to milk a cow. As if she wasn't shown how the first time, and as if she got better at it with practice. Nik is too wimpy to milk the cow. But it turns out Nadine just lured Nik out to the barn to make out? In front of a cow? So I hope this means that someone milked that poor cow several hours ago, so they aren't torturing her. Also, that's kind of creepy to get off on kissing in front of barn animals. Elsie moos in disgust.
Jason's Penthouse: Jason solemnly tells Spinelli that he triggered an explosion, and if Sam hadn't jumped out of the window with Jakeson, he'd be dead. Well, that's true, Jason, but there's a whole, giant series of events that compounds that: If you'd bothered to send guards to always be around your girlfriend and son, if you had bothered to keep better account of The Danger, if you had neutralized Sonny ages ago, if you had simply stayed in Africa. and, I don't know, maybe not so much with becoming a hitman for a living the next time you get the chance!
Commercials
I really don't think a bong and a beer could make this show watchable.
Q Manse: Edward is glad that Tracy has dumped Luke, but now the future seems dimmer to him. Apparently Alice makes a nice, spicy Bloody Mary. Maybe I need a Bloody Mary to get through this show. I'll see if Mr. Mad will make me one. He puts wasabi in it sometimes, for an extra kick. Alice thinks Luke can win Tracy back. Tracy walks in and angrily says she left him face down on the floor of Tiki Torture. He says he woke up and assumes she got her divorce, but they are far from the end.
Petticoat Junction: Nik says he did a great job, but he says they sure do have a lot of cows. Nadine says they have a milking machine. And then, you know what happens? Why Nik is sort of fake angry that she almost made him milk a cow. I sure hope they talk about how much the grass has grown since morning! My guess is 1 millimeter! What's your guess? Wait, don't tell me...let me guess what your guess is! or...hey...you can guess what I would guess your guess would be! That would fill up about 20 seconds of time, and it would be thrice as entertaining as this nonsense. Alfalfa comes into the living room, so now we have a third person to bore us to tears.
Emma's Closet: Maxie talks so fast. She's trying to figure out where to live. Alas, Kelly's burned down, so there's nowhere for a young ingenue to go these days. Robin suggests the classifieds and says she can help out with rent, if Maxie needs it. That is so nice. Maxie says there are tons of website rental places. Maxie rushes out of the room b/c I guess the internet isn't in Emma's closet?
Jason's Penthouse: Diane shows up and says Jason is going to be questioned by the Feds. It's a shame Diane doesn't have a phone. She is dressed all in purple, though, so that's a pretty good trade off.
Commercials
Q Manse: Did you guys know that Luke and Tracy are getting a divorce? I guess I missed this during the roughly 15 hours they've devoted to this exact same conversation. The good news is, Mr. Mad has realized that this break in our gutters is probably what is causing a crack in the sunroom tile to appear. We are thinking of fixing it later after a trip to the new Home Depot. I honestly think recapping that visit would be more entertaining than this. Tracy tells Edward that she would never divorce Luke, but he doesn't need to know. Poor, mad cow suffering, Edward is too befuddled to notice Luke's face blatantly peering around the corner. Luke looks quite satisfied with this news.
Petticoat Junction: WHAT IS THE BLEEDING POINT OF AUNT RAYLENE? Mr. Mad comes in and laughs "is that Alffalfa? and is she always on?" I explain she's doing this tedious guest spot for no good reason. Nadine explains she's not getting married, and Alfafalfa could not care less? So what was the point of all this? Just to torture Tyler Christopher and make him want any job but this one?
Maxie's Ridiculously Fabulous Apartment: Maxie finds a totally great apartment (other than the tediously exposed brick) to rent. It's cheap and it's supposed to suck. A crappy apartment wouldn't have a giant living room that's not also the kitchen and bathroom.
Jason's Penthouse: Diane explains that Jason's stonewall techniques will seem like arrogant contempt for the law, so he has to tell exactly what happened and why. Sort of like how OJ was a jerk and turned down a 3 year stint in jail b/c he expected a public apology instead, and is now facing 9 to 33 because the Judge decided he was "arrogant and stupid"?
Commercials
Mr. Mad just sang to me the Toys R Us theme song "from bikes and toys and video games, it's the biggest toy store there is"
Emma's Closet: Emma cries until Patrick picks her up. Robin dejectedly hands him the bottle. She's clearly upset and broken hearted that her baby hates her. Patrick says the first couple of months are toughest. The violins know that Emma is going to hate her forever, though, so they play a mournful tune. Robin thinks they have to hire a baby nurse and face the truth that she's a terrible mother.
Petticoat Junction: Oh, gawd, these two haven't died of typhoid yet? I miss Nik's neck. Why is he so bobble headed all the time? Oh heavens. Alfafalfa passed away while Nik and Nadine talked about how they aren't getting married.
Maxie's Fab Apartment: Stupid Looloo shows up and wants the apartment. They fight over it. Why are they acting like all that matters is who gives a deposit and gets approved first? Or, more to the point, why aren't they acting like they are clearly going to be roommates? Oh, here is comes. Looloo and Maxie are roommates. Kill me now.
Courthouse: Diane says she has to have a prelimary meeting, so she asks him to sit tight and not shoot anyone. Sam walks up and eyes Jason curiously. He eyes her like he needs some Activia. No idea what that was about.
The end
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
GH Recap: 12/9: Free Will(ie)
Crimson: Mac continues to tell Spinelli to stay away from Maxie. She insists her life is better with Spinny in it. Mac says she won't have a life if Spinelli is around. Spinelli says he won't leave Maxie's side. Then we go to more promos for the day for some reason, so I don't know what just happened.
Corinthaus: Sonny angrily asks what happened to Olivia, who is bleeding all over his sofa.
Spencer Home: Liz reunites with Jakeson. Lucky brings Cameron out, and Cam cutely greets his baby brother, who so clearly has a different father, it's not even funny at this point. Jason watches his family that he can't have because he prefers killing people and acts all anguished about his free will.
Credits
Spencer Home: Lucky asks who wants popcorn. Cameron pipes up "meeee! Yayyyy!" Lucky brings the boys in so that Liz can tell Jason that her heart is so full of gratitude. Jason softly says Liz should thank Sam.
Crimson: Mac forbids Maxie from seeing Spinelli while she's living under his roof. If she can't abide, she has to find her own place to live, and he's cutting her off, meaning she can't take the car. Well, how old is Maxie by now? Isn't it more than past time she be on her own regardless? Spinelli tries to intervene. Maxie says she isn't turning her back on Spinelli, so if she has to live on her own and take public transportation, so be it. Mac says he's not backing down, but clearly neither is Maxie. Mac can only snottily say "proud of yourself?" to Spinelli and leave. Maxie says it's time to move out anyway, so she can't give in to Mac's blackmail.
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax are all gross and breathy and flirty. I've seen this particular scene 18 times now. I don't believe that's an exageration.
Corinthaus: Olivia explains about meeting a blond Russian woman. Claud mocks Patrick that his first instinct was to bring a stabbed woman here instead of a hospital. Sonny asks why Olivia didn't go to a hospital and she says "my son." She manages not to say "don't tell Sonny he's the father", though, and we've learned how impossible that is for her to avoid saying every chance she gets.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Olivia explains her son will flip if she goes into the hospital again. Does he check the hospital rolls every single day, or something? Why would he know if she was in the hospital? She's going to be lying to him by not saying she was stabbed, anyway, and it will be super lame when she gets a staph infection from using strings from a tennis racket to sew her up. She doesn't want Kate to know either. (Claud had suggested Max and Milo carry her over to Kate's and drop her off.) Sonny agrees to let her be carried upstairs.
metrocourt: Jax and Carly talk.
Mac's House: Robin visits and defends Spinelli, that he's a good friend and would take a bullet for her. Mac says that this is his point: hanging around Spinelli means Maxie might actually be in the line of fire for a bullet.
Crimson: Maxie is proud of Spinelli for standing up to Mac. He thanks her, but thinks Mac had good points. He's worried about blow back from his mobster ties. Maxie has had the mobsterlabotomy that broads get on this show and has a big, cheery blind spot when it comes to The Danger. She just knows that she's a better person for knowing Spinelli, and having him in her life is non-negotiable. Spinelli says he's impressed with her passion. She says she can only say this once: he's funny and wonderful and smart, and having the choice between one hour with him and happily ever after with someone else, she picks him. Maxie thinks Mac is a mess b/c he misses Georgie, and she's a career woman now and should have her own place. Spinelli offers her Stone Cold's house as a temporary place. She doesn't think that's smart, and assumes Jason and Sam are going to "bang like bunnies" after their adrenaline rush.
Spencer Home: Sam humbly says Jason did all the work, and she was just there to resist. Liz stares at Jason and says she's forever indebted to Sam. Sam is surprised and says Liz doesn't owe her anything. Liz goes back to staring at Jason and tells Sam she's sure Lucky will want to thank her himself. Liz goes inside, and Sam asks Jason if he's alright. He has sad, brimming eyes. Lucky rushes out to embrace Sam and say he's glad she's safe.
Commercials
Mac's House: Maxie shows up in a fur coat. I hope that is faux! She angrily tells Mac and Robin not to gang up on her. Mac gently tries to make amends and says she's welcome here. She says she appreciates his concerns, but her moving out isn't about Spinelli. She thinks it's time she stand on her own.
metrocourt: carly and jax. Jax has just now figured out that he can't have a life with Carly. He accepts his own blame in the relationship. She cries that she didn't want their life to be about blame and regret. Well, then maybe not so much with the cheating on him ever few months and picking your exes over him over and over again.
Spencer Home: Lucky asks if they thought about calling the police. Sam says the considered it, but Jason thought it would put Jakeson in the middle of a stand off, so they just went for it. Lucky is kind of a jerk about it, but Sam stiffens and points out that Jakeson is home. Lucky relents and agrees this is the point, but he and Sam clearly are going to have to pout and be defensive about this respectively. Lucky goes back inside.
Corinthaus: Sonny and patrick have a drink and talk about fatherhood and Robin. Patrick says he's getting the hang of it and Robin will adjust. Patrick finishes his drink and asks if these are Sonny's only questions. I always love a character who openly can't stand Sonny and puts on a facade of politeness. Sonny asks if Patrick thinks he should call Olivia's son and tell him about her injury. Patrick tries not to gulp to noticeably.
Commercials
metrocourt: Jax asks what the definition of insanity. (the answer is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results), but Carly says something about two people who love each other but are getting a divorce. No, Carly, that's the answer for the question: Who are my least favorite characters on the show at this point and what are they doing? Jax gives Carly his ring as she sobs in protest.
Corinthaus: Patrick says it's not up to him how he deals with Olivia's family. Sonny says he knows, but then basically goes on to indicate that he doesn't know. He rambles on that Olivia was like a cat? the hell? Is that a euphemism for her lady parts? Sonny needs to know if Olivia is really okay. Patrick says Olivia is fine, and there's no medical need to alert her family. He says it should be up to Olivia when she tells her family. Sonny again says he knows, but who knows what he thinks he heard Patrick say "Sonny, you are the wisest and sexiest mobster ever, so the world awaits your kingdom" or something along those lines is my guess. SOnny sends his well wishes to Robin. Claud shows up to add "and tell her we are married and accepting gifts" heh. That is mightily obnoxious.
Mac's Home: The least realistic thing I've ever seen is that Maxie is already packed. Also, why is she moving out in the middle of the night? No matter how career-wise or independent you are, you can't rent a new place at midnight. Maxie thanks Mac for his wisdom and support and for giving them a place to call home. Robin sweetly agrees. Mac tells Maxie to go out there and reclaim her life and that fashion career, and go and be the best she can be "I now you will. You'll dazzle the world." aw. Maxie says she has to leave before she cries, and she hugs him, promising to tell him where she's staying. She hugs Robin and leaves. Mac says he can't imagine how quiet this house is going to be. Robin says it's hard, but for the best. Mac teases that Emma is just a baby, but he can't wait to hear the song she sings when Emma is grown and leaving, hitching her star to a junior mobster. Robin laughs and blanches and says "ack, thanks for that picture." But it is true. When Emma and Jakeson fall in love in 12 years (when they are 22) , it is going to be hard on Robin!
Mob Mobile: Jason drives Sam home. She says she hurt her hip when she jumped from the window. Sam waxes philosophic. It must be all those law classes she's taking. She's glad to be alive and that Jakeson is safe. She worriedly asks Jason if he thinks Jakeson was okay. She pictures him in her mind and then reassures herself with a laugh that he was calm and steady, and says he was like Jason. Jason's big blue eyes are bright red from almost crying, and he forlornly laments that he doesn't want Jakeson to be like him, "I hope he doesn't even remember me."
Commercials
Mac's House: Mac puts on his coat to go off to work and distract himself. Does this mean he'll actually be competent? Patrick shows up at this point. Patrick and Robin talk about their busy nights, and how Patrick had to save Olivia. Robin teases that there must have been a reward involved. Patrick says he doesn't even see other women anymore. I wonder if it's like how color is for Stephen Colbert. Patrick just sees a human form, but has no idea what the gender is, unless it's Robin?
Corinthaus: Claud angrily flips through a magazine. I think it's called "SMARM" magazine. That is kind of awesome that someone went to the trouble to make a fake magazine called Smarm. Claud and Sonny bicker about a woman being in the house. Sonny insists Olivia is not into him. Sonny says he's only in love with Kate.
Mob Mobile: Sam asks Jason about telling Liz and Lucky that she saved Jakeson. She says Jason isn't giving himself enough credit, and she lists all he did. He angrily interrupts to say he's also the one who set off the explosion, and this was not the first time he put Jakeson in danger. He swears it will be the last. oops, I hope you aren't swearing on the inconstant moon, or anything Jason, because it monthly changes its circled orb.
Commercials
Carly's House: Or, is this a room at Metrocourt? because it's not all blue and chocolate colored. Maybe this is her bedroom. She holds a picture of Chucky riding a bike and cries that she misses him so much. She knew no man would like being second to Sonny. She then says there is just a small place that belongs to Sonny. She thinks she's either finally growing up or a complete fool. I can't follow what's going on her her bizarre Sonny addiction and her need for other men to like it, when she herself can't bear for another man to have so much as a conversation with another woman. Shut up, Carly's nonsense. Just go set some files on fire or cheat on someone. I don't need self reflection from a crazy person.
Corinthaus: Olivia comes downstairs and Sonny says whoever did this will pay. Claud hilariously yells 'oh come ON' and tells Sonny that he shouldn't invite more trouble just b/c Olivia eavesdropped. She starts yelling about The Danger and Mr. Mad chuckles from his office and says he loves that there are "Russians" involved in this soap. Olivia tells Claud something that makes Olivia smirk and puts Claud in her place.
Spencer Home: Lucky reads a story to the boys, while all of them sit in a big pile as warm and loving as the puppy pile.
Sam's Apartment Building: Jason thanks Sam again. She says she owed him and Liz. He says that's done now. They wait for Rie Sinclair to start singing their song, but she doesn't, so Sam says goodnight and goes inside. Jason gets back in the Mob Mobile and tries to figure out where to go now that won't hurt his kid.
The end.
Corinthaus: Sonny angrily asks what happened to Olivia, who is bleeding all over his sofa.
Spencer Home: Liz reunites with Jakeson. Lucky brings Cameron out, and Cam cutely greets his baby brother, who so clearly has a different father, it's not even funny at this point. Jason watches his family that he can't have because he prefers killing people and acts all anguished about his free will.
Credits
Spencer Home: Lucky asks who wants popcorn. Cameron pipes up "meeee! Yayyyy!" Lucky brings the boys in so that Liz can tell Jason that her heart is so full of gratitude. Jason softly says Liz should thank Sam.
Crimson: Mac forbids Maxie from seeing Spinelli while she's living under his roof. If she can't abide, she has to find her own place to live, and he's cutting her off, meaning she can't take the car. Well, how old is Maxie by now? Isn't it more than past time she be on her own regardless? Spinelli tries to intervene. Maxie says she isn't turning her back on Spinelli, so if she has to live on her own and take public transportation, so be it. Mac says he's not backing down, but clearly neither is Maxie. Mac can only snottily say "proud of yourself?" to Spinelli and leave. Maxie says it's time to move out anyway, so she can't give in to Mac's blackmail.
Metrocourt: Carly and Jax are all gross and breathy and flirty. I've seen this particular scene 18 times now. I don't believe that's an exageration.
Corinthaus: Olivia explains about meeting a blond Russian woman. Claud mocks Patrick that his first instinct was to bring a stabbed woman here instead of a hospital. Sonny asks why Olivia didn't go to a hospital and she says "my son." She manages not to say "don't tell Sonny he's the father", though, and we've learned how impossible that is for her to avoid saying every chance she gets.
Commercials
Corinthaus: Olivia explains her son will flip if she goes into the hospital again. Does he check the hospital rolls every single day, or something? Why would he know if she was in the hospital? She's going to be lying to him by not saying she was stabbed, anyway, and it will be super lame when she gets a staph infection from using strings from a tennis racket to sew her up. She doesn't want Kate to know either. (Claud had suggested Max and Milo carry her over to Kate's and drop her off.) Sonny agrees to let her be carried upstairs.
metrocourt: Jax and Carly talk.
Mac's House: Robin visits and defends Spinelli, that he's a good friend and would take a bullet for her. Mac says that this is his point: hanging around Spinelli means Maxie might actually be in the line of fire for a bullet.
Crimson: Maxie is proud of Spinelli for standing up to Mac. He thanks her, but thinks Mac had good points. He's worried about blow back from his mobster ties. Maxie has had the mobsterlabotomy that broads get on this show and has a big, cheery blind spot when it comes to The Danger. She just knows that she's a better person for knowing Spinelli, and having him in her life is non-negotiable. Spinelli says he's impressed with her passion. She says she can only say this once: he's funny and wonderful and smart, and having the choice between one hour with him and happily ever after with someone else, she picks him. Maxie thinks Mac is a mess b/c he misses Georgie, and she's a career woman now and should have her own place. Spinelli offers her Stone Cold's house as a temporary place. She doesn't think that's smart, and assumes Jason and Sam are going to "bang like bunnies" after their adrenaline rush.
Spencer Home: Sam humbly says Jason did all the work, and she was just there to resist. Liz stares at Jason and says she's forever indebted to Sam. Sam is surprised and says Liz doesn't owe her anything. Liz goes back to staring at Jason and tells Sam she's sure Lucky will want to thank her himself. Liz goes inside, and Sam asks Jason if he's alright. He has sad, brimming eyes. Lucky rushes out to embrace Sam and say he's glad she's safe.
Commercials
Mac's House: Maxie shows up in a fur coat. I hope that is faux! She angrily tells Mac and Robin not to gang up on her. Mac gently tries to make amends and says she's welcome here. She says she appreciates his concerns, but her moving out isn't about Spinelli. She thinks it's time she stand on her own.
metrocourt: carly and jax. Jax has just now figured out that he can't have a life with Carly. He accepts his own blame in the relationship. She cries that she didn't want their life to be about blame and regret. Well, then maybe not so much with the cheating on him ever few months and picking your exes over him over and over again.
Spencer Home: Lucky asks if they thought about calling the police. Sam says the considered it, but Jason thought it would put Jakeson in the middle of a stand off, so they just went for it. Lucky is kind of a jerk about it, but Sam stiffens and points out that Jakeson is home. Lucky relents and agrees this is the point, but he and Sam clearly are going to have to pout and be defensive about this respectively. Lucky goes back inside.
Corinthaus: Sonny and patrick have a drink and talk about fatherhood and Robin. Patrick says he's getting the hang of it and Robin will adjust. Patrick finishes his drink and asks if these are Sonny's only questions. I always love a character who openly can't stand Sonny and puts on a facade of politeness. Sonny asks if Patrick thinks he should call Olivia's son and tell him about her injury. Patrick tries not to gulp to noticeably.
Commercials
metrocourt: Jax asks what the definition of insanity. (the answer is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results), but Carly says something about two people who love each other but are getting a divorce. No, Carly, that's the answer for the question: Who are my least favorite characters on the show at this point and what are they doing? Jax gives Carly his ring as she sobs in protest.
Corinthaus: Patrick says it's not up to him how he deals with Olivia's family. Sonny says he knows, but then basically goes on to indicate that he doesn't know. He rambles on that Olivia was like a cat? the hell? Is that a euphemism for her lady parts? Sonny needs to know if Olivia is really okay. Patrick says Olivia is fine, and there's no medical need to alert her family. He says it should be up to Olivia when she tells her family. Sonny again says he knows, but who knows what he thinks he heard Patrick say "Sonny, you are the wisest and sexiest mobster ever, so the world awaits your kingdom" or something along those lines is my guess. SOnny sends his well wishes to Robin. Claud shows up to add "and tell her we are married and accepting gifts" heh. That is mightily obnoxious.
Mac's Home: The least realistic thing I've ever seen is that Maxie is already packed. Also, why is she moving out in the middle of the night? No matter how career-wise or independent you are, you can't rent a new place at midnight. Maxie thanks Mac for his wisdom and support and for giving them a place to call home. Robin sweetly agrees. Mac tells Maxie to go out there and reclaim her life and that fashion career, and go and be the best she can be "I now you will. You'll dazzle the world." aw. Maxie says she has to leave before she cries, and she hugs him, promising to tell him where she's staying. She hugs Robin and leaves. Mac says he can't imagine how quiet this house is going to be. Robin says it's hard, but for the best. Mac teases that Emma is just a baby, but he can't wait to hear the song she sings when Emma is grown and leaving, hitching her star to a junior mobster. Robin laughs and blanches and says "ack, thanks for that picture." But it is true. When Emma and Jakeson fall in love in 12 years (when they are 22) , it is going to be hard on Robin!
Mob Mobile: Jason drives Sam home. She says she hurt her hip when she jumped from the window. Sam waxes philosophic. It must be all those law classes she's taking. She's glad to be alive and that Jakeson is safe. She worriedly asks Jason if he thinks Jakeson was okay. She pictures him in her mind and then reassures herself with a laugh that he was calm and steady, and says he was like Jason. Jason's big blue eyes are bright red from almost crying, and he forlornly laments that he doesn't want Jakeson to be like him, "I hope he doesn't even remember me."
Commercials
Mac's House: Mac puts on his coat to go off to work and distract himself. Does this mean he'll actually be competent? Patrick shows up at this point. Patrick and Robin talk about their busy nights, and how Patrick had to save Olivia. Robin teases that there must have been a reward involved. Patrick says he doesn't even see other women anymore. I wonder if it's like how color is for Stephen Colbert. Patrick just sees a human form, but has no idea what the gender is, unless it's Robin?
Corinthaus: Claud angrily flips through a magazine. I think it's called "SMARM" magazine. That is kind of awesome that someone went to the trouble to make a fake magazine called Smarm. Claud and Sonny bicker about a woman being in the house. Sonny insists Olivia is not into him. Sonny says he's only in love with Kate.
Mob Mobile: Sam asks Jason about telling Liz and Lucky that she saved Jakeson. She says Jason isn't giving himself enough credit, and she lists all he did. He angrily interrupts to say he's also the one who set off the explosion, and this was not the first time he put Jakeson in danger. He swears it will be the last. oops, I hope you aren't swearing on the inconstant moon, or anything Jason, because it monthly changes its circled orb.
Commercials
Carly's House: Or, is this a room at Metrocourt? because it's not all blue and chocolate colored. Maybe this is her bedroom. She holds a picture of Chucky riding a bike and cries that she misses him so much. She knew no man would like being second to Sonny. She then says there is just a small place that belongs to Sonny. She thinks she's either finally growing up or a complete fool. I can't follow what's going on her her bizarre Sonny addiction and her need for other men to like it, when she herself can't bear for another man to have so much as a conversation with another woman. Shut up, Carly's nonsense. Just go set some files on fire or cheat on someone. I don't need self reflection from a crazy person.
Corinthaus: Olivia comes downstairs and Sonny says whoever did this will pay. Claud hilariously yells 'oh come ON' and tells Sonny that he shouldn't invite more trouble just b/c Olivia eavesdropped. She starts yelling about The Danger and Mr. Mad chuckles from his office and says he loves that there are "Russians" involved in this soap. Olivia tells Claud something that makes Olivia smirk and puts Claud in her place.
Spencer Home: Lucky reads a story to the boys, while all of them sit in a big pile as warm and loving as the puppy pile.
Sam's Apartment Building: Jason thanks Sam again. She says she owed him and Liz. He says that's done now. They wait for Rie Sinclair to start singing their song, but she doesn't, so Sam says goodnight and goes inside. Jason gets back in the Mob Mobile and tries to figure out where to go now that won't hurt his kid.
The end.
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