GH Recap 12/19: Speed-the-plow

Carly's House: Carly has busted out the Christmas ornaments for the tree. Jax shows up with a gift for the little boy who lives upstairs. Carly is too exhausted to pick a fight. Monty runs downstairs and asks with a face full of hope if Jax is going to spend Christmas with them. Such a cute kid, that one.

Corinthaus: Claud is still listening to Jerry's annoying voice. Sonny walks in and asks what she's hiding.

Sink Hole: Sascha and Jason are still on the phone talking about Sam. Sascha has hilariously been watching Sam try to Mario Brothers her way out of this hole this entire time and warns that if Jason doesn't find her soon, she won't be around to find.

Credits.

Emma's Closet: Anna shows up to say she got all the stuff in London that Robin wanted. Oh, so does that explain where she's been. Anna hears someone walk in, and it turns out to be Robert! Anna asks if his oncologist knows he's here. robert says he only has cancer in a parallel universe that has nothing to do with GH. Or really, he just smiles mysteriously.

Carly's House: Carly explains that Jax will be with Lady Jane b/c she needs her son like Carly needs Monty. Jax decides to let the kid open his gift now. I hope it's a Z-box like on OLTL! Oh, it's just a generic "video game system" I suppose they also use cotton swabs instead of Q-tips and drink carbonated beverages instead of Pepsi?

Corinthaus: Sonny finally notices the cheerfully decorated tree and angrily asks what she's done. Well, Sonny, she's done what she already emphatically said she'd do.

Jason's Penthouse: Sascha demands that Jason meet him on the pier, or Sam dies. Jason tells Spinelli where he's going (Ahem, SAM, see how smart adventure junkies do it? they have a buddy they tell stuff to. Sam needs a Starsky) Spinelli objects and says if Jason gets killed then the world is doomed. He's less dramatic, but we all know it's true. It'd be like in Superman II when Superman decided to become Clark Kent full time so he could bang Lois, and then those evil phantom dudes took over the White House. Gawd, I love that movie!

Commercials

Carly's House: Monty plays with his video game console. Oh, he is pretty young. I guess it should be more Leapfrog than Zombie Killers. The box looks like it holds fun, educational delight for a little kid. Carly ruins Monty's fun and tells him to go upstairs and put on the special zen music earphones she bought him so he won't hear Mommy and _______ fighting all the time. Carly thanks Jax for being a good stepdad. Jax remembers how happy they were last year, and she wonders how they got here. (when were they happy? doesn't he always go surfing this time of year and abandon her or Skye or Brenduh?)

Corinthaus: Claud says she knows he's mad at the universe for Chucky's coma. He angrily (but rightly) says it wasn't God or the universe that got Chucky shot "it was MEEEEE!" and then he throws something and breaks it. Aw, Sonny DOES love Claudia! He only breaks crystal when it's true love.

GH: Patrick and Shawn Douglas bicker a little bit about Shawn Douglas' gift to Emma. Patrick invites Shawn to his wedding the day after Christmas. he also asks him to be his best man. Shawn Douglas is quite flummoxed.

Emma's Closet: Robert and Anna have tea. He assures her he's in remission, but she's going to check up at the clinic to make sure. He says she's welcome to call them b/c he's being honest. Then they bicker about being able to kick each other's booties. Robin comes home and jubilantly asks them what they are doing. Anna guiltily says they are fighting. Robert says they are playing catch up, and then he pats her fanny in such a way that makes her wiggly.

Commercials

Emma's Closet: Robin cuddles Emma. I'm so sure that Robert and Anna could just stand there and not grab that cutie baby from her. I fully plan on handing my kid off before my mom even says hello. Robert holds her and gives her a bottle. She gives out a few squeels. Robin is doing a good job of pretending like she doesn't hate her baby, so Emma relaxes. Robert sweetly says that Emma is proof he did something right in this world. He tells her he was in the hospital knocking on heaven's door, then he jokes it was probably the other place, but he knew there was something he needed to do. He kisses her forehead when she coos and says "you, my darling, were definitely worth the fight." aw!

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli wonders why Jason is going to endanger himself. Jason grumpily says Sam saved Jakeson, so what does Spinelli want him to do? Well, for starters, you can only save people who don't purposefully put themselves in danger. Love ya, Sam, but COME ON!

Sink Hole: Sam writhes in pain, her face wet with tears, and her leg clearly broken or otherwise terribly injured. She tries to get back up, but she falls down in agony.

Carly's House: Carly cries about missing Chucky. Monty runs downstairs with a picture he made of Lady Jane. Jax says he's a great artist. Monty says "I miss you." and hugs Jax and causes Carly to sob. Gee, Carlidiot, maybe you should thought of THIS MOMENT when you traded in your marriage to save that jerkweed mobster, Sonny. You won't let Sonny see Monty, so why would you give up the one man you do think is worthy of your demon spawn?

Corinthaus: Sonny is in rare form for this scene. Claud says Sonny didn't put Chucky in a coma b/c he was the intended target. Sonny says he should have had guards (yes, 24/7) He says he should have reacted differently when he saw the rifle (you mean diving for your lover instead of your child? right again!) Sonny strikes at the air with his fist and talks about the people who continue to hurt people. He says Devlin crossed the line when he tried to kill him in front of his child. This jerkmonster doesn't even see it as Devlin's main sin was firing when a kid was present. Sonny is the worst. Claud apologizes for making Christmas worse for him. Sonny says the only gift he wants is to find out if the man who shot his son had an accomplice. claud holds back tears and says Devlin paid with his life. Sonny whispers, in what I believe is supposed to be a threatening way "it's not enough"

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Patrick finds Shawn Douglas and asks if he is going to be his best man. Shawn-D asks about Coleman,a nd Patrick says he'll understand. Shawn-D says he had plans with football and big screen and cheerleaders. Patrick says there are DVR's. Okay, dude, whathefuckever. A man may very well give up other women, but what kind of confirmed bachelor gives up bowl games for a dorky wedding with only 14 people attending? Seriously, have that nonsense after the 5th. Or did Patrick go to some lame school with a crappy football team? That must be it. oh, and GO GATERS, if you don't mind. Rip their lungs out, 'kay? Patrick sincerely says he wants Shawn-D there, and he agrees.

Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert watch Emma sleep, as you do when a baby is in the room. Robert tells her to quit look at him with a sappy face. Robin says they can't help being sappy since he was dying and now he's healthy. Anna says seeing him with Emma was a lovely moment. Robert asks Robin if she wants him here or not. She says of course she does, but she doesn't want him to risk his life over it. Robert promises he's in great shape, and his doctor's signed off on it. Robin says she'd rather take his word. Anna moans at how many times she's been there, done that. heh. then they stand and watch Emma fidget and coo. Robert says he sees a lot of Robin and Anna. Robin says she sees a lot of Patrick. Anna says she is the spitting image of Robin. Robin and Anna talk a bit about how Robert didn't even know Robin as a baby. Then they tease each other for being grandparents, while Robin beams at her two parents who were totally dead to the point she spoke to their ghosts when she was diagnosed with HIV, but who are now living and breathing, or at least, remarkably charming zombies. Regardless, it must feel nice to have them around.

Alleydocks: Sascha and Jason meet. Sascha recaps how many times Sam has been in her grasp. She also says Sam fell and now they get to have this nice little talk, and she sounds so much like Heidi Klum Seal saying "we are going to have a little chat" before the judging, that I get confused about what show I'm watching. Jason impatiently asks what her point is.

Christmas Fantasy: sarly sobs over a Super heart breaking memory that I can't imagine ever happened of Carly, Sonny, Chucky and Monty having a merry, cheerful, family moment, hanging stockings. In the present she looks at the bare mantel, paralized by whether or not you hang your son's stocking who lives at a Whole Foods. Is it more heart breaking to see it sitting there, or just to have Monty's? She holds her face in her hands. And yeah, dum dum, this is why I don't get why you chose the cretin who got your son shot over the man who wanted to move heaven and earth to keep your kids safe?

Commercials

Corinthaus: Carly calls Sonny and says she needs to see him in person. Claud asks where he's going, but he dismissively tells her not to wait up. I guess Sonny gave up on the whole "winning Claud over" bit?

Emma's Closet: Robin jokes that she went into labor in the first ceremony, so Robert could be here for the 2nd one. Robert asks what she needs for the wedding, but Robin says Maxie has it all under control. robert asks how Patrick is handling all this. Robin says he's the best, and emma likes him more than her (though she says it like she's kidding.) Patrick shows up, surprised to see Robert. Robert teases he couldn't stay away b/c he has to give the FIL/SIL chat. My dad and his brothers give The Real Man test to all the grooms in the family. None of the women ever know what it is. I have my guesses. I know you have to be really, really drunk to administer it!

Alleydocks: Sascha tells Jason that he's hurt The Danger, and they are wondering whether they can stay in this random town that can't possibly be all that lucrative for one mob syndicate, much less 8, and they are considering leaving town.

Sink Hole: Alexis appears to Sam and sternly tells her that she can't go to sleep, or she'll freeze to death. Sam mumbles that Alexis is just in her mind. Alexis says she's telling her what she already knows. "You can save yourself, but you have to get up and keep moving." Sam snuggles back against the rock.

Corinthaus: Claud goes back to listening to Jerry ramble endlessly about his stupid game and the stupid marriage. He goes on and on until even Claud yells "oh, get to the point, you psycho!" Also, was it St. Patrick's Day when Jerry recorded this? That's the only excuse for the ugly green jacket and the sickly green tint. Jerry gives a stupid clue about the window of her soul. So, apparently the GH writers moonlight as Survivor treemail writers? I hope they all start rhyming, and that Claud has to do a bunch of stupid puzzles!

Commercials

Emma's Closet: Anna and Robert leave to run an errand. I think it's so dumb when they don't give extra padding to a new mom on these shows. Or couldn't they at least dress Robin in something other than tight jeans a few weeks after she gives birth? Robin and Robert talk about the first day they met and how it was love at first sight. Robin asks how Robert really is, and at first seems to be asking doctorly questions, but then she asks him if he can walk her down the aisle.

Sink Hole: Alexis sternly but lovingly tells her she has to stay awake. Sam says now she knows she's dreaming b/c Alexis doesn't like being her mother. Alexis says maybe that's not true, and that's why Sam is imagining her. Sam weepily says she wants her mother to save her. Alexis regretfully says her mother can't save her, but Sam can save herself. Then she sternly repeats that Sam has to get up and start moving. Sam takes a deep breath and struggles to stand.

Alleydocks: Jason is on the phone and tells Bernie to send something now. Sascha checks her phone and is pleased with the results. Sascha says she's happy to leave this place and is glad that Jason will beat those sons of bitches (which, is quickly becoming my favorite curse word) Suddenly we hear a silencer shot, and Sascha is shot in the back. Jason catches her and desperately says he gave her what she wanted, so she has to tell him where Sam is. Well, jason, see, sometimes when people are shot they DIE. They don't always have art studio supplies at the ready.

Carly's House: Sonny shows up and asks what was so important. Monty shows up smilingly and wishes his dad a Merry Christmas. Sonny, for all his evil and cynicism and self-loathing, can't wipe the giant smile off his face.

The end

GH Recaps 11/25: Every Time I Hear Our Song...

So I'm only interested in Liz and Sam and hope you got whatever you needed from the rest of these bozos as needed.

Desolate Cabin: Liz is a simpering mess. Honestly, I don't like that she lies but how silly is it that she can't hold it together, like at all? Shots blast all the glass out out of the windows. Liz tries to just randomly shoot from the floor. Sam stops her and says they don't have much ammo. Sam wants them to lay low and play dead until they can see the whites of their eyes. Lil Cameron calls out, but Sam makes Liz sit still. Grey Goose busts in the door and looks around, giving Sam time to shoot him. For some insane reason, she doesn't take his weapon but shuts the door on him. Since the door is obviously about as effective as wet matches at this point. Is that a zither playing? I'm so glad Zither Guy showed up!

Liz and Sam sit in the torn up living room. Liz whisper asks why they are sitting there,and Sam remains eerily calm and says they are buying time. At this Liz starts crawling across the floor, and Sam stops her. Sam assures her that doing what Sam says is the best chance they have to protect the kids. The longer they wait out The Danger, the better chance they have of Jason or Lucky coming to them. Liz asks how Sam can do this, and Sam shrugs and says she grew up handling guns for her dad. She tells of her childhood, being a little girl with a criminal and con artist for a father. One time one of the marks came to their house, and she shot at his feet b/c she'd seen it in a Western. Liz giggles in spite of the situation at this. Sam was only 8 when this happened. Cameron calls out again, and Liz says she has to go to him. Sam promises she'll give her life to protect Liz's kids. Liz can only hope and pray that 1. this is true and 2. it doesn't come to that.

Liz comes back and Sam worries it's too quiet out there. She hands a gun to Liz and says there are 3 bullets. Sam is out of bullets and can only use her gun as a blunt object. She demands Liz go to the boys and run for the river if things go bad. Liz doesn't want to leave Sam alone, but Sam snaps that Liz has to act like a mother and go to the boys. Liz leaves and Sam stands by the door. It opens and Chin Dimple enters. Sam tries to hit him on the head but misses. She and Chin Dimple struggle. A shot rings out and Chin Dimple falls. Sam turns in surprise to see Liz standing with a smoking gun.

Liz holds the gun and breathes is shallow, quivering breaths as Sam checks Chim Dimple's pulse. Liz asks "is he?" Sam responds that he's dead. She asks how Liz is doing, and Liz honestly answers that she doesn't know. Sam gently says that Liz saved her life. Liz lifts the gun and hands it to Sam and says "take this, I don't ever want to touch it again. Sam reminds Liz to breathe. Liz exhales "I just killed a man." Sam steps forward and resolutely reminds her "who would have killed you and your children." Liz stares at this statement hanging in the air, and Sam softens and says thinking of that will help her get through it. Liz says "just tell me this is over." Sam can only says she hopes it is. Liz slowly drifts back to her boys.

Jason drives in his car, talking to Bernie. What, no blue tooth in that $50k car? He says he's not worried about a fire on the outskirts of town, but then his logic chip kicks into gear, and he wonders if The Danger is trying to draw his attention from their real goal. He says he's going to check on the Desolate Cabin. But mostly this scene establishes there is no cell service in the Mountain Region of Port Charles. Jason tries to call the cabin and is alarmed that the number is out of order.

Liz stands in the doorway of Desolate Cabin #2432 and bellows out, in a sore throat inducing sort of bellow "Jake! Jaaaaaaaake!" Jason pulls up and Sam jumps in front of the car. Did she think he was going to run over Liz? That was odd. He asks Sam what happened, and Sam says The Danger took Jake. Sam hops in the car. They watch Liz standing there, with this cloth diaper in her hands, looking excactly how she was always going to end up looking a year or two after she climbed those 15 flights.

I tried to find the song that plays at the end, but to no avail.


Best lines:

Claud to Sonny: "when you don't believe in love, and you don't need the money, you don't think about marriage."

Oliva on Coleman: Agggg, he's hot, but a living, breathing mistake of the type I've made many, many times.
Carly, taking a shot, "oh, we all have regrets"
Oliva, out of the corner of her mouth "who says I regret it?"

Spinelli to Jason regarding Mac telling him to stay away from Maxie: "See,I know your Secret Pain, I am a fellow lone wolf!"

Hope you had a happy Thanksgiving!

GH Recap 11/19: I am Mr. Roark, and I am your host

Haunted Star: I forgot Johnny and Luke were working together. Or did I make that up? They are in a scene together.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sam trots into the warehouse b/c why would there be any guards at all? She asks Sascha for a job.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli comes home to put the gun back into the Box of Secret Pain. Jason says he shouldn't be carrying that. Spinelli says no one, not even Jason, will stop him from exacting The Revenge.

Credits


Scorpio-Drake Home: Robin thinks Patrick should go do rounds. He doesn't want to leave her alone while she's recovering from the c-section. Seriously, why wouldn't she be totally cool with being pampered for one stupid day? She wants to have a chance to be a mommy and thinks it's about time.

Haunted Star: Luke says he's disappointed in Johnny for some reason. I guess Luke wanted to challenge him to a game of roulette. Johnny thinks he's being played and wants to play cards. He opens a fresh deck and fans them out face down. But Brandon Baresh has apparently never played cards in his life because he holds the fan of cards in a way that would easily let Luke see them. Johnny wins the card picking and remains a partner at the HS.

Olivia's Room: Sonny has once again answered a phone that isn't his. He chats with Dante until Olivia rips the phone away. Olivia ends the call and tells Sonny that he's out of line. Olivia says she'll go back to Bensonhurst if he's going to end run her son. or something like that. Um, the thing is, Olivia is not wealthy, right? So doesn't she need to go back to work? Doesn't she have rent to pay? Even in Bensonhurst, I doubt rent is so affordable that you can take a month off work.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sascha will give Sam a job.




Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli tells Jason that Maxie was beat up and hit her head when she fell. Spinelli frantically says he thought she was dead. Jason says that he just said she's fine. Spinelli says that Maxie is quite small with delicate bones, and the Russians brutalized her anyway. Jason says that Maxie is under his protection as much as anyone else, and the people who hurt her will pay. Jason emphatically tells Spinelli that he knows he's wanting to take on The Revenge, but The Revenge often leads to The Darkening and The Dreadening or whatever, and you can never come back from The Dreadening of killing someone. Jason gets a phone call, so Spinelli is able to break the trance Jason has him in and runs off as Jason talks to Bernie. Or Bennie. I can never remember.

Commercials

GH Lounge: Edward and Tracy meet. Edward wants Monica to be chief of staff b/c she's been getting on his nerves at the house. Edward mocks her marriage to Luke, but she says she's Luke's real wife, since he chose to stay with her.

Nurse's Station: Piph tells Liz about some patients, and that she thinks Liz's boyfriend is involved. Liz snits that if Piph is talking about Jason, she doesn't know anything about his business. Piph says Liz may not be a total idiot afterall. I paraphrase. Patrick shows up to work and tells the women that Robin is a good mom.

Emma's Home: Robin tries to put together some complicated thingy. Why wouldn't two physicians just pay someone to build their baby stuff? Emma starts crying. Robin picks up doll and tries to figure out a way to either heat a bottle or change her. She doesn't know which Emma needs, so instead of simply CHECKING the kid's diaper and making a bottle anyway, she just pathetically sits there and pats the doll. Unsurprisingly, Emma still needs whatever is making her cry to be addressed, so she keeps crying. Well, Robin, you can try waiting until she starves to death, or you can make a dang bottle for her.

Haunted Star: Johnny and Luke try to have a cool-off basically. Neither one is winning, by the way.

Olivia's Room: Oy, Sonny and Olivia keep yammering to each other. Who has the time to sit around and bicker all day? Oh, and speaking of have WAY too much free time? kate shows up yet again to eaveslurk. Sonny randomly says he wants to talk to Dante again. Kate looks on in surprise.

Corinthaus: Spinelli lets himself in the terrace door. Why don't these people, who are actively being attacked by The Danger, never lock their doors? Somehow Spinelli knows that the bar is totally awesome and has a secret panel where Sonny keeps his box of Secret Pain. Only really, Sonny just keeps a gun in it b/c Sonny has no secret pain. he tells anyone and everyone all about his stupid pain. Spinelli conceals the gun. Max comes in to ask what Spinelli is doing. Spinelli says this is wise and takes off. Of course, he has to stop on the terrace and pull out the gun and think a moment before taking off resolutely. Do the writers think we forgot already that he just got that gun?

Commercials

Olivia's Room: Kate is all wimpy and pathetic and says Sonny was nice to take time off work to visit Olivia and that Olivia will thank him accordingly. Olivia says this is insulting to both her and Sonny. Sonny again says he'll call Dante to look after Olivia if she doesn't get better, or something. Olivia smiles and calls him an asss. Sonny leaves and Kate whines that Sonny should know about Dante, and she thinks telling Sonny would be a perfect, final gesture. Olivia stares dumbfounded and smell the farty about it, and Mr. Mad giggles.

Maxie's room: Spinelli brought a lavender plant to Maxie that can be transplanted later. Maxie says she has a brown thumb. Spinelli says that Mac was right and it is spinelli's fault she was injured, so he has to step out of her life. Mr. Mad asks who this weirdo is.

Docks: Sam and Lucky meet. She tells him that she got a job with The Russians. Lucky says this is a bad idea. Sam says that no one else is in a position to get evidence. It's a good point. Maybe the government or someone could create a group of people who do things like spy on bad guys and gather evidence. It could be centralized. Maybe set up headquarters in Langley, Virginia.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason gets Cody ready to drain the blood of every Russian in town. He wants no prisoners.

Commercials

Nurse's Station: Liz and Patrick discuss patients. Patrick mentions that Emma sleeps only 3 hours at a time. Liz chuckles and says that sounds great to her. Patrick asks a few more questions about how often he should feed her. Piph shows up to be a total, bitchmouthed snot and berates him for making conversation about his newborn with a woman who is both a mother and a nurse. Honestly, they are getting work done, so why can't he ask a few questions without this insulting castigation? For some reason, Patrick apologizes. Robin calls and the baby is crying, so he asks them to sign him out. Liz and Piph say they have it under control, and he should be with his family. patrick cutely likes the sound of "my family" and leaves. Piph chuckles. Because I'm so effing sure that she just magically knew how to be a perfect parent 24 hours into the job.

Haunted Star: Johnny and Luke are still hanging out, drinking and being cool. Looloo and some really silly looking curly hair saunter in. She's all snotty to Luke and says that Luke didn't keep her and Johnny apart. Luke says "oh, rats" and thanks Johnny for stopping by. Johnny kisses her forehead and says her name never came up. ha! Loo says she's an idiot, but Luke hugs her fondly anyways because he's used to have idiots for children.

Maxie's Room: Maxie's eyes are all puffy and tearful as she insists that Stolichnaya attacked her b/c she saw them at Kelly's. She cutely says "I know you think you are a mobster, but you're not. You're more like...tech support!" Spinelli says that being friends with Jason makes him complicit. When he saw her lying in the same spot where Georgie died, and he couldn't bear life without her. Before he can finish, she interrupts and says she feels the same way, and she can't manage without his friendship. She'll turn into a horrible person again. SPinelli says she'll always be in his heart. She says she needs his presence too. He says she will have it, just not now. Then he ominously gets up to "attend" to something. She is easily cued in that this is The Danger and demands to know where he's going, but he leaves and says no more.

Commercials

Emma's Closet: Patrick comes home and Robin whines that she's destroying Emma's life by being bad at everything. Patrick picks up Emma and gets her to stop crying. Robin asks how he did that. Patrick says it was just bad timing, and Emma was probably cried out. Robin, as Robin does, takes this one piece of anecdotal evidence and bases her life's philosophy on it: Patrick is a great dad, and she sucks. Maybe Emma just doesn't like bad attitudes, Robin?

Haunted Star: Luke and Looloo talk about Logan. he blames Logan and hopes Loo isn't beating herself up over it. I can't even conceive of my father not being around for my murder trial. Loo thinks Laura could sense Looloo's pain and knew she was needed, so she came back. Loo asks what it means to him to have Laura back.

Corinthaus: Max tells sonny that Spinelli came by to broker a truce. Sonny says it's clear that Spinelli lives in the twilght zone and Jason doesn't really want to help him. Max says it's shame. There is a knock at the door. Max lets in Kate. Sonny mumbles that he thought she'd come, but he didn't think it would be this soon. Wow, that is so romantic. That was about as romantic as a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Kate says she's not there to get back together, rather for the opposite.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Sam reports for duty. Sascha has Vlad frisk Sam. She says she'd appreciate a warning next time. Sascha coldly says she doesn't trust Sam yet. Why that means she can't give a polite heads up about a frisking is beyond me. Vlad and the vodkas open a crate. Sam stares openly at it with her mouth slightly open. Because she's about as subtle as Freddy Mercury, that one.

Jason's Penthouse: I think we literally see the exact scene with Jason and Cody, with Jason once again saying that they'll leave no one alive. I assume he doesn't mean the emo-sounding band that plays while The Danger montage unfolds in slow motion.

Commercials.

Corinthaus: kHate says it's sad that stuff is sad, and she didn't know he was still in the mob. She kept a secret. he needs to know the truth....about his son. oh brudder. You are a piece of work kHate Howard.

Docks: Belvedere and Grey Goose walk along the docks. Spinelli jumps out from behind a row of crates and says "Freeze Evil dowers. This is for maximista" But then he stands there with the gun drawn for 45 hours.

Russian Shadow Warehouse: Jason puts a sleeper hold on a guard. Then he signals for Cody. For some reason it only seems to be two of them shooting at the Russians. Sam has to hide behind crates. Because of how wooden crates totally stop bullets. Much shooting ensues. Sadly, there is no emo song. :(

the end