GH Recap 11/12: Twelve Elfin Alibis

Cafe Interrogate: Because there is no such thing as real life, Olivia is hanging out at Cafe Interrogate and waiting to talk to Sonny.

Metrocourt: Jax runs into Carly and tells her Sonny has been arrested.

Docks: Jason and Spinelli meet at the docks. Though, these are more like the alleydocks with lots of crates everywhere. Did Buoy Boy leave the show?

Ship Control Room: Honestly, who is piloting this ship? Is it the sort of thing that you only have to check up on every few days? It seems like it should be more complicated than, say, just about anything. Jerry leaves Sam alone so she can send distress signals with her superbooobs again.

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Spencer Home: Creepy Grandma Lesley weeps openly and snottily as Laura comes home. She sobs and repeats "you're safe!" over and over. Apparently the Spencer's are the new Q's b/c everyone gets a line. It would seem "let's talk about your marriage to Tracy" is the new "It's MY house/ I gave it to you." Lesley apologizes for lying to her about the wedding. Aw, a bouquet of flowers from Bobbie is apparently the closest thing she's gonna get to screen time. Luke offers to take her to Kelly's. Lucky has to once again mentions Liz's magical, perfect brownies. The secret is weed, right? To Liz's brownies? Random French Doctor guy shows up with a very thick accent and saying she must return to France right away for tests and treatment. Because there are no smart doctors in America. Or New York.

Docks: Aw, there is Foghorn Guy! Liz calls Jason and offers to meet him at her studio to "paint" his brains out. Jason has to work. Jason hangs up and smiles slightly at his phone. Spinelli hopes when this is all over, Jason can be with his lady love. Jason tells him not to talk about Liz and then rushes off to the nearest phone booth to change out of his Clark Kent get up into the exact same Clark Kent get up, with the only difference being invinsibility and unfallability.

Ship Dungeon: I need a ship with a dungeon, I've decided. This seems like the same Ship's Dungeon that Accentia held Jax for awhile. Nothing new ever happens in these scenes. It's just Sebastion Roche being kind of creepy in an unpleasant way. He caressess Sam's cheek and tells her goodbye. Where does one buy a stainless steel bedframe? Restoration Hardware?

Cafe Interrogate: Olivia says everyone begged Sonny not to do this. Sonny's beard tells her to shuuuuuusssssshhhhhhh because he's thinking. Then Sonny's Beard makes a snake like noise and says "sssssomebody elssssse killed Krapov. I didn't do it. ssssssssss" Olivia's eyes grow red and blurred from the obvious demon who is her child's father.

Metrocourt: Carly and Jax talk. Carly's hair is very poofy and defensive. Shut up, Carly's hair. and shut up, Jax. You are the pathetic one here, frankly, b/c you keep coming back for more. She's just a sociopath with no soul. You can't blame her for being soulless and sociopathic.

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Metrocourt: Carly promises to be faithful for the rest of her life. she knows it was the lie more than the infidelity. She asks him to take a leap of faith and give them some time. She asks if he still loves her. He pathetically says that he does and that he thinks they have a chance and that he wants them to be together. He says he will not come second to Sonny. Carly says she promises he can always come first before she blows Sonny. Oh, not really, she says Sonny is the father of her kids. Jax says he's more than that and asks if she and Sonny are done in every possible way. Carly says if he's asking her not to help Sonny when he's trouble, she can't do that. Jax decides to be a man for at least the next 10 minutes and leaves her.

Cafe Interrogate: Olivia tells Sonny that she was at the crime scene and she identified the body. Oh, is that how they roll in Port Charles? Some random person from out of town can identify a body at the crime scene, on account of how she said "yes, I know who he is?" Sonny says she needs to stay out of this. Olivia chastises him but leaves. Diane shows up and asks if he has an alibi. Sonny says he does: "Carly." Diane implies that's icky and doesn't want details. She says this will make her job easy, assuming Carly's story matches his.

Spencer Home: Lucky doesn't want Laura to go to France, Looloo pipes in that she wishes they had a guarantee, Nik points out that LS49 was invented in France. So, like champagne, I suppose, it can only be made there? Or, like those yummy cheeses you can only make if you let the cheese hang out in magical caves of delicious magic making? I guess I buy that. The kids leave. Laura wants to talk about "us" Luke says he's still trying to wrap his brain around her being here b/c it felt like she was never gone. He wants to savor the moment and take things as they come. Laura's face reveals she recognizes this as man code for "I sort of like the brunette better, but I'm such a wimp and can't say it, so I'm going to be distant and evasive until you get sick of it and dump me." I hate man code, but at least it's consistent across the species.

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Metrocourt: Diane queries Carly about backing up Sonny's alibi. Olivia flounces by, and Diane calls her over to ask what she was discussing with Sonny. She asks if she saw Sonny last night. Olivia starts to go and says she needs to ask Sonny. Diane says that stonewalling her won't help Sonny get released. Carly watches with amused interest. Diane gets a phone call, as people do in situations like this, so Carly and Olivia have time to compare notes. Carly realizes Olivia saw Sonny, and Olivia realizes Carly knows what Sonny was up to. A real brain trust, these two.

Cafe Interrogate: Sascha visits with Sonny as they nibble on a delightful looking Charcutterie plate. She says she's been authorized to have Sonny released.

Spencer Home: Someone apparently remembered that Johnny is a character on this show b/c he stops by. Looloo rushes to greet him. Laura says Loo has told her all about him, and she's delighted her daughter has fallen for such a fine young man.

Ship's Dungeon: Sam struggles with various Macguyer-y machinations to free herself from her chains. As per usual, she's not quite tall enough to finish the job.

AlleyDocks: Jerry meets Spinelli on the docks. I'm confused. were Sam and Jerry not out at sea when the Harbor Patrol came by? The HP boarded a docked boat? Or did Jerry take a dinghy to mainland? Not that I care. Spinelli says he'll beat up Jerry if he doesn't tell him where Sam is. You can imagine the quaking in his ugly dragon stamp boots that Jerry does at this threat. A bit of mild comedy ensues as Spinelli pathetically and impotently tries to beat up Jerry. Jerry, of course, knocks Spinelli to the ground with one flick of his wrist.

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Q Living Room: Alice and Edward greet Luke. Tracy has been staring out at her mother's roses and turns to Luke in surprise. Edward still has the hat. Tracy is dressed in Oriental garb. Did Tracy spend a lot of time in Asia? Edward tells Tracy not to let this philanderer get the best of her. Luke apologizes for putting her through this. There are photos of Alan and Emily on the mantle. I would think that would depress the heck out of me. Luke says that the decision is made b/c Laura is going to France. Tracy yells that this just means she once again gets stuck with crumbs. He says she knows how he feels. She asks when does she get to come first. Luke can't answer.

Spencer Home: Nik brings his horrible girlfriend, Gidget, home to meet mom. If being brought home to meet a guy's mother isn't sufficient to make her quit with the insecurity nonsense, then her fiery death can't be hastened enough. Laura and Gidget get along well enough and enjoy teasing Nik. Nik leaves to make tea. Gidget says that Laura doesn't have to worry b/c Nik is not serious about her. ugh. What does that even mean "you don't have to worry." Like why would Laura like it better if he was sleeping with someone he didn't like all that much? Gidget may be insane, y'all. Laura says Nik has managed to tell her all about Nadine, and she even knows about Aunt Raylene.

Alleydocks: Jason finds Spinelli sprawled out on the floor. Spinelli reveals that he managed to pick Jerry's pockets during their "fight" Jason smiles with such affection and pride, that I can't help but to smile too. Jason says Spinelli did good, and they go off to save the day.

Ship's Dungeon: Sam seems to be crying. Jerry says something AGAIN about his confounded plan that he can't seem to shut up about. Sam tearfully asks if he thinks his plan will really work with no dead body. He thinks it does and says "excuse me, I have a ship to explode. With Potatoes. that have calculators strapped to them."

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Cafe Interrogate: Diane and Sonny discuss strategy for helping him beat the wrap. Diane points out that if Carly wouldn't tell his lawyer where Sonny was, what kind of story will she tell the police?

PCPD Bull Pen: Carly tells Extra Cop that she's here for a meeting with Mac. Jax shows up, of course, so that he can get his big, stupid feelings hurt all over again.

Spencer Home: Liz and Laura greet each other. Laura says she's sorry Liz and Lucky aren't together, but she's glad they are friends. Liz says they always will be. Lucky says that Laura wanted to know the truth about everything, and they've got a helluva humdinger in that regard. Liz tells Laura that her son Jake is really Jason's. Her eyes well with tears as she explains about it. Lucky gently tells her that they are raising Cameron and Jake as if they are Lucky's. Laura tries to take all this in. She says she understands about protecting your children being hard. She brings up how she abandoned her first born that didn't exist until they wrote him into the storyline when he was 15. She says she has no right to judge anyone. Laura gets a phone call from France. She says she wanted to know about a doctor who visited. We don't hear what is said, but it's clear that the doctor was likely a fake.

Ship's Dungeon: Jason has figured out where Sam is. She tells him they have to hurry. Jerry shows up and tells Jason to put his hands above his head. Jerry believes Sam is still chained to the stainless steel bed (that is clearly a regular wooden bed painted with metalish looking paint). Jason and Sam make eye contact as Jason carefully sets the gun down close enough for her to reach. Jason puts his hands above his head, and Sam swiftly scoops up the gun and shoots at Jerry. Jerry ducks, and she misses. Jason lunges for Jerry, but Jerry overpowers him and throws him back against the pototatari bombs, and we hear a click as the timer starts. yay, that sound means this is almost over!

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whoops, jumped the gun on the "the end" part!

PCPD Bull Pen: Jactlikeawoman tells Carly that she can just walk away. She can refuse to give Sonny an alibi and simply tell the truth. That this would prove to him where he stands. Carly looks at him like he's asking her to split a baby sandwich with him. Sonny gets brought out of Cafe Interrogate. Mac asks if Carly knows where he was last night. do you usually ask this in front of the suspect?

Russian House of Shadows: Sascha tells a faceless person on the phone (though I'm totally betting he's wearing gloves and way too much black) and says that if her plan works, Sonny will be out on the street today, and she assumes he'll be dead soon. Faceless Guy agrees.

Q Mansion: Laura confronts Tracy. I think she's assuming Tracy hired the French doctor to make Laura think she had to go back to France. It's always hard to tell with Tracy. I would never play poker with Tracy Quartermaine. I'd lose my shirt. Tracy tells Laura that she should make a graceful retreat.

Ship's Dungeon: Jason manages to knock Jerry down, and Sam and Jason quickly run out of the dungeon. They reach the ship's railing and start to jump over, but the screen goes black just as we hear an explosion. I"m sad that it didn't end with them in mid-jump while Waylon Jennings drawls "I wonder how they're gonna make it out of this 'un"

ok for real this time: the end