GH Recap 1/2: New Year, Same Show

Wyndermere: Nadine and Nik have one of this idiotic conversations whereby she blathers about some sort of rhyme. Something about a horse lost a shoe. I don't know. She thinks it's bad luck. I think DUH it's bad luck. That's like saying "omg, I got a flat tire, that means bad luck."

Sam's Apartment: Lucky shows up to be gravelly voiced and whiny and pouty and even if Sam wasn't already sick of him she would become so at this point.

Crimson: Meth Addict Maxie says she re-wrote the Espadrille article, and he was right, it was better. Spinelli panics because something has gone wrong with El Laptopo.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny is dressed for job interviews. She tells him to think positive. He hopes the interviewer has never heard of him. I think when random women on a Christmas tree lot have heard of the Zaccara's, then it's unlikely everyone hasn't.

Corinthaus: If I hear Jerry says "the window to your soul" one more time, I'm going to vomit. Claud calls Jerry a psycho, but then she clambors up onto the window ledge at the terrace and reaches around for the bag of puzzle pieces. Sonny walks in and asks if she thinks he doesn't know what she's looking for.

Credits

Wyndermere: Nadine poutily says that she knows he thinks superstitions are silly. What kind of idiot is sort of hurt if someone isn't all that traumatizd by a black cat walking by? Nik says he never gives knives as gifts or shakes hands through an open door. Watching these two is like watching The Simpsons. It all starts off where Lisa's horse lost a shoe, and then Bart rambles on about broken mirrors, but then it turns out the whole episode is really about some business man. It has all that disjointedness but none of the post-modern self-reflection. or enjoyableness.

Crimson: Maxie writes her article about shoes. This is a very shoe-heavy episode. Piano guy ploncks along merrily as Spinelli and Maxie type. If Spinelli and Maxie's keyboards were hooked up to musical keyboards, I imagine this would all sound like a John Davidson orchestral piece. I have no idea what's going on, but Spinelli sneezes. They really need to lay off the meth, these two.

Sams' Apartment: Sam has to hide a business card and tell lies to Lucky because she is so out of her mind bored with life unless she's lying or doing something dangerous. I was sad when her baby died, but I'm sort of relieved that her oddly placed uterus was shot.

Corinthaus: blah blah. Somehow Claud doesn't have to explain why she's climbing the walls like a crazy person. She manages to deflect and ask if Sonny is concerned about Kate.

Commercials

Sam's Apartment: Sam says whatever she's hiding is not illegal. Lucky angrily asks if she didn't learn her lesson from Jerry or following the Russian mob. Sam says she doesn't want to fight about this. He says he and Liz appreciate that she saved Jakeson, and if she's upset that he spent New year's Eve with her. She practically snorts in his face and says that's not it, she's glad he could help her. then she rapels out of the room. Not really. But she clearly wants to.

Crimson: Why does Spinelli have a cold? Why is that a plot point? Why is Maxie wearing a thousand bobbie pins in her hair? It's terrifying looking. Looloo odddly shows up to work. It's odd because she does it. They hear the elevator ding, so they rush to hide Spinelli. Kate comes in to get Maxie's article and her messages. She reveals she knows he's there. I think we are supposed to be amused.

Corinthaus: Claud is dressed like she's going to meet a bunch of thugs and have a dance off to regain territory, like MJ suggested in the 80's. Okay, so we just established that it's first thing in the morning b/c Loo brought coffee, and she and Maxie were at work before kate. But now Sonny and Claud are drinking bourbon. I only comment b/c he's the jerkweed who used to say AJ had a drinking problem. Sonny confides that yesterday was Chucky's birthday. He says his son is in a coma forever, and it puts things into perspective. Except...clearly it doesn't because Sonny is not doing anything to simply enjoy the people he actually loves that are not in comas. He says he likes the drapes, meaning he thinks Claud was climbing the walls b/c she was going to redecorate. Sonny has become Luckydumb.

Wyndermere: blah blah phone call. blah blah the plow patent is licensed to the Equinox corporation. Nik says they are a weapons manufacturer. Wait, not that I could give less of a rat's ass about this effing plow, but why is the patent licensed to anyone besides Raylene and now Nadine? Or is this one of those things where it turns out those pesky Indians from Spoon Island have been up to shennanigans again? Anywho, if Nadine ends up making an Iron Man suit, consider me gone.

Commercials

Sam's Apartment: Sam tries to assure Lucky that she knows his kids come first, and she knows Liz comes with the package. Lucky's phone rings, and he leaves immediately without even letting her finish a sentence. That would get old so quickly, if my husband had a phone like that.

Docks: Spinelli stumbles upon a girl talking to herself and typing on La Laptopa. She reminds me a bit of Molly Shannon in the face, and she has braids and glasses, so we know she's a nerd. Attractive people aren't able to understand computers, you see.

Corinthaus: Claud continues to run through the maze to find a bag of puzzle pieces, so she can build the Gabonese hut and win immunity. Ric hotly startles her.

Crimson: Kate and Jax look over headshots to find the right model. There is a lot of leopard print going on in this town today. Jax "hilariously" draws a mustache on a model's face and says they should go with something like that. Hot people are so annoying when they try to be funny. Kate and Jax flirt and flit about and Sonny shows up to be a big, grumpy, wet blanket.

Commercials

Wyndermere: blah blah how did a defense contractor get the patent. Nik says it explains the money. Nadine's phone rings, and it's Mr. Corday. She speaks like a mental patient and keeps repeating what he says so that Nik knows what's being said. I wish it was Mr. Corddry instead. Rob or Nate would do.

Docks: Nerdina thanks The Jackal for fixing her computer, and then she takes off.

Corinthaus: Claud angrily tells Ric that he had a decent childhood and a world class education. This marriage is giving her real power for the first time in her life. Gawd that's sad. She says Sonny is nicer to her than most men in her life have been. That's even sadder. Ric asks if she means him. She asks him to let her in on any plans he knows Wheels has. Ric hotly asks why Wheels would tell him anything. Claud says it would be to pit Ric against Sonny and make him feel important. Ric hotly scoffs that she has an overactive imagination. He drinks a bottle of Perrier and looks more nervous than a virgin in a pickle barrel. Claud picks up on this and tells him he can't trust her father. Even if John is really out of the picture, Wheels is not trust worthy. He asks her to tell him the plan, and they can hotly work out a side deal together. She pulls him into a quick kiss, but he says he doesn't know what she's talking about. He nervously gulps the water because that's not a guilty indicator at all. He leaves. and it's not exactly hot the way he leaves, but that just is because he's a good actor, and that is hot, so...he hotly leaves.

Johnny's Interviews: It's not going well. We only see Johnny's end of the interviews. He starts off with the typical cliche "people person, go getter" and then angrily says he's not his father. then he hilariously stands up and says with a tough guy accent "You want someone to keep jumping through hoops? Hire a monkey" and then he picks up a handful of pencils from the pencil holder and tosses them on the ground. heh.

Crimson: Sonny blah blah talks to Kate, and she tells him to go talk to his wife, and that is almost awesome, even for kHate. Sonny leaves and Maxie apologizes for letting him in. Kate says it's okay and tells Jax she hopes Sonny won't be back. She doesn't look remotely convinced that she means it, though.

Commercials

Wyndermere: Nik and Nadine meet with Mr. Corday. He wants to renew the license on the patent and gives Nadine a honking big check and will be back in 4 yeas when the license expirres. Nik says Mr. Corday is assuming a lot, and they are just getting started.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Johnny comes him with a bloody knuckle and tells Loo it went badly, and he slammed a hole in the wall on the way out of one place. Why can't he just say his name is Johnny Jerome and get fake id's and stuff. If he hates his name, why keep it?

Sam's Apartment: Sam has summoned Spinelli to ask for help with the FBI guy that was asking her questions. she needs to know if he was investigating Spinelli. Spinelli believes he's lost his Jackalian prowess. Sam is very worried about him, and he leaves saying all is lost.

Corinthaus: OMG, SHUT THE EFF UP WITH THE EFFING WINDOW TO YOUR BLOODY SOUL BS. As per usual, Claud doesn't bother to check if anyone is home or just pulled up in the driveway, and she starts rattling around the house and knocking on mirrors. Sonny reasonably asks her what the hell she is doing now.

Commercials

Docks: Spinelli laments that El Laptopo has died. Buoy Boy clangs miserably. Nerdina has followed Spinelli and watches him with hero worship eyes. Maxie walks up and asks her why she's spying on Spinelli.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Looloo puts a wash cloth on Johnny's knuckle to stop the bleeding. I don't think Julie Berman has ever been around any sort of injury in her life because she oddly dabs the cloth on and takes it off over and over. They start to get frisky, but Lucky shows up with a warrant for Johnny's arrest. The hell? Wouldn't he call first to make sure they were even home? And why say "PCPD" when he knocked. on his sister's door?

Wyndermere: Nadine asks point blank if Equinox uses the patent to make plows. He says he can't answer. She tears up the check and says that they can't have her aunts invention then. He says it's not that simple. But the music they use is Stings of Silliness, and not Ominous Musings in D Minor, so we know it is very likely this simple.

Corinthaus: Sonny tells Claud that he will find out if she's hiding anything. He flashes the dimples, but the Drumbeats of Danger sound, so we know it's serious. Meanwhile, the stupid bag of puzzle pieces have fallen lose from the back of the mirror. Claud manages to react as minimally as possible so as not to draw Sonny's attention. Luckily, his back is turned. And also, he's kind of an idiot.

The End