20 Thing I'd Like to See in the New Year

I hope you all had a safe and fun new year's eve celebration.

Here are my hopes for the new year on this silly show:

1. Since the writers love to copy plots from film, I hope they take a look at the top rated soaps and learn to incorporate the vets in interesting ways in the new year. I don't mean more glimpses of the Q's getting in one liners (though if that's all we can have, I'll take it), but story lines that take into account that much of the audience is over 35 and still lead interesting and vibrant lives. Story lines that take into account that these are well loved characters, and they are well loved by an audience who has been more than loyal for decades.

2. Also, on that note, the show clearly refuses to give up the notion that life begins to end at roughly 32 and by 45 is completely over. THEN CAN THEY AT LEAST GIVE THE UNDER 40's SOMETHING HOT TO DO? We get that you are agist, show, and will send the "old" people out to pasture. But the people in their 20's and 30's have sex once every 8 months.

3. If the mob is here to stay, and clearly it is, that is no excuse for ignoring other storylines and other types of business. Llanview has roughly 48 bars and Genoa City manages to keep a dozen or so perfume companies in business. Have Edward and Jax buy some of the businesses that have been doing business with Sonny and Jason. Give Edward some scenes where he refuses to be thugged out by the mob, and let Jason's softer side give in...not because he's Superjase and always wins, but because Edward talks some true business sense into him and wins out with the good side of the law....even if it means that Edward has bigger and stronger judges and such that will be on his side. That happens too, and it would be interesting to comment that the "good" guys are corrupt like the "bad" guys. It would be compelling to watch a Quartermaine win out over a lost Quartermaine and would create future interesting conflicts.

4. Angst is a great thing to express on soaps, but so is joy and friendship and sacrifice for friends or family. Please incorporate these things into the story lines. Sonny and Jason may be handsome, but no one in the audience identifies with their bizarre relationship. A whole world of characters is available. Bad things happen to good people, blah blah, but GOOD THINGS happen too.

5. If Sonny is going to stick around, please understand that we totally get that he's a crippled husk of a man, and that he's going to destroy the people he loves. We really, really get it. We don't need to watch it again because it's already been told and MUCH more interestingly than of late. Let him lose his ever loving mind and open an Italian restaurant for six months. You can still send him to his ever loving Dark Place by having the restaurant burn down for no other reason than sometimes bad things happen. It would be interesting watching him deal with something that the audience actually identifies with. Heck, don't have it burn down. Have it fail b/c of the recession. Sonny can be lost and torn b/c it will turn out he fails at everything he does, not just the violent stuff. The audience can identify with a recession, and maybe Sonny can become a surprising hero of the everyman.

6. You are not Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet and Liz and Jason are star crossed. they each got a few good scenes together that made their relationship as a whole all the more tragic. That is where the comparisons end. Romeo and Juliet lived in a 2 hour play. If Jason and Liz are on 5 hours a day for a couple of years, they deserve more than a balcony scene or two. It's rude and mean and hateful to their fans to give them so little time together and then just ax them. patooey! No more crap like that ever! (and by "crap" I mean the stupid teasing of the fans.)

7. Take into account that the audience as a whole is likely going through some serious troubles in 2009 as we all deal with the recession and the increasingly troubled global world. Give us something light and fun to watch for an hour a day that helps us forget our personal strife. Also, playing the effing xylophones doesn't make a scene delightful. Wit and warmth and good performances do.

8. Let Nik actually have moments with his son. He's a beloved, long time character, and we miss seeing him interact with Homer. He has MAJOR Daddy issues. Why waste a decade's worth of character development?

9. Do justice to the pain of PPD for Robin. It's a real thing that real people deal with. It's not about sofa cushions or body weight. It's not about pettiness and whining. It's about not recognizing the person you are. It's about having the greatest joy of your life and still feeling awash in anguish. Robin is the best character I can think of on soaps to suffer this because she's based her life on logic and research. She KNOWS her feelings make no sense. She's smart enough to recognize the symptoms but proud enough that she'd believe she should be able to treat herself. She'd be ashamed to feel bad after all the odds she faced. No one but the audience should know she's suffering this for months. She'd do everything in her power to hide it from everyone. But the point of the story should be that everyone will want to help her and eventually put it all together that she needs help. It's not a joke. Please don't turn it into comic relief or stupid pettiness.

10. Please learn Natalia Livingston's limitations as an actress. She's no Michelle Stafford. She's no Cynthia Preston. She's no Lynn Herring. If she's going to be bad, though, let her be Faith bad. Let her be Lucy Coe bad. Hell, copy verbatim old Lucy Coe storylines. She can even have a duck! I hate that she's back, but please give her some other agenda that having a boring heart of gold that Nik uncovers in 10 minutes.

11. Keep Maxie and Spinelli's friendship. It's one of my favorite things. Please give them each various love interests and don't let them devolve into the bizarre and twisted "friendship" Jason and Carly have. The audience has best friends, and we love to watch people loving each other and bringing out the best in each other!

12. Quit doing the same thing every time Anthony Geary leaves. Film a year's worth of Tracy and Luke, and Luke and Alexis and Luke and everyone else scenes when you have him and just pretend he's there year 'round. We love Luke, but we don't want to watch him and Tracy fall back in love over and over. I mean, sure, it's nice, but it's stupid when no one else on the show ever falls in love, and we know he's leaving, so it was all for nothing.

13. Let Monica fall in love with someone else and have some super, dramatic, heartbreaking moments for her to finally say goodbye to Alan. see also, Almost, a delightful movie with Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter. You love to copy films, and that would be a great one for Alan and Monica! You can even go so far as to have it be that her new love has one of Alan's organs. It's a great storyline that even Shakespeare would have used if transplants were a thing back in the day.

14. Use Rick Hearst more. Like every single day. Fine, whatever, mostly he'll be a bad guy trying to get Sonny, but we all know how that ends. Either switch it up and let Ric win one, or DROP HIS VENDETTA with the guy.

15. Hire someone besides white people, for goodness sakes! It's a hospital, for heaven's sake! There should be Asian people working there. Black people work at hospitals. I know. They've treated me, and it was great. I love Dr. Noh. Use her more. She's delightful. I frankly care more about her than Carly most days.

16. Sonya Eddy is a hilarious actress. Give her more to do than be nosy. It would be great if she vowed not to be involved with these idiots and then everyone realized they needed her help now and then. Let her be the voice of the audience to call everyone out, but in a way where her opinion is needed and valued.

17. Get rid of the PCPD unless they develop competence. I'd love to watch Mac have actual power and authority and whip a new group of detectives into shape. I'd LOVE a storyline that had a group of cops working together to bring down the mob. I don't care about the realism of the storyline. I'm saying it gives a chance for two characters to be on stake outs together and be excited about bringing justice. Sure, fine, whatever, the mob always wins, but give the mob a viable adversary. Mostly it's a chance for the people on the stake out to get bouncy in the van.

18. More music montages, please, but maybe not all of them have to include violence. Regardless, the violence montages to a maudlin Rie Sinclair song are a strong point, so don't eff it up to appease me. But few of us ever have to deal with violence, but we all have to deal with life's inequities and foibles and heartbreak, and it's lovely when they are set to a song from some indie pop goddess.

19. Can Jason please finally remember his life saving skills? I know you've always wanted him to. How hot would that be if he was a hitman who also knew how to save lives? Comic books are totally chic right now, so why not go all out and create an actual Superjase? Mob surgeons have to be in high demand, and it's a way he could stay in the mob on his own terms. He gets to bust into churches with both guns a blaze when he needs to, and he can't be touched by other mobsters b/c he can save the life of his enemies, no questions asked. Also, to my knowledge, it's original. It gives him a chance to interact with Monica and let her, as chief of staff, let him into the hospital and hide that he's helping a mobster. It would be wonderful to watch him do surgery and hear Alan over his shoulder, guiding him through it. It creates tension for the character to be torn between taking life and giving life. It would put more at stake for the character to realize he has life saving abilities and Sonny stole them from him by making him a killer. It gives him a chance to have a moment of happiness with his latest screw. We all win.

20. This is redundant to the rest, but you are simply creating melodrama.It's a delightful form of theater unlike any other. The audience loudly boos or cheers the characters, and someone plays a cloying musical story to go along with the action. It's an old and delightful form of entertainment, but it is a form of entertainment designed to delight the audience. Your charge is not to be very clever. Your charge is to keep in mind what will make us boo or cheer. You have the "boo" part down. Your job is not to put the absolute suckiest and least amount of work into an episode possible. Show some self-respect, for heaven's sake. Please keep in mind that you are also supposed to make us want to throw roses. You don't exist without us. We exist just fine without you. Quit acting like we are all dull witted.