GH Recap 1/7: Go Gators!

I've been torn as to whether I should simply be loyal to the Big 12 and root for the Sooners, but I've decided it's not healthy to root for a rival, so Go Gators!

Docks: Maxie wears zebra print with red trim and a solid black knee length coat. Say what you want about her size, but she always looks super cute. She sadly looks on as Spinelli and Winnie, who were somehow born impervious to cold, sit on a dock bench. Spinelli is very impressed with some sort of laptopical detective work and sings her praises. Maxie is clearly sad that Spinelli can never say such nice things about her.

Corinthaus: Max is concerned that Sonny is stepping on Jason's toes again with some stupid shipment of clipboards, or whatever it is these "mobsters" import. Sonny says he knows. Max asks if he was in Jason's place, wouldn't he retaliate. Sonny stares up at him as if to say "what, you've never watched a soap opera before?"

Credits

Cafe Interrogate: Luke is going to help Johnny. Johnny explains if he cuts ties with his family, Wheels will play dirty and make it hard to leave. Luke lets the wheels turn in his own head. Johnny explains he doesn't have an alibi for the day Wheels framed him in the beating, and he did punch a wall, so he does have injured knuckles. Apparently no one saw him punch the wall, because couldn't you just explain the bloody knuckles with this other wall thing? Admittedly it doesn't look good, but it's not a jailable offense.

Docks: Maxie says that Winnie was able to figure out El Laptopo's malady so quickly b/c she probably hacked into it in the first place. For some reason, Spinelli feels more loyalty to Winnie and asks Maxie to back down. Has Spinelli discussed how this hacking and this Winnie appeared at roughly the same time? Methinks Jason would be siding with Maxie. (well, meknows, b/c it's Superjase, and there's never been a mystery he wasn't 18 years ahead of)

Corinthaus: Diane shows up to resign (not re-sign) her position with Sonny. Sonny angrily says she's siding with Jason against him. Yes, Sonny. She wants to be in the Kool Kid Klub when your craziness boils over.

Metrocourt: Jax and Carly have conveniently forgotten New Year's Eve and are back to be snippy. Also, the Pool set is almost finished. She wants to take a swim with him. He says she just wants to see him in a swimsuit. She says it will randomly be good morale for the staff if they use the new pool. I wonder if that makes sense to anyone on the planet? Jax says he thinks Carly wants to challenge him to a race. Ah, so that's easily the stupidest thing these two have ever said to each other. Jax is almost a foot taller than her, twice as muscular, and no offense to my gender, a man. Olivia shows up with her sexy librarian bun and says she's ready for work. She realizes ding dong Jax never bothered to tell Carly she'd been hired. Jax smiles like a Cheshire cat... that is if Cheshire cats ever hope for threesomes...or foursomes, now that I think about it.

Commercials

GH: Luke spies Liz at the nurse's station and thinks he's got a good fish on the line. Looloo isn't so sure. Luke greets Liz, gallantly telling her she'll always be a Spencer to him. She says she heard that Johnny was arrested. Luke wants info on the guy, Carly, who was supposedly beaten up. Liz says she can't give info to anyone but family members. They explain that Johnny was set up. Liz reasonably asks if they've talked to Lucky about this. They shrug and say they have and remind her that he's kind of dopey. Or not really, they say he doesn't believe in Johnnylike they do. Liz says she can't tell them anything, but then she puts on her Lizamy hat and says visiting hours just started, and Carl is in room 1014.

Docks: Winnie explains that Spinelli was only able to be hacked b/c he helps the cyber-ly challenged. Maxie angrily asks "are you saying I caused this, Dweeb Girl?" Spinelli says Maxie should apologize for making Winnie cry yesterday, but Winnie insists no apology is necessary. Maxie sadly says she thought Spinelli was smarter than this, which is the meanest thing you can say to a Spinelli, but he counters saying "I thought you were better than this" which is the meanest thing he could say to her, and her face shows it, so she leaves.

Metrocourt: Carly says there is a problem. She's glad to have Olivia on board, but she wasn't consulted. Jax blows it off like it's not necessary. Shut up, Jax. Jax explains that Olivia isn't working for the hotel. She's his new operations manager, and then he actually calls her his Girl Friday. Sorry about saying shut up before, Jax. I meant shut the FUCK up. Olivia quickly tells him to never call her that again, and operations manager will do. She gets to work with Carly. Carly breaks the news that Jax is using Olivia to get to Carly, and the question is if she's going to let him. Olivia takes a deep breath and wishes she could smell the urine-y scent of the A-train instead of this nonsense.

Corinthaus: Diane thinks Sonny is smart enough to not make it so that people have to choose between Sonny and Jason. He asks why she chose jason over him, and she says the conflict arose with him. That's so delightfully cryptic. As if Jason now needs poetry to explain his doings. "His azure eyes reflect the sea, and his abs remind me of laundry of yore"

Commercials

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Winnie angrily visits Maxie and says she ridicules what she doesn't understand. Maxie says she's not going to bow out of the show. Maxie says Winnie is a geek and a fashion tragedy and delusional if she thinks she can take Spinelli away. Winnie says if Maxie tells anyone this conversation happened, she'll regret it. But she doesn't look that convinced. And then she leaves, and I imagine she's about to make out with a tree, and it will look like this.

Laura's House: Lucky is, surprise, surprise, having problems with taxes. Also a big shocker, he's a terrible record keeper. Liz is apparently going to run for Town Saint again in '09 because she agrees to help her dippy ex with his taxes. I asked one guy to do that once...and it was really only to keep me company while I waited in line to mail my return b/c I waited until the 15th. He just laughed and said "yeah, I thought you were going to ask that. and no." Which, by the way, is the correct response.

Metrocourt: Carly and Olivia gossip about how Carly and jax have a very sad relationship. Max shows up to warn Carly that there may be trouble for Jason. That rules that even Max hates Sonny and loves Jason. hahahahahaha! sorry, still hate the mob, but I'll settle for the hilarity of watching Sonny be loathed by even his valet.

Corinthaus: Sonny admits that Diane warned him not to sign his business away. She scoffs that Sonny always believed Jason would just give it back whenever Sonny wanted, and so in that context, Sonny is calling it theft. Sonny tries to convince Diane that he's just doing business regarding the whole alliance with the Z's thing. It's so insulting, frankly, that he thinks the lies he tells himself...a thug....will work on her refined brain. She doesn't take offense because she's awesome. She says with utter professionalism that Jason is simply easier to do business with, more methodical and even tempered. She says Sonny is more experience and can read people better, and when it's necessary, he's far more ruthless. She stands, and her words become halted and biting, while still completely in the realm of professional. She says that his ruthlessness is why she hopes he doesn't create a fight because she's sure he'd win. She picks up her things and with impressive warning and anger, yet still as business-like as a banker, tells him that it's a win she doesn't think he could live with. and the unspoken text in her delivery is that he'd have to be ruthless to Jason himself just to prove a point.

Commercials

Cafe Interrogate: Ric shows up to hotly taunt Johnny, who, frankly hotly taunts him right back. Johnny swears he's not giving in to his father. Ric scoffs that it's all well and good to have principles today, after spending decades being an arrogant, mob prince who did whatever he wanted, knowing he'd never pay consequences. Johnny says Ric isn't as powerful with Wheels and Trevor as he thinks. Ric gets a call from "Carl" and "Carl" says Wheels paid him to say he was beaten. Ric is concerned and asks what he wants. "Carl" asks for a meeting.

Docks: Of course, "Carl" was Luke pretending to be Carl. Looloo is impressed.

Casa de When Did It Get so Blue?: Spinelli shows up and Maxie says Winnie is nutty b/c she was just here and threatened Maxie if she ever told anyone that she came by. Sadly, Spinelli thinks Maxie is lying...which is fair for anyone else in town, but Spinelli was always so quick to swear he thought Maxie was decent and good when he wanted to get into her pants. He's frankly being worse than Jax and Sonny at this point by not at least calling Winnie and asking where she was. He's just taking the word of someone he's known for 3 minutes over someone he swore he revered above all others. He's a dolt to love Maxie, perhaps, but he's even doltier to be mean to her now. I don't like Meth addict Maxie, but I always loved her friendship with Spinelli, and it's stupid that he gave it up this quickly. Hell, EVEN CARLY has more loyalty.

Metrocourt: Max explains about the new Danger in town, and how it's the same Danger it's always been and this time it's personal, or whatever...aka. Sonny is gonna beat down Jason. Carly leaves but first explains that this town if full of toxic weirdos, and she and Jax are only two of them, so con cuidado.

Commercials

Laura's House: Lucky and Liz play Grand Theft Auto and evilly drag each out of cars and rape each others hookers and stuff. Or not really. I think it's a G-rated race car game. Sam walks up to the porch and looks in and sees the fun, and Lucky sees her seeing it, and Sam leaves. Because it's totally the same to play video games on a couch that your 4 year old plays with as to crawl into a mobster's van withouot calling. Lucky doesn't bother to go after Sam.

Docks: Luke and Ric meet. Ric explains that Wheels will do anything and anyone who gets in the way of Wheels and Johnny is roadkill.

Casa de Suddenly Blue: Maxie uncharacteristically misses the point entirely as to why Spinelli doesn't trust her and insults him beyond reason by saying it's preposterous that Winnie would worship him and want to be his grasshopper. She's just as mean a he was in the last scene and doesn't understand that of course any number of the Computerati would love to work with Spinelli and study under him. But she simply doesn't trust Winnie. But this is a show where Stupidity is the Engine of Plot Development, so she doesn't do that and instead wounds him deeply by finding it ridiculous he could really be all the things she's spent the last year assuring him that she sees him as.

Corinthaus: Sonny is in 7th grade Spanish class. Oh, wait, sorry, he's delivering orders on the phone in "Spanish" Carly shows up to say this nonsense with Jason and Sonny has to stop. She says she put it in motion, which is not true, but I appreciate that she knows she can't win by pointing out that Sonny is getting what Sonny asked for time and time again with his stupid, reckless behavior, and that Sonny is now acting like those dooshes on Survivor that go to the final jury and say "My question is, I wanted to win the million dollars and hate that you are about to, so I'm going to be a bitter d1ck about it."

Commercials

Laura's House: Oh, wait, I guess Sam didn't leave before? She stands at the door and shrugs and leaves, but Lucky runs after her.

Casa de 3's a Crowd: Maxie stomps and says that Winnie was here earlier and demanded stuff. Spinelli asks what, and Maxie can't quite answer. She asks if Winnie has a job or other friends, and why she's suddenly always around. Spinelli gently says his friendship with Winnie doesn't preclude other friendships. Maxie says Winnie is a weirdo and talks weirdly. Apparently Spinelli made a game called The Saga of Stone Cold that is sweeping dweebdom the world over? Spinelli says her words sting. She says if he was her friend, he'd believe her and stay away from Winnie.

metrocourt: Olivia tries to create a professional boundary for her and Jax. Jax tells her to put on a bikini and meet him at the Pool Set. She laughs and hires Diane and sues him for sexual harassment. Or not really. She says gives him a bit more rope to hang himself. He says it's her job to inspect all aspects of his businesses. So why the word "bikini" She says he can't play her. he tells her to go to the boutique and once again uses the word bikini. I guess I could be mad at Jax, but I'm madder at Olivia if she doesn't quit post haste.

Corinthaus: sonny is once again completely baffled by life and says it's clear that Carly has taken Jason's side. She says he's upset b/c she can see things from Jason's point of view. he says he's upset b/c she can't see it from his point of view. "You're either with me, or you're against me."

the end