GH Recap 12/05: Blind Justice

There's a weird bit of symmetry in OJ Simpson having been free for 14 years, smugly taunting the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown by living an extravagent and arrogant lifestyle, and the culmination of that hubris was an act that carries a sentence of 15 years.

Crimson: Olivia and kHate have the same old fight about kHate is a snob and Olivia is not. kHate asks if Olivia is picking Carly over her. For real? Are you NINE, Kate?

Corinthaus: Johnny listens from the terrace, and for some reason he can hear everything. Maybe only Olivia has special sonar abilities that preclude Sonny from hearing her? Claud doesn't want to see another child get hurt.

Other Desolate Cabin: Sam believes she can get into the cabin. I don't think that's the only question, though, Sam. The question is, can you get in and Jakeson remain safe?

Credits

Metrocourt: Looloo is completely obnoxious to her boss. She says he can't dictate conversations she has with her cousin. Jax RIGHTLY says that ANY discussion about anything to do with Crimson are confidential. SO FIRE HER, JAX. Jeeze, what is the point of anything to do with Looloo. Looloo then obnoxiously says that Kate lied about who she is. So, Looloo of all people believes Kate hasn't earned her place in the publishing industry? Jax says he won't discuss then. And I have no idea why he even exists if he's going to let a 2nd assistant boss him around. Jax leaves and Carly and Looloo hateably act like Jax should just be blown off and ignored. I hated that scene.

Crimson: kHate continues to yammer about Carly and all the horrible things she did to drive kHate and Sonny apart. and yes, Carly did indeed do that, but khate and Sonny were the ones that let her. Olivia says Kate can go ahead adn try to mix it up with Carly, but she believes it will end up costing her.

Corinthaus: Claud says she grew up as a mobster, just like Michael and Morgan, and while theyall know it's not normal, they don't know exactly how abnormal. Claud closes the terrace door, and Johnny leaves. Claud says she made a promise to never have children b/c she refuses to be a part of anything that puts a child in the line of fire. Sonny says this is why they aren't moving on The Danger, until they know Jakeson is safe.

Spencer Home: Liz and her haggard eyes calls the police for updates on the search. Patrick visits b/c he heard the news and wants to help. Liz gives him an update about the Desolate Cabin and the Russian Mob. Patrick asks that question that I'm sure, at some point, we've all asked a dear friend: Why would the Russian mob kidnap your child? lol. Liz stutters and says she's been involved with Jason, and this is the world he lives in. She gives him permission to chastise her for being involved with a mobster, but Patrick just says he brought a present for Cameron. Liz is touched by the gift and says it was thoughtful. Then she angrily says "and if I'd thought more about my son, he'd be home safe in his bed right now." You should make that into your ringtone, Liz.

Other Desolate Cabin: Jason and Sam continue to plot. Oh, wait, this is a Desolate Bar, not a cabin. WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING ????? Why would there be a bar in the middle of effing nowhere? A place so desolate, you can't get cell phone service? but there is a honky tonk? Was there not enough stupid in the script, writers? Was a baseball concession stand too far-fetched? You didn't want to have this set in a marshmallow factory? Sam goes towards the door. I guess she's just gonna say "knock knock, it's me, that tiny captain? Need any shipments piloted?"

Commercials

Corinthaus: Sonny is on the phone asking someone to monitor the PCPD and listen closely for word on Jakeson. Claud comes in with a plate of raw food. That would explain the incredibly fit body of hers. Also, get it? She's NOT Carly. He, of course, even though this is a very healthy plate of food, he still has to insult her cooking. She just laughs and throws a carrot at him and says they could be nice to each other. She says she's an excellent chef and cooking is not a chore, it's a pleasure, and it's what she does to relax. He answers by asking "northern or southern?" She asks what he means, and he says he's talking about Italian sauces, and he prefers them rustic. claud laughs and says he doesn't cook. He says he does cook, and it's how he relaxes. She cheerfully says she'll put her sausage and peppers up against his any day. and there is no icky entendre there, she really just loves cooking. Sonny says another time and leaves grumpily, even though he clearly thawed a bit towards her.

Metrocourt: Loo and John meet to be annoying. Dear Writers, we don't think of Johnny and Looloo as Luke and Laura. More like Kevin and Britney. Wheels rolls up and says it's time for him to come home. John says he's done with the family and has been since Wheels made Claud marry Sonny. Johnny says he wants nothing to do with Wheel's money or family business.

Spencer Home: Liz delivered the presents and card to Cameron's room, where he's sleeping. Patrick says Robin was worried and just wanted Liz to know she can count on them. Liz stays busy and folds a blanket for no reason, saying she just wants to make sure Cam doesn't feel forgotten or that this was his fault. She tearfully explains how they created this fort for the boys to hide in. She sobbingly says Jakeson can't follow directions as well. She chokes on her sobs as she says Jakeson is just so curious these days and gets into everything, and was probably out in the open when the Russians came through the window. She weeps and talks about Jakeson's new words, like "ammy" means Cameron, b/c he loves his big brother so much. She wipes her tears away and turns away to say Cam told her he should have kept Jakeson safe. She says a child so young should never feel tha tguilt "B/c it wasn't him, it was me. I did this to my children."

Remarkably Unrealistically Located Bar: Sam is brought into the Stupid Bar and actually does say she is an effing captain and is looking for work. French looking Russian Guy says they don't have any ships in the desolate mountains of Port Charles, but he can find something to do for a pretty girl. Sam says she's as useful on land as at sea. Sascha walks in and asks what Sam is doing here. Um, don't the Russians know who they were following when they followed Liz and Sam?

Commercials

Metrocourt: Looloo, Johnny and Wheels yammer a bit. Wheels makes not particularly veiled threats, Looloo is an insolent moron, Johnny is grumpy and says Sonny runs the family now. Sonny strolls in, and Johnny tells Sonny that he's out of the family and the business. Wheels says Johnny inherits everything, regardless. Sonny tilts his head because that's what bad actors do, and says "but Claudia gets nothing?" Wheels says Claud is Sonny's wife now, so that's up to him. They fight a bit, and Sonny ends it by saying he has rules when it comes to kids, so the Z's do to. Then he dismissively tells Wheel's valet to take Wheels home "it's past his bedtime." Sonny is soooo impressed with himself for that line. I bet he wrote it 3 days ago and has been saving it.

Corinthaus: Ric has hotly shown up to chat with Claud. He says it's a shame what happened to that kid. I missed if he meant Chucky or Jakeson. Claud says she and Sonny agree that kids can't be caught in the crossfire. Ric reminds Claud that Sonny is....Sonny.

Metrocourt: So today is the Crimson party? I'm so impressed with the uber efficiency of party planning in this town! Maxie tells Looloo to change her earrings b/c they make her look weird. Olivia shows up in an impossibly hot dress, and I think I jump up to 5/8 gay. She and Jax officially meet.

Spencer Home: Liz invites Patrick to sit. She laments on endangering her boys. I suppose you can't very well say "yeah, you do sort of suck" to someone in this situation, so he tries to reassure her. She tells him that he can't think love is enough, and he has to always put his children first. He agrees. She says she needs to do something and asks if he can stay here until Lucky comes home. (though, she should specify that lucky never goes anywhere without immediately getting a call to go somewhere else).

Shadowy Bar: Do the Russians carry around big searchlights, so that all their locations can have shadows EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? Sam tries to be calm as she says she just needed a job (in the middle of the night), so she's just looking for work (in the mountains when she's a ship's captain). Honestly, even if I hadn't kidnapped a mobster's son, I'd shoot this girl, no questions asked, because she is clearly up to no good. Meanwhile, Jason skulks around outside and peeks through the UNCOVERED window where Jakeson is playing with a Russian.

Commercials

Metrocourt: Kate shows up and gives her coat to McFarty downstairs, then gets on the elevator to go upstairs. Carly arrives in a red coat and asks a maintenance guy to stop the elevator. She asks fo r10 minutes and then says maintenance guy can restart the elevator.

Metrocourt Party: Maxie and Loo are wondering why Kate is late. A snooty woman and Warren James gossip about Kate, but Olivia pops up to say Kate looks great as always. Warren asks if she works for Kate, and Olivia laughs that she doesn't. He asks if she's in the industry,a nd she says she buys her clothes off the rack and doesn't pay more than $50 for a handbag. Warren laughs at how refreshing this is, but Olivia knows that really he just wants to get into her pants and implies as much. heh.

Bar: Jason approaches the door. Some goon yells out "stop!" Jason lifts his gun to fire, but for some reason he hesitates long enough to be shot in the chest by the goon. He falls to the ground. Does that guy have kryptonite in his pocket?!?

Commercials

Metrocourt Party: Oh, yeah, and Carly showed up at the party wearing Kate's dress. When Kate shows up, she looks like an idiot wearing the same dress. But, not that I have a lick of sense about these things, but why wouldn't Kate wear an original, since she's some sort of genius fashion goddess? Would she really just pick something up at Talbot's for heaven's sake? Oh, nevermind, I forgot that the only place to buy clothes in upstate NY is at Carly's boutique. Even still, she doesn't know a single designer who wouldn't jump at the chance to create something just for her? this is as stupid as everything else today.

Corinthaus: Sonny walks in on Ric and Claud kissing.

Spencer Home: Lucky comes home and is surprised to see Patrick. He explains that Liz had to run an errand. Lucky says Liz has decided it's all her fault, and he can't talk her out of it. Patrick says something that makes no sense, and Lucky asks Patrick to stay longer, so he can find Liz.

Liz's Studio and Bullet Removal Suite: Liz enters and remembers having short hair and rushing into Jason's arms when he returned from one of his stints trying to break into film. In the present, Liz sees a remarkably terrible portrait she made of her and Jason and the boys as a family and remembers telling Jason that it never works out the way she wants. In the present, Liz rips the remarkably amateurish portrait down and remembers crying to Jason. In the present Liz picks up a knife.

Bar: Sam flirts with French looking Russian but manages to avoid his advances. Outside, Jason quits playing possum and kills the guy who shot him. He removes the bullet from his bullet proof vest and drags the goon into the woods. Sam is now free to go wherever in the bar. She throws a spittoon, and sends two Russians out into the hall. She then easily goes into the room where Jakeson is and starts cooing hellos at him. Sascha, of course, shows up and of course only has a knife and not a gun. It's hard to tell who is more incompetent on this show, the good guys or the bad guys. Or the bad guys and the worse guys, as the case may be.

Commercials

Silly, dramatic and "rocking" music plays and someone starts singing "you stumbled on my hunting ground"

Sam gets dragged out of the room
Liz stabs and stabs at the portrait of her family she can't have
Jason comes in and shoots and shoots at Russians. Apparently this is also a winiery b/c there is red wine being spilled everywhere.
Sam throws Sascha against a wall.

Lucky busts into the studio
Jakeson plays with toys.

Sam runs into Jakeson's room, but Sascha grabs her and throws her against wome wine barrels.
Jason continues to shoot everyone.
Liz stops stabbing and stares tearfully at Lucky and slowly hands him the knife. He holds her as she collapses against him in sobs.

Json walks out of the bar/winery.
Shot Russian wakes up and hits the detonator under the bar.
Jason is thrown to the ground.
Liz sobs in Lucky's arms.
Jason turns and faces the firey bar and hollers "Jake!"