GH Recap 12/8: See You At the Next Funeral

Desolate Bar: We repeat the slow motion montage from Friday's show. Feel free to re-read the end of the recap, but I'm not typing it all again. Here are some of the lyrics to the song. Apparently it was on some ABC Family movie about a samurai girl. Also, "Ours to Keep" is part of that same soundtrack. "You stumbled on my hunting ground....found out your secret. run away now. Taste my last kiss, my silent input. take one last look, and beg for mercy."

Also, you really should rent "Spaced" the delightful romantic comedy series that ran on the BBC in 2000 or so, created by Simon Pegg (creator of Shaun of the Dead) and Jessica Stevenson. In series 2, there is a hilarious slow motion gun fight that outshines all the ones we've seen here. I won't give away the joke. If you like laughing really hard at funny things, just put it on the Netflix and thank me later.

This montage on GH ends again with Lucky taking the knife from Liz as she sobs, and Jason being blown to the ground with the Desolate Bar explodes. Jason re-stands up and bellows for Jake, only this time a big hunk of metal collapses and bars the door.

Credits

Metrocourt: Horrible Snooty Woman With a Fake British Accent (HSWWFB) purrs to Kate that she noticed Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress. Well, HSWWFB, there IS only one clothing store in the tri-state area, so it's not really that surprising. Kate deflects and tells HSWWFB that she's sorry HSW didn't have more time to shop for a dress that wasn't ugly. Jax makes a tedious speech. This party is not lame b/c Kate and Carly are wearing the same dress, this party is lame b/c it looks impossibly boring and unattended.

Liz's Studio of Art and Nervous Breakdowns: Liz sits on the floor and sobs that she can't believe how long it took her to realize that dating a mobster is not something you can do and also be a good mother. Lucky annoyingly tells her that it's not that bad, but Liz stands and yells at him that b/c she was so selfish about her needs and now her son is gone. She angrily picks up the slashed art and says Jason is a killer for hire and some day another killer for hire is going to kill Jason and that will be that, a wasted life. She throws the art off to the side. Lucky gently tells her he understands how she feels and thinks she's hitting rock bottom. In her Jason addiction, I guess?

Desolate Bar: Jason opens the back of the Mob Mobile, but Sam rushes up holding a blue afgan that is wrapped around Jason's first born. He takes his son.

Commercials

Crimson: Maxie and Looloo try to figure out what to do tht Carly is wearing the same dress and lookss better in it. I'm not sure I agree. I mean, the dress is pretty ugly, if you ask me, and they wear it equally well. the problem might be Olivia in her hotass dress. Even some of the extras look better than Carly and Kate. Forgive me if I choose to just tell personal stories during certain segments of the show. It entertains me to type furiously and creatively an hour or so a day, but this show? not really giving me much inspiration lately, and I feel beholden to be entertaining!

So regarding the pups (if you don't know what I mean, I'm talking about 6 Shiba Inu pups I've been obsessed with for a few weeks, half of whom went to their new homes this weekend.) I have a story of two pups from the same litter, but it ends sadly. I guess we watch soaps for bittersweet stories, so I will share it. Before I was born, my dad and Uncle got 2 German Shepherds from the same litter. They cuddled and played when they were tiny, just like to Shiba Inu's do now. Dad's was named Duke. I forget my uncle's dog's name, but let's call him Earl. Dad and Uncle didn't live in the same town, so the pups were separated for about a year.

Liz's Studio: Lucky says he bottomed out over Jakeson too. When she got pregnant, he realized he had to go to rehab. Liz says they don't have rehab for bad boyfriend choices. Lucky promises she'll be able to rebuild her life. She turns to him, eyes full of tears and says if Jakeson dies, she doesn't want to keep living. Liz gets a call from work. It's Piph. Liz tells him she can't come into work today. Piph interrupts and says that Patrick was called into work, so he had to take Cameron to the hospital. Liz angrily (at herself) tells Lucky that her other son is sitting in a lounge alone in the middle of the night "because I can't even keep track of my other son."

Corinthaus: Sonny tells Ric to stay away from his wife. I do find it comforting when Sonny is being a hypocriticalass.

GH: Matt and Cameron play in the lounge area, much to the delight of Patrick. Liz and Lucky show up, and Cameron hollers out a gleeful 'daddy!" and jumps into Lucky's arms. Patrick and Liz talk about Jakeson a little bit, and Patrick asks her not to give up.

Desolate Bar: Sam explains how she and Sascha fought, and Sascha disappeared. Sam grabbed Jakeson and jumped out of the window. Jason asks if he's okay. Sam assures him he's fine. Jakeson just screamed a little when they jumped out the window (is she saying as in "through the glass and wood?" because that is a little hard core to do with a baby), but he didn't cry. Sirens can be heard in the distance, and Jason and Sam share weak smiles.

Commercials

Metrocourt: blah blah Crimson party. Kate busts Loo for telling Carly about the hideous dress. Kate delivers a lot of really bad acting, and Olivia, of course, is the only saving grace in the scene. (back to my dog story: Dad and Mom drove with Duke to visit Uncle one Christmas, but they all worried a bit if Duke and Earl would get along because each dog likely fancied himself the alpha dog. A few blocks from Uncle's house, Duke started to growl a low but persistent growl. Duke was a mellow dog, for the most part, so Mom and Dad were a bit nervous that this was a bad sign. When they got to Uncle's, Uncle said that Earl was having some sort of fit. Duke was in the car barking like a rabid dog, and Earl was barking and jumping at the fence.

Mom, Dad and Uncle decided maybe this was a bad idea because German Shepherds can be mighty fierce dogs, and my family loved their dogs so much and wouldn't know how to stop a fight without being injured themselves or injuring one or both of the dogs. Dad decided to let Duke out to pee and then they'd just have to drive home. Dad opened the door and Duke bounded out and LEAPED over the fence and ran straight for Earl, barking and growling all the way. Mom, Dad and Uncle stared in horror.)

Corinthaus: Ric hotly tells Sonny that he's worked very hard to get his position with the Z's and Sonny should work with him. Sonny stutterbarks that he doesn't know yet what Ric is capable of, and he doesn't want to watch Ric and Claud make out. Ric points out that Wheels would love to watch them fight. Sonny whisperbarks that Ric can't get in the middle with the Z's, because if he does, he will shut him out. That makes little sense, but at least it was delivered laughably. Sonny whsipermumbles to Ric to leave and not come back until he hears from him. Ric hotly leaves, and Claud tries to hold his hand as he does. then she mockingly says to Sonny "so much for not interfering in each other's personal lives."

Metrocourt: Carly and Jax fight about Dressgate. (My family stared in horror as Duke and Earl clashed into each other like rams. Duke and Earl growled and clamped their jaws onto each other's throats, and then they broke apart and chased each other the length of the yard and back and then fell into a loving, brotherly tussle. They played and frolicked exactly like two brothers who had been kept apart for a year would. They ran and played for hours and then napped in a pile, waking to share easily from the same food and water bowl, and then they ran and played some more. I hope these sweet Shiba Inu's get to have the same type of happy reunion for years to come.)

Docks: Olivia stumbles down the steps and stops to listen to messages. She sort of leans against the docks walll, so Sascha doesn't see her when she clops down the other steps, talking about kidnapping a baby. Sascha is as bad at being a mobster as everyone else, apparently. Olivia tries to become invisible, but Sascha sees her and asks how much she heard. Olivia tries to say she knows nothing, but she's shaking, so Sascha pulls out a gun.

Mob Mobile: Sam calls Liz to tell her Jakeson is safe. Liz cries and says to Jakeson that she'll see him soon. Jason drives and stares.

Commercials.

Docks: Olivia has her hands up. Oh, and Sascha only has a knife. Olivia swears she heard nothing, and Sascha says there is no problem. Olivia turns to go, and then Sascha sucker stabs her. Man, that is so low. It's mean enough to stab an unarmed person, but to trick stab them? Sascha officially has less class than Sonny. Way to go, Sas. Sascha runs off and Patrick, who was just called into duty, happens upon the deck and offers assistance. We see that Olivia's abdomen is bleeding.

Crimson: Oh, Maxie took the blame for blabbing to Carly about the stupid dress. Kate is preparing to fire them. Jax asks if they can prove they told Carly about the dress. Kate bizarrely says "no", but then she says Maxie admitted it. I am so sick of Kate. It's now not just the character. The actress is both shrill yet emotionally flat in her line delivery. Jax insists that b/c he's an investor, he can prohibit Kate from firing them. For some reason, Kate, Queen of the Losers goes along with this. Looloo asks maxie why she covered for her, and she reiterates what everyone watching the show is thinking "I have no idea."

Corinthaus: Spinelli stops by Sonny's to tell him Jakeson is on his way home. Sonny nods and seems to make a yummy noise.

Mob Mobile: Jakeson sits on Sam's lap, and she coos adorably to him while he plays with her phone. The phone makes that fake "took a picture" sound that phones make for no good reason. She asks if he took a picture, and he coos cutely that he did. She tells Jason that Jakeson has his eyes. Jason smiles as he listens to all of this, in spite of his desire to stare blankly into space.

Commercials

Docks: Olivia writhes in pain on a bench, and patrick insists that she needs the hospital. She says her son already calls her 20 times as it is, and if he finds out she was knifed, he's going to show up. Patrick says either he takes her to the hospital, or he waits for her to pass out and an ambulance takes her. She asks him to take her somewhere else. Liz's studio is currently empty!

Crimson: Maxie and Looloo fight about Dressgate. Maxie insults Loo for being such a Looloo, but Loo just thanks her for being a true friend. Maxie tells her to beat it b/c she can be more awesome when Looloo is not around, and demands that Looloo bring her delicious coffee drinks whenever she wants them and doesn't complain. Looloo happily agrees b/c she has to support Johnny's pouting habit now, and also b/c she is secretly on Team Maxie like the rest of us. As she leaves, Looloo sing songs that some day she's going to prove she's just as good a friend as Maxie just did. Maxie smiles but pretends to think this is nonsense.

Mob Mobile: Jason wonders if they should take Jakeson to the hospital. Sam says she thinks he's fine and asks if he's going to let those creeps scare him. She listens to him and tells Jason "he said no." Jason chuckles and says that's good. Sam continues to coo to Jakeson. She asks if he felt like he was flying when they jumped out the window. Jason asks her not to talk to Jakeson about stuff like that. Sam says it's clear Jakeson has Jason's adventure gene. Sam coos to Jakeson "I know you are smart and fearless, but I bet you are going to use it in better ways." She asks if he's going to be a teacher, but Jakes says no. She suggests maybe he'll be a doctor and save people. Jake cutely is focused on her phone this whole time, like it's the funnest toy ever. Jason's eyes fill with tears at the relief that his son has a future again of endless possibilities. Sam says "either way, I know your dad is going to be so proud of you!"

Corinthaus: Sonny and Claud try to get details from Spinelli. Well, Sonny angermumbles to him and thumps him when he starts babbling, but Claud manages to ask a series of simple yes and no questions to get decipherable answers. Spinelli cutely goes to stand closer to Claud b/c she's nicer. Sonny rudely dimisses Spinelli. Claud says she likes him and thinks it's so great he came over to tell them. She says now Sonny can go after The Danger.

Commercials

Metrocourt: Carly and Jax get flirty. Jax says he stopped maxie and Looloo from being fired. (The sad ending to the story is that Duke died of a seizure the year before I was born. My dad was a coach, and his football team lost the big game, and he cried the whole way home on the bus. The players sitting near him thought he was sad about the loss of their team, and each player took a moment to confidently tell him "don't worry, Coach, we'll get 'em next year." My dad could only smile and nod, not wanting to tell them that he was really crying because his beautiful dog, who had been so big he could stare eye to eye with my dad if he hopped up to put his front paws on my dad's shoulders, had died.

Luckily I was born a year later, and they could stop mourning ol' Duke and lavish that same love on lil' ol' baby me.)

Crimson: Maxie hugs Spinelli for finding Jakeson. Spinelli is humble and says Jason did it, but she insists Jason is not so Superjase-y couldn't do it without Spinelli. Mac angrily bursts in and tells Spinelli to unhand his daughter. He repeats his angry diatribe that Spinelli is just as much in the mob as Sonny and Jason. Maxie interrupts, but Spinelli tells her he can finish. Mac asks when Spinelli is going to quit wasting his talents on death and destruction. he says a desolate roadhouse blew up tonight and several Russians are dead. Maxie chipperly says "but baby Jake is safe!" Mac says Spinelli thinks he saves people, but he didn't. Spinelli seems sad about this news. Mac still considers Spinelli to be bad for Maxie and asks him to leave. Maxie grabs Spinelli's arm and insists he's her best friend, and he's staying.

Corinthaus: Claud and Sonny briefly discuss The Danger. She says regarding their marriage, they could just keep everything at home. Max bursts in with a bleeding Olivia.

Spencer Home: Liz rushes outside to snuggle Jakeson. She tearfully turns to Sam and thanks her. She gives Jake a hug and softly and sadly thanks Jason. Jason, dutifully, stares and nods.

the end

oh, and the teaser for the week is all about Sam. The announcer with a deep and menacing voice tells us that someone takes matters into her own hands. we see shots of Sam doing incredibly stupid things like hiding behind crates in dangerous places. she ends up on her knees and surrounded by The Danger. If she was in a cheerleading costume, I'd have sworn I'd seen this movie before. Is the secret that Sonny and Jason really produce crates for a living? and then force everyone in town to buy 30 of them and stack them around town, so that people can eaveslurk more easily?