GH Recap 12/18: Where the Kisses are Hers and Hers and His...

Luke's Room: Luke tries to rip off the monitors. He says he needs to say things to Tracy. Layla says Luke is in vtac. Luke says they can't do this. Tracy knowingly asks why.

Stupidhead Dum Dumville: Nik continues to yell at everyone that they got loads of money, but Nadine got an envelope. Gee, I wonder if there is something super awesome in the envelope, NIK. Man, he must have snorted some stupid just to get through this, so I can't blame him.

Jason's Penthouse: Jason punches at his bag. (his punching bag, you pervs)

Deep Crevace: Sam wakes up in a pile of leaves. It's apparently not a ditch, but a deep hole in the ground. I'm too bored to make any jokes about this.

Credits

Luke's Room: Monica continues to warn Luke that he needs an operation. Luke finally admits that the monitors and tests are all rigged. Tracy happily tells Monica "told ya!"

Stupidhead Dum Dumville: Nadine's boring relatives think Nik wanted Nadine b/c of an inheritance, and he's sad that Nadine probably only got some recipes and a nice letter. Nik apologizes for his outburst. they all sit down to watch Alfalfa explain that she knows they are wondering why Nadine didn't get cash and instead got an envelope. Nik shrugs. Alfalfa explains that Nadine is the only one she trusts to do the right thing.

Tree Lot: Lot Boss talks rudely to Johnny, explaining how to handle the trees. He's kind of a jerk, but whatever, he is the boss. Looloo can't stand to watch the guy be rude to Johnny. Oh, wait, it's not even the lot boss. He's a customer buying a tree. He tells Johnny not to scratch his car while loading it, or he won't give a tip. WELL EFFING DUH! Johnny would be lucky not to get a bill if he scratched the guy's car. Geeze. But Rude Customer is on the cell phone while he talks to Johnny, and that is uber obnoxious, so point made, writers. Spinelli shows up for no good reason other than the Tree Lot is apparently the new Kelly's. Suddenly Johnny realizes all his friends are watching him do this "lowly" job. Whatever, it probably pays cash, and that's tax free, and that's awesome. and He has steady work through Christmas.

Jason's Penthouse: Lucky bursts in, demanding to know where Sam is. Jason has no idea.

Deep Crevace: Sam tries to crawl out of this big ol' hole. Her face is all bloodied, and I'm guessing she's not wearing climbing shoes. She calls for help and pitifully looks up the mountain of rock she has to somehow climb to save hersel.

Commercials

Tree Lot: So Spinelli, Loo and Maxie, who BARELY work more than 10 hours a month, try to help Johnny feel better about his perfectly fine job. Spinelli picks out a tree, but Maxie finds a small, potted, Charlie Brown sort of tree that speaks to her. Spinelli pays for it. Of cousrse, he's barely strong enough to pick it up, even though it clearly weighs about 18 pounds. Spin and Maxie leave. Loo says this is good honest work, and after the holidays he can find a better job. ah, so lovely when people manage to be insulting even when they are trying to be nice. Cloolooless, shut up, okay? Johnny says he'll sell Christmas trees for the rest of his life if it means being free from his father. I love the sentiment, but there really isn't much call for them in July, so maybe find a series of seasonal jobs instead?

Corinthaus: Claud has opened the box of Christmas ornaments There are sad ones that were clearly homemade by Chucky. aw. Claud goes through the box and then calls for Milo and says there is a change of plans, and they are going out.

Studidhead Dum Dumville: The Family Stupidhead hugs Nadine goodbye. She's perfectly happy with what Alfalfa left her. Cousin Lunkhead is particularly sweet. Nadine says she doesn't know what's in the envelope, and if it's really disappointing, she'd rather hear it from him. Nik agrees to open it and says whatever it is, he knows Alfalfa loved and trusted and believed in her, and those are wonderful things. He opens the envelope and pulls out a big piece of white paper, folded in half twice. They look at it. nik scrunches his face and Nadine giggles. I go browse youtube to find a Pigs In Space episode to recap instead.

Luke's Room: Monica doesn't think Tracy will be in a good mood if Luke goes to prison for fraud, so she's going to let it slide. She tells him to never do anything like this again. Tracy is angry that this is all Luke gets. Monica adds that Tracy needs to just admit that she loves Luke and quit driving the family crazy. Aw, but Mon, you wouldn't get any lines otherwise! Luke and Tracy bicker. She tells him not to call her Wife. He lets out a mischeivous giggle and says that she is b/c he knows she didn't go through with the divorce.

Commercials

Stupidhead Dum Dumville: so, the very incredibly amazing exciting answer is that Alfalfa invented a better plow. It's come to this. Soaps used to be about rival perfume companies, or rival magazines, or rival spy clicques. But now it's a show about rival plow inventors. No offense to the plow. It's a worthy and brilliant invention that is worthy of perfecting. Just not very high on the sexy quotient, is all. Whatever. So Nadine owns the rights to a plow. Plows can kill people, so I still have hopes!

Tree Lot: Claud and Johnny meet again. Aw, Claud had a change of heart about Johnny and missed him when she saw all the family stuff. She says she loves him no matter what. But then she rather pathetically misses the point of the decent and right thing he's doing and hands him a wad of cash. He looks at it like she just pulled it out of her colon.

Jason's Penthouse: Lucky says that Sam always finds a way to get word to him, but this time she's just gone. He then bizarrely confides in Jason that he and Sam had a fight. She had been talking about going after the Danger. Jason says that Lucky assumed Sam met with Jason to fight The Danger. Lucky says yes, but now he thinks Sam went after Sascha alone.

Deep Crevice: so Sam calls out "hello!" because that's an incredibly stupid waste of time. Then she notices a pile of trash, and wouldn't ya know, there just happens to be a book of matches. Why stop there, writers? Why can't she find all the parts to build a funicular and get out that way?

Commercials

Tree Lot: Claud insists that she has her own money from Uncle Rudy and her mom, so it's not all tainted. He still wants nothing to do with her choice to marry Sonny. Claud says he's a Z, whether he likes it or not, and he needs all the resources he needs to deal with things. Johnny says he's trapped if he can't live on his own. She insists he take the money. He says again that he'd rather starve than not be independent. A Little Old Lady shows up to ask for a tree. Johnny says he's finished with Claud and goes to help his customer.

Stupidhead Dum Dumville: Nik thinks that the invention is probably used internationally to generate the kind of income, and thus the patent is remarkably valuable. nadine doesn't care about the money, just about the invention and being entrusted with it. Then they kiss.

Jason's Penthouse: Lucky has left, I guess. Spinelli is home. Spin and Jason discuss where Sam may be. Spin wonders if Lucky and Sam fought about Jason and Sam. He brings up that he doesn't like Maxie living with Johnny. Spin rambles on for a bit, but Jason cuts him off and says Lucky told him the fight wasn't about him. Jason yells at Spinelli to focus. Seriously, just turn on the video camera in the Deep Crevice and you'll know right where she is.

Deep Crevice: Sam has started a fire, but for some reason she's huddled up as far away from the fire as she can be. She hallucinates Lucky is there. The Luckination asks if he loves her, and she says she does. LOL that even the hallucination of Lucky is pouty. He starts to leave, and Sam chases him, only to run into a rock wall. I mean, literally a rock wall, not saying Lucky is as dumb as a wall or anything. Sam wakes up from her dream. hey Sam, go sit by the fire! It's warmer over there.

Commercials

Jason's Penthouse: Jason says Sam and Lucky were fighting about The Danger. Spin can't believe Sam would go after Sascha without backup. Oh, good, El Laptopo has hacked into Sam's phone. Maxie shows up and literally says with exxasperation "I know, The Russians, The Danger yadda yadda this won't take long." She quickly hands Spinelli a gift she found when shoping for Kate. She gives him a quick peck on the cheek and says to Jason as she breezes out of the room "Merry Christmas, Scrooge" hee! Hi writers, please don't just copy message boards for funny lines. Please take heed that we hate Looloo! thanks.

GH: Piph berates Luke and says she will hurt him if he brings her into one of his schemes again. Gee, Piph, or you could also take into account that you have free will and not knowingly choose to be a part of schemes that could lose your job for you.

GH Lounge: Luke and Tracy bicker. She knows she's not second, but she's also not first.

Tree Lot: Looloo has finished helping Maxie decorate Kate's new tree, and they made her dinner reservations in Manhattan, so she's out of their hair. I could learn to love Looloo if she would keep Kate in Manhattan on a daily basis! Loo has her hair in a ponytail and is here to help Johnny work. Johnny relays that Claud came by to say she respected his choice, but then she shat on it by giving him money and saying he can't get by without their money. Loo rightly and angrily says Claud is wrong. Johnny says he knows, but he's not sure. Looloo remains optimistic that she can totally have a cute boyfriend who's not a mobster. Dammit.

corinthaus: Claud comes home to open a gift to her. It's a creepy looking DVD. By "creepy" I mean, I've seen the previews. And also there are swirly designs on the DVD that looks like it is trying to hypnotize her.

Commercials

GH Lounge: Tracy and Luke bicker. Luke says he wishes his life could start now, or that his loving Laura didn't hurt her. Tracy stares ahead and says she's not talking about the past. Luke says he let Laura go and tried to get on with his life, which he imagined being stretches of binge drinking mixed with hook ups. Tracy says she was one. Luke admits he originally wanted to drain her bank account, but he never knew he'd get serious and want to plan a life with her. tracy says that Laura woke up. Luke says he can't and won't go back to what they used to have. Tracy asks what if she needed him. Luke reasonably says that she's the mother of his children, so if she needed him, he'd be cold hearted to turn away. Tracy asks what if she wanted him. Luke says he can't answer a far-fetched imaginary situation that he doesn't know what he'd do if it happened. Tracy angrily says she knows: luke and Laura would walk into the sunset, and she can't watch it.

Jason's Penthouse: Spinelli has opened Maxie's gift, and he's speechless. It's a Superman ornament. Jason thinks it's great, but Sam is still probably dying somewhere, so he tries to get Spinelli to focus on that. I think Jason is getting a wee bit bored with Spinelli's constant cluelessness about girls. Jason gets a call from Sascha, saying she knows where Sam is.

Deep Crevice: Sam tries to climb the wall again, this time focusing on a series of wooden thingys. She makes it up a few feet, but then she falls with a thud and injures her leg. She cries out in pain and frustration.

Corinthaus: Claud plays the DVD. It's Jerry (that pimple). He says he feels back about Chucky b/c he was Jax's step-son afterall. He thinks Sonny deserves the right to know about Claud's part in Chucky's produce-aisle problems, but he also loves games. So he made a DVD that details Claud's guilt and hid it somewhere in Sonny's house. Whoever finds it first: Sonny or Claud, wins.

The End